Chapter 51

David Haden sat in his apartment, alone, nursing a scotch on the rocks. He had loosened his tie the moment he walked in the door, pulling open the top button of his shirt, and cursed the world for this ironic twist it had thrown him. Normally, when he left the office, he left his cases behind, but today was different. His work had followed him home, haunting him, teasing at him, playing over and over in his mind relentlessly.

Olivia Benson.

When he had been briefed on the case by the field agents, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure, he had tried more violent crimes, more heinous criminals, and seen worse crime scene photos. But this was Olivia. Olivia, her husband, and her young daughter. He couldn't imagine watching his ex-wife endure what Olivia had while either one of his children looked on. It was just too much.

But this was still Olivia. From the moment he first laid eyes back when he worked for the Manhattan DA's office, he had been infatuated with her. The way her caramel hair tumbled over her shoulders, the way her warm chocolate eyes sparkled, and the way her face lit up when she smiled drove him insane. He loved that smile, though he quickly learned that she rarely smiled. And so he had tried to make her smile. He had tried so hard…

Two Years Ago…

It was a difficult case involved a potential military cover-up of a brutal gang rape by contract workers in a war zone. The DA had handed him this case personally. Though he couldn't remember the exact details of the case now, he remembered her.

After a briefing with her captain over some detail of the case, something else he couldn't remember now, he had heard her sigh wearily. She rubbed her forehead and squeezed her eyes closed as if she was trying to ward off a headache.

"You ok?" he asked. He still didn't know her well, even though they had discussed the case over countless cups of coffee. All he knew was that when she was working a case, she had a one-track mind. Anything and everything always tied back to that one case.

"Yeah," she answered in her usual form. She never gave anymore information that she was asked. But her body language was a different story. While it was a difficult case, it should be affecting her like this.

"You sure? You seem…stressed," he said.

"I'll be all right. I just have a lot going on," she answered, vague again. And suddenly, he had an idea.

"You look like you could relax a little. How about dinner? My treat," he said.

"David, I…" she started.

"Before you say no, think about it. We don't have to talk about the case or anything else that might be going on with you," he suggested. She didn't respond immediately. She mulled his question over in her mind. What he didn't know at that time, but later would find out, was that she had just come back from a leave of absence. Physically, she was fine, but emotionally, she was still trying to cope with some issues. And then she had flashed that smile. That beautiful smile that he just couldn't seem to get enough of.

"I'd like that. Let me just tie up a few things here, and we can go," she said. She started to leave, then turned back. "If you don't mind waiting for about twenty minutes…" If she had known what was going on in his head, she would have realized that he would have waited all night for her. Instead he smiled.

"Of course not. The interview room is empty. I'll just go write up some notes, and whenever you're finished, we'll go. Take your time," he said. Again, he was rewarded with a genuine smile. She bustled around the squad room, handing off urgent matters to the next shift, tidying up paperwork that couldn't wait until morning, and returning urgent phone calls. Half an hour later, she appeared in the doorway of the interview room, wrapped in a soft, black, full length winter coat with her purse slung over her shoulder.

"Is that invitation for dinner still good?" she asked. He swallowed hard. She was actually taking him up on his offer. Somehow, he had expected her to slip out without telling him and make some excuse for running out in the morning.

"Absolutely," he said, stuffing his own files into his briefcase. He quickly grabbed his coat and briefcase and headed out with her. He was a perfect gentleman, holding doors for her, walking on the outside of the sidewalk closest to traffic, just as his mother had taught him to do.

"So, what's your story? How did you wind up here?" he asked, once they were settled and sipping a glass of mediocre red wine.

"Nothing terribly exciting or dramatic. I joined the NYPD in my early twenties, caught a lucky break, and volunteered for SVU when I made detective. And I've been there ever since," she answered. That wasn't quite what David had wanted to hear. He wanted to know about her, not the detective. But he was quickly learning that she never brought her personal life into professional relationships.

"SVU is a tough place to be. Any particular reason why you volunteered for a job most guys avoid like the plague?" he asked. Her eyes darted around as she thought for a moment. There was more to her than she was letting on. Enough years as an attorney, and he could tell when anyone, even a cop, was avoiding something.

"Back then, there weren't a lot of female detectives," she explained. "There were some, and more and more women were getting their gold shields, but we were still a minority. SVU approached me specifically because they were looking for more women. Rape victims are typically female, and a lot of them feel more comfortable talking to another woman." The conversation drifted a bit, but little by little, she relaxed. The conversation never strayed far from the work angle, though, but he felt like he was making some sort of progress when she opened up to her impressions about him.

"I have to admit, we were not sure about you at first," she said with a smirk. That was the understatement of the century. For the past several days, every time he turned around she was glaring at him or shooting him an evil look. At times, he wouldn't have been surprised if laser beams had shot out of her eyes and vaporized him on the spot. But now, she was smiling and happy, so she seemed to have gotten over it.

"You can trust me; I'm an attorney," he said, lightening the mood a touch. She chuckled, sharing in the humor of his statement.

" Little secret, I can be a little testy when I work with new people," she confessed. If the past week had been her definition of "testy," he was pretty sure he didn't want to see what she was like when she truly didn't like someone. He suspected that she was the type whose loyalty was hard to earn, but once she gave it away, the bond was virtually unbreakable.

"I can somewhat testy around my kids," he said, trying to steer the conversation away from work.

"You have kids?" she asked, suddenly curious.

"Boy and a girl. They live with my ex-wife in Cabo Hill. You?" There we go, he thought. Finally, a chance to turn the conversation towards Olivia Benson, the woman.

"Me, uh, I'm just getting over something," she said. She refused to elaborate. He later found out that she had just had her second miscarriage, but at the time, she didn't reveal that information. She also didn't reveal the fact that she had a husband and daughter, once again, keeping the details of her personal life close to her heart. In hindsight, he realized her heart must have been shattered, now that he knew the loss of that child had nearly destroyed her marriage when Fin started drinking, and he didn't find out about Tina until much later. Olivia made enough enemies on the job that she rarely spoke of Tina to people she didn't know well in order to protect her.

"Isn't everyone," he replied, off-the-cuff. Fine, if she didn't want to talk, he wasn't going to force her. This was an outing between friends, or maybe it was a date (dare he hope?), not an interrogation. "Can you stay for another round?" he asked, not wanting the night with her to end.

"You know, um, why don't we call it a night? You need a clear head in front of that grand jury tomorrow," she replied. She needed to get home to her husband and child. Lately, Fin's mood seemed to be related to how late she came home. The later it was, the worse off he was.

"Raincheck?" he asked. She desperately needed a friend. Talking to Fin was like walking on eggshells, so even though he was usually the man she turned to when she needed to talk, he wasn't there. And yet, she suspected it was temporary. He was grieving the loss of their child, too, and eventually it would turn around. But for now, what was the harm? Talking to Elliot was complicated, given his own friendship with Fin. This was something she could keep to herself, something she didn't have to share.

"I'd like that," she replied. She was attracted to him, too, or at least that was what he thought. She had smiled and laughed and listened all through dinner. Her focus was on him, not drifting away to other distractions in the busy restaurant.

And so, after dinner, they stood in the chilly winter air for longer than necessary. He had wanted to kiss her all night. As he waited for a cab to drive by to send her home, his heart pounded in his chest. If he was going to do this, it had to be now. Time had seemed to stop, even though pedestrians were rushing around them, and her eyes twinkled in city lights. He brought his hand to her cheek, stroking it softly with his thumb. She didn't resist; she didn't pull away. He could do this. He could kiss this beautiful goddess in front of him.

Gradually, he tilted his head to the side, bringing his lips closer to hers. He brushed her lips carefully before pulling her into a searing kiss. His heart soared when he felt her respond. Her body moved closer to his, and her arms wrapped around his neck. She moaned very softly, so softly that had his senses not been completely focused on her, he might have missed it.

And then she pulled back.

"I'm married…" she whispered with her eyes still closed.

"What?" he asked. Then she opened them. Her arms dropped back to her sides, and she stuffed her hands into her pockets quickly.

"I'm married," she said a little louder, now that her head had cleared.

"Olivia…I'm…I'm sorry…I didn't…" David stammered.

"It's ok. But this," she said, gesturing to the two of them. "This can't happen again."

"I just thought…I didn't notice a ring," he said. Olivia nodded, understanding where the miscommunication had occurred.

"I don't wear it when I'm at work, in case it gets caught on something," she explained. Of course. He should have known that. Many cops didn't wear rings on the job, for that very reason. In fact, the NYPD discouraged it.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. I swear, it won't happen again," he said. She waved him away.

"Don't worry about it. You're a nice guy, David, and this has absolutely no bearing on our friendship," she had told him.

But it mattered to him. He had worked a few more cases with her after that, but only until he could find a position away from the Manhattan DA's office, and away from her.

So, what cruel twist of fate made her walk into his life again this morning? He felt her defenses go up the more they talked, and it bothered him. He had worked so hard, dancing around delicately, proving himself to her over and over again before she finally trusted him, and it just felt like he went right back to square one. He pulled out his phone – why did he still have her number saved? – and held his finger over the call button. Earlier, he had been a prosecutor talking to a victim. Now, he just wanted to know if his friend was ok.

The scotch did its job, lowering his inhibitions enough that his better judgment was impaired. He should have put the phone down. He should have left her in the past where she belonged. He should have just been her attorney. Instead, he pushed "Send."

When the phone rang the first time, his heart started pounding. He had no idea what he was going to say to her when she actually picked up the phone – if she actually picked up the phone.

By the second ring, his palms were sweating. Was this her cell or her home number? He didn't even know anymore. What if her husband picked up instead?

By the third ring, he was wondering what on earth he was going to say if Fin picked up the phone. Oh, hi, I have a major crush on your wife, and I just wanted to see how she was doing? That was certain not to go over well. Maybe it would go to voicemail. Yes, if it went to voicemail, he could handle it.

The fourth ring had just started, but it never had a chance to finish.

"Hello?" she answered. Home number. Crap. How on earth had he managed to get that one?

"Hey, Liv, it's David," he said, trying not to sound like a lovestruck teenager.

"What…Tina, how many times have I told you to brush your teeth? Go!...I'm sorry...David?" She seemed distracted. He glanced at the clock. With a small child, of course. She was trying to put her daughter to bed.

"Yeah, sorry about the timing. Sounds like you have your hands full over there," he said.

"What? Oh, no, you're fine. It's like this every…Tina! If I have to tell you again, Oz goes in my room!" He was starting to feel terribly guilty now. "Are you calling about the case? I thought we went through everything this morning."

"I…no…yes. I'm not making very much sense, am I?" he said with a chuckle. He tried again. "I was calling because I wanted to see how you were holding up."

"I'm…ok," she said.

"And Tina? How is she doing?" he asked.

"I don't know. Some days it seems like she doesn't remember much, but other times…I wonder," she said.

"And…Fin?" he asked. He was holding his breath, and he wasn't sure why. Then again, he just asked about the husband of the woman he was lusting after.

"Fin…Fin and I have a lot to work through," she told him. And typical Olivia, she didn't elaborate on that statement.

"Well, I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm still the same guy you knew two years ago, and if you ever need someone to talk to, well, I've been told I'm a great listener," he said. There. It was out there. Now it was up to her to come to him.

"I remember. We talked a lot back then. I'm not sure my marriage would have survived without our coffee breaks," she said. He could almost hear her smiling through the handset. And, he wanted to kick himself. His presence had driven her straight back to her husband. Then again, if that was the man she loved, then he didn't want to be the one to stand in her way. "Listen, David…can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he replied.

"When you and your wife…separated…whose idea was it? Yours or hers?" Olivia asked. David's brow furrowed. Why was she asking about his divorce? Where was she with Fin?

"Mine," he told her, not volunteering any more information. If she could be secretive, so could he.

"Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake?" she asked.

"Olivia, did something happen with you and Fin?" he asked. Now he had to know. Granted, she was a rape victim, and she couldn't have been separated for very long, but he had to know if her marriage was still intact, or if she was still forbidden fruit. He heard her sigh.

"It's a long story," she said. And now, she had given him an opening.

"Can you get away for a cup of coffee?" he asked. "Sounds like you could use a friend." Once again, he could almost hear her smile through the phone.

"I'd love to. How about Saturday?" she asked.

XxXxX

"Tina! Breakfast!" Olivia called out the next morning as she laid out a plate of French toast on the table. She hoped Tina wouldn't notice that it wasn't "Daddy's French toast," but she knew her daughter was far too perceptive to be able to pull off a stunt like that. Tina raced into the dining area and stopped short as soon as she saw what was on the menu.

"Where's Daddy?" she asked.

"Daddy isn't home. It's just you and me, kiddo. Now, come sit down," Olivia told her. Tina crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.

"No," she pouted. "I want Daddy."

"Come over here, and we can talk about Daddy," Olivia said. She hadn't planned on having this conversation now, but she also knew that she had been putting this off for far too long.

"I want him here," Tina said, still holding her ground.

"I know you do, but we have to talk. Sit down," Olivia said, pointing to Tina's chair and taking an authoritative tone with her. Tina didn't reply, but she also didn't move. "One…Two…" At "two," Tina realized that Olivia meant business and, dragging her feet, climbed up into the chair.

"Where's Daddy?" she asked, softly, suddenly afraid that Olivia was going to tell her she would never see him again.

"Tina, sometimes mommies and daddies have a lot of problems, and they don't get along very well," Olivia said gently. Damn, this was hard, harder than she expected it would be. Still, she was determined to make sure that Fin remained Tina's hero. "And, when that happens, sometimes it's better for them to live apart."

"Ok, but you and Daddy get along," Tina said. She wanted to make her mother happy because she knew that tone of voice. That was the tone Olivia used whenever something bad happened. So, she did the only thing she could think of and started eating the French toast Olivia had made for her.

"Actually, Mommy and Daddy have had a hard time getting along. But, Tina, that doesn't mean we love you any less, or that any of this is your fault," Olivia said.

"Huh?" Tina replied, thoroughly confused.

"Daddy and I thought it might be better for everyone if we didn't live together anymore," Olivia said. There. It was out there. And as Tina's eyes widened, she knew Tina had finally understood what she was trying to say.

"Daddy's…gone?" Tina asked.

"He's living with Nana for now, but he still loves you very, very much," Olivia said. Tina put down the French toast stick in her hand and slid out of the chair.

"Tina," Olivia called after her, but to no avail. Tina ran straight to her room, and Olivia followed. When Olivia got there, she found Tina putting her blankie and storybooks in her backpack.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"Going to live at Nana's," Tina answered as if Olivia had asked an absurd question. Olivia calmly pulled the backpack away with one hand and wrapped her other arm around Tina. Sitting on the floor, she pulled Tina into her arms.

"No, Baby. We're not going to Nana's. Just Daddy. We're going to stay here, like we always have," Olivia said.

"Daddy's not coming home?" Tina asked.

"You'll still see him, just not every day. Daddy and I will make sure that you get to see him, because we both love you so much," Olivia told her. Olivia saw a tear slide down Tina's cheek.

"I want Daddy…" she cried again.

"Oh, I know, Baby, I know," Olivia said, holding Tina close to her and rubbing her back as her child cried inconsolably.

XxXxX

"Lemme get this straight. You expect me to believe that you were home, alone, all night two nights ago?" Fin asked his suspect, a well-built pale kid who couldn't have been any older than twenty-one, as he leaned low over the table in the interrogation room. Meanwhile, Cragen and Elliot were watching the scene unfold from behind the one way glass.

"Yup," the kid said with a sly smirk, leaning back farther in the chair.

"Ok, if you were home, alone, then how did your semen get into Lisa Simmons' body?" he asked. He was resisting the urge to kill this kid on the spot. He and Elliot had caught the case two days ago. A child had phoned 911 – a three-year-old girl – because her mommy wouldn't wake up. When Fin and Elliot arrived on the scene, they discovered the raped and mutilated body of Lisa Simmons, and sitting in front of Fin now was Marco Ravini, a punk who had been popped multiple times for breaking and entering and petty left, but it seemed Mr. Ravini had escalated into rape and murder.

"Maybe because I banged her?" Ravini said with a snide tone.

"You mean you raped her," Fin countered. Ravini shrugged.

"I don't know. I get a lotta pussy. It's not like I remember all of their names, but I ain't never raped anyone. Wanna know why, Detective?" he said, punctuating each syllable in the last work. Fin stood up, crossed his arms and scowled at Ravini. "Because those hot little mamas just throw themselves at me." Suddenly, the faces of Olivia and Tina replaced those of Lisa and her daughter in his mind's eye. It was Olivia's body he saw mutilated and Tina's cries he heard on the 911 tape. He reached out, sent the table crashing into the wall and before he knew it, Ravini's throat was in his hand as he pressed Ravini's body against the cement wall.

"You think they were asking for it? Huh!?" he screamed. And then hands were on him, pulling him away. But he had to kill Ravini. There was no other way to stop him. He had to…

"Fin!" a familiar voice yelled. He was being dragged off Ravini. Cragen was leaning over Ravini, checking him for signs of distress. Why was Cragen helping him? Ravini deserved to die for what he did.

And then he was in the hallway.

"What the hell was that?" Elliot asked. Fin started pacing just to get rid of the nervous energy building in every fiber of his being.

"I'm sorry," Fin said unconvincingly. Elliot took a deep breath.

"Look, we all run into cases that hit a little closer to home than most. No one would blame you if you sat this one out," Elliot said sympathetically.

"You sayin' I can't handle this?" Fin asked.

"No. What I'm saying is that sometimes we all need to take a step back. There isn't a detective here who hasn't run into a case that was too much," Elliot said. Fin continued to fume silently. "Look, DNA is gonna close this. Go home. Spend some time with Liv and Tina." And with that Fin turned and put his fist through the flimsy drywall.

"Whoa!" Elliot said, holding Fin's fist back, preventing him from striking again. "No one is questioning your abilities. You're a hell of a detective, but right now, you should be with your family. Trust me on this. I ran home and hugged my kids more than once on this job."

"Back off, Stabler!" Fin warned.

"I can't let you back in there with Ravini. Seriously, the best thing you can do is go home and hug your wife and kid," Elliot said.

"I would, if I still had a wife and kid to go home to," Fin said, shaking Elliot off of him and storming towards the bullpen. Elliot's jaw dropped as he processed what Fin had just told him before he turned and chased after him.

"What do you mean? What happened to Liv and Tina?" he asked, slightly panicked.

"They're fine. I don't wanna talk about it," Fin said, sliding in his chair and picking up a pen.

"But…you just said…" Elliot started.

"She kicked me out, ok?" Fin said, irritated. Elliot sank into the chair next to Fin's desk.

"She…what? Where are you staying?" he asked.

"With my mother. Now, will you just drop it?" Fin said. Still Elliot pressed on.

"Has she seen a lawyer yet?" he asked. Fin threw the pen down on top of the paperwork. Clearly, Elliot wasn't going to let this go.

"I just want her to be happy. If this is what she thinks she needs, then so be it. But, I worry about them in that apartment – alone. She doesn't have anyone to protect her," he said.

"Well, last time I checked, she could take us both down," Elliot said, smirking. A scowl from Fin was all it took to wipe the smirk away. "But I get it. I have to admit, before she got married, I used to worry about her alone, too. Hang on a second…I think I saw something…" Elliot rifled through a stack of papers on his own desk. "Here it is. Maybe you should give them a call," Elliot said, handing a single sheet of paper to Fin. Fin looked it over. Short of Fin himself moving back home, this was the next best solution.

XxXxX

"Hey, Liv, thanks for coming down," Elliot said, getting up from his desk to greet his old partner. Tina shrunk behind Olivia's leg, trying to shield herself from the usual hustle and bustle of the squadroom.

"So, what was so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone? It's not about Colin, is it?" she asked.

"No, nothing like that. It's just…well, some of us were a bit concerned about you and Tina being alone," he said. Olivia opened her mouth, ready to tell him she was still NYPD and that she could take care of herself, but he cut her off. "Now, I know you're perfectly capable of handling yourself, but we've had someone volunteer to be your bodyguard, so to speak."

"Fin put you up to this, didn't he?" Olivia accused.

"He's concerned, yes, but he isn't the only one. Liv, we just want to make sure that you're safe. Both of you," he said.

"I don't need a baby-sitter, El," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Elliot sighed.

"Will you at least meet her? She did come all the way down here," he asked. Olivia licked her lips and set her jaw. She hated when they pulled this sort of crap on her.

"Fine. I will meet her, but there's no way I'll consent to a body guard," Olivia said.

"I think you might like this one," he said, as he started walking towards the children's interview room. "She's recently retired, but still in good shape. She's spent her entire NYPD career over in homicide, and she's not afraid to do whatever needs to be done. Ah, here we are," Elliot said, opening the door. Olivia was expecting to see a woman roughly her own age behind the door. Instead, she saw Munch petting a German shepherd sporting and NYPD K9 uniform.

"Ohhhh…" she gasped.

"Puppy!" Tina exclaimed when she saw the dog.

"Tina, don't!" warned Olivia as Tina sprinted towards the dog that was almost twice her size, narrowly missing Olivia as she reached out to pull Tina back.

"It's ok, Liv. Her name's Cindy, and she's almost 6 years old. She's spent the last 5 years helping Homicide find missing people," he explained. Olivia was listening to every word he spoke, but her eyes remained glued on her daughter and the dog. Tina was climbing all over Cindy, who looked as if she's rather be anywhere but in this room. However, she was making absolutely no move to injure Tina or even fend her off. "Still remember your basic K9 training?" Elliot asked. Olivia ignored the question.

"How did you…?" Olivia began.

"NYPD has a program for the dogs. It's new, which is why we you aren't familiar with it. Instead of adopting out our retired police dogs, they've decided to start placing them with victims of violent crimes, especially those who live alone. She has all of the training of a police dog, but she's put in her time. I guarantee she will protect both you and Tina, even at the expense of her own life," Elliot explained.

"Elliot, this is sweet, but we can't have a dog in the house. Our lease forbids it," she objected again.

"That's where your wrong, Liv. She isn't a house pet. She's been recertified as a service animal, and a landlord has to make exceptions for service animals," Elliot explained again. "I have all of the paperwork at my desk."

"I don't know, Elliot…" Olivia began. She was still watching Tina who was learning how to make Cindy do tricks from Munch. Tina giggled and Cindy licked at her affectionately.

"Wait…just wait," he said, moving towards Tina, Cindy, and Munch. He bent down and whispered something in Tina's ear. Tina slipped off her shoes and sprinted out into the bullpen.

"Tina!" Olivia called.

"It's ok, Liv. I told her to go. Now, watch," Elliot said. Olivia had started to take off after Tina, but Munch gently held her back. Olivia's heart was pounding a mile a minute. Elliot picked up one of Tina's shoes and held it out to Cindy. "Find Tina, Cindy," he said. Cindy sniffed the shoe, turned her nose to the ground and barreled off in the same direction Tina went.

"Let's go," Munch said, as he and Olivia both followed Cindy. Cindy moved through the bullpen, ignoring everything around her and focusing only on following her nose. She worked her way over to Olivia's old desk, sniffed underneath, sat down and gave a soft bark, looking back at Elliot. Olivia walked over and saw Tina hiding underneath her desk, giggling.

"Ok, Tina, come on, let's go back," Munch said, after he slid Tina's shoes back on her feet. When they returned to the interview room, Cindy sidled over to Tina, licked her face, and laid down in front of her.

"Mommy, can we keep her?" Tina asked, sporting the biggest grin Olivia had seen on Tina in a while.

"Yeah, Mommy, can you keep her?" Munch asked, scratching Cindy's ears.

"Just try it, Liv," Elliot said gently. "Take her for a month. If it doesn't work out, we can find a different home for her." Olivia opened her mouth to object again, but her daughter was just far too fond of Cindy.

"Elliot, no…" she said again. And then Elliot said something she never expected to hear.

"It would mean a lot to Fin. He's the one who set this up," Elliot said softly, but seriously. They locked eyes for a moment. There were parts of Olivia that ached for his presence again, but she knew that it just wouldn't work out. Not as long as she was still having flashbacks. She felt like she had taken so much from him already, and if giving a retired police dog a home would make him feel better, then maybe she owed him that. The corner of Olivia's mouth twisted into a half smile.

"Well, she is awfully cute…" Olivia mused.

"So we can keep her?" Tina asked.

"All right, you win…both of you," Olivia said, holding up her hands in mock surrender. "We can keep the dog."