CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
1 Week
"Professor, watch the baby." I ordered my pet spider when there was a knock on my apartment door. Baby Matthew was on a blanket on the floor with some soft that I'd been playing with with him, and I'd let Professor Judgy Pants out of his tank to walk around on the coffee table next to us. Matthew cooed at the sound of my voice, but that was the only reaction I got from either infant or arachnid. "Mom, I'm fine." I said as soon as I opened the door, knowing who it was because she'd been coming over every day for the past week. Sometimes in the morning before work, sometimes after work, Hell sometimes even during her lunch break.
"I'll be the judge of that." Mom dismissed, walking into the apartment and looking around. I'd made my bed today - the first time all week - the kitchen was clean, the dirty laundry wasn't visible. "You still haven't shaved, I doubt you've bathed, when was the last time you had a haircut? And the baby was wearing that yesterday." Mom listed with an air of disapproval.
"I'm fine, Mom." I repeated, going back to sit with Matthew on the floor. "And so is Matthew."
"I'll believe that when I can actually see my sons face." Mom shook her head and started shooing me to the bathroom. "Now go shave yourself or I'll have to do it for you." She threatened with her hands on her hips. "And put that spider in it's tank."
"Sorry, Professor." I rolled my eye picking up the 8-legged little guy and taking him back to his tank.
"Whilst you're in there shower as well." Mom called, already holding the baby and sniffing him as if I didn't change his diaper or bathe him. I take care of him, I just can't be bothered to do anything for myself. "I raised a son, not an ape." I heard her mutter as she shut the door behind me, so I didn't get a chance to argue.
I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute, she was right, I guess; I did need to shave, and I wasn't even willing to sniff and see how bad I stink. Self grooming and bathing were things I'd been doing for years, long before I met Miley - even the first time around when she was 9 - but I didn't seem to have any will to do them right now. I couldn't even remember the last time I ate something that Mom hadn't shoved down my throat. After a minute I reluctantly stripped and sat myself in the bathtub under the scolding spray of the shower. I don't hate Matthew - in fact I'm pretty sure I love the little guy - but I can't help but wonder... What if Dad hadn't died and he'd kept his kid? What if Stella wasn't a completely selfish bitch who abandoned her son? What if I'd done the right thing and let Kevin take him? Mom wouldn't have come over that morning to check on me so Miley and I wouldn't have ben found out, I wouldn't have Matthew so I wouldn't have a reason to break up with Miley so I wouldn't be tieing her to a domesticated life that she didn't want, I'd probably still be shaving on a regular basis, and keeping myself clean. But, I love my baby brother, and I guess that old saying about setting something one loves free is true; if she comes back to me in two years I'm never letting her go.
In the meantime I had to stay away from Miley so she didn't resent me when she realised I stole her childhood. Fuck, it sounds so bad; her childhood, because she's still a child. What a difference a day makes...
I got up and forced myself out of the tub, standing in front of the mirror again; only this time dripping wet. I knew Mom was serious about me shaving or she'd do it herself so I grabbed me razor. I love Mom and all, and I know she's just trying to make sure I'm okay, but doesn't she understand that I just want to be alone? Mom told me before that she didn't call the cops on me because I'm her son, but she kept trying to get me to explain how I could do something so stupid and morally wrong because she knew I wouldn't do it without a reason. Except there wasn't a reason, the only one I kept repeating every time she asked was that I love Miley.
"Another day." I shook my head when I was done, opening the door to face the music. Mom was sorting through the laundry with the baby sitting in a bouncer next to her and there was a sandwich sitting on the kitchen counter.
"You're not just looking after yourself now, Joe, you need to be more responsible." Mom frowned at me.
"I know." I rolled my eyes, sitting on my bed. "I'm taking care of the baby, Mom, I just need a few days."
"Don't think I haven't seen you sitting outside Miley's house almost every afternoon." She said, I looked down guiltily. "That's not a healthy way to end a relationship, Joe."
"I know." I knew going to Miley's house every afternoon when school ended and sitting in my car was stupid, but I couldn't stop. I needed to see her, even just a little bit.
WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR
1 Month
It was my first morning back at school and I was suffering withdrawals. The school day hadn't even started and I was moping at my desk missing baby Matthew. I'd had to enroll him in a nursery school a couple of blocks away two days a week. Mom had offered to look after him for another two days when she wasn't working. And I'd almost had a heart attack when Mr. Stewart offered to babysit Matthew once a week.
The bell rang for the start of class on Monday morning. I let out a slow breath, Miley was in this class. Surprise registered on the students' faces when they saw me, some of them welcoming me back, a couple saying they missed me. Then Miley came in. I looked up from the notes the substitute teacher had left at the sound of a surprised yelp followed by grumbling. One of the boys was frowning as he walked around Miley who was frozen in the doorway.
"Good morning." I greeted the class as a whole quietly once the last student was inside and the final warning bell had rung. "I'm sure you'd all love to know why I've been gone for three weeks, but that's gonna have to wait for another day because according to these notes you guys haven't learnt a thing all month and there's only two months of school left." The class groaned and I smirked a little. "I know it's not fun, but I'd like for everyone to pass with at least a B this year."
By the end of class I had four crescent-shaped cuts in the palms of each of my hands because I pressed my nails into my hands painfully every time I looked at Miley. And it certainly didn't help that Miley was just staring at me for the whole class, I'm not even sure if she blinked because every time I let myself look at her our eyes met and I had force myself to quickly look away. I welcomed the low buzz of kids leaving the classroom and the hum out in the hallway, feeling the pressure of being locked in a room with her slowly lift. Then the door clicked shut and I looked up, the door was usually open between classes, when the noise ceased.
"Miley." I gulped, Miley was leaning back against the door that she'd just shut and looking at me
"Joe." She looked just as nervous as I felt about being alone in a room with her. "Where were you?" She absently started to chip at her nails and fidget, drawing my attention to her hands; she was wearing the bracelet I gave her again. "I saw you outside my house, but then you stopped and you weren't here, I thought you left." Miley admitted in a small voice that just made me feel a million times worse.
"Fisher made me take time off to get things sorted out with Dad's estate and the baby." I muttered, after about a week and a half I'd stopped going to Miley's house... More like Mom made me because she said it wasn't healthy.
"Why did you do it, Joe?" She looked on the verge of tears, but I could tell she was trying to keep herself together and have an actual conversation with me. "You promised you wouldn't hurt me anymore."
"I know." I winced and looked away from the girl I love.
"Why did you?" Miley asked again, almost begging.
"Because I couldn't be the reason you gave up everything." I tried to breathe evenly. "Because if I was selfish and I didn't break up with you, you'd throw away your teenage years; friends, parties, shopping, the mall, whatever it is girls do; you would have just turned it away because of me and Matthew and you'd resent it later. You've got your whole life ahead of you, school, college, Hannah Montana, concerts, movies... I didn't want you to hate me when you realised that I was the reason you didn't get all that, because you were playing house with me and my baby brother."
"But, I love you." Her bottom lip trembled dangerously. "Doesn't that count for something? I told you that the baby doesn't change the fact that I love you."
"And I'll always love you." I admitted, looking back into her sparkling blue eyes. "Besides, you're young, you're only sixteen, you could fall in love again." I swallowed thickly, it made me feel sick just to think about it. "If you haven't... I'll still be waiting on June third." I promised quietly just before the classroom door opened and we both jumped.
WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR
2.5 Months
I watched in horror from the wings backstage as Miley settled into her seat in the concert place; it was currently the night of the school band competition that could potentially bring a music program back to Seaview High. Half of the school was in the audience, but what horrified me wasn't that Miley was sitting in the front row, or that my drummer kept losing his drum sticks, or even that my lead singer had laryngitis so I had to get Amber Addison to fill in. The thing that made me feel sick to my stomach was that Miley was sitting there with some guy and was holding his hand; and not just in a friendly way either, in a couple-y way.
"Mister Lucas?" I turned away from the curtain, the show hadn't started and it was going to be in alphabetical order so since we were Seaview we were near the end.
"What?" I frowned at Amber who was the one that had called for me.
"Freddie lost his drum sticks again." The girl reported and I rolled my eyes.
"So find them." I ordered as if it were obvious, which it should have been. "And tell him if it happens again I'll tape them to his hands." I dismissed, turning back to the curtains, I really shouldn't be torturing myself like this, but I couldn't help it. I looked out again and Miley and that guy weren't holding hands anymore. Instead she was talking to Lilly and Oliver in the row in front and the guy - not from Seaview or I would have recognised him - had his arm over the back of her chair so that when she sits back his arm will be around her shoulders.
The lights dimmed, the background music turned off, the crowd hushed, the show was about to start. I kept staring at Miley like some sort of weird creeper, she leant back in her chair and then looked at the guy she was with, said something; I almost cheered when he slowly removed his arm and sunk back in his chair. Strike 1.
First up was the Armadillo's from Anaheim who started the concert off with a gut-wrenching version of Edge Of Seventeen. Ouch. I stepped back and decided not to listen as the Bakersfield Wildcats took to the stage. I found a quiet spot and my fingers automatically dialled old Mrs. Gundersons phone number. Mom was here tonight with Frankie so they could see what I'd been working on so hard at school after I'd thrown myself into the band for the last two months, so she couldn't babysit Matthew, and the baby couldn't very well come to a concert like this. And Mr. Stewart had a date tonight so Mrs. Gunderson from downstairs offered to look after my baby brother. It's not that I didn't trust Mrs. Gunderson with a baby - she had three grown kids and at least seven grandkids - but I still worried about my little guy. He was just past five months old now - I found out his birthday when I ordered a copy of his birth certificate - and even though he was still so little and tiny he'd grown so much in the almost three months since Stella had left him on my doorstep.
"The baby is fine, Joe." Was how Mrs. Gunderson answered the phone.
"I know." I sighed, hitting my head back against the wall I was leaning against. "Is he asleep yet?" Who would've thought four months ago when I saw him at Christmas and swore to myself not to get attached that this is where I'd be now? "Could I talk to him?"
"You called at the right time, he's just enjoying a nice bounce before he falls asleep." I smiled, he sure did love that bouncer thing, almost as much as he loves his crib - the old one that all of us used as babies starting with Kevin - because I'd gotten a new one, but he cried every time I tried to put him in it.
"Thanks, Mrs Gunderson." I stood by the wall and listened to baby Matthew make cute little baby noises, and I talked to him a little, assuring him I'd be home soon even though he didn't understand. The Bedford Hornets were just getting off stage when I hung up so we still had a while to wait before we would perform after the San Fernando Fighting Frogs.
"Uh, Mister Lucas..." Freddie the drummer came up to me after a few minutes looking all sheepish.
"Damnit, Freddie." I grumbled, he'd lost his damn sticks again. "Becky, go find some duct tape." I ordered the bass player - the girl the kids at school called bucktook Becky, but she was the best bassist in the school.
"Hey, Mister Lucas." I looked up from under a table at the two voices to see that Lilly and Oliver were accompanied by Miley who was silent and looked uncomfortable.
"Hi, Guys." I waved a little awkwardly.
"We thought we'd come and wish you guys good luck." Lilly chirped, batting her lashes at me flirtatiously.
"Yeah, Mister L. Good luck." Oliver nodded, watching a girl from another school walk by in a pair of tiny shorts and a tank top.
"Thanks, Guys, hopefully we'll actually have a chance at winning." I smiled at them, though my eyes were on Miley who still hadn't said anything.
"Great, so we'll be cheering for you." Lilly started to leave, but Miley didn't move. "You comin', Miles?"
"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." Miley waved her off.
"Gonna wish us luck?" I asked Miley softly.
"Even with the way Amber runs on you don't need it." She half smiled.
"Remind me to talk to her about that." I rolled my eyes, we only had three and a half minutes on stage, not the ten minutes Amber tended to run her notes for. "We'd be better if we had you." I said honestly, but there was also the underlying double meaning of I'd be better if I had heer; I'm sure it hadn't escaped anyone at schools notice that I hadn't been the same since February, I'd been moody, abrupt and I tended to have a very short anger fuse.
"I'll definitely audition next year." Miley murmured.
"I wish you wouldn't." I looked away from her crystalline eyes. Because I wouldn't be able to say not if we were together like that all year.
"If I gave up that easily I wouldn't be the youngest Booty winner ever." I couldn't help the way my eyes drifted down to her ass; a perfect little ass that fit just rght in my hands. "Or in the final negotiations to start filming Indiana Joanie this Summer." My eyes widened and my heart stuttered.
"I'm sure you boyfriend is proud." I finally said, looking away sadly. Two things that I should both be happy about; she had a boyfriend and she was going to be shooting a movie, it was incredible feat, but I couldn't help but feel sad that she wouldn't be here all Summer.
"Who?" Miley looked genuinely confused.
"That pretty little rich boy you were holding hands with." I tried not to sound too bitter, but I don't think it worked.
"Trey? He's not my boyfriend." Miley denied, making my eyes fly back to hers. "Lilly set us up, he's actually kind of a douche, we've been here half an hour and he's always trying to touch me and he calls me Cupcake, like he wants to eat me or something." She shuddered, I couldn't help but grin a little. "Besides, you should know I prefer men to boys."
"Men prefer you too." We both knew I was talking about me. I prefer her. "Cupcake." I smirked and she giggled. "I'm happy for you." I finally told her. "For the movie, you'll be great."
"Thanks." She blushed shyly. "I should get back to my seat before Lilly sends out a search party." She made a face and I nodded, that meant she was going back to the douche. "I will audition, Mister Lucas, I promise." In other words she was saying she wouldn't give up on us.
"Seven hundred and sixty-three." I replied with a sad look before I turned away. Not that the whole school didn't know that by now; I had a count down to the day Miley graduates in the corner of my blackboard so everyone knew it, they just didn't know what it meant.
1) I am so sorry I haven't updated in 7 days!
2) I swear I won't let it be so long for the next chapter.
3) On the upside I found pictures and videos of when Joe Jonas was in The Velveteen Rabbit stage production when he was about 12 and since I didn't know how to download that particular type of video you can check it out on youtube under nicholasJBroadway who downloaded it for me and uploaded it to their account. They even credited me too :D
4) Once you've watched the video; isn't Joe a kind of adorable kid with a great singing voice?
5) Hopefully I'll have the internet up at the new place soon so I can stop feeling like I'm missing everything in the world.
6) Go watch 12-year-old Joe because he's just kind of adorable.
And I just realised I haven't been doing the awesome list late, so here it is; back by unpopular demand. The Awesome List Of Awesome People Who Awesomely Review!
Liz, Guest 1, Guest 2, Katie, Cat, Guest 3, Anon, Guest 4, PrincessJ1997, Simar, Guest 5, liesaclimb11, Guest 6, Katie 2,, Jess, and last but certainly not least; Ellie Gilmore!
Kind Regards
Sarah J.
