Christineoftheopera-No. I am not seeking him out, answering one of his idiotic riddles to gain entrance to wherever he's gone to ground, and then having to deal with him for any length of time simply to tell him 'hi'.
"You're sure you don't need anything? Really, really sure?"
"Kitty..."
"I can't trust you! Last time you swore you didn't need anything, you walked to the Circle K. In pyjamas. In the snow."
"I was delirious at the time, that doesn't count. I'm fine. Really, Kitty, I'm fine. I'm just going to sleep."
"Okay..." She leans over to kiss him. "I'll be back in a couple of hours, then, if you're sure-"
"I'm sure. Go. Good luck on your test."
"Kill me." she jokes. "I'm doomed."
And with one last hair-ruffle, she's gone. Jonathan sighs and snuggles under the comforter he dragged out to the couch. He tugs his glasses off, puts the TV on low-there's an Are You Being Served? marathon, he'll watch that for now-and tugs the comforter up almost over his head. Time for sleep.
He's out cold, one arm hanging off the couch and the other arm flung across his face, when he has the vague sensation of being watched. His first, hazy, thought is that Granny's having a moment, that she's going to wake him and drag him outside, and then he remembers that she's dead. Must be Kitty, then.
He fumbles for his glasses and wonders what time it is. It doesn't feel like he's been asleep for that long-JESUS!
Edward. It's just Edward. He forces himself to inch back down rather than press up against the arm of the couch.
"What do you want?"
"Dropping off some handouts from Miss Shelby." He waves a stack of papers. "And I was wondering if you had handcuffs?"
Jonathan chokes on his water and spends the next several seconds coughing mucus into a tissue.
"What?"
"Handcuffs. Most often used by police officers, but sometimes-"
There is absolutely no reason to let him finish that sentence.
"Why do you need-never mind, actually, I don't want to know. No, I really don't." He holds up a hand. "No. We don't."
"Oh. Drat." Edward actually looks somewhat betrayed. "I can't find any decent ones anywhere, and I need them for a project."
"So you asked me?" Why. What has he done to deserve this? Is this divine punishment for killing Granny? "No. No, I don't want to know why you thought that was a good idea. Thank you for the handouts, please leave me to die."
"You're dying?" He sounds far too happy about that. "I'm-sorry. But. Um. If you would permit me to stay and observe, if there's nothing to be done-"*
Never let it be said that he has poor aim-as Edward finds out when the remote control smacks him in the collarbone.
"Ow!"
"No handcuffs. No dying. Good bye."
"Feel better, Jon!"
One day, he will murder him and it will be the best day of his life, yes it will.
THE END
*I'm pretty sure Eddie's just fucking with him now. Pretty sure. Hopeful.
