Ch. 50
Happy New Year! Here's a little treat to kick off the new year. Well, I've got to say I had some interesting reactions. You all seemed pretty pissed that he left. One particular person, who I was going to insert her review but was os damn long, consisted of cussing me out, freaking out, and having her neighbors make sure she wasn't killing anyone. I think I'm going to end up posting it at the end of this chapter. And thank you all for the many suggestions on what to do. There were so many ways to steer the story, but this was my original idea, and I feel it will be better for the story. Also… this is my fiftieth chapter!:D thank you to everyone who has stuck with me this entire time and giving me the chance to get here. You all inspire me so much and I'm so thankful for you all. Thank you! And heres to you guys
Mandy
One month later…
I sit in the place where most of my time has been spent this past month. In my bed. I just felt like there was nothing to do anymore since Cato has fallen off the side of the earth. I haven't heard one word from him when he walked out that day I lost the baby. When I had gotten home none of his stuff was gone, so I'm not sure where he went, or if he's even coming back.
But even if he did come back I don't know how I would be able to handle it. I'm already taking hard with losing the two most precious and only things in my life. The worst part is being alone, and not exactly knowing what I did to push him over the edge.
He cant really blame me for losing the baby, like the doctor said, there was nothing I could have done. Maybe it was just a breaking point for him because of all the shit he's been through. The weird part about this whole thing is I haven't cried once. Sure, I got all choked up and to the point where the tears were close to going over, but they've never fallen. I guess you could say I am emotionally drained from it all.
Everyone knows that I lost the baby and Cato left. Yet I couldn't get up enough courage to call Cato's parents and tell them. It would wasted time and effort, as I'm sure they have heard it all from him and have already taken their side. Cant really blame either of them, I've put Cato through absolute hell. It was only a matter of time before he knew what was best for him and left.
I start to stretch my limbs out, trying to make an effort to get out of bed. All this time and I haven't looked for a job. Yet all of the bills are paid. They're probably on autopay with Cato for all I know. But I wasn't complaining.
I freeze however when there is a gentle knocking to the door. I wasn't sure if I was hearing correctly, but a second confirmed my suspicions. I had no idea who could be at the other side of the door. It could be anybody. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and start walking down the hallway. I hope it wasn't someone important. All I was wearing was one of my over sized t shirts and some of my old shorts.
I unlock the deadbolt and without even looking through the peep hole I swing open the door.
There he is standing in all his glory thinking he can just stroll on up and knock on the door. But I decide to play it cool.
"You didn't have to knock you know. This is your house too." I say. I step out of the way and open the door wider so he can step in.
"Yea well I wasn't sure if I was welcome here anymore."
"Its your house." I mumble.
Ok, so I may seem cool on the outside, but on the inside it felt like my heart was rebreaking with every breath I took. I leaned against the counter, and he took a seat.
"I feel like you of all people deserve an explanation what happened that day in the hospital." I gently nod my head, but not daring to say anything. "First off, I don't blame you for what happened. If anything I blame myself for not being able to be there for you. And I'm sorry. I walked out on you like I promised a million times that I wouldn't, and when you needed me most. But that was my breaking point. Everything we had been through, and it just broke me down. And I felt I couldn't do it anymore.
"You were, and still are, my everything. And I know how much it must have hurt you when you lost the baby. We've been through so much, and this was another thing. But this time it was a heavier blow. And I couldn't watch you break down into tears, lose yourself, or even attempt to kill yourself. I couldn't bare it. You being in pain causes me to be in pain.
"So I thought that leaving you would be best. For both of us. You could get a clean start, I could too. But boy was I wrong. I've been so miserable without you Katniss. And I miss you so much. And I know, you probably hate me and I don't blame you either, but this past month, I cant live without you. I rather be dead then be without you. And I'm so so sorry."
He breaks down and starts sobbing right there. I've only seen Cato cry a couple of times, but not like this. Not heavy sobs, and breaking down. And it breaks my heart.
"And I hope you can forgive me someday." He cracks, as he gets a a hold of himself. I walk around the table and place a hand on his.
"I don't know, if we can ever be the same. Or if we will ever be the way we used to be. But maybe we can try."
Cato looks up at me and begins to stand up.
"But whats happened, it cant be forgotten over the night. Or you coming back and poring your heart out to me. I trusted you, and you left anyway. With no explanation. I needed you. I just lost our child, and you left me. All alone. I don't know if I can ever be able to trust you again. You have to prove it to me. But this, us, cant be fixed overnight. And you cant fix it with empty apologises."
Cato nods his head. He walks around and gives me a tight squeeze.
"I genuinely am sorry, and I'm gonna fix this. I'm going to prove to you that I'm here to stay." I just nod my head and he releases me.
"Well lets start with one thing," Cato's head snaps to me. "Your sleeping on the couch." I give him a weak smile and head back down the hallway, rethinking everything that just happened, and hoping I'm not making a huge mistake.
This is not part of the chapter. This is simply the crazy ass review made by toritwilight504 that had me laughing in tears. Enjoy.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! AFTER EVERYTHING THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER!? ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?! THIS IS JUST NOT RIGHT! THIS IS SOME F*CKED UP SH*T! ILL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW! THE BABY!? AND CATO?! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE! HE SAID THAT SHE WAS HIS ONE AND ONLY! HE WAS THERE WHEN SHE ALMOST DIED! HE WAS THERE THROUGH EVERY THING! I AM F*CKING LIVID RIGHT NOW! DO YOU KNOW THAT!? LIVID AS A MOTHERF*CKER! I THINK I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE SIMILAR TO WHAT DEDICATEDWALLFLOWER SAID TO DO BUT I'M GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE IF YOU DON'T FIX THIS SHIT! RIGHT NOW! AND YES I AM SCEARING THIS AS I AM TYPING THIS BECAUSE THIS IS SOME BULLSH*IT! AND I'M NOT SORRY FOR THE LANGUAGE BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO CARE RIGHT NOW THIS IS SOME MESSED UP SH*IT RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD LET HER HAVE SOMETHING GO HER WAY FOR ONE IN HER F*CKED UP LIFE! THE BABY!? AND CATO?! THIS BETTER BE A F*CKING DREAM BECAUSE IF NOT THERE WILL BE A RAZOR, DUCKTAPE, GASOLINE, YOUR HAIR, A LIGHTER, A LAMP FROM THE INTEROGATION SCENES IN MOVIES AND A COMPUTER SO YOU CAN FIX THIS SH*T!AHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!
sorry sorry sorry i am not on my livid stage and now i am at a calmer stage of 'im going to murder you if you dont fix this' stage...i am truly sorry for the vulgar language..but i cant seem to erase it...you need to see what you have done to me! i have a spitting headach from all of that da*n yelling i was doing...the neighbors even had to come over to see if i didnt kill somebody...seriously...the neighbors came over and asked if they could come in a take a look inside my house and i said yes and..these were their exact words and i quote " we had came over to see if you killed someone because we heard something about fix this and a lighter and i know that you mean bisness and you sounded pretty mad soooo were just going to go now have a nice night!" I was on the floor laughing my as* off and and this is all your fault! you need to fix this!...this better be a dream or something because this is not funny! you need to think about what i said well typed be cause im not playing around! this is not funny!...Other than that I love the story and hope that you put in a sequal...this would be a wonderful story to do a suqual too..really...but this problem better be fixed by the next few chapers missy!...still i love the story please dont leave the story at this poing im sorry for the mean words and i dont want you to stop because of me but i know for a fact without looking at the reviews that alot of other people are just as pissed as me!...still i really want you to continue i really am truly and really sorry but i was livid and im to lazy to delete everything...BUT I REALLY AND TRULY LOVE THIS STORY! IM SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THOSE WORDS I HAVE SPOKEN! IF MADGE AND GALE CAN BE HAPPY TOGETHER KATNISS AND CATO DESERVE AN EVEN BETTER LIFE THAN THEM AND YOU KNOW IT!...I still love the story though! :D
