Author's Note: This is the SFW version the original with all its smutty glory ;) can be found on my AO3 - /works/5805466/chapters/20667382
Solas and Emma had spent most of their time in the Fade reading in companionable silence. Solas had offered to allow her the desk for translations but she had declined. Instead she set cross legged against one of the window seats as she worked.
She'd still being working on easier volumes and had stumbled upon one about the elvhen gods. Naturally she had heard some tales from the waking world but they were rare. Though she had a basic knowledge. Originally with that basic knowledge she'd assumed their gods were like the ones in her world. Stories made to allow people to understand the world better.
The more she read the more she began to suspect this was untrue. Though she doubted they were really god gods. She was an atheist. In her mind god gods didn't exist. There definitely seemed to be something though. On top of that the god Fen'harel was mentioned on rare occasion but when he was it wasn't like the stories she had stumbled on in the waking world.
There had been an internal debate going in with her about asking Solas about all this. She didn't want to unintentionally cause him pain by making him relive all that he lost. Still… if she gave him the option not to answer surely that would be ok?
"Solas?"
"Hmmm."
"I was curious about something here." She uncurled herself from the floor and stood with the book she'd been reading taking it over to his desk, "I found this book on the Evanuris and I was-"
The book was out of her hands so fast it took her a moment to register it. Her eyes went down to her now empty hands then to the book, which Solas now had shut on the desk with his hand over. Lastly her eyes went up to him. He opened his mouth, shut it again, and took a deep breath.
"Problem?"
"No. You had a question?"
No problem my ass... She shook her head and pushed on, "Were they real, the Evanuris? When you were alive did they exist?"
She watched his mask slide into place and knew that he was going through some internal debate he didn't want her to see. That was the only reason he would put the mask on here. It upset her more than she cared to admit.
"Yes. They existed but they were not gods." He straightened and calmly picked up the book she had been reading as he turned to the shelves, "They were mages with great power, worshipped as gods."
"That doesn't just come about." His eyes remained on the shelves as she continued, "How? Surely they didn't just crown themselves one day and everyone just accepted it."
"No." She saw his fingers clasp the book tighter. His lips thinning so subtly that she would have missed it had she not come to know him so well. She knew he was having some debate about what to tell her and what not to. Finally he took a breath and spoke once more, "It started with a war. War breeds fear. Fear breeds a desire for simplicity. Good and evil. Right and wrong. Chains of command. After the war ended, generals became respected elders, then kings, then finally gods."
"Interesting. Though I don't see how most of them managed it."
He slid the book back into its place on the shelf allowing his fingers to rest on the binding as he asked over his shoulder, "Meaning?"
"Well, it seems they were chaotic at best. Down right destructive at worst. At least from what I got before you stole the book away from me." She looked away from him out to the window, "All except Mythal and perhaps Fen'harel. Which is odd because from what I heard in the waking world it should have been the opposite but according to that book Fen'harel seems to have been one of Mythal's most trusted. But then why would he have imprisoned her?"
When he spoke his voice was even and controlled. The voice of the mask. The one she hated most of all.
"Much has been lost, misconstrued; if you have questions regarding that time ask me. I will be better able to tell you than the books."
She looked at him again, "These books are not from the Dalish though. So, wouldn't they be correct to use?"
He turned to her, "My people had a tendency to be cryptic."
"So it's genetic then."
"Genetic?"
"Yes. To simplify, it means a trait of some kind that is passed down through generations in a family." She gave him a soft smile, "You are the most infuriatingly cryptic person I know so…"
His brows softened a hint, "You know many?"
"I imagine I could know more. Spirits seem to be awful cryptic. Though not on purpose. I'm fairly sure you aredoing it on purpose."
Then that beautiful chuckle of his made itself known, "At times perhaps."
"'At times.' Is a bit of an understatement." Her eyes went to where the book was neatly tucked on the shelf, "I really don't mind reading up on it. I pester you with enough questions."
"It is not pestering if I enjoy it, for the most part."
"It seems to me you wouldn't enjoy questions about the Evanuris. You don't seem very keen on the topic."
"It is," He paused a beat, "difficult. To see what has been lost. To remember. In addition, the Evanuris are not a topic I am particularly fond of discussing."
"Why?"
His shoulders stiffened even more and his hands clasped behind his back as he walked over to the windows, "Mythal was the greatest of them, as you said, she cared for her people. Fen'harel did not imprison her. The other Evanuris turned on her, that was the beginning of the end."
There was the slightest trembling in his hands. The knuckles gone white he held his fists so tight behind him. She was sorry then. Sorry to bring him pain.
She went swiftly over to him moving so she was in front of him before she wrapped her arms about his waist. "I'm sorry, Solas. I didn't mean to hurt you."
He pulled carefully from her and tilted her chin up with his fingers, "Please do not research more into this. I will tell you what I can about how things were but I am asking, leave this alone. Please, vhen'an'ara."
His voice was bordering on pleading and it made her heart squeeze. She wanted to know more but not at the expense of his pain. After all knowing more of that wouldn't help her get home or change anything now. So she could drop it for him.
She went up on tiptoes to brush a kiss along his jaw, "As you wish."
When she pulled away he met her eyes, "You mean this?"
"I won't lie, I'd like to learn more but-" She glanced away then back to his eyes, "It isn't essential knowledge and I wouldn't do anything to bring you pain, Solas. Not if I could help it."
A slow smile started to form at the corners of his mouth. His hand moved to graze against her cheek. He opened his mouth as though he would say something more but instead gave a slight shake of his head before bending towards her.
"Nor I you."
His lips met hers. Soft and inviting. As she always would, she opened to him. Lips parting to allow access as her hands went up to grip his shirt. Their breathing grew heavy. Their heartbeats pounding in unison. He deepened the kiss and it was dizzying. Silly that people referred to this as falling. She didn't feel like she was falling at all. She felt like she was flying when he kissed her.
The kiss ended and she rested her head on his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him. His arms moved to wrap around her and he held her close.
When he spoke his lips moved against her hair, "You will be safe. I swear it."
There was something in his words that made her want to see him. Just as she pulled away and was about to look up to him she felt Sherlock enter the room. Her attention redirected to the spirit.
"Sherlock," Solas released her completely and she walked over to the spirit, "I'm glad you're here. I worry when I don't see you."
"I questioned. Asked places. Searched. Then I found." Sherlock was grinning, "He is coming."
Solas walked to stand behind her. His fingers resting lightly on her lower back as he spoke, "Who?"
"Help. He thinks he can help." Sherlock's grin broadened, "He was and is Compassion."
Her brows furrowed, "Was and is?"
"Yes. Like her, he is in between. Different but similar."
She turned her head to glance back at Solas. He met her gaze and gave a slight shake of his head, "I am unsure. I imagine we will see for ourselves soon enough." His hand went up to the back her neck teasing a curl that had fallen lose, "Perhaps, I am not the most cryptic after all."
She shivered at the brush of fingers on her neck as she said, "He can't help it. You just do it because you can."
Sherlock spoke before Solas could reply, "Wisdom wakes. As I asked she heard. She says she will visit soon."
Solas eyes widened a hint and his smile grew, "That is good to hear. Thank you."
It was good to see him so happy and Emma turned completely to him. His fingers brushing to rest against her collarbone as her fingers went to trace a line along his jaw, "Of course it would be wisdom."
She saw a hint of pink on his ears, "We have known each other a long time. I admit I have missed our discussions." His smile fell a hint as he looked at her, "Not that-"
Her fingers moved from his chin to his lips. Then she replaced the fingers with a soft kiss before pulling from him, "You don't need to explain. She's an old friend. I'm not going to get jealous. I'd like to meet her though, if she wouldn't mind."
"I am sure she would enjoy that. I would have sought her help but she was lost to me for a time during her rest. Perhaps now she may offer additional aid, along with this Compassion Sherlock has found."
She turned back to Sherlock then, "Thank you for that Sherlock." She went to the spirit taking his hand.
"I can check them. Your world. If you let me."
Her eyes widened, "You can do that? How?"
"I can use your connection. I won't be able to see but I can hear. Feel. Search."
She nodded, "Please."
Solas stood quiet at her back, his hand lightly resting against the curve of her spine. Sherlock reached up to touch her temples. She shut her eyes, relaxing so he could easily go where he needed. There was no way for her to know how much time passed before Sherlock removed his fingers from her. When he did her eyes fluttered open to find his.
"It is dimmer now but I heard. Your parents. Your sister. They are ready. They think you are hurting. Think it is cruel. The man still hesitates. They can't do anything until he decides."
She felt the blood go from her face and her hand fluttered up to her neck. Every inch of her went cold. She'd forgotten that. Filed it away and refused it access till it had vanished completely from her thoughts. How could she-
Solas spoke his tone low, "That day. You said they would kill you. Emma, what did you mean?"
"I-" She swallowed moved her arms to hug them to herself, "I can't breath on my own there. There are… machines keeping me alive. My family is-" she swallowed again forcing the words out, "They know I wouldn't have wanted to be kept like that. They don't know I'm… that I'm here. They want to turn the machines off. When they do, my body dies."
He grabbed her, swinging her around to face him. His fingers dug into the flesh of her upper arms, his nostrils flared, as he ground out, "How, precisely, does one forget that?"
Her eyes stung, tears threatening to spill out as her head spun. She wanted to flee, but to where? There was nowhere she could go. She stayed limp in his arms, her eyes looking at the floor.
He gave her a shake, "How, Emma?"
Something snapped in her then. The feeling of defeat turned to one of anger. The refusal to be judged for her actions in such an impossible situation. She shook her head once before her eyes snapped up to meet his.
She brought her arms up quickly and forcefully, knocking his hands from her. Then she took several steps back her teeth bared, "How!? How do I not!? Tell me Solas! How was I supposed to keep going, to keep fighting if I had that constantly looming over me? What the fuck difference would it make if you knew? Would I be home right now? Would letting it eat at me till there was nothing left get me-"
Solas pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She tried to pull away, managed to get her hands up as she pounded at his chest. "Let me go. I don't-"
His hand came up to stroke her head, "I am sorry."
Her pounding grew weaker, "I don't want you to-"
"I am afraid, vhen'an'ara."
Now her pounding halted completely her fists resting against his chest and her forehead came forward to rest below his chin.
"Losing you would-" She heard him swallow, could feel the deep vibrations of his voice as he continued, "I need to know that you are alive. That you exist. Even if it is not meant to be with me." His voice shook, "The thought of you not being is…"
She felt his fingers twitch against her then he pulled from her just enough to tilt her head up before he pressed his lips to hers. Her hands moved to grasp his shirt so she could pull herself up to deepen the kiss.
When their lips parted for a moment she spoke breathless into his mouth, "Make me feel, Solas."
He pulled further from her. His lips remained parted and his skin flush to match her own. He kept his eyes locked to hers as he said, "I apologize, Sherlock. We need to wake now."
She followed him into the waking world. The moment her eyes fluttered open he was on her. Her breath was forced from her as he kissed her with long lingering caresses. Caresses she greedily returned as her hands found the back of his neck, holding him to her.
Magic tingled around her as she could feel some kind of barrier surrounding them. In the same moment he slid the furs back.
As he feathered kisses down her neck to nibble and kiss her collarbone she managed to speak through her breathlessness, "Barrier?"
He spoke against her skin, "Sound. I would hear you without waking the camp."
That brought her back just enough and her hands went to force his face away from where he was nuzzling her neck, "You could do that this whole time? Why didn't-"
His mouth was on hers again. Hungry and hard. His tongue sought out hers and she eagerly opened to meet him. Any thoughts fleeing as she sunk into the sensation of him.
Which is why she didn't notice when his hand first slid into the tops of her pants. She writhed against him, moaning her need into his mouth as he touched her.
When he removed his fingers from her she gave a whimper of protest. Then he brought the fingers up to his mouth. He tasted her, sucking his fingers clean of her arousal as his eyes stayed locked with hers.
He let his tongue lick the last of her off his fingers before he said, "Mar rodhe ir'on. You are delicious, I would taste you properly."
Unable to form words she gave a nod of approval. Her entire body tingling from her desire for him. He set back from her as he gripped the waistband of her pants. She lifted her hips to allow him to pull them off. He did so as though he were revealing a great treasure and it warmed her even more.
Then his eyes went down to her outer thigh and he froze. She eased up on her elbows, stomach quivering as she watched his brows furrow, "Solas?"
His fingers brushed along her skin, "This is…"
Then she realized what he was looking at. "My tattoo?" Panic fluttered in her chest. Did he not like tattoos? "I… I got it years ago. It's-"
"A wolf."
She hesitated, "Yes. Do you not-"
He had bent his head to kiss it and now nibbled her skin as his hand slid between her legs running up her inner thigh. Her words were swallowed as arousal over took her brain.
When he lifted his head again to look at her his eyes were full of hunger and his hand applied gentle pressure to her thigh. "Open to me."
And so she did.
In the end they both found their release though he still had not taken her completely. When they did finally join fully she imagined it would be mind blowing if simply the touching had sent them to these heights.
She turned her mouth to him now. Once more kissing every bit of skin she could. They stayed leaned against each other as both of them shook with the last remnants of their pleasure.
After a few moments he moved from her. First he pulled off his pants completely then brought a cloth. He asked her to lay down. When she did he cleaned her with aching care. Once he finished she pulled back on her pants as he wiped himself clean before pulling his pants back on and coming to lie down with her.
They wrapped themselves together as closely as the could. Their arms and legs entwined. They would need to get up soon but she just wanted a bit longer. She held him to her as she kissed him softly on each eyelid, the tip of his nose, and finally his mouth.
In that moment she knew the truth of it.
As mad as it was to have happened as it did. There was no denying it.
She loved him.
