Chapter 55 Plans and Secret Goodbyes

Clarke knocked on Bellamy's door. He opened it.

"It's me," she said nervously

Bellamy smiled. "Morning Princess."

He moved back so she could come in. he shut the door behind him and moved over to his table.

"Come, have a seat Clarke," he said.

Clarke noticed Bellamy seemed unusually cheerful. It was so unlike him.

"Yesterday was nice," Clarke said. "Marcus said he wanted us all to do it more often, he said we should try to learn to enjoy the good times, and look for them more often," Clarke said.

"Yea, that's need to laugh more Clarke," Bellamy said in a wistful way,"I always loved the sound of your laugh, I never hear it anymore, and people should get a chance to hear it," he said smiling.

"You said you wanted to talk," she finally said.

"Yea, I do," he said as his expression became serious. "Clarke, I know I hurt your feelings, especially after we got so close, you know," he said trying to carefully choose his words. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know, how much I care about you." Bellamy reached out and found her hand, "Nothing has changed the way I feel towards you. Things will get better I promise. You just need to give it time. The last thing I want is to make you unhappy, and you may feel that now, but later, you'll be good. I promise you. I'm really glad we had yesterday. It made me realize things. You guys, all of you, mean so much to me, and I feel like we're all family," he said with a sad expression he tried to hide.

"Bellamy, why are you talking like this," she said as she squeezed his hand. She was trying to read into his thoughts.

"Bellamy, is everything okay?" she asked

Bellamy smiled "Yes, everything is fine. Come here," he said scooting his chair back and pulling her towards him and onto his lap. He wanted to hold her. He reached up and touched her face. "Stop," he said "I feel a frown, please don't, you're too pretty for that," he said "No one should ever see you frown," he said. He pulled her down and kissed her. "I always want to remember you smiling," he said. He touched her face. That's better, he smiled. "I love your smile," he said.

Clarke leaned down and kissed him again. Her kiss was deep and longing. She wanted more, and he did too, but he pulled back. "Clarke, no" he said. "Your making this too hard." he said. "I can't." He knew it would make things too hard for him if they crossed that line again, he knew he wouldn't have the strength to make the hard choices.

"I love you Bellamy," she whispered to him "I want you."

"I love you too," he said, "That's why we have to stop. I can't be distracted, and you Clarke are very distracting." his voice gruff and deep. "I just want you to know, everything I'm doing, is for you, and everyone. Please understand that. You may hate me, and not understand, just realize, I love you." he whispered.

"Bellamy I could never hate you," she said. "I just want you to let me help you."

"But you can't. That's just it, I have to do this alone, only me," he said.

Clarke stood, and pulled him up. She wrapped her arms around him. He did the same. "It feels good having you in my arms, "he said as he closed his eyes and leaned into her.

Bellamy's arms made Clarke feel warm, like she could stay this way forever.

Bellamy finally pulled back.

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked as he softly kissed her again.

"What do you need, Mr. Blake?" she mumbled

Marcus said Roan was leaving soon, and I was hoping to talk with him. You know, he took you to find the berries and all, plus, he's become kind of like a friend. I'd hate not thanking him before he leaves," he said softly.

"Yea, I'll let him know you want to see him," she said as she finally released her hold on him.

"Can we have lunch together, after?" Clarke asked

"I kind of wanted to avoid the cafeteria at lunch," he said "I've decided I'm not ready for crowds," he said.

"I can bring it here," she said.

"Okay that sounds fine," he said "But I also want to see Octavia, before she goes back to TonDC."

Clarke left to find Roan.

Bellamy waited patiently for Roan. He hoped the grounder would help him. Clarke knocked on the door. "Bellamy, it's me, I have King Roan here," Clarke called out.

Bellamy opened the door.

"Bellamy," Roans low, raspy voice was unmistakable. "Clarke said you wanted to talk to me," he said

"Clarke?" Bellamy called out.

"I'm here," she said.

"Clarke, can you give us a minute?" Bellamy asked.

"Uh, yea, sure," Clarke said. "I'll be back with some lunch," she said.

Bellamy stood there until she left.

"Sit," Bellamy said as he sat at his table. He heard Roan do the same across from him.

"I wanted to thank you for taking Clarke and Octavia to look for those berries, even if it didn't work, I appreciate you doing that," Bellamy said.

"You saved my life, I owed you," Roan said "sorry they didn't work."

"I overheard Marcus saying your people take those like me away. Is that true?" Bellamy asked.

"Yes, those that cannot contribute to society, leave or are taken away," he said "But your people are different," he said.

"Not all of us," Bellamy said quietly. "If I try to walk out, they wouldn't let me. They would force me to stay, like a prisoner here."

"Are you asking me to take you away?" Roan asked "Your people wouldn't like it."

Bellamy faced Roan "I'm asking you to take me away," Bellamy said clearly. "Clarke, Octavia, the others, they won't be happy at first, but if I stay, it will ruin their lives. They'll be sad, some of them in the beginning, but later, in the long run, they will see that it was the best thing for them. Octavia hates it here, she'll always feel tied down; always feel like she can't move on if I stay here blind. Same with Clarke, she's too important to our people. She'll want to stay and take care of me. She's got her whole life to live, if I stay, eventually she will start to resent me for it, and I can't bear that," he said. "I need you to take me someplace and leave me, if I survive, I survive on my own, if not, I'll know the ones I love will have a chance at a normal life," he said.

"I can do that, but how can I get you out without them stopping me?" he asked.

"I have an idea, but it would mean us leaving tonight after most of the camp is sleeping," Bellamy said.

Bellamy filled Roan in on the plan. It was simple, Bellamy would lay across Roans pack horse with pelts wrapped over him, and Bellamy would just look like Roans pack. As late as it would be, it would be easy. Once they were far enough away in the dark, Roan could untie the fur pelts, and Bellamy could ride the pack horse far away.

By the time anyone found out Bellamy was gone, it would be too late. Roan agreed to the plan.

"Thank you for doing this," Bellamy said.

There was a knock on the door, "Bellamy? It's Clarke. I have lunch," she said.

Bellamy got up and felt his way to the door, Roan followed. Bellamy opened the door. "Hey princess," he smiled.

Clarke looked at him, and then to Roan. "Everything ok?" she asked.

"Yea," Bellamy said "Roan was just leaving. What's for lunch?" he asked.

Roan moved past Bellamy and Clarke. He nodded towards Clarke, and left, closing the door behind him.

"He's not much with words, is he?" Clarke said about Roan.

"No, but he really helped me out when we were hunting before, he's alright," said Bellamy.

Clarke and Bellamy ate the stew she brought for lunch. Bellamy had some of his tea. After lunch, he asked her to help him find Octavia. He thought she might be leaving and he wanted her to have something.

Octavia was in the barn with Helios when Clarke and Bellamy found her. She left them and went back into the Ark. She wanted to see her mom.

"O', he said. "Can we talk?" he asked her from the stable entrance.

Octavia turned and saw him standing just inside the door, holding his book.

"Sure Bell, is everything okay?" she asked him as she quickly walked to him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and then backed up.

"Yea, everything's fine, it's just… I want you to have something," he said handing her his book.

"Bellamy, this is the book Gina gave you. I can't take this," she said. "You love this book."

"Gina was special to me. She knew it was my favorite and I would read it to you. But, having it only reminds me, that I'll never read again. I can't throw it away because it was a gift from her. I want you to have it, because you're special to me too."

Octavia took the book. "Bellamy, anytime you want this back just let me know. I still think you're going to get your sight back, I just know you will, and when you do, I'll give this back,"

"Are you going back to TonDC?" he asked

"Yes in the morning, but I'll be back next week," she said "I'm giving you your space like you asked, but I think your just being stubborn."

"Aww maybe," he said as he wrapped his arms around her "I just want you to know, that I love you O, You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm so proud of you."

Octavia hugged him. "I love you too big brother," she said.

Bellamy had tears in his eyes. He didn't want to let her go. "Bellamy, what's wrong?" she finally asked when she saw his tears.

"Nothing, I've been thinking of mom a lot lately. I guess I just have a lot of time to sit and reflect things. I just wondered what she would think of Earth, if she had gotten to see it," He said. "I miss her."

"Bellamy, are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

"Yes." He said like he shook himself back into focus. "Yea, sorry," he said "I'm fine, I just wanted to catch you before you left," he said.

"Yea, I'll see you before I leave," she said.

Bellamy walked to Apollo, "Hey boy," he said as he petted the horse for the last time.