44
Isabela woke up in a panic. This was not her room, her knives were out of reach, she was naked, and there was somebody else in the bed with her. Isabela smelled the familiar scent of Hawke's hair, and felt a pair of full breasts pushed up against her bare back, and it all came flooding back to her in a happy rush.
Hawke responded to Isabela's stirring, and held her tighter, her arm resting on Isabela's waist and circling around her stomach. Hawke's eyes were still puffy from sleep as she propped herself up on one elbow. "Hello. I didn't expect you to still be here. I never thought in an entire age that I would get to sleep beside you."
The mid-afternoon sun came streaming in through the window. Hawke hadn't wanted to talk, so they'd spent their time on other things, staying awake together until the early hours of the morning. They must have slept half the day away.
"Well, last night was pretty exhausting…" Isabela said with a smile.
Hawke rolled onto her back. "Yes, it was. Are you hungry? I'll get dressed and get you a bowl of stew before you leave."
"You… want me to leave?" Isabela asked, unsuccessfully hiding the hurt in her voice.
Hawke looked over at her in confusion. "Yes. I mean, no. I just assumed… wait. What are you saying?"
Isabela shifted in place, trying to think of how to answer. What did she want to say? "I just thought that we could talk first?"
"If you'd like. What do you want to talk about?"
Isabela turned to face Hawke. Maker, she's beautiful… "About us. About what last night meant?"
Hawke shrugged nonchalantly. "There is no us, and last night didn't mean anything. You came over to sweet talk your way into my bed, you succeeded, and now you're done with me once again. Don't worry, I'm a big girl now, I can handle it."
Isabela felt her heart start pounding. Was this what she had done to Hawke? Before she'd left, Hawke had been as warm and as inviting as the sun. It had been a joy to bathe in her glow, even for just a short while. Now, she was as cold and unmoving as ice.
"I didn't just come here for sex, Hawke. I meant what I said to you, and I'm not done with you. If you're not done with me, I mean…"
Hawke eyed her off curiously. "I… didn't expect you to say that. I'm not really sure how to react. I thought that you didn't want to be tied down?"
Isabela chuckled. "We both know I've let you tie me down many times."
Hawke rolled her eyes. "Still deflecting with lewd jokes, I see…"
Isabela gave Hawke a small shove. "Still a prude with no sense of humour, I see…"
Hawke laughed softly, but it was a sad sound. "Exactly. So what do you want with me then? I'm hardly your type."
Isabela touched Hawke's face. "You're exactly my type. You're… you. I can do this Hawke. I can be a better person, the type of person who knows right from wrong, like you do. I'm ready to change, to be somebody that you would be proud to… be with."
Hawke exhaled loudly. "Maker's breath, is that what you thought I wanted? No wonder you're so scared of relationships... I didn't want you to change, I was never ashamed of you. I would've claimed you in front of all of Thedas if you'd have let me. I just wanted you to want me, the same way that I wanted you."
Isabela shook her head. "No, that's not good enough. I don't want to be the person that accepts a demon's offer and stabs you, or abandons you to fight the Qunari, or sells you out for a ship. I want to have your back, the way you've always had mine."
Hawke swallowed hard. "I… don't think it would work, Isabela. I'm not that naïve 22 year old who's going to turn a blind eye while you get gang banged by half the patrons at the Hanged Man. I'd rather be alone than have to share somebody again."
"I never had a gang bang in the Ha - "
"You're sort of missing my point, Isabela. I'm not content with only having a small piece of somebody. That's why you ended it with me, remember? I'm probably better off alone now anyway. My life is… very complicated."
"I can do complicated, Hawke. And it won't be a small piece of me. I'm talking about you and me, really giving it a try. I was a coward the last time, I got scared and I ran away. It's not going to happen again. I promise."
Hawke gave a bitter smile. "Scared, yes, that I understand. The thought of you and I… it terrifies me now. I just don't think I can do it to myself again."
Isabela sighed, feeling the weight of disappointment fall on her chest. "I understand. I had no right to expect you to feel the same way. I know you've got somebody else, anyway…"
Hawke propped herself up, and wiped away the tear from Isabela's cheek that she didn't even realise she'd spilled. "It's not about that. There's nobody else, that's been over for a little while. It's just... me. I'm a different person now, and this isn't the right time for me to be involved with anyone."
"I'm just asking for one chance Hawke. I won't let you down ever again."
Hawke paused for a long time, lost in her thoughts. Isabela braced herself for the rejection. This had been a mistake. Asking for another chance was asking too much.
Then, there were suddenly lips on top of hers, and hands running their way through her loose hair. The contact broke, and she looked up at Hawke in confusion. Hawke wrapped an arm around Isabela's waist, and kissed her cheek.
"I am scared, but I'm not a coward. I will find a way to be who you need me to be, if you're serious?"
Isabela nodded wordlessly and brought her lips back to Hawke's.
