Title: Self Storage Outtake – Emmett's Girlfriend

By: kitkat681

Rating: M

Genre: Humor

Banner by: Carano

A/N: This is a future-take from my drabble 'Self Storage' in which Emmett brings his new girlfriend home from college. Thanks to Edward's Eternal for looking it over and snorting out loud several times. I think that means it's good.

So…this was my donation piece for FGB…be careful. Don't read while eating/drinking.

"So listen Edward…I've found her." He tells me over the phone, his voice low and serious.

"Found who, my man?"

"I've found the girl I'm gonna marry." He says and I should laugh.

He's only been in college for a month…

He should be sowing his wild oats or some shit like that, but I know my boy…

He's like me.

And when we know what we want…

We just know.

I knew I wanted Bella…

And him…

And there was no way I would be dissuaded from getting what I wanted.

So I guess I need to help my boy.

"What's her name?" I asked, grabbing a pad of paper from off the kitchen table and ripping sheet after sheet off until I found one that didn't have crayon scribbled all over it.

Damn kids.

"Rose…Rosalie Lillian Hale…soon to be…um, see that was what I was calling to ask about." He said, sounding all kinds of nervous.

"Spit it out Emmett." I huffed, getting bored with his girl-talk.

My stories were coming on soon…

And today John McBain is supposed to find out that Liam is really his kid.

Yep...

I watch soap operas….

I'm still a man.

Seriously.

"Well…I was wondering…I mean I know that since you and Bella got married…and the kids are all...but I worry what Mom and Dad would say…and I don't want Bella…" He yammered and I was like…

"EMMETT!"

"Yeah?" He whispered, sounding so much like my little boy I could almost picture him sitting on his bed with his glasses and Spiderman shirt when he was eleven, getting in trouble after he let his hamster go and he ended up eating all of Bella's shoes.

"Just…tell me." I said softly.

"I want to take your name before I marry Rose. I want us all to be a family." He breathed and then…

I fucking cried like a baby.

I mean…

I always knew he was mine.

But now he really wants to be mine.

Not that I minded him being a Swan and us being Cullens.

Not at all.

Did you believe me when I said that?

Yeah, me either.

But I understood his connection to his parents.

I would never want him to forget his Mom and Dad.

And by keeping the name 'Swan' it helped to keep a piece of them alive.

But…

"Emmett…not that I'm not over the moon excited, but why?"

"I just…I want to be able to give her a family. I want us to be one unit." He sighed and I could tell how much thought he put into this.

"Emmett Cullen does have a nice ring to it." I laughed, and relaxed a bit when he joined me.

"Em, you know I'll be with you no matter what you do. You want to change your name to Emmett Hugecock you know I'll have your back." I told him, seriously hoping he would never actually do that.

He wouldn't right?

"I knew you would understand Dad." He whispered and I couldn't speak.

Fuck I love that kid.

*()*()*

"So, I'm bringing her home with me and I want everything to be perfect." Emmett told me over the phone as I was driving up to Seattle to pick him up.

"Okay…well I can't guarantee the kids will behave, but I promise to be on my best behavior." I said, trying to sound convincing.

I may or may not have a huge stack of pictures from when he was a kid.

We're talking awkward…doofy pictures.

I am going to have so much fun embarrassing the shit outta him.

*()*()*

"Rose, this is my brother-in-law and well, my best friend and father, Edward." Emmett said as he introduced me to the blonde knockout standing next to him.

Fuck…

Me….

She is smokin'.

What?

A guy can appreciate the female form.

"Nice to meet you Rose. Emmett has told me so many wonderful things about you." I tell her, shaking her hand.

"Oh yeah? Did he tell you I have no gag reflex? Good thing with his monster cock, huh?" She giggled and my mouth dropped open.

"Yeah…see just like that! Then you breathe through your nose or else the jizz will shoot up into your brain." She told me.

I just turned and looked at my boy.

The fuck?

"Come on Rosie…let's get in the car." He said, trying to hold back his laughter.

Is this a joke?

Am I being punked?

Seriously.

*()*()*

I was so worried about what Bella would think of Rose when we pulled into the driveway.

She had been nervous ever since I told her Emmett was in love.

She doesn't want her to hate her because she knows then we'll never see Emmett.

Not that I think he would do that but he has to make sure his woman is happy.

Cause if your woman ain't happy…

No one is happy.

I learned that one the hard way.

Bella comes out to greet us and Emmett wraps her up in a big hug, swinging her around.

Rose stands next to me and watches them before she leans over and whispers in my ear.

"You guys swingers? I would totally do her but I think Emmett would think that is too weird. And you're not too bad to look at yourself. What you got packing in those khakis?"

"BELLA!" I scream 'cause I am really starting to get scared now.

"Hi, I'm Bella, Emmett's sister. It is SO nice to meet you!" Bella says, her smile wide and a bit insane.

"I'm Rose. You got a bathroom around here? I gotta piss like you wouldn't believe."

Bella's mouth drops open, much as mine did the first time I talked to Rose and points behind her.

She saunters off but not before kissing Emmett like she was trying to swallow his fillings and grabbing his junk.

"Shit…ain't she a keeper?" Emmett sighs dramatically as he watches her walk away.

"Yeah, but can we keep her in the yard? I'm not sure she's housebroken."

*()*()*

"So Rose, what are you studying?" Bella asks as we settled down around the table.

The kids ate earlier and are all watching a movie.

And by kids I mean ours…

And Emmett.

He couldn't pass up watching the new 'Cars' movie.

Idiot.

"Well I'm studying Anatomy and Physiology right now because I thought as a stripper it would be good to know what muscles move what bones…you know so I don't hurt myself as I get up on the poll." She laughs as she shovels a huge fork full of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

Bella and I are just staring at her.

She might eat more than Emmett.

And did she say…

Stripper?

"Will you excuse me? I gotta go puke this up so I have some calories left for dessert."

Okay…

"EMMETT!" I scream as soon as I hear the bathroom door close.

"Yeah?" He asks as he walks into the kitchen.

"Please, tell me this is all a joke. Please tell me that you didn't bring a stripper with an eating disorder into our home." I whisper-yell as Bella tries to hold back her laughter.

Rose comes back in and stands next to Emmett.

"EmmieBear…I think we should tell them." She giggles as she hooks her arm through his.

The both look at us…

"We're already married…

And…

We're pregnant!" She squeals.

OH…

MY…

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Bella screams.

I turn and look at her and cup my balls because the look on her face is frightening.

"How could you do this? We worked so hard to give you the best chance at a future. What do you think Mom and Dad would think if they saw you? I mean…I know you love her but Emmett come on! You're so smart and handsome. And now you're going to be a stripper's baby daddy?"

Emmett and Rose are just staring at her and my hands are still covering my nuts.

"So Bella…listen, I think this might have all gotten out of hand…" He says but she cuts him off.

"I love you…God I love you so much but I will go and find that shit bucket and…" She screams and I reach over and clamp my hand over her mouth before she can scar us all for life.

"Bella, Edward…I didn't want to do this but Emmett thought it would be funny. My name is Rose, but that is about all that's true. I'm not a stripper, I can't deep throat Emmett's cock, and I didn't just puke all over your bathroom." She says with a shy smile.

"I puked on someone's shoes in the hall, because I am pregnant."

Bella looks up at me and then…

Faints dead away.

*()*()*

"I thought if I blasted you with really bad stuff first you wouldn't mind the pregnancy after you found out Rose wasn't a stripper." Emmett says as he helps me get Bella up on the couch.

She starts to come around and I hold her face so she is looking at me.

"You love your brother. You don't want to kill him." I whisper fiercely because I am kinda worried about his safety right now.

She looks up and me and…

Starts to cry.

"I'm too young to be a grandma!" She wails.

"You won't be a grandma…you'll be an aunt." I tell her as I hold her head against my chest.

Rose and Emmett are standing behind the couch looking down at us.

"I'm really sorry Bella." Emmett says as he reaches down and pulls her from my arms like she's a rag doll.

"I know you are…and I love you, you big idiot." She giggles.

I look over at Rose and…

"I think…" She mumbles before she leans over and pukes all over my shoes.

"Sorry." She whispers and I give her an insincere smile.

"Don't worry…we have a bucket."

Eventually there will be more…cause I SO love these guys!