Justin's POV
I was relaxing. Finally taking Ben and Brian's advice. Brian may have a date, but freaking out would not make Brian like that guy less, and I already knew Brian wouldn't fuck him. Honestly, I was a little thrown that Brian had managed to find a hot musician (and one with a working band – working meaning getting paid gigs) to date, and so quickly. AND AT THE MALL! I still couldn't wrap my head around that last part. And he was going to see aforesaid hot musician play live. Oof.
Somehow I needed to top that. And before you start telling me that this experiment was not – or should not have been - a competition, I would just like to say that everything is ALWAYS a competition. I learned that from Brian. And I'll tell you why. Perception is all that matters. If evidence against you is circumstantial or otherwise weak, but you look guilty, the jury convicts you. The opposite is also true. I'm not saying I believe the next part, but reality does. You are only worth what people think you are worth. That's why if you are insecure, you should "fake it until you make it." Because people will not spontaneously start appreciating you or your work or anything else of yours on "merit" alone. They should. But they don't. However, if you act confident, people will start to see the merit … then their compliments or confidence in you will rub off on you, and you'll start seeing your own worth. It's a complex, vicious, unfair cycle, but that's life.
Therefore, I needed to stop showing my jealousy and start making Brian feel jealous. Or impressed. Ideally both. I didn't want my stock to drop with him. Now before you start telling me how shallow and evil I am, I want to say this … When I say I wanted to make Brian jealous or impress him, I just mean that I wanted to do something that would be meaningful to me with someone I really liked rather than what I had been doing, which is mooning over Brian while "enduring" the dating thing. I mean, I had had fun with Ben, but I had spent 80% of the night thinking about Brian and kicking myself for letting myself forget about him for the other 20%. So I simply decided NOT to do that. To pretend for a moment that Brian was not necessarily the endgame and just try to have an amazing experience. I hope that clears that up.
So I walked, and I pondered. And THEN, THEN the perfect idea came to me. I would ask Ben to go ice skating. I had never done it, and I wasn't a particularly sporty person, but I'd always wanted to try it. It was also supposed to snow again later, which could make for a magical evening. I decided that I should ask Daphne and Emmett to come (ideally with dates) in the hopes that one of them might snap pictures or take a video. A souvenir I could have always. I started to think that this could be fun. Doing things I'd always wanted but been a little too afraid or too busy to do. Like a special kind of bucket list. What did I want to do before settling down? Honestly, even if this weren't about Brian's and my committing to each other, the idea was sound. I was at a point in my life where I was still preparing to enter the professional world – I had a few years yet before that happened. What better time to do things I might be too busy to do later?
So I called Ben.
Ring. Ring.
"Justin! Hi! How are you?" Ben sounded VERY pleasantly surprised to hear from me, which made me blush a little. Not having really dated before Brian, I had rarely experienced this feeling of being wanted (I experienced it all the time with Brian, but I had to admit, experiencing it with a non-Brian person kind of made me feel good. Sue me if that makes me a bad person).
I smiled. "Good. Um … I was wondering … are you free tonight?"
Ben laughed. "Yes! I mean, I was going to work on a paper, but I can do that later. Did you have something in mind?"
"I was thinking … I've never been ice skating before …"
"Ha!"
"What?"
"I am an EXCELLENT ice skater. I could help you stay on your feet …"
"Perfect! Is it okay if we triple with Emmett and Daphne?"
"Oh. Sure! The more the merrier."
He seemed a little disappointed, but I figured that that would fade when we were holding hands in the snow. "Why don't we all meet at the loft at 8?"
"Great! See you then."
Now I just had to get Daphne and Emmett on board. That proved to be a simple task. Emmett had a muff (giggling now … I mean that tube thing for your hands) and matching hat he was dying to test drive and Daphne was a lean mean ice skating machine. Or so she claimed.
Brian's POV
Sammy's turned out to be a medium-sized bar in the basement of a building in downtown Pittsburgh. There was a stage, a bar, and room for about twenty tiny tables plus some standing room in the back. Despite the fact that it was smallish and in a basement (with low ceilings), it seemed popular. There was a line and a velvet rope. I moved to the back of the line, but Brandon grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front. He asked the bouncer, "Are Brian plus friend on the list?" The bouncer scanned the list and nodded. He unhooked the velvet rope and gestured toward the door with his head.
Once we were inside, Brandon laughed. "That was SO COOL!"
I smiled. Brandon could be much like a kid sometimes.
We were weaving our way through the crowd when Wren magically appeared in front of us. He slid his hand into mine and threaded our fingers together. Then he guided Brandon and me to a table at the front. He removed the reserved table tent thingy and let go, gesturing for us to sit down. He sat, too, and said a little breathlessly, "I'm so glad you showed."
I smiled. "So … what instrument do you play?"
He smiled softly. Humility? Strange. "Uh … I play bass and the piano, and I do the lead vocals."
My eyes widened. "Impressive." I really was impressed.
Wren looked behind him. Some guy was calling for him from the other side of the stage. "Shit, I gotta go. The first set lasts thirty minutes. I'll see you after." He kissed me on the cheek before turning to leave.
Brandon shook his head. "Tsk. Tsk. This guy is awfully hands-y. By the end of the night, he'll expect you to put out."
I laughed. "Shut up you."
"Whatevs. Just trying to look out for you, bro."
What can I say about the first set? I'm not the most musical person. I mean, I used to play the guitar, but I didn't get very far. And I was very self-conscious about it. I never even told Justin I'd started learning, and I would hide my guitar in the closet when he came over. I ended up hocking my guitar right before Justin and I left home. Since then, I hadn't really got back into music. I wouldn't normally listen to it on my own or go to concerts or shows. Mostly it had become just background, an excuse to bump and grind. An excuse to hold Justin close.
Fuck.
Alright, not thinking about Justin. Nope.
Wren looked pretty hot. He had a bass guitar slung around his waist. When he wasn't playing he held the mike with both hands and sang. His voice was amazing. Kind of high, but with this scratchy roughness now and again that my dick responded to. God, what he did with his voice. It was like an instrument by itself. I know everyone who sings says that, but it was really true for him. Most singers seemed to sing only one way, not varying the pitch or speed or tone of their voice too much between songs and very little during a single song, but Wren whispered, screamed, and crooned, sang with the melody and added melody of his own. I know I'm not describing this well. He seemed to always be pushing vocal limits and boundaries.
Suddenly, an image came to me unbidden. Me on stage playing guitar and singing. Justin in the audience watching. Maybe I should take it up again.
Justin's POV
What can I say about the ice skating date? It was SO MUCH FUN. We got to the rink when it was already dark. They opened the outside rink during the winter, so that's where we were. But I guess they had an indoor one for the rest of the year. They had lights for part of the rink, the part nearest the building, but the far side was darker, lit up only by the moon, and the moon was big tonight.
Ben and I were on the far side. Daphne and Emmett had not been able to get dates on such short notice, so they were doing a 'friend date' and kind of hoping to meet people there. They were in the center of the rink. Daphne was showing off for Emmett. Every once in a while, Emmett would exclaim, "Oooo!"
I looked up at the moon and said to Ben, "Wow! A supermoon!"
"A supermoon? What's that?"
"That's when the moon is closest to the Earth. Happens sometimes during a full or new moon. On those nights, the moon appears larger than normal …" I waved my hand toward it. "As it does now."
"Oh … aren't you a wealth of information?" Ben looked up at the moon. Then he reached out his arm. I was still clinging to the side wall. I reached one arm out but didn't let go of the wall until Ben took my hand. Then I clumsily skated over to him. When I got closer, he pulled me against him (my back against his chest) and wrapped his arms around my waist. Then he whispered in my ear, "Perfect night for that" and placed an open mouthed kiss on my neck. I shivered. My dick responded.
I found myself whispering, too, "Yes."
Then Ben was kissing my neck again, this time more aggressively. He was placing open mouthed kisses along the curve of my neck and sucking my neck at the pulse point. I closed my eyes and moaned softly. I let him do that for a couple of minutes, but, then, I started turning around. I wasn't ready for much in the way of getting physical, and I didn't want to get caught up. But my turning was nowhere near graceful. Ben had to catch me at the end. Then I was in his arms, his lips so close to mine. And he was gazing at me with this insane desire. I temporarily lost the ability to breathe. Then his lips were crashing down on mine. His tongue was in my mouth. My arms were around his neck. That's when it started snowing. I know because I felt snowflakes land and melt on my face and neck as Ben and I kissed.
I had little presence of mind, but enough to think, What the fuck, universe?
Daphne saved the day (and my soul) by zooming past us, nearly knocking us both over. I complained, "Daph!" But I laughed, too. Ben sighed softly but then smiled and moved behind me. He put his hands on my waist. Then he started skating us (he was skating and sort of pushing me). After a while, I started moving my feet myself. But very awkwardly. Ben had to catch me a few times.
Brian's POV
Wren had returned. He was a bit sweaty, but energized. He pounded his water bottle and then slid his hand over mine and asked, "So what do you think?"
"I think you're pretty amazing."
Wren rewarded me with a bright smile. "I'm feeling kind of hot. Would you mind going outside with me for a bit, so I can cool off?"
I looked at Brandon.
"Fine with me. I'm scoping someone at the bar. Perfect opportunity for me to 'get a drink.'"
I looked back at Wren. "Sure. Let's go."
We ended up walking in a small park across the street. I kept some distance between us. Brandon was right. Wren was very handsy. And I felt weird doing 'lovey-dovey' stuff with a non-Justin person. Until tonight, I had only held hands with Justin.
Wren started our conversation by asking, "So Brian, what are your hopes and dreams?"
I laughed. "Uh … I don't know. I want to become a lawyer."
"Yeah, but what kind? Are you going to hide the crimes and indiscretions of the beautiful and wealthy? Or fight for the little guy?"
"Honestly, I haven't really given that much thought. I guess I've just been focused on finishing law school and passing the bar. I work at a big law firm here in Pittsburgh. They're actually paying for my school. I owe them a lot. If not for their generosity, I couldn't have gone to college at all."
"They must see a lot of promise in you to foot that kind of bill."
"I guess. They also probably expect me to stay on there after I graduate."
"Gratitude is great, but you should try to figure out what you want to accomplish. You can't let them own you forever, right?"
I nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't really know what to say. I had never really thought about what I might want to do beyond being a lawyer, winning lots of high-profile cases, and making money. I was really sick of living on rice-a-roni for months just because I wanted a fashionable lamp or a second suit. It never occurred to me that I could have some sort of guiding purpose. I wasn't convinced I was really allowed a luxury like that, but Wren put it in my head. So I started contemplating.
Justin's POV
Ben was an amazing teacher! He was patient and kind and gave great advice for staying erect (minds out of the gutters people – I mean standing straight up) and smoothing out my stride – is that the right word? (That's the word for walking or running). After just a couple of hours, I was skating for long periods without falling or nearly falling. I still needed to hold Ben's hand, but my progress shocked me and even Daphne.
Daphne and Emmett were unfortunately unable to meet anyone. I guess people mostly brought dates to go ice skating. But they were amusing themselves in other ways. Whenever Ben and I got too intense, she'd skate circles around us, really fast like a speed skater. And Emmett was busy capturing my most humiliating near falls. But when I asked him to take a nice video, he took one of Ben and I holding hands and skating around the far side of the rink under the light of the ginormous full moon with snow falling gently all around us. It was a beautiful moment. When I saw it, I smiled, but I kind of felt like crying. Just a little lapse. I thought, that should be me and Brian.
After that, we all went to the diner for hot chocolate. We were all chapped and flushed pink from the cold and the wind. I moaned happily just walking into the warm, bright restaurant. A few minutes after we sat down, after my first sip of nearly scalding hot, super chocolate-y cocoa, I looked up (toward the back of the diner), and I saw Mikey … with someone I hadn't seen in years. Tom. Prom Tom
Ben had asked me a question, and, when he realized I hadn't heard him, he looked where I was looking. Mikey happened to look up at that very moment, his eyes meeting Ben's. The expression on his face … it was like he'd been caught stealing. I know. I've seen that actual look on his face (he, Brian, and I may have gone joy riding a few times before we were old enough for a driver's license – but that's a story for another time). I glanced over at Ben. I was wondering how seeing Mikey with another guy made him feel. Honestly, I couldn't tell. After a moment of stunned surprise, he smiled warmly at Mikey. Then he repeated his question to me.
"Justin, I was wondering … you have a space in Lindsay's gallery, right? A place you paint?"
I smiled. "Yes indeed-y."
He seemed nervous. He hesitated but then asked, "Any chance you'd consider letting me take a look, you know, at what you're working on?"
"Oh." My eyes widened. I was surprised. And flattered. Not many people asked me that. I think I may have turned a little pink. "Sure. I'd love that." I smiled.
Ben, relaxed now, smiled back at me. One of his big, bright smiles.
Brian's POV
Back at work now, I kept looking at the clock. It was nearing midnight. I was trying to maintain some semblance of composure (oddly enough, play acting with yourself tends to help you genuinely feel those feelings – that's why they say, if you are sad, smile and the act of smiling will actually make you a little happier). But that wasn't working too well now.
At the stroke of midnight, I started tapping my pen on the table impatiently. Ever since leaving the bar, I'd had this crazy urge to tell Justin about my former guitar playing and maybe that I was thinking about taking it up again. I was also itching to get his thoughts on this 'having a larger purpose' thing.
Justin's POV
I actually considered taking the stairs. I was so ansty, so anxious to see Brian. For a moment, I actually thought walking 20 flights would be faster than taking the elevator. If not, at least I'd be moving. Just standing here waiting, counting the many, many seconds in between floors, was torture. But then reality set in. No way I'd make it up faster on foot.
Ever since leaving the diner, I'd had this crazy urge to tell Brian about learning to ice skate. And to describe for him what I was currently working on. Maybe invite him to my studio. I used to do that fairly regularly, but, ever since we'd started dating romantically, I hadn't. I scrambled to explain it to myself, but I couldn't.
