Cas,

I had a life before I met you. I had everything figured out. I was an expendable hunter. I was my brother's protector. I was my father's soldier. I was unseen and easily forgotten. I slept when I was tired. I ate when I was hungry. I flirted and schmoozed my way to new information or just into a girl's pants. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered because I didn't matter.

My whole life was supposed to be a blank slate. Protect Sammy. Kill the monsters. Save Sammy. Hunt. Kill. Save. I went years with that. Years knowing that I meant nothing to anybody. Knowing that I would die young and that nobody but maybe my brother would miss me. Then you saved me.

You saved me and suddenly I don't want to sleep with anything that has two legs. I don't want to be completely forgotten. I don't want to mean nothing. I want to mean something to you. I want to matter even just a little to the angel that sits on my shoulder. Even if it's just the angel that cares. I had a routine of being forgotten and letting people think shit about me. I had my invisible life of a hunter and that was fine but it isn't anymore.

I have more people in my life now since you showed up than I ever did before. I have a phone with contacts to other hunters. I have people that I call my friends and family. I have more than just my baby brother now. I don't think I would if you hadn't been here.

-DW

Dear Cas,

I was never supposed to matter. I was meant to be invisible. I was meant to be forgotten. Forget me.

-DW

Dear Cas,

I kill everything that surrounds me. I watch the world around me crumble and I see that it would be better without me. Then I remember that without me, you wouldn't be here either. And I see the destruction of angels but I see the light that follows you. I see the wounds you heal, the runes you draw, the perfection and recreation that you bring to the world and I think that maybe it's even with you here. Maybe it wouldn't be worth it to have just me around because I murder everything but you cancel it out with your good.

-DW

Dear Cas,

I remember seeing your true face when I was a demon. I dream of it still. The memory is burned in my brain. I wish I could see it again. I remember watching it fade. I remember looking up to see you and Sam standing side by side and watching your human face return in place of what I know to be your true angelic form. I didn't deserve to see it then. No demon does. But I love it all the same and wish to see it again.

-DW