BREATHING THE FALLOUT IN
The downed space craft had gone nuclear. Unit barely contained the radiation in time, saving Sheffield and the nearby towns and villages, the disaster was averted. But only just. There were casualties, about a half dozen technicians had died who had been working to shut down the leaking drive unit of the ship's propulsion system. All Commander Oodoua could be was grateful that Torchwood and more importantly Captain Jack Harkness had been there with their detailed knowledge of such things. The survivors of the 'incident' had been quickly evacuated to a special holding facility for decontamination, some had been luckier than others. Captain Harkness had died and was now recovering, Toshiko Sato got away with minor burns and a brief low dose of what Harkness had called Hix radiation, Captain Jakes and Ianto Jones had been exposed to a short high level flare, they were critically ill.
Jack remembered with absolute clarity what it had felt like to cook in a soup of radiation and once again he marvelled at his ability to heal and regenerate, back to his 'default settings' as Ianto had once described it. Jack had died three times in his life as a result of radiation exposure. None of those times had been pretty and only one of them had been quick. As soon as he had regained consciousness he had rung Martha Jones and told her to find the Doctor. The downed space craft needed specialist care and the only place with the right anti radiation meds was the Tardis, without treatment Ianto and Captain Jakes were going to die.
The two sick men in question were currently in medical isolation. They were so radioactive that even the UNIT staff had been limited to 3 minutes worth of contact each time they went in. They worked in efficient co-ordination to get their patients hooked to life supporting machinery and anti radiation meds and whatever else they needed, and then they were left alone in a blank white room with only the sounds of their own laboured breathing and the machinery for company. Jack had watched through three layers of lead glass, his shoulders slumped in misery. Gwen was at his side for some of that time, a reassuring hand on his arm. Owen was there too. He had been into the room and though not at risk of dying he still had to limit his exposure to make sure his dead body wasn't damaged by the radiation. He was in there right now, changing Ianto's IV bag and Jack just watched, unable to move as he watched his lover and best friend slowly fade into the black... Hix radiation was cruel like that, death could take weeks and towards the end... it was a terrible way to go.
He touched the glass, praying for the Doctor to come. He made a decision. If Ianto was going to die in there, then he would not be left alone to just slip away. He stepped away and went to find Gwen. She was sitting at Tosh's bedside and the two of them were talking quietly. It was Tosh who looked up first, her face was pale and drawn from her own ordeal but she managed a faint smile.
"Hello Jack."
He drew up a chair. "Hey, how are you doing?"
"I'm alright, will be out of here in a couple of days. How's Ianto?" Gwen hadn't told her much and she noticed the look that passed between Jack and Welshwoman. Jack swallowed down hard and sighed.
"He's dying Tosh, unless the Doctor gets here with the right meds he won't make it. I'm going to go in there and stay with him until it's over."
Gwen shot him a concerned look. "That's dangerous for you Jack."
"I've already proved that I come back without glowing in the dark. I won't leave him in that room like that to die alone and frightened, the decision is made, you'll be in charge until... well until it's over."
He stood up, wanting to get away, wanting to run as far and as fast as he could.
"I'll see you both in a few days."
"Give him our love Jack." Tosh said wiping at her wet face with the back of her hand. Gwen nodded in agreement.
Jack turned and left and then hesitated, he was still wearing the coat that Ianto had given him a few months back, a replacement for the one that had been ripped beyond redemption by a weevil. He shucked it off and passed it to Gwen.
"If I wear it in there it'll have to be destroyed, keep it safe for me?"
She nodded in understanding, he wore that coat in the same way she wore her wedding band.
Jack took a plastic chair into the containment chamber and set it down on the floor beside Ianto's bed. The white faced young man turned his head on the pillow and offered up a smile and Jack looked at him, noticing now that the IV lines had been removed, the monitors were gone. There was just Ianto, some pillows and soft bedding. Jack sighed, they had given up already.
"It's alright Jack." Ianto clearly knew what he was thinking. "I asked for them to take everything away, the noise was keeping me awake and the truth is none of it was making me feel any better."
Jack grasped his hand, which was warm and floppy. "But it will keep you alive, give us more time."
"Delaying the inevitable and wasting everyone's time Jack. I'm going to die on my terms, please don't take that away from me."
Jack sagged resting his head on the covers and Ianto just about managed to life his other hand and rest it on Jack's soft hair.
"The Doctor might come."
"He might not... I'm not afraid Jack."
Jack straightened up and caught Ianto's hand that fell away from his head. Their eyes met, dull blue against churning pacific ocean.
"I know you're not, but I am. This is not your time Ianto, I know in my heart that it isn't, you have to believe that too."
Ianto simply smiled and closed his eyes suddenly so tired. "I love you Jack." He sank into sleep and Jack watched his every breath, both of Ianto's hands gripped firmly in his. Part of him realised that he would sit forever in this place if Ianto died here and he discovered that he was counting every shallow breath that Ianto took, willing the next one to happen.
He lost awareness of the passage time, but every time he opened his eyes Jack was there at his side, watching... Ianto had never felt more loved in his entire short life. He would die with a full heart and no doubt leave Jack with an empty one. He looked at Jack, just looked long and hard and Jack watched him still, a faint, sad up curve of his lips just visible.
"When I am gone Jack, don't be afraid to grieve and let me go. Eternal life has many forms, I will always be watching over you." He whispered through rattling breaths.
Jack touched his cheek and Ianto was too weak to turn into the contact, he'd been vomiting and then dry heaving for the last... Jack said it had been two days.
"I have all this life Ianto, all I want to do is give some of it to you, so that you can live yours. I've tried, I saved you once before and I can't make it work this time. I'm sorry."
The emptiness of his failure was like a chasm.
"It's alright Jack. I know that. Please don't be sad for too long, find someone else. Go be with your Doctor, do anything, just don't be sad." He slid back into darkness and almost forgot to inhale... exhale... inhale. Every minute action clawed at his frayed nerves.
Jack watched as the breathing became laboured and stuttering. Sighing he climbed onto the bed and gathered Ianto into his arms. The younger man was boneless and sagged into the embrace, almost unaware. They slept.
Gwen didn't question Martha, or the strange gawky, handsome man in the brown pin striped suit. UNIT were practically tripping over themselves and Jack was crying with relief. Ianto and Captain Jake woke up in the Tardis six days later, blissfully unaware of the previous week. The Tardis had worked her magic and Jack stood in the console room, his arms wrapped around a coral strut. He didn't know how else to thank her.
The Doctor went as quietly as he had come and by the time Ianto realised that he was in fact alive and well the Time lord had been gone for over a week.
He was sitting up in bed in Jack's quarters, a thinner, paler and completely bald version of his former self. He felt weak as a kitten but Jack had assured him that it would pass, that his hair would come back and his ribs would disappear under a layer padding after a few well placed pizzas had been consumed. Jack was never far away, always watching him, helping him... with every thing, it was humbling and humiliating at the same time. He sat there breathing the fallout in, Jack's love and fierce determination that he should live and he realised that he HAD to live for as long as he could because it would not do for Jack to feel afraid.
