I do not own Phineas and Ferb.
Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode.
For Your Ice Only Bloopers
Take One
"Okay, Ferb!" called Phineas after he finished setting up the last sprinkler. "Open the floodgates!"
Ferb twisted the nozzle on the hose, but nothing happened. Frowning, Phineas inched forwards to stare closely at the sprinkler. "I swear I hooked it up right—"
Water suddenly gushed from the sprinklers, soaking Phineas in seconds flat. The redhead spluttered and stumbled backyards as the others laughed. Holding his stomach, Buford cackled, "I can't believe you didn't see that one coming."
Take Two
"Phineas! Ferb!" Candace shouted, stomping through the snow to confront the pair. "You are so busted!"
"Hello boys," spoke Lawrence, spinning slowly across the ice. But when he was halfway he lost momentum and came to a halt. "I knew I didn't get a good enough running start," he sighed.
"Wait, wait." Ferb inched his way towards Lawrence and went to give him a push. He lost his balance in the process and fell flat on his face.
Baljeet grinned. "If that was your idea of helping, I am afraid it was very bad."
Take Four
Watching the kids depart, Candace scoffed. "What's the big deal with hockey anyway?"
Lawrence looked thoughtful. "Well, it's hard to explain actually. Taking the flipper from the winner, shoulder ducking the defender—I don't think any of that is correct."
Candace shrugged. "Sounded fine to me."
Take Five
"Hey Candace!"
Jeremy skated across the ice towards the redhead. He attempted to come to a stop but did not do it in time, slamming into Candace and bringing them both to the ground. Candace groaned and gingerly rubbed her side.
"Thanks a lot."
The director watched them struggle to their feet and sighed. "An entire episode with them on the ice. What was I thinking?"
…
Take One
Perry approached the wooden shack and grabbed hold of the doorknob. He gave a few solid tugs, but the door would not open. He stepped back and glanced at the director, raising his arms in an uncertain shrug.
The director scowled. "Okay, who did it?"
"Maybe it is frozen shut?" said Phineas innocently, lingering on the edge of the set.
"I can get the blowtorch," offered Ferb.
"Don't you dare!" snapped the director. "We're in California, this is all fake snow! Whatever you did to the stupid door, fix it without destroying anything and/or maiming anyone."
Phineas sulked. "You take the fun out of everything."
Take Two
"Lucky dog," grumbled Francis. "It's cold in—oh! Agent P, didn't hear you come in. I have no idea what Doofenshmirtz is up to. It seems all of our computers froze. Isn't that right, Carl?"
With his hands stuck in the block of ice encasing the computer, Carl replied, "Tech support says everything is fine."
"Well, I'm sure whatever Doof is up to, he's probably much warmer than we are, and that alone should be reason to stop him," said Francis with a shrug. "Good luck, Agent P!"
Perry gave a salute and rushed off. The director raised a hand and instructed, "Cut!"
"Oh thank heavens," exclaimed Carl. "Now someone get me of here before my hands freeze off!"
…
"I've been too much of a nice guy," remarked Heinz. "Nice guys can't take over large metropolitan areas, except for Roger. But, we're not talking about Roger. I've got to get mean."
He started to push his ice-constructed chair across the igloo floor, but it would only slide so far before slowing. With a grunt of effort, Heinz complained, "Why is this so heavy?"
"Why are you so weak?" countered the director.
"…that was uncalled for."
…
Take One
As the hockey players cleared from the arena, Candace relayed the information Stacy was feeding to her through their wireless earpieces. "So when all the members of the offending team clear the defective zone at the same time, the—" Candace squinted in concentration, unable to hear what Stacy was saying next. "I can't really understand what she's saying."
Jeremy laughed. "That's okay. You weren't really getting it right in the first place."
Take Two
"—obvious technical infractions. Go away. The player who committed the infraction is no give me that. No Ginger, I'm busy. I said give me that back. If you don't give—" Candace paused when her earpiece popped out and she scowled, hastily bending down to retrieve it. "Stupid thing."
"Do you want tape?" offered Jeremy with a smirk. "Might help keep it in."
Candace levelled a threatening finger at him. "Don't even try."
…
"Behold, Perry the Platypus, as I make myself abominable," declared Heinz, raising his remote.
He pressed the button and the beam of light bounced off the wall of the igloo and hit the marshmallow that was trapping Perry. The marshmallow exploded, turning hairy in the process, and the substance splattered onto Heinz.
"Pflllt!" Heinz gagged, bending over and hacking. "It got in my mouth! And my eyes! It burns! This isn't marshmallow cream!"
Two prop guys exchanged uncertain glances. "It's marshmallow substitute," one replied.
Heinz grimaced. "I don't even want to know what that means."
…
Take One
The soundtrack blaring in the background, Phineas and Ferb skated towards the center of the rink from opposite ends. They both sailed off of a ramp and met in midair. Phineas swung his hockey stick, but missed the puck and hit Ferb's knee instead.
"You did that on purpose!" Ferb hissed, curling up on the ice once he landed, gingerly prodding his throbbing kneecap.
"I did not!" Phineas protested. "This stupid helmet blocked my vision for a second. Why do we have to wear these dumb costumes?"
"Because I said so," the director returned.
Ferb scowled. "I hate it when he says that."
Take Three
Buford intercepted the puck from Baljeet and body-slammed him and Django into the glass protective wall. Baljeet let out a yelp of pain, gripping his right arm. "Owwww!"
"I think he broke a rib," rasped Django, lying flat on his back on the ice. "I want hazard pay. I'll sue."
Rolling his eyes heavenward, the director sighed. "This scene is going to take forever."
Take Four
Holding onto Isabella's hockey stick, Baljeet extended his for Phineas to take hold of. The redhead did, but before the other two could swing him towards the ramp Isabella's skate caught a groove in the ice. She brought the boys to the ground and they slid into one of the ice sculptures, piling on top of one another.
"I thought you took figure skating lessons!" cried Phineas, trying to dislodge a dazed Baljeet from where he lay on his stomach.
"All grace goes out the window once I'm in the same room as you guys," retorted Isabella. "Now get off me! You're heavier than you look."
…
Removing one of the wooden planks from the sled currently hurtling downhill, Perry used it as a makeshift snowboard. He careened over the snow, keeping parallel to Heinz's sled. When a metal railing rapidly approached, Perry prepared to jump. The edge of the board hit the railing, causing him to sail through the air and land face first in the powder.
Heinz burst into laughter. "Ha! Loser!"
Perry sat up and gave him a pointed look. Heinz stared down at his abominable snowman outfit and scowled. "Shut up."
…
Linda inched her away through the arena stands, where dozens of extras were waving foam fingers. "Sorry. Excuse me. Yes, you are Number One. Excuse—ow!" A foam finger accidently hit her in the eye and she clapped a hand over it. "Okay, that hurts. Really should have seen that coming. Ow. Can I have some ice, please?"
…
Collapsing into one of the plush couches populating the common area, Baljeet drank greedily from his water bottle. "We survived!"
Leaning over the edge of the couch, Phineas remarked, "I don't think any other actors have to worry about surviving the end of an episode recording."
"My feet are killing me," groaned Isabella, massaging the soles of her feet. "I don't think I ever want to skate again."
Buford glanced over at Django, who was sprawled on the carpeted floor. "Are you dead?"
"I think you broke a rib from that body-check," came Django's muffled voice.
"Stop whining," dismissed Buford. "I barely touched you."
"Yeah, like how an elephant barely crushes a car when it steps on one," drawled Ferb.
The door leading to the common area slammed open and Heinz stormed inside, dressed in his full abominable snowman costume. Face red with rage, he screeched, "Who glued the zipper closed on this stupid thing?"
"And that's our cue," said Ferb.
"Run, Ferb, run!" cackled Phineas, and the two boys raced off with the enraged Heinz in hot pursuit.
