A/N Hi! How are y'all doing? Glad hellatus is over? I am! :) So in honor of passing 300 reviews, 50 chapters, and (within the next week) 40k views, I'm gonna give y'all the chance to name a new character! I'm in between two names right now, so just tell me which one you like better. Esemeli or Madimi? They're a bit odd, but she's a... different character. Let me know what you think!
Thank you to last chapter's reviewers: chinaluv, Superwoman rules, mamasam, icedragonfirebird, and KatHarvey!
Zara's hair started standing on end and she could feel sparks running up and down her arms. Yet, she kept going and going. Without any place to direct the energy, Zara held it within herself. She didn't notice it at first, but as she took more and more into herself, the familiar soul deep pain began rising up within her. It was too much. She was holding way too much. Zara broke contact and the lights went back to normal, but she didn't. Everything inside her was on fire. Whatever amount she could hold naturally was certainly exceeded and it was frying her from the inside.
Desperate for an outlet for so much energy, Zara forced it back into the outlet she had taken it from. Every light in the house brightened significantly before shattering and plunging Zara into darkness.
Chapter 53
There was a strange buzzing right next to Zara's head. Groaning, Zara opened her eyes to see that her phone was ringing. It was Dean. After all the bulbs shattered, Zara had passed out at the kitchen table. It looked like she had only been out for a few hours.
"Hello?" Zara answered groggily. She tried to stretch out, but she winced when every one of her muscles screamed at her in protest.
"Hey, Princess." Dean's voice on the other side made Zara smile. "We just got in. It looks like a fairly straightforward job, but we won't be back until the end of the week."
"Oh okay." Zara got up and headed towards their room. It was late and she would probably just fall asleep when they were done talking. The house was still dark due to her display earlier so Zara moved as carefully as she could to avoid any broken glass. "How many are there?"
"We're not sure yet. We're waiting for our contact to come in so we can go in a larger group- safety in numbers and all that. We'll grab the package from Dick on the way back."
"Sounds great." Zara stifled another yawn.
"You okay? You sound funny."
Zara bit her lip. How many lies would she have to tell him before this was all done? "I just woke up from an intense nap. I'm fine."
"Lazy bones." Dean teased.
"Guilty as charged."
"Alright, I should get some rest. It's been a long day. Just wanted to tell you we were here."
"Okay." Zara was getting into bed as well. "Goodnight, Dean. Stay safe."
"Miss you."
"Help me."
The child's haunting voice still echoed in Zara's ears as she woke up screaming for the second night in a row. Except this time Dean wasn't there to calm her down. She could still feel the Leviathan's claws ripping into her flesh and see the child's hate-filled eyes staring into her soul. Desperately, Zara fumbled to turn on the lights, but when she pulled the chain of the lamp on the night table, nothing happened.
If Zara had been in a rational state of mind, she would have immediately remembered that she had blown all the lights out earlier and was completely safe despite the darkness. She was not in a rational state of mind. In her panicked state, all she could do was frantically search for something that would give her a sense of peace and security. The first thing her hands landed on was one of Dean's cast off shirts. She clutched the shirt tightly in her hands and breathed in his scent. It may not have been him, but it brought Zara back to reality- he was the one who grounded her, who made her feel safe. She wasn't in the war torn forest. She was in the real world, and more importantly- away from the child.
That day, the first thing Zara did was replace every light in the house. Not only did they give her a little peace of mind, but they would light the long nights Zara would stay awake to avoid the nightmares. She didn't sleep for the next three nights- opting instead to practice. Anything was better than seeing those terrible golden eyes every time she closed her own.
In the brief time Zara had been practicing, she had already gotten stronger, more sure of herself, and better at focusing her energy. She learned that while taking in too much energy from her surroundings hurt like Hell, acting as a conduit for the power was extremely useful. That way, she could power things that took much more power without having to deplete too much of her own reserve. Also, while touching something made it much easier to manipulate, it wasn't necessary. By the end of her second day awake, Zara could light a light bulb that was across the room from her without too much difficulty.
Unfortunately, her progress in some areas seemed to be negatively correlated with other areas of life. Dean called periodically to update her of their progress and make sure she was okay. And while she assured him that she was fine, she certainly didn't look it. The combined strain of sleep deprivation and continuous energy drain was doing a number on her body. By her third day of no sleep she looked quite disheveled. She had been wearing one of Dean's shirts for the past couple days, her hair was sticking up at odd angles, and her eyes were sunken and bloodshot. She couldn't remember the last time she had taken a shower or eaten a real meal. Zara told herself that it was just because she didn't want to stop practicing, but she knew it was really because she was scared of what would happen if she took a break- if she accidentally fell asleep again.
"You've been tense recently." Balthazar's companion remarked dryly. In his months with the ancient guardian, Balthazar had begun to get to know him. They had become, for lack of a better word, friends in their forced isolation. Despite their differences, they understood each other. He could recognize the concern behind the words that sounded so indifferent.
Balthazar sighed. He had been more twitchy than usual and it was all because of Zara. Because of his connection to her, he could tell when she was doing something careless or irresponsible. It was like an itch that Balthazar could feel but couldn't scratch and it was happening even more often than usual. "My charge- she's being reckless. I don't know what she's doing, but I have this uneasy feeling…" The knowledge that he could leave his cell at any time was infuriating, but he had been waiting to convince Gadreel to come with him. Considering what Balthazar had a feeling Zara was doing, maybe he should leave. But then he still didn't know how to navigate the ever changing maze that was Heaven's prisons, and if anyone was going to know how, it was Gadreel. It all came back to convincing the older angel to escape with him. For maybe the hundredth time, Balthazar pleaded with Gadreel. "Come with me."
"No." Gadreel replied tiredly.
"Come with me, Gad." Balthazar said again. "Together we have a better chance of getting out alive."
"No, Balthazar." Gadreel snapped at him- weary of the question. "It's a fool's hope. You should give up this poisonous dream."
Balthazar pounded on the wall- frustrated. There had to be more behind the older guardian's reluctance. Why else would he refuse freedom? "What are you so afraid of, Gad? Tell me the truth."
Gadreel's answer was something that Balthazar didn't expect, but he immediately understood the angel's fear. "They will cut off your wings." Balthazar's stunned silence seemed to spur Gadreel on. "I have seen it before. The angels who make themselves a nuisance have their wings cut off by Thaddeus the Torturer. Their screams echo through the entire prison. Many of them were my friends. I can still hear them." Gadreel's voice grew desperate. "Give up these hopeless schemes. They will never work. I do not want to hear your screams from down the hall next."
"Hey, Dean." Zara answered the phone tiredly as she sat on the sofa. "What's up?" It was impressive even to Zara that she could keep up a chipper voice despite her exhaustion.
"The vamps are dead. We got Dick's package on our way back." Dean replied happily. "We'll be back late tonight."
"Really? That's great!" Zara could feel herself waking back up at the sound of Dean's voice. He was coming home soon. They talked for another few minutes and then Zara hung up. The conversation served as a wake up call. Suddenly, Zara noticed the state she had allowed herself to sink into. She desperately needed a shower, a full meal, and a nap… or three. The house was in much the same state of dishevelment as Zara was.
Spurred on by the thought that he boys would be home soon and maybe Zara could get a full night of sleep within the safety of Dean's arms, she jumped up and started putting everything back in order. She couldn't let Dean see her like this. She couldn't have him be asking questions. This week had been a chance to be free of the prying, judging eyes of others. It had been truly liberating and she had learned so much about what she was capable of. She would have never been able to do that if she hadn't been alone. The boys didn't understand. They couldn't. They were ignoring all the benefits in the name of keeping her safe, but Zara didn't want to be safe. She wanted to get revenge and for that she needed to be strong. If that meant keeping this week from the boys, so be it. As she cleaned the evidence of the past week from herself and the house, a feeling of heaviness settled over her again. It was time to begin the lie anew.
