AN: Bella comes home and resolves issues. Jasper moves forward determined not to lose anything else.
Chapter fifty-four: Home
Bella, August, 2011…
I was escorted over the threshold into the house after refusing to be carried by Jasper. He didn't like the idea. He thought I should be off my feet. I told him he could carry me upstairs since I was too tired to make the trip.
He smiled triumphantly and I rolled my eyes at him.
With his and Sam's assistance, I stepped inside, looking around and sighing in relief. I was unsure of what I would come back to or if I would even come back here at all after I left that night. Now, I was glad to be home.
"Take it easy," Jasper said gently as he helped me along.
"I am," I said through clenched teeth. He thought I was mad and quickly apologized, saying he would back off. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just concentrating on going slow. I want to run inside and jump into bed, but I have to remind myself that the next two months will be about taking everything easy."
"You'll be fine," Sam chimed in.
"Thanks, Sam." I smiled up at him when he and Jasper stopped us at the foot of the stairs.
"Do you want me to carry you up?" Sam offered. Jasper sighed sadly. Sam already heard Jasper offer to do it, seeing as he was standing right here, but he was still mad at Jasper and didn't trust him enough to leave him alone with me.
"No," I said with a sigh. I tried to keep the anger out of my voice. Not because I had forgiven Jasper, meant everyone else had. It would take time. Jasper himself said so. "Jasper will help me up and stay with me for a while. We're okay."
Sam looked between me and Jasper, glaring at him, and then sighed when he met my eyes and saw my unrelenting choice in them. "Okay. I'll be down here."
I knew he wouldn't leave and I didn't want to go argue about it. So I nodded and smiled. Jasper moved so quickly and I let out a little squeal when hoisted me up into his strong arms. Sam wasn't too pleased and yelled at Jasper. "Be careful with her!"
Again, I had to rein in my temper. It was too soon. The wounds from Jasper's outbursts and attitude these past weeks were still open. Everyone had been walking on eggshells around him and not because he was okay now meant everything would go back to normal immediately.
"It's okay," I said softly to Sam, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "I'll be fine. I'll see you later."
Sam looked between us and then sighed in defeat. "Alright."
He moved toward the living room and Jasper took the stairs. We were silent all the way up. He didn't speak until we hit the bedroom and he had assisted me onto the bed. "He still hates me," Jasper said softly; the hurt in his voice, evident.
I didn't know what to say to his statement and I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
Jasper realized this as he smiled sadly at me and went on, "It's okay. I'll think about how to fix it later. I'm just happy you're home and our baby is fine." He sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand over my stomach. Our daughter moved beneath his touch and he smiled. "At least she still loves me."
"We both do."
He smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss I was happy to return. "I love you too."
Last night after our talk while I was still in the hospital, I took another nap and woke up to Jasper having a late dinner. I was glad he was eating regularly again. The color was back in his face, his cheeks didn't look hollow anymore, and he looked healthy. I stole two of his fries and he said I was going to get him in trouble with Zafrina if she caught us. I joked about what she could catch us doing and Jasper blushed, though I know he was considering it. His libido was as strong as mine at the moment. When our talk turned to his family and the irreversible damage he thought he had done, I came to his defense. I told him I would be there for him. He reminded me that I wanted to leave, and I countered, saying it wouldn't have stopped me from helping him. I wouldn't have left for good. I was taking madness because I was so angry. He didn't press any further and I didn't push him.
I was enjoying the change in Jasper. In just a short time, the love of my life had returned with a force. He was once again the kind and loving guy I fell for. When he smiled, it was genuine and heartfelt. No remnant of the impostor walking around with his face was anywhere to be found. He was gone. Jasper had put him to sleep.
For now.
Even here, now, in our bedroom, this was my Jasper. I asked him to lie down with me for a while. As much as I wanted to stay awake and enjoy being home, I felt exhausted. Sleep was coming fast and I didn't want to be alone. I wanted Jasper with me; the same way he stuck by my side while I was in the hospital.
He obliged and we laid there for a while simply basking in the serenity of being together until Jasper broke the silence. "I had the house cleaned and the door in the kitchen fixed," he informed while gently running his hand through my hair. His touching was lulling me.
"Mmm…thank you."
The bedroom did smell wonderful. The carpeted had been shampooed and I loved the fragrance. It had this fruity smell and I was reveling in it while his touch willed me to sleep.
He stopped the lulling to eagerly ask, "Are you hungry? I could make you something."
What the hell? "Jasper, I'm fine. I'll let you know," I told him with my eyes closed. "Continue." I pointed to my head and he chuckled but returned to massaging my scalp. "Jasper, you don't have to wait on me hand and foot," I said into his chest. "I know you heard me say I want to get James out of our life and even though I asked Peter to take over, I'm sure you want to get on it or at least stay in the loop. Sue can help me in your absence."
He stopped to kiss my head, my closed eyes and then my lips. When he moved away I groaned and internally cursed Zafrina for forbidding us from strenuous activities. I wonder how I could work my way around that rule. How long would I last without Jasper's touch when his kisses were so intoxicating? "Peter will handle it. I'm right where I want to be."
I took a peek up at him to find him staring down at me with nothing but love in his hypnotic blue eyes. God, I loved seeing my Jasper again. I loved how his eyes shone with adoration whenever he looked at me. But there was also this glow around him since we have taken this path of being open and honest about our troubles.
"Okay," I said, accepting his reason. I loved that he wanted to be here.
I didn't wake up until mid evening to find Tanya lying on her stomach, next to me, flipping through the channels while she looked for something to watch. I stirred and she snapped her head around, smiling broadly. "God! I've been waiting forever for you to wake up. I turned the sound down on the TV because I didn't want it to wake you. Jasper would have my head. I ran him out. Okay, kidding. He went to make you something to eat. He's changed. What did you say to him? He's back and even lighter on his feet."
First, I sat up and sighed, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I smiled as she waited for an answer and then applauded her for saying all she had just said in one breath. She sat up and laughed as she took a bow. "So, what happened?"
I sighed when I thought back to last night and all Jasper had revealed. I found myself crying with Tanya hushing me. "Oh God! Bella, what's wrong?"
"That man. What he did to Jasper. The things he said. It was horrible." I would give anything to take his pain away. The emotional scars Ricky had left behind were so deep.
"God," Tanya said as she wiped my tears away. "I'm…"
She didn't need to say anything else, and for a while, we didn't. We sat in bed in a comfortable silence with my head on Tanya's shoulder while she hummed and flipped through channels until I told her to stop because she was making me dizzy. She laughed and the silence was broken.
By the time Jasper brought my food up to our bedroom, Tanya and I were laughing and chatting. We continued as he walked in and wolf whistled, more Tanya than me, when Jasper moved around the bed to place my tray into my lap. He kissed me on the forehead and Tanya and I 'awwed', making him laugh. He strolled back over to the door, saying he was leaving us to our girl time and then he left.
"He loves you so much, Bella," Tanya mused as I dug into my food.
"I know," I said proudly and then sighed.
"What is it?"
"When I came here, after meeting Maria, I never thought this…" I waved my hand around. "…would become my life. Jasper's faults aside, his problems, his torments, I take it all because I'm deeply in love with him, Tanya. I have never felt this strongly about love in my entire life. I don't see a future without Jasper in it. It's not feasible."
Tanya looked at me in astonishment and amusement as I wiped a single tear from my eye. Then she shared our own revelation.
"I love Jasper like a brother. To me, he's more of a brother than a cousin. He takes care of me and puts up with my bossy madness. When we were kids, and he disappeared, my heart broke, Bella. I thought I'd never see my wonderful cousin again. When he came back, he was broken. I almost thought that it was beyond repair. For years I watched him try to be happy. Try to date or even just fuck around to feel better, but nothing worked. He tried to invest his time into the family and the businesses and his work as a doctor, but still, there was something missing. He wasn't complete. Aside from his condition, there was always this void in him. You'd see it in his eyes if you were looking close enough. Until…"
I laughed a little. "Until me?"
Tanya wasn't laughing. There was just a gentle smile on her face. "Yes. Until there was you. When Jasper realized how he felt about you, when he acknowledged it and realized he wanted to be with you, it was amazing. He'd come alive right before our eyes. He was unlike anything he had tried to be before. When he talks, it's mostly about you. Everything he does revolve around you. You're never far from his mind. You exist in his heart and soul, Bella."
"Why are you saying this?"
"I thought you should know," Tanya said. "I know Jasper shows it in his own way, but I wanted you to know that the family recognizes the change you've invoked in Jasper. How you're healing him. And I believe, in time, all this torment he went through, it won't have a profound effect on him as it did weeks ago. He will learn to come to you. He will learn to lean on you and let you protect him and care for him for once."
"It's all I want." I tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was futile. I started to cry. "Fucking hormones!"
Tanya laughed and coaxed me until I was okay enough to continue having my lunch. We chatted while I finished up, but we kept the conversation light.
During dessert though, it switched back to heavy. I wanted to know what has been going on and Tanya explained. "Jasper's still on thin ice with everyone. Sam doesn't trust him to be alone with you. The family is waiting for him to relapse. We all care about him, and we hate when he's like this, but we're waiting."
"Don't bet on it because he won't. I won't let it happen."
"Is that wise?" She looked between my eyes and my swollen stomach.
"I'm going to be fine. It won't happen. Jasper and I won't let it. Our little girl will be okay."
"I trust you," she said with a grin. "I'm glad my cousin has you."
"I'm happy to have him too." I sighed. "I know it's going to be hard for everyone to realize he's back to being himself," I told her.
"I know, but…" Tanya started. "It's hard to…" She let the rest of the sentence hang. I knew what she meant. It was hard to go back to the way things were. Jasper's relapse had brought the mistrust his family held in him when his condition was uncontrollable enough to make it to the surface. They were still on eggshells around him and I didn't know when they wouldn't be.
"I forgave him."
"So quickly?!" Tanya stated incredulously. "I couldn't do that."
I frowned at her. "I can. I understand. The outbursts he has, as crazy as it sounds, I wish I had the strength. I wished I could've been strong enough, even in the middle of a chaotic episode, to defend myself from the people who hurt me."
"Bella, I didn't mean…"
I cut her off. "I caused this. Jasper won't outright admit it, but I feel like I did. It was the worrying over me and the intense need to protect me from James that caused this. I brought James into his life when he hasn't even fully recovered from Ricky!"
"It doesn't excuse him putting you in the hospital."
"It doesn't. But that too is partially my fault."
We didn't say anything on the subject. Tanya thought we were getting too heated, so again, we switched to something lighter. Babies. Tanya was excited and couldn't wait to meet the baby. She was ready to babysit any time I wanted.
"You live in Houston!"
"I'll drive down!" She countered with laughter. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at her insistence on the subject of babysitting.
"I want a child someday," she shared whimsically after our cheerfulness died down.
"With Edward?" I joked. "I'm sorry for the kid already."
Tanya giggled and rolled her eyes at me. With a small pinch on my upper arm, she said, "Don't worry. I'll keep him in line. But yeah, I'd love to have a child with him. He's sacred of the idea now so I don't say anything."
"Yeah, he'd have to give up being a big kid."
Tanya and I laughed as she agreed. "Yeah, that's pretty much the truth of it, but I think, he'd make a good dad."
I sighed and thought about Edward's advice and the lengths he has gone to as my attorney to protect me. He and Peter were working their butts off to help me finally have a normal life. Aside from the annoying attitude, Edward was a good buddy to Jasper. He was someone Jasper could talk to.
"Is he mad at Jasper too?"
"A little. Mostly, he's sad. He hates when he loses his friend during those chaotic times. He hates that it has to come to this. That he can't help you guys more."
"We're going to be okay…all of us."
Tanya and I talked and joked around until I grew weary and she decided to leave so I could rest. She took my tray and told me she was staying over at the main house for a while. I smiled and told her I'd see her around. It was nice to have her close. I hope Edward will be accepting of the idea to become parents when Tanya was ready to have kids. She sounded like she would love to get pregnant tomorrow, but she was patient enough to wait until the time was right. I hope Edward understood how lucky he was.
I got a little rest but woke up sooner than I'd like with the urge to pee. Jasper was fast asleep in the leather chair in the corner of the room. I smiled when I saw him and got up. I crept passed him and made my way into the bathroom to do my thing. When I went back to the bedroom, he was awake and visibly sighed in relief when he saw me.
"Hey," he said softly; his voice groggy from sleep.
"Hey yourself," I said with a smile, walking over to him.
He opened his arms and I climbed into his lap. He placed a hand on my stomach, kissing the top of it as he whispered to his girl, "Hi, Hope. How are you, baby?"
She kicked and I laughed a little. Jasper chuckled. She was so responsive when it came to him.
He sighed in content, though it was mingled with something else, while he rubbed my belly. I didn't want to ask what was bothering him. I wanted him to want to tell me. He has to learn on to come to me on his own. He needed to know it was okay to share his troubles with me.
Then again, Rome wasn't built in a day and I wasn't about to go back on my word. I wouldn't let him fail.
"What's wrong?"
He sighed again. "I miss everyone. I miss my family. I think they hate me now. My mom is gone. She's taking a few days away from this place. I don't know if Aunt Esme advised her to do it or not. I just know I hurt her and now she doesn't want to be around me. It kills me. Peter growls more than he talks to me. Edward is okay, but I can hear his disappointment in me in his voice. Tanya is upbeat around me. She makes me smile, but she's worried I'll flip like a light switch and go back to being the bastard I was for weeks. I'm afraid to be around you, but I don't want to leave. I feel like, if I go and stay over at the main house, it's too far away from you and Hope," he finished with a tear sliding down his cheek as he rubbed my stomach while his daughter moved within me.
"It's going to be hard. It's going to take time," I said to him. I knew what it was like to b depressed. I knew, all too well, how it felt to be alone. "But please know this, with all my heart, I'm here for you. I won't let you fall. Peter and Edward will come to see what I see. They'll realize, really soon, that you're back and things are going to be okay. Your family is still in shock and dismay at how you fell off the horse," I said, chuckling at my own corniness, but I felt happy to see him smile ruefully, even with sadness and more tears in his eyes. I wiped them away as I continued, "Maria needs some time, baby. This is not just about what you said for her. It's also about facing a truth she'd believed for so long. She, like me, blames herself for what happened."
"Bella, you have no reason to blame yourself," he countered. "I caused this."
"No. I caused this," I corrected him. "I brought James into your life and it unearthed things you'd already buried. So I get what both you and your mom are going through. I told you, Jasper. Come to me. I'll understand."
Jasper smiled and hugged himself to me. I kissed him on top of his head. We sat there for a while. I asked Jasper if I wasn't cramping him up. He laughed and said he could stay like this forever. Our girl kicked making her daddy laugh.
"You know I'm going to have to become a better shot," he said and I rolled my eyes.
I moved away to look into his eyes. "You're not serious."
He was serious. "She's going to be as pretty as you, darlin'," he drawled and I almost melt. I swear the things his voice did to me. I could lose all rational thought sometimes when Jasper spoke with his southern drawl. It was so sexy. "If she's going to be as beautiful as her mama, boys are going to be lining up for miles to date her. I'm going to go crazy. She'll bring men to their knees."
"Great. So you're saying our daughter is going to be Helen of Troy?"
"In a sense, yes."
I laughed at him.
The rest of our night passed with dinner in bed, a bath together where our kisses led to Jasper jumping out of the tub and me giggling at him while he thought about dead puppies to calm himself down. He was beginning to see how cruel it was to refrain from strenuous activities.
I fell into a deep and peaceful slumber in his arms and woke up the next morning, blissful and happy to see him sound asleep beside me. We had a repeat of the previous day with a visit from Zafrina around lunch.
"I'm here to see how things are going on day two of being home," she said when she stepped into our room with a timid looking Jasper behind her. I hated how scared he was around his friends. He was afraid to disappoint them because he wanted so badly to regain their trust.
"I'm doing okay, so far," I told her.
She nodded and we began. Zafrina examined me and checked my blood pressure. She concluded I was being good. She liked that I was taking my medication as directed. Jasper hasn't let me falter. Zafrina told me she would love for us to continue on this path until I gave birth. I jokingly asked about her rules. She looked between Jasper and me, smirked, then said they still stood. Jasper looked ready to faint. It probably wasn't nice of me to stroke his morning wood while biting his ear this morning, knowing we shouldn't do anything else about it.
"Sorry," I mouthed to him.
He smiled and shook his head, telling me not to worry about it. I had to. I missed his touch. I yearned for it.
As days passed, things got easier. Jasper's friends came around, especially Sam. He apologized to Jasper and Jasper did the same to him. Peter was less harsh on the phone and Edward called to check up on him. His family came around as well. It was a relief.
Rose came over frequently to both to visit me and to see her brother. They would have these long talks, and every time Jasper left for them, he was apprehensive. Yet, he always came back in a good mood. He was glowing these days. Coupled with his burst of excitement over our daughter and the time for us to meet her drawing closer and the fact he has regained normalcy in his life, the melancholy funk he'd been in, was dissipating.
Things, I hoped, were going to be even better after today. Maria had returned home. She called us this morning, asking Jasper and I to come over to the main house. He was nervous about it until I sat him down and we talked about it.
"It's going to be fine," I said as we took our time heading over there. I wanted Jasper to relax. "We talked about it this morning, didn't we?"
He sighed and tried to plaster a smile on his face. "Yeah. We did."
"No fake smiles," I said, nudging him.
He laughed for real this time. "Okay." But sighed again. "I just…"
"I know. I wonder what's going to happen too. But I'm here for you."
He laced his fingers in mine as we drew closer to the kitchen entryway. "Thank you."
We kidded around while I waddled more than walked. Jasper wanted to use the golf cart to get us there, but I glared at him, shutting down the idea. I wanted to walk, or waddle, over there. It felt good to stretch my legs and get some fresh air. For the past two days, I had been lying down. I have gotten lots of sleep, but today, I wanted to be up and about. I needed to move around.
Jasper's nerves were getting the better of him. He was trying not to show it, but it was radiating off of him in waves. He didn't want his mom to hate him.
"It's going to be fine," I told him.
He looked at me and smiled brightly, though it was barely met his eyes. "I believe you."
"Good," I cocked an eyebrow at him and said before teasing, "Maybe if you're a good boy, you'll be rewarded."
He raised an eyebrow at me. Though the glint in his eye said he didn't mind the idea and was seriously considering it. "You're still under rules." He pointed out.
"Are you going to tell on me?" I bit into my bottom lip, making him growl a little as his eyes darkened with lust.
"I won't tell if you won't," he drawled and my panties were ruined on the spot.
We walked into the house not expecting what we got. Maria was in the kitchen and the minute Jasper stepped in, I heard an excited squeal and then Maria was hugging me. I wrapped my arms around her, returning the hug, after the initial shock wore off.
Jasper was standing off to the side with his hands digging in his jeans pockets and his eyes downcast. I felt it for him. The uncertainty was crushing him.
"It's a girl?" Maria said to me. The happiness in her tone would have been exciting to me if her son didn't look so sad.
I plastered a smile on my face and said, "Yes. Jasper and I are going to name her Hope Marielle Whitlock. She's our hope. Our miracle."
A tear ran down Maria's cheek. She hugged me again before pulling away to say, "Hope. I love that name. She's going to be beautiful and loved."
I nodded. I couldn't answer verbally. I was worried about Jasper. But I didn't need to be.
When Maria moved from my side, she went to her son. "Hi, baby," she said, opening her arms to him. "I'm sorry for running away. I needed to get my shit together before I could be here for you, Bella and Hope. I want to be stronger than I ever was. I have to be. "
Jasper stepped closer to her. She closed her arms around his broad shoulders, just barely, but it was enough for him. He wrapped her into his arms tightly, burying his head into her hair as he sobbed, "Hi, mama." He shook with his sobs he had been holding in.
Maria hushed him as she told him how strong he was. How proud she was to be his mom. How wonderful of a man he was, and how blessed we all are to have him in our lives. They hugged and cried for what felt like forever. I was so happy for them.
When we retired to the living room, Maria sat us down and told us why she left. By this time, we were joined by Tanya and Sue, Rose and Emmett. I sat across from Jasper and his mom as she told us about her first night away from home.
"I shouldn't have left like that. So abrupt. It was horrible of me," Maria said. "At first, I didn't want to leave, but I needed the time away. I had to clear my head. I needed my wits about me so I could be here for Jasper, Bella and my grandbaby. I couldn't let Ricky win. He had used Jasper's love for me, his dad and his sister against him. He wanted to turn Jasper into the monster he was. It's how I have always seen it. For a while, he almost succeeded. He broke my boy's spirit. Jasper was almost beyond repair. After a few sessions with Esme myself, I've come to understand that Jasper's condition will always be lingering just beneath the surface. But, like Bella, I'm gonna to stand strong. Jasper will learn to appreciate us being here for him, and learn how to lean on us. No matter what."
She didn't let go of his hand while she spoke. "I have a wonderful son. The day he was born, I felt so blessed. At first, I didn't feel worthy of him. As time went on, I learned how to be. When Rose was born, she brought courage and even more light to my life with her presence. She and Jasper are my guides. I won't let anyone, real or not, come between us. I love you all so much. I look forward to meeting Hope," she told me. "I can't wait to sing my babies' lullabies to her. I hope she'll like them."
"I'm sure she will," I said. "And I want to say something." Everyone gave me their attention as I went on, "These past weeks have been hard on all of us. I ended up in the hospital." Everyone except Jasper chuckled. "I won't dwell on it. I'm thankful to be home and to still have a chance at a safe delivery. Jasper and I are working with Zafrina to end this pregnancy on a good note. As for Jasper, I forgave him. I did this because I can't waste any time holding a grudge against him for something I completely understand. I will always help him when he needs me to. I hope to have all of your support. I do want to say though, that a part of me wanted to kick everyone's ass." Everyone gasped then chuckled. "I'm serious. Don't abandon him again. I remember saying this before when he had an episode before we'd reached this far in our relationship and you were all skittish around him, I asked you not to be, and instead to be there for him. I'm asking you all to do this for me again. Jasper loves his family. When you alienate him, it hurts the three of us." I held my stomach as I spoke. "From what he told me about his time with that man, he would've loved to see everyone mad at Jasper and treating him like he had leprosy. It was what he drilled into Jasper. He wanted Jasper to believe he didn't deserve love, commitment, friendship, and companionship. All because he wasn't a part of his, Ricky's, sick genetic pool. I won't let Jasper fail. I will be here to give him a swift kick in the rear in the right direction. All I ask is for each and every one of you to help me."
Tanya was smiling when I was through. I sat back down and Sue patted me on the shoulder. I felt better after saying what needed to be added.
"I agree with you, Bella," Maria nodded. "And we will be." She concluded as everyone in the room agreed to my terms.
We stayed with Maria for most of the day. By later in the evening, Jasper was in a better mood. His eyes shone with happiness, relief and love. We had a lovely picnic dinner on the floor in the living room among a mountain of pillows, where I rewarded him for being such a good date, by taking him in my mouth and relieving a certain stress of his. He was breathless and grinning like a fool by the time I was through with him. I had to laugh.
There weren't only good days. Some days were marred by our troubles.
On such a day, we received word from Jenks, via Peter, about James and his suspicious movements or lack thereof. It was puzzling that he hadn't been up to much these last few weeks. He wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to parties. There were no women coming over except for Vicky, who did so rarely, and the housekeeper. There were a few sporadic visits from his father, Caius, but that was it.
James was up to something. I knew it.
Jenks and Peter felt this was good news, but it didn't turn out that way when Jasper learned of James' friend, Laurent Pascal. Jenks, has learned, and he didn't share how he came by this information and we weren't about to ask, Jasper just said to make sure it would stand in court, Laurent had been the one to help James come down to Henderson for the Pre-Valentine Fair. He was there, spying on me.
I felt horrible. But I didn't have the time to think about how far my demented husband would go because Jasper was losing it. He snapped at me, telling me to leave. He didn't want anything to happen to me. I implore him to let me stay but it wasn't up for discussion. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to shout, scream and break things and he didn't want me around to see it.
So I left.
I stayed at the main house until I felt it was okay to go back. I thought two hours was good enough. When I got home, Jasper was no longer on the phone and the living room looked like a small tornado had touched down in it. Our eyes met and he apologized. I waved it off and asked if he was okay.
"I feel better, but I can't do this all…"
I cut him off. "All that matters is that you feel better. We'll take a day at a time. We'll fix it together."
He smiled and I returned it. I helped him to clean up despite his protests not to.
When we were through, we sat on the couch together, staring up at the ceiling, both of us lost in thought.
"What are we going to do?" Jasper said.
"As much as I hate to say this, wait for him to make a move. Whatever happens, we have to let James make the first move. Whatever he's trying with this mundane act won't work. He won't be able to keep the charade going. He doesn't have any patience."
He sat up, staring down at me, his eyes expressive and imploring. "You think he's going to try something soon?"
I met Jasper's stellar blue eyes. I took a deep breath and revealed what I had been secretly thinking about and preparing for. "I know he is. He's going to come for me, James. He's not going to wait anymore. Whatever he's doing, it's leading up to him coming for me."
"Then we have to leave!"
"No. I'm through running and hiding and being afraid of James Carter. It ends here. I won't bring Hope into this world with the fear of James hanging over my head. I won't do it to her."
"All the more reason to leave," Jasper insisted.
"No!" I snapped at him, then getting up with his assistance so I could pace the floor. "I'm not doing it, Jasper! I'm not running anymore because of him. I won't leave this place unless I want to! I won't let him run me out of a wonderful home we're about to build for our daughter!"
"Bella, calm down. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We'll find a way to deal with him if he's dumb enough to come down here."
"He's dumb enough. Didn't you see it when you met him?"
"I saw an ego maniac."
"That's what he is," I said. "So he will not walk away from me. He thinks he owns me. He thinks I belong to him…forever."
I sat back down and Jasper came to sit beside me. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Please tell me you don't believe it. Tell me you know he's madman and nothing will happen to you again. I won't let him win. He will never hurt you again."
I laced our fingers. "I believe you, Jasper. I know you won't let him hurt me again."
"I know he's coming soon, Bella. I can feel it too."
"We'll be waiting," I concluded and felt Jasper kiss the top of my head.
The next morning wasn't too good for Jasper. He was mostly sulking. I wasn't having it so I forced him to help me make us a big breakfast of waffles, fried bacon, a fruit platter for me and orange juice. I threw cherries at him while he tried to eat until he started to pelt me with them too. We laughed and ate. Around lunch, I pulled him back into the kitchen to help me again. Together, we baked a Cherry cheesecake. We made dinner, again, together. Roasted Chicken with herbed potatoes and Jasper's special salad with a strawberry vinaigrette. We had our cheesecake for dessert and debated our favorite music while taking advantage of Jasper massive music collection. We sang along to our favorite songs and laughed at ourselves. I had spent the whole day taking pictures of him, and when he got a hold of my camera he returned the favor, taking my pictures while I shied away from the camera.
The day after was another shut in, but with Tanya and Edward. Since Tanya and I knew a little about Yoda and Darth Vader, we wanted to challenge the Star Wars buffs, otherwise known as our boyfriends. It was a deadly competition. I was almost eaten alive by the extensive knowledge Jasper held. Tanya had already been beaten by the time we made it to 'Return of the Jedi', but I refused to accept defeat. Luckily, I prevailed in the end. Tanya and I lost and Edward was a punk about it. I called him a woman and he said he could prove he wasn't. Jasper growled at him. I stuck my tongue at Edward and was reprimanded by Jasper for over exhilarating myself. It did it in a friendly manner or else I would've been pissed. It was a fun day.
Today, Jasper has been acting funny all morning. I was currently in the truck. He'd just closed my door and was jogging around to his side to get in. He was up to something. In fact, for days, he had been up to something. He and Tanya! I was going to get them if they were planning anything. I didn't like surprises. But I have been thinking about something I haven't asked anyone to help me with. A baby shower. I wasn't sure if I should have one. I didn't know the first thing to do so I didn't say anything.
"Where are we going?"
"On a date," Jasper said with a quick kiss as he got in the truck and leaned over for a quick peck on my lips. He shut his door and started it, pulling away.
"Okay. Where?" I asked as we traveled down the road that led us off of the ranch.
"In town," he said cryptically.
"Jasper…" I warned. You know I don't like surprises and you're up to something and it's big!"
"How do you know it's big?"
"Ha! You didn't deny you're up to something!"
"Nope," he said, sounding all relaxed and sexy with that deep drawl of his. I hate him for threatening to render me to goo when he talks, walks by or drawls. "I won't deny it because I am. You deserve it. End of story. Is it big? Yes."
"Tell me what you're doing."
Jasper laughed and continued into town.
August was ending and things weren't looking too bad for me. I was doing a lot better. Zafrina had lifted a few restrictions, but absolutely 'no strenuous activities' was, unfortunately, still in effect. Jasper and I were pretending to be hurt by it. We haven't been abiding by the restrictions for a few days now. I was in no danger with Jasper. He took his time with me, ensuring I was okay before we did anything. However, our kisses haven't been limited to just our lips and our touches haven't been too innocent. I was relieved I felt like I was dying of thirst only Jasper could quench. I practically attacked him the first time we disobeyed Zafrina's rule. He laughed through half of it. Or at least until I pushed my hand down his pants; that shut him up quick. To have him inside me made me what to cry for joy. I think I did. Jasper panicked and thought he'd hurt me. While watching him freak out, my tears dried up and I started to laugh at his expense, forcing him to relax.
"What are you up to?" I wasn't letting this go. I wanted to know.
He smirked at me. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Jasper, I don't like surprises." I know I was repeating myself. I didn't care.
"Too bad."
"You want to play stubborn and disobey my wishes?"
"Yes. Very much."
"No more sneaky sex then," I said and I swore he looked petrified.
"Bell…"
"Nope!" I sighed dramatically. "I think I should start listening to my doctor," I said, turning my attention out the window while Jasper grumbled to himself about my surprise and how Tanya owned him big time.
I gave Jasper the silent treatment all the way to town. He stopped at the restaurant we both loved and got out. When he came around to my door, opening it, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out on my own after refusing his help. I was walking toward the restaurant, when I heard truck door slam and Jasper jogged over to me and stepped into my path, stopping me. His pitiful look almost made me laugh. He looked like a kid with his favorite toy taken away from him. "Did you mean it? Are we going to stop? I mean, if you want to, and I don't want you to get hurt…but are you serious?"
I desperately wanted to laugh, but held it in. With a straight face, I said, "I think it's wise."
"Alright, Jesus, it's a surprise party," he confessed. "Please, act surprise when you walk in or else I'll never hear the end of it from Momma, Tanya and Rose. My sister will have my balls in a jar in her kitchen if she figures out I told you. Please…Bella. They wanted to hold a baby shower for you. Things have been crazy and they've been bugging Zafrina, waiting for her go ahead to have it. If she had said yes from the day you got home, they would have held it then."
I hugged him because it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I was scared to bring it up, and it was already in the works. When we parted, he asked, "What was that for?"
"Thanks for caring about my feelings on surprises. And it's sweet that they're doing this for me and Hope."
I hugged him again and he chuckled into my neck, saying, "There's another surprise but I can't tell you that one."
"Okay!" I nodded excitedly and yanked him behind, heading into the restaurant. "Let's go have lunch."
Lunch was an excuse for me to annoy Jasper with questions he couldn't answer for the fear of me knowing too much. He had already given away the biggest secret and now he was begging me to remember to act surprise.
"Don't worry." I chuckled at him. "I will."
"Bella, I've already told you too much."
"Fine. What's your surprise?"
He gave me a long, hard look. I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him, making him visibly relax and laugh. "I like this mood."
"Are you saying I've been moody?" I was slightly offended and was about to bite his head off when he caught himself.
"I'm saying, aside from what happened, I've enjoyed watching you like this. You're remarkable." He sighed in wonderment. "It's amazing watching a woman aid the growth of a child within her. I know it's taken a lot out of you. I understand it's hard and I guess, as dumb as this may sound, I just…I want to thank you."
"Thank you for sticking with me," I said to him, taking his hand in mine. "I know I've been a little crazy…"
He gave me another look.
"Okay. A lot crazy. It's been like a roller coaster ride in my head. I don't know which mood is coming next. It's been nice to have your support. I know you've been through a lot and there's still so much to deal with, but you think I'm remarkable and I know you're incredible in handling all of this."
Without another word, he rose from his seat with his hand still in mine and came around to my side of the table. He let go of my hand long enough to take my face into his hands and bring his lips to mine. For that moment, everything faded away. Every other patron, waiters and waitresses, and every problem plaguing us. It was all background noise. All I knew was the peace I felt when he kissed me. And like magic, when we parted, everything returned to normal, all except the problems we faced, they were still in the background where they belonged for today.
We wasted a little more at the restaurant long after lunch, just talking and kidding around. Jasper asked if I was serious about not fooling around and I told him no. He sighed in relief and I laughed at him. He then said we would have to listen. I perked up to disagree and then he started talking medical stuff and I zoned out and agreed to shut him up. He smiled, saying he just didn't want to induce an early labor. I poked fun at his size, mentioning how possible that could be for him to send me into labor with dick that big, making him choke on his water. I gave him a couple pats on the back.
"This is so good!" I exclaimed or mumbled loudly after a bite of my Turkey Lime Burger with Guacamole.
Jasper gave me a disbelieving look. "I can't believe you're eating again. Bella, we talked about intake and calories…"
"Blah...Blah…Blah…" I waved him off and bit into my burger again.
"Bella…" I loved his warning tone. It was so sexy. If I wasn't hoovering my turkey burger, I would be doing something else. Something that would've made Jasper pull over, while I make his eyes roll back in his head.
Instead, I glared at him, making him surrender and leave me in peace to devour my treat.
We pulled into the garage and Jasper killed the engine. "Bella, please…"
I was fixing my hair in the mirror and reapplying my cherry lip gloss. I fell in love with the scent recently. "Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Trust me, baby. Shock, surprised and in tears coming right up." I gave him a hard kiss and opened my door, shuffling out of the cab of the truck on my own after unbuckling my seatbelt, leaving a stunned looking Jasper behind.
Their cheers were so loud with cameras flashing as soon as we walked into the house. I was the perfect actress with my hand over my mouth, wide eyed and tears forming in my eyes. The tears were real. I couldn't believe they had done this for me. Everything was perfect. It was exactly how I thought a baby shower should be. Jasper's hand was on my back and when he pulled me into a hug, he whispered, "Thank you. Love you."
"You're welcome. Love you too," I whispered back. "I love this."
We parted to more flashes and an excited Tanya making her over to us. "Welcome to your baby shower, Bella!" she squealed with excitement, jumping up and down in front of me. Edward was standing by the corner with a beer in hand and his eyes on Tanya. When she pulled me into a one armed hug while the photographer took our picture, I sneaked a peek at Edward's face. There was something there. It was happiness. He laughed and shook his head at her when she kissed me on the cheek.
"Oh my god!" I shouted in enthusiasm. I was being pulled into hugs by Sue, Maria, Esme, Rose, Carmen, Char, Alice's mom, Clara and a few members of the society club Rose and Maria were a part of.
When I made it back to Jasper's side, it was to hold him and cry from happiness and exhilaration. Everyone 'awwed' as he held me while more pictures were taken.
I thought I would be overwhelmed, but I wasn't. I was too happy to be. "This is so beautiful," I told Jasper, while tucked safely into his side. He and his buddies didn't have to stay, but they did so I thanked them. Peter and Edward said they were reconsidering as they thought they were about to spurt vaginas. I stuck my tongue at them.
Emily tapped my shoulder and I moved out of Jasper's arms to hug her. "Thank you!" I don't think I would stop thanking them for now.
"It was my pleasure, Bella!" Emily said with a cheery smile. Sam was standing behind her. He had just put down a gift on the gift table. It was a mountain. It was the best way to describe it. Beside the table had bassinets, an old fashion navy blue baby carriage, strollers, about three of them and four baby carriers. I had to look away, it was too much.
Emily and I talked while I forced Jasper to get me something from the buffet table. He gave me a look and I countered it with a deadly glare that got him moving. Sam chuckled.
Emily's creations had been teasing my nose since I walked in. I have just been too preoccupied with crying and thanking everyone to go over to the table. The cutest sandwiches were on display next to salads, Buffalo wings, probably for the guys, pleasant looking drinks, and a cake that could rival a wedding cake.
"It's a butter almond chocolate cake," Emily shared when she saw me eyeing it and sent Sam over for a piece for me. "Jasper told me you had a thing for chocolate these days."
"Yeah. He and his daughter share a love for it," I told her, rubbing my belly. I felt a swift kick and placed Emily's hand over it, letting her feel it too.
"Oh! That's so strong!" she exclaimed.
"Yeah. It's my soccer player."
We laughed together. Jasper and Sam came back, and I was promptly steered to my special chair by Emily, where I devoured my salad, sandwich and Buffalo wings. Then I sighed at the heavenly taste of the butter almond chocolate cake.
I relaxed for a minute in my chair, looking around the living room. It had been transformed into a baby shower oasis. Since the family knew we were having a girl, it was themed with light tones. I found Jasper talking and laughing at something Peter said. It was great to see them in good spirits. I couldn't help the sneaking thought of James ruining everything. It simply crept up on me. But as quickly as it manifested, a smile from Jasper when he caught my eye, caused it to fade away. This was no time to think about James Carter.
It was time to present my gifts to me. Jasper was called to my side and he made the cameras flash again when he came over and kissed me. We were applauded and a round 'awws' sounded throughout the room along with a few fake coughs from his friends while they called him 'whipped'.
Jasper and the women of the families and our friends had thought of everything. From the mountain of gifts, Hope had received, baby clothes, baby bottles, baby bags, mostly designer of course, pacifiers, toys, and enough diapers to last me for a year, along with the carriers, strollers, bassinets and even two more cribs. Maria confiscated one for the main house and Rose took another for when they babysat Hope. Tanya said she had already bought hers. Edward confirmed it. He said there was a room set up for Hope at Tanya's penthouse. I remembered what Tanya and I spoke about, and I hoped, one day, the room would be for their kids.
"Thank you, ladies. You thought of everything," I said to them. "I couldn't be more grateful for all you've done."
I was applauded and then had to share more hugs and kisses. Jasper had moved from my side, and I didn't realize he was standing in the middle of the room until everyone quieted down. I remember him saying he had a gift for me and he wasn't telling me what it was. He looked around the room, with a beer in hand, and when his eyes came back to me, he smiled ruefully. It was beautiful how his face lit up with happiness.
His eyes didn't leave mine as he began to speak, "The last weeks have been incredibly trying for Bella and I. We have been through a lot in life. Sometimes, those mistakes come back to haunt us. A couple of weeks ago, mine came back at the worst time. It took me away from so much and I am still mad at myself at all the time I lost, knowing I can never get it back. I'm sorry," he said directly to me. "I know I've said it repeatedly, but I truly am. I lost my way, Bella. But you...you brought me back. I could never ask for a better partner in life. I'm gonna marry you someday, darlin'." I laughed while everyone else chuckled but otherwise remained silent as Jasper spoke.
He broke his gaze and looked at his mother. "Momma, Bella is everything. She's this incredible survivor, dictator, especially in the kitchen. I like it. She's a creator, an enthusiast, a realist, a dreamer, a victim, a hero. She's my hero." Tears were forming in my eyes and Maria wiped a few of hers away. "I never thanked you for what you did that day you found Bella at that gas station. And I don't think I could ever repay for that miracle and for all you've done for me. I love you."
Maria mouthed she loved him too.
He turned his attention back to me. "As I said, Bella brought me back. Peter called it my gospel. I guess it is. I heard all of you as you tried to tell me I was hurting what I loved the most, but it was her yell that night, her decision to leave until I was well and then the terrifying occurrence that almost cost us today. As I said before, Bella is an incredible woman. The strength she possesses is unfathomed. I couldn't ask for a better mother for our children."
"Children?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow, making everyone chuckle. "You assume there will be more kids in our future? You're assuming I'm going to be willing to go through this again."
He looked at me without an ounce of smile on his face. "I don't make assumptions, Ms. Swan. There will be more kids in our future. Five of them if I have my way."
The room exploded in laughter while I was momentarily rendered speechless by the figure. "F-F-Five?"
Jasper smirked, melting me into the submission as he repeated, "Five," with enough confidence to make me want to smack him.
"Well!" Maria exclaimed and everyone laughed again.
But Jasper wasn't through. "I've often wondered where Bella got her strength from. What drives her to survive? She and I have talked on many occasions and I'm always left in awe of her. Her advice to me has always helped. Again, it made me wonder, who made this girl the way she was. I have met her mother, and while, I can openly say she's not my favorite person…" I chuckled when he admitted it. "I'm still thankful she had Bella. Renee has a certain strength about her, she, like Bella, has a will to survive. But Bella has a will to both survive and persevere, and it made me wonder, where did she get it from?"
Where was he going with this? Was all I could ask myself as I sat there wondering where this was leading until I saw him walk in. Something between a gasp and a scream left my throat. I slowly stood with my eyes solely on him. He looked just like his pictures. He was tall. He had dark hair like me and his eyes held the same emotions mine must be holding right now. Surprise, relief and love. Tears clouded my vision as he stepped into the room and drew closer to me. My knees wobbled and a sob escaped me as Charlie, my dad, came to stand in front of me.
"Hi, Bells," he said as I collapsed in his arms, dissolving into tears.
We sat on the couch together. Zafrina came to stand beside me. She was looking down at me worriedly, but I nodded I was okay. She nod once, but didn't move. I looked for Jasper and found still standing in the middle of the room. "So as my gift to Bella, on this day, I brought the man who helped her to be here. The man who unconsciously taught her the will she had to survive and thrive under any circumstance. The gift to the woman who holds my heart is her father."
"I love you, Bells," Charlie whispered while peppering my head with kisses.
"I love you too, Dad." More flashes from the cameras went off.
My day continued after Charlie and I parted. Zafrina wasn't too far away. She was here, not only for the shower, but to make sure I could handle the excitement. I received more gifts. This time from Phil, Micah and Celeste, who were all on hand, via webcam, to present them to me. Phil was in Germany on business, and Micah and Celeste were in London.
I insisted on Jasper taking my dad and showing him around the ranch when Tanya said it was time for the guys to leave. Peter and Edward were thanking God. They swore they were starting to consider the best nail polish to use and wondering when their menstrual cycles were going to synchronize. Charlie laughed and kissed me on my cheek before leaving. The cameras went off again. Jasper kissed me on the lips and I glared at the photographer, who had the good sense not to listen to Tanya. He smiled sheepishly at me and disappeared before I would be forced to hurt him.
When the guys left, Tanya turned to me with a devilish grin that made me feel like I should've left with the guys. "Now the boys are gone, it's time for the real presents."
"When I get pregnant again, I'm going to blame you," I said to her. My threat was met with her manic laughter.
"I must say…these are very motivational," Jasper said with a chuckle. I grabbed the lingerie from him and threw it across the room. He laughed at me. "You can blame Tanya when we get pregnant again."
"I plan to."
The party had ended long ago but Jasper was still poking fun at the sexy lingerie and toys Tanya had gotten me. When she pulled out edible panties, a riding crop and a book on the best positions, a how to guide on tightening my vaginal walls, a how to guide on blowjobs and enough lingerie to make me think Victoria's Secret had a yard sale, I cried for mercy and said it was enough.
As if that stopped her. Tanya continued with what she called the journey back to mind blowing sex. My eyes popped on so many things she had to say. I worked how Edward stayed awake. I actually asked.
"Coffee. Lots of Coffee," she joked.
I wasn't granted a reprieve from the insanity until I took matters into my own hands and guided the blow job instructor on how to deep throat.
"I can't believe you did that," Jasper said as he continued to ruffle through my sex oriented gifts. He loved the lingerie. "Not that I'm not proud of you. You made Tanya speechless. That alone deserves a special award."
"I'm not having sex with you."
Jasper laughed again. "Lie back. I think I'm scared shitless after a day with your dad and him threatening to beat to death with my own limbs if I ever do anything close to what happened between us when I lost it and you're far too exhausted from the day you've had."
"I don't know why you told him." Peter found it comically to retell the moment Charlie and Jasper got some ways out on the ranch before Charlie to pounce. After he had learned what went down those weeks ago, he had Jasper by the throat and almost off his feet after they had talked about what happened. However, when Peter got to a certain conversation Charlie and Jasper had, he didn't get to tell me what was said before the both of them shot him a death glare, effectively shutting him up.
"I didn't want any secrets between me and him when I asked…" He caught up with himself and didn't say anything further.
"When you ask what?"
"That's for another time, baby," he said and before I could figure out what was discussed.
Jasper pulled me into a toe curling kiss, ending all talk and jokes for the night.
I fell asleep peacefully in his arms when we parted. It was more than enough for us. The day had been hectic enough. All I wanted to do was lie in his arms and rest.
The day's, if not the weeks that have passed, events played out behind my closed eyes as I drifted deeper into slumber.
I've finally seen my father again after all these years. He will be staying with us for a couple days before returning to Forks. Jasper and the ladies of the family threw me an amazing baby shower with a naughty side of Tanya and her antics.
I feel lucky to call her my friend.
Jasper and his family are moving forward. He was willing to let me help him heal. His monster was dormant. Even though he lost it when he found out about James' buddy, Laurent, he came right back to me.
Still, beneath the surface of my happiness, darkness loomed. James was still out there, waiting and I know, with everything in me, that something was about to change. Whatever it was, it was going to affect me. And whatever it was, I was ready. I would defend my home. This, wherever Jasper and Hope were, will always be my home.
Tomorrow will be the beginning of September, and in a few days, I will be eight months pregnant. My little Hope will be here soon, and for once in my life, I truly believed in a happily ever after, and no one was going to take it away from me.
