Chapter 53
"Do you want me to pilot the ship?" Padmé asked as they reached the space port.
Anakin looked down at her with a smile. "I remember how to fly," he told her. "Didn't you see that race?"
Padmé smiled. "Yes, I know you remember how to fly," she replied. "But you don't remember where your mother is."
"Ah yes," he replied as they reached the ship. "That's true," he said, looking up at the ship. He ran a hand over the hull, the sight of it familiar to him. "I've flown this before," he said.
"Yes you have," she replied. "Many times."
Anakin nodded. He knew where to activate the ramp and stepped back as it lowered to the floor. "After you, Milady," he said.
Padmé had hoped he'd have remembered his nick name for her by now, Senator; but it seemed that he had not. She found it ironic that as many times as she'd been annoyed by his use of her formal title, she now longed to hear him say it.
"Where to?" he asked as he lifted the ship out of the hangar.
"North," she told him, setting the coordinates.
"How long will it take to get us there?" he asked, studying the navicomputer.
"Not long," she said. She looked up at him. "I know you're anxious to see her," she said. "She'll be so relieved."
Anakin nodded. "I have little memory of her," he said with a frown. "Even now. I know her name, but very little else."
"It will come back to you," she told him. "Just as everything else is."
"I know," he said. "You know, I remembered your name before my own," he told her with a smile.
Padmé smiled. "That's remarkable," she told him.
"Is it?" he said, reaching his hand out to take hers. "I've felt certain that there was someone in my life from the moment I woke up after the crash," he told her. "I didn't even know how I got there, but that was the one thing I was certain of. You."
Padmé was moved by his words. "Ani," she said softly. "I was so afraid I'd lost you forever," she told him. "I was afraid you'd died…" she stopped as tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, brushing them away impatiently. "I seem to cry so easily these days."
"Pregnancy does that to a woman," he remarked.
She looked up at him in surprise. "You remember that too?"
Anakin nodded. "Of course," he said. "I remember how we found out too," he told her with a smile. "I remember telling you that you were carrying twins."
Padmé smiled. "Yes, you did," she said. "I went to the doctor while you were gone," she told him. "She was shocked that I was pregnant."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I'd been taking birth control," she told him. "It was something of a surprise to me as well, actually."
Anakin smiled. "I guess those babies inside of you are meant to be," he said.
Padmé nodded. It was clear that there were still large gaps in Anakin's memory, for his own uniqueness seemed still to be forgotten by him. A thought came to her, and she hardly knew how to formulate it into a question: does he remember Darth Vader? Does he know anything about that dark side of him?
"How did you come to learn your own name?" she asked him as he piloted the ship over the rapidly darkening sand dunes north of Mos Espa.
"I saw myself on the news," he told her. "I killed someone rather famous I take it," he added.
"Yes, the Chancellor," she told him.
Anakin nodded. "But he was more than that, wasn't he? According to the news he had plans to destroy the Jedi."
"Yes he did," she replied. "Plans that only you knew of. You're a hero, Ani."
"That's what they tell me," he said with a self deprecating smile.
"So … you heard them call you Anakin Skywalker? That's how you remembered?" she persisted.
"They used two names, actually," he replied. "Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. Apparently I'm known by both." He frowned. "I have no memory of the name Darth Vader," he told her. "None whatsoever."
Padmé nodded. It was all starting to make sense to her. He has no memory of his dark side, and no memory of what Palpatine did to him. It is as though he was never Darth Vader at all…
"So tell me something," Anakin said. "If my mother lives here, how did I come to live on Coruscant? Is that where we met?"
"No, we met on Alderaan," she told him. "At a party."
Anakin nodded, having no memory of the occasion. "I wish I could remember," he said with a sigh. "I wish I could remember our wedding, or when I proposed…I don't remember any of it."
Padmé made no reply, not wishing to tell him that their engagement and wedding had been far from conventional. She stood up and walked around to stand behind him. "Don't worry," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It will come back to you, I'm sure of it."
Anakin nodded, hoping that she was right.
Following her directions, Anakin headed for the Lars farm, and set the craft down on the outskirts of the property. It was already dark, and both decided it would be prudent to spend the night in the ship rather than disturb the family at such a late hour.
"You know, there are ways of helping you remember certain aspects of your life," she told him.
"Oh really?" he asked, turning in his chair to face her.
She nodded with a smile. "Yes," she said.
"Care to share them with me?" he said.
Padmé thought for a moment before replying. "I think I'd rather show you," she said as she stood up and started to unbutton her blouse. "Now, tell me if any of this triggers any memories," she said as she pulled off her blouse.
Anakin watched her for a moment, and then pulled her into his embrace. "Let's go to the cabin," he whispered against her ear. "I want to kiss every part of you," he told her, making her whimper with longing. Picking her up into his arms, Anakin carried Padmé into the back of the ship, where a small cabin was located. He laid her on the bed, taking a moment to simply drink in the beauty of her body.
"You're so beautiful," he told her as he lay down beside her tracing a finger down the length of one arm.
Padmé looked up at him, reaching up and taking his face in her hands. "That's only because I'm so much in love," she told him.
Anakin smiled. "You think so?" he asked, moving over to graze over her collar bone with his lips.
"Yes," she sighed, running her hands into his hair. "Absolutely."
"Of course," he said, planting kisses down the length of her torso, "I'm rather consumed by love as well," he told her, kissing further down her body.
"So…you mean love has blinded you then?" she teased.
Anakin looked up at her. "Well, that isn't exactly what I meant," he told her with a smile.
Padmé laughed. He was so different now, although the same man in many ways, in many ways he was not. It was as though the edge that had been forged in the Dark Side was gone, replaced with mellowness she'd never seen in him before. It was as though the fifteen years that he'd spent in fealty to Palpatine had never happened, and that he was the man he was meant to be. But he will remember it soon enough, she reminded herself; and when he does…what will that do to him?
A while later…
"That was amazing," Anakin said at last, smiling as he pushed a tendril of hair from his wife's face.
Padmé nodded. "Yes," she agreed breathlessly. "It was. I missed you so much," she told him, stroking his face gently.
Anakin took her hand and kissed it. "I was lost without you," he told her. He pulled her close to him and kissed the top of her head. Within moments they were both fast asleep, contented and complete once more.
The next morning…
Shmi and Beru had just sat down to enjoy their morning cup of tea when they heard someone descending the stone stairs that lead into the homestead.
"They must have forgotten something," Beru suggested, figuring that is was either Cliegg or Owen back from the fields. Both women looked up and then jumped to their feet when they saw Anakin and Padmé enter the room.
"Anakin!" Shmi cried, rushing to her son and embracing him tightly. "Thank the Maker you're alright!"
Anakin held his mother tightly, a flood of memories washing over him as he did so: memories of home, of a mother's love, of childhood.
"What happened, Ani?" Shmi asked as she released him finally. "Where have you been? Where did this scar come from?"
"I crashed, Mom," Anakin told her as they sat down at the table. "Right here on Tatooine as a matter of fact, just outside of Wayfare."
Shmi frowned. "Wayfare? Why didn't you come here? Why didn't you let me know where you were?"
"I had a pretty bad blow to the head in the crash, Mom," Anakin told her. "I lost my memory. I didn't even know my own name when I woke up."
Shmi's eyes widened at this, and she looked at Padmé. "So how did you find him?" she asked.
"He contacted me," Padmé told her. "It seems his memory has been coming back slowly," she added, looking at Anakin. "And once he remembered who I was and where I was, he sent me a message. When I got it, I came at once to Mos Espa to find him."
"You've been in Mos Espa all this time?" Shmi asked.
"Yes," Anakin said. "Working at a junk shop, fixing things to earn passage off of the planet."
Padmé could see that the same thought had passed through her mother-in-law's mind as her own; was the junk shop the one where he'd worked as a child? The one once owned by Watto?
"And then today," Anakin continued, "I won a race. A pod race, Mom, can you believe it?" He reached into the inner pocket of his tunic and produced a sizeable wad of cash. "I want you to have this," he told her, setting the money on the table. "This is part of my winnings. The rest I divided among the three families that have been helping me over the past few weeks."
"Anakin, you don't need to do this," Shmi said.
"Mom, I don't need the money," Anakin said, pushing it towards her. "I'm sure this will go a long way here," he added. "Please."
Shmi looked at her step daughter and then picked up the money. "This is very generous of you, Anakin," she said. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," Anakin replied with a smile.
"So have you got your memory back in full now?" Beru asked. "You remember everything?"
"No, unfortunately not," Anakin replied. "There are still lots of holes that I'm working to fill in. But I'm getting there," he added, looking at Padmé with a smile.
"Shmi! There's a ship out on the western field!"
The four looked up as Cliegg entered the room. "Oh," he said, "I guess I know why there's a ship there," he said with a smile. "Good to see you, Anakin," he said, extending a hand to his step son. "We've been worried about you."
"Would you believe he's been in Mos Espa all this time?" Shmi said to her husband.
"Really?" Cliegg said. "What the hell were you doing in that dump?"
"Working in a junk shop," Anakin replied. "And you know," he said, turning to his mother, "I think I've been there before," he said. "I think I may even have worked there at one time."
Shmi nodded, unsure if she should tell him or let him remember on his own.
"There's an urban legend about that shop, actually," Anakin continued. "The locals say that the original owner was murdered right there in the shop. I guess sometimes people have nothing better to do than make up foolish stories."
Cliegg frowned, not knowing that Anakin had lost his memory. "It's not a foolish story," he said. "You ought to know, Anakin."
Anakin frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"You killed the creature that owned the shop, remember? Watto?" he said.
Padmé and Shmi shot him a look of warning, but it was too late.
Anakin frowned as he digested this. "I killed him?" he said at last in a voice that bespoke his horror. "I'm the one that they're talking about??"
Cliegg looked at his wife, perplexed by Anakin's reaction.
"Anakin has suffered memory loss," Shmi explained quietly.
Oh damn, Cliegg thought, feeling horrible that he'd been the one to drop such a bomb on the young man.
Anakin looked at Padmé. "Is it true?" he asked her quietly. "Did I kill the owner of that shop?"
Padmé nodded. "Yes," she replied, reaching her hand out to cover his. "I'm afraid it is true."
Anakin felt a swell of anxiety rising within him. He'd heard the stories of how the toydarian had been slaughtered, of the blood stains that had taken days to remove. At the time he'd dismissed them as idle gossip, but now he knew better. Now he knew that the stories were true. And what was worst of all, he had been the author of those stories. Had he really be responsible for that carnage? What possible justification could there be for such violence?
"Why?" he asked finally. "Why did I do it?" he looked at his wife, his mother, his step father each in turn. "Can anyone tell me why??"
"You did it out of revenge, Anakin," Padmé told him quietly. "That's why you killed Watto; to settle a score."
Anakin looked at her, her words doing nothing to alleviate the sickening sense of guilt he felt. "To settle a score?" he asked. "What score?? What did he do to me that I would retaliate in such a manner??"
"It's a long story, Anakin," Shmi spoke up. "But one I suppose you're going to have to be told."
Anakin didn't like what he was sensing from his mother, from Padmé. He looked at his wife, whose expression gave him little cause to take hope. Looking back at his mother, he braced himself for what she was about to tell him.
"Tell me, Mom," he said to Shmi. "Tell me what happened. I need to know."
