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LI : New Chu Order
While Lisa was explaining her life story to Rush, the rest of us were stuck in Dana's hotel room. Dana had taken a one way journey off of her balcony, which had been (sadly) not fatal. Right now she was on her way to the hospital, nursing her broken nose. Michel and Louis were both staring at her, as Louis waited for Michael to sober up. Sharon and L3 were having a head butting contest, and neither was winning. Flash was watching Michael and Louis, ready to paralyze them should either of them try anything stupid. Enfer was off in her own little world. She was staring at Wisp, who was walking over to me, with a look of absolute hatred on her face.
"Uh, Eevee girl" I looked up at the Vulpix.
"Angel"
"Yes, thank you" Wisp said, "I wanted to know, the blonde woman"
"Your trainer"
"Yes, that" she said nervously, "Is she okay? I saw her crying, I was concerned" I gave her a look like she was crazy.
"You care? You actually care?" I asked in disbelief. "Better question, you have emotions? Shit, you're much better adjusted then her last pokemon"
"What happened to her last pokemon?" Wisp asked.
"A psycho in a rubber mask blew his head off" If that news unnerved her, she certainly didn't show it. "Why do you care?" Wisp shrugged.
"I don't like seeing people suffer. I'm not anti-social" Wisp replied. "The world is a terrible place, because pokemon and people embrace apathy. If someone is hurting, I want to help them" A Vulpix who is concerned about her trainer, while at the same time lacking any noticeable emotions. Strange.
"Well, wait until she gets out" I said, "Go comfort her then"
"Hey Angel" I looked down, to see Titan on the floor, looking at the Pichu Dana had had. I had forgotten all about the pathetic little thing. "This one is waking up" The little Pichu raised it's head, and looked around. I jumped down, and walked over to her, followed by Wisp.
"Where am I?" Pichu asked, "Where is copper-haired human?" Titan looked at me, and I shrugged.
"Copper-haired human?"
"The one who kept me in that infernal trap purse!" The Pichu ranted, jumping up, "The one who tried to keep Pecha down. I showed her though! No one can keep Pecha down!" Her eyes were bulging out of their sockets.
"Calm down" I said. She began to pant heavily. "How did you end up with Dana? I want to know?"
"Who is Dana?" Pecha asked.
"Copper-haired human" Titan replied.
"I ended up with copper-haired human when fat bald human captured me" Pecha replied. "Fat bald human captured me for copper-haired human, but she wanted an Iggly Buff. She said it would be cuter then me. No Buff is cuter then me!" She cried, thrusting her arm up. Dear God, she sounded like she was speaking at a political rally, and every time she ended a rant she posed. I don't get it.
"Why do you talk like that?" Wisp asked.
"Like what?
"Like you're speaking to an army, or delivering a speech. You're also ranting like a loon, you don't actual say anything, and you don't use names. You speak in circles, and but you want to talk about something"
"Glad you asked Vulpix" Pecha said.
"I didn't ask, and my name isn't"
"Gather around other pokemon" Pecha said. "Do you know about the world I envision?"
"Do we care?" I asked.
"Dana's jump looked like fun" Michael's voice cut through Pecha's psychosis. We all turned, to see Michael staring at the hotel pool. We watched as he began to climb over. We then watched as he jumped.
"SHIT!" Louis cried, jumping and grabbing Michael by the cuff of his shirt. When he jumped, Nel his Skitty, was knocked off. Moving back slowly, Louis was able to pull Michael back up. Michael was giggling like a psycho the entire time. Louis collapsed, panting. Michael laughed some more.
"So much fun!" He crackled, "Let's do it again!" Michael jumped, ran to the balcony, and was consumed by crackling electricity. He then fell on his back, arms frozen in mid-air. A few sparks shot off of his paralyzed body, and he laughed again before passing out.
"Sorry about that" Flash called, "Figured if Michael died, it would be terrible. Don't worry, he'll be fine, didn't hurt him much."
"Thanks Flash. Is their any way I could get you to fry Louis?"
"No chance in hell" I sighed.
"Thanks Flash" I called, returning my attention to Pecha. "You were saying" Pecha gave an overly dramatic sigh.
"I don't want much" Pecha replied. "Just peace, love, and the complete and total enslavement of the human race" There we go.
"You want to make slaves of humans?" Titan asked.
"Question and answer time will be reserved for after my speech" Pecha replied. "I wish for world peace, that only I can create. A one world government, with me as its head. New Chu Order!"
"Should I ask?" I whispered to Titan.
"Ladies first" I nodded.
"New chu order?" Pecha grinned.
"My government, ruled by me! The house of Chu would reign supreme, over all of the world. An enforced monarchy, to lead the planet!"
"What's an enforced monarchy?" Titan asked.
"A dictatorship" I replied.
"It's not a dictatorship!" Pecha yelled. Sorry, she was to cute to take seriously. "I would reign fairly. Absolutely in charge of course, but fairly! All hail Pecha!" Both me and Titan were fighting to hold back laughs. Wisp looked like she always did, carved out of wood.
"What would you do as ruler of the world?" I asked.
"First things first, I ban thunder stones" Pecha said, "Raichu suck. Pichu and Pikachu are all that is needed" Except Pichu are worthless in battle, and Pikachu look like yellow bags of flower with lightning bolts coming out of their asses. "Also, being human will be a crime"
"It's a crime?" I asked.
"Humans are freaks of nature" Pecha replied, "But we love them any way. So we're going to help them realize their full potential somehow"
"How about turn them into pokemon?" Titan asked. I smacked him (as best I could) on his iron helmet. "What?"
"Don't encourage her!" I cried. "The Pichu is psychotic, don't make her more crazy"
"Believe me, I couldn't do a thing to her" Titan said.
"The human cities will be left to rot" Pecha continued, "Their buildings will crumble, and their vehicles will rust. Their largest cities will be turned into prisons, to hold prisoners!"
"How the fuck would you do that?" I asked.
"Question me not!" Pecha continued. "I will lead us to our New Chu Order. A perfect world, with out pain and suffering, with out humans!" Pecha then, and I'm not making this up, bowed in front of us. "Question and answer time is now" I raised my foreleg. "Yes cursing Eevee"
"Why do you refer to us by our species?" I asked.
"You do not have a name until Pecha allows you to" Pecha replied, "To earn your name, pledge your allegiance to me"
"I'd rather dunk my head in acid" I mumbled. Titan gestured, and Pecha turned to him.
"Yes perverted Aron"
"How did she know?" Titan mumbled. "I was wondering if you would mind if I took you hard, right her, right now"
"Nothing would disgust me more" Pecha replied pleasantly. She was awful cheerful for a dictator in the making. "Any other? Mute Vulpix, any from you?" Wisp shook her head. "Great, now that question time is over, it's time for me to ask you a question. What can I do to get you to join my army? Pecha needs recruits"
"What would you offer us?" Wisp asked.
"Well, if you joined me" Pecha said, "You would each be given high places in my army, and be high ranking members of the New Chu Order! I promises you whatever continent you want"
"Eh, okay I'm in" Wisp said.
"Yay!" Pecha jumped up, and once again not making this up, did a back-flip. "I dub you Wisp the Vulpix. Now, who else will come?"
"I'm still not sure" Titan said, "I mean, being ruler of a continent is cool and all"
"You can mate with me once, and I decide when"
"Done!" Titan cried. He ran over, and began kissing her (as best you can with no lips) on her little yellow head. Pecha screamed, and pushed him off.
"It'll be sometime next year, when the thought doesn't make me puke" Pecha groaned. She then turned to me. "Okay cursing Eevee, your friends have agreed to join, how about you?"
"A, those aren't my friends" I said, "B, you've never convinced me. I find you entertaining, but you'll never take over the world. I will admit, it's a cute idea. No, you won't take over the world though" I turned to walk away.
"Uh, hold on Angel" I froze in mid-step. "Stay here subjects" Pecha ran over to me, as fast as her four legs would carry her. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something"
"I thought I was nameless Eevee" I said sarcastically. Pecha laughed nervously.
"I decided you deserved a name" Pecha replied, "And I need to know something. When copper-haired human was smacking me, I thought I was going to die. I was so afraid that no one would carry on the New Chu Order. I didn't want to die" Oh crap, was she going to start crying? I looked over to the hotel balcony, wondering if I took off running, could I clear the railing and make it over?
"Is it okay that I want to die right now?" I asked. Pecha blathered on though, not noticing how uncomfortable I was.
"Then suddenly she stopped hitting me! I was so confused, until I saw him! Like a blue blur of power, he saved me! The most brave, strong, intelligent, sexy Mudkip I had ever seen!" When someone is greeted with the phrase "sexy Mudkip", they'll react one of two ways. They either ignore the comment as the ramblings of a crazy person, or they react like I did.
I collapsed on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. Tears rolled down my muzzle, as I rolled around. I managed to pull my self back up again, took one look at Pecha, and broke down again.
"Quiet Eevee!" Pecha cried. She tried to use thundershock, but was so inept she ended up hitting her self. She fell on the ground, a little it of smoke coming off of her slightly fried body.
"How do you shock your self?"
"It's not easy" She replied. "Now, I need to know" Pecha grabbed me by the sides of my head. "What is his name?"
"I thought we didn't have a name until Pecha allowed us to have one" I replied. Pecha screamed in frustration, causing me to laugh again. "Just kidding, his name is Rush"
"Rush" Pecha replied, a dumb struck look on her face. "His name roles off the tongue, Rush. What does Rush like?"
"Annoying me" I said, "Sleeping, swimming, and Lisa Jeffries" Concern crossed the Pecha's face.
"Lisa Jeffries! That sounds like a human name. It can't be, my Rush would never be a humaphile" Humaphile? "Who is this Lisa of which you speak? I must meet with my competition!"
"She's a human" I said, "Tall blonde, body looks like it was purchased from Barbie. She's completely crazy, which means the two of you will get along well" Pecha growled at this comment.
"Where is this human, I need to speak with her. If possible, eliminate her. No one stands between Pecha and her goals! I will rule the world, with Rush at my side as my queen"
"Don't you mean king?"
"No back sass Eevee" Pecha said. "Now I need to know where this Kip stealing whore of a human is, so that I can destroy her (Who talks like that?), please lead me to her" Suddenly the bathroom door opened. I grinned.
"You're in luck" I said, "She's right behind you" Pecha turned, and ran over to the open bathroom door. Wisp went over also, I guess she was concerned about Lisa. Speaking of which, Lisa emerged from the bathroom, cradling Rush in her arms. She saw Wisp and Pecha on the floor, and dropped down to greet them.
"Hey Wisp" Lisa whispered, stroking her head gently, "You were concerned about me? Thanks, you're the sweetest Vulpix I've ever met"
"Vul" Lisa turned to Pecha.
"I'm sorry about what my sister did to you" Lisa said, as she began to scratch Pecha behind her ears, "Please forgive her"
"This is war blonde bitch" Pecha said, "Or it will be, once this stops being enjoyable" Lisa stopped scratching, and sat Rush down on the floor. "Oh God, you're more handsome then I remembered" Rush completely ignore the swooning Pichu, and walked over to me.
"How did it go?" I asked. Rush smiled happily.
"I found out Lisa isn't what I thought she was. She isn't perfect, she isn't a goddess" He sighed, "And I love her more for it" Lisa walked over to Louis, who was currently smoking a joint while staring at Michael's collapsed body.
"Are you okay?" Louis asked. Lisa nodded, "Good, uh Michael's fine to. I discovered, he doesn't handle his booze well. Oh well, he shouldn't have gotten drunk I guess, but no one could have seen this coming, it's no ones fault"
"You gave him alcohol!" Louis shrugged. "Whatever, where's Dana?"
"She was annoying, so I threw her out the window"
"Seems fair" Lisa replied, "But now we've got her Pichu. Dana won't come back to get her, and if she tries, I wont let her take the sweet creature"
"I know what you're saying" Louis slurred, "And yeah, I agree to take in the Pichu, but I'm naming her L5"
"No" Lisa replied, "I'll take care of Pecha. Michael already has an electric type, and you're a moron" She turned to the scowling Pichu, "I'm sure she'll grow to love me" I had seen the look on Pecha's face when she first saw Lisa, and I knew that she would never love Lisa.
This would be war.
