Chapter 45

Peeta barely has enough time to lunge for me and grab the phone before I have the chance to hurl it against the brick wall of the train station. Haymitch quickly pushes me away as I begin struggling, almost inhuman shrieks erupting from my throat. "Lies! More Capitol lies! After all I've done, you still want to feed me lies and expect me to believe them? Haven't you ruined me enough already?"

Effie looks startled and embarrassed, clutching at her clipboard desperately while glancing from side to side as if searching for an escape. Brita merely glances at Cinna, her face expressing no surprise at my violent reaction.

"Katniss, stop." Cinna's calm voice can do nothing for me now. The agony of Finnick's death crashes over me once again and it only empowers me against Haymitch's tightening grasp.

"No! He's dead! He's gone!"

The slow motion memories begin, slowly taking over my mind with dark tendrils as I struggle against Haymitch. But there's nothing you can do to fight your own mind.

Finnick's face appears before me, looking up at me from where he clings from the underground ladder. Sheer panic creates strained creases on his face as he hauls himself up another step and I can see a flash of white just below him. Mutts.

"Finnick!" I scream, as he pulls himself up another step, sweat pouring from his brow from his exhaustion.

He glances up upon hearing his name, just long enough for a white clawed hand to shoot up from the darkness and snag Finnick's leg. He cries out when the talons break his uniform and undoubtedly sink into his flesh.

"No!" I reach for my gun, but there isn't one at my side. Finnick's arms bulge as he fights to hang on, but his eyes are clouding with pain and terror.

"Katniss! Run!" Finnick's voice is tense, but the order is there. I can't bring myself to listen as I reach down and offer him my extended hand.

"Finnick! Grab my hand!"

He shakes his head and cries out as another clawed arm reaches out and locks around his waist. "Katniss, go! Get out of here!" He locks his gaze with mine before adding seriously, "I'm not going to make it."

A scream erupts from my chest as the mutts give a particularly strong tug on Finnick, who lets out another shout. His grip slips momentarily, but he hangs on tightly. There is no way he can turn on them and fight them all off. The sounds of more approaching mutts only tears at my heart as Finnick struggles to buy me time to escape.

He glares up at me fiercely. "You're the Mockingjay," he snarls. "You have a duty to me, the Rebellion, and to the future of Panem! You need to be the fire that continues burning. Because if you die at this very spot, the Rebellion is extinguished with you!"

My fingers dig into my skull in horror as he lets go with one arm and lashes out at a particularly powerful Mutt who tries to tug him into the depths of the sewer. He looks up at me, a grim smile plastered on his lips, before nodding dismissively. "Goodbye, Katniss. Tell Annie and our child that I love them both."

"Sweetheart, snap out of it!"

A strong hand grasps my shoulder and shakes me roughly, but it is removed just as quickly as it appears. "Haymitch, if you ever shake her like that again, I swear-"

"Boy, get back if you know what's good for you," Haymitch snaps irritably, but a grunt sounds immediately after his comment, leading me to believe that Peeta didn't take our mentor's advice too well. I keep my eyes clenched shut, too afraid to open them. If I open them, I know that all I will see is the nightmares and horrors of death and destruction.

"Katniss, dear! You're causing a scene!" Effie's shrill voice cuts through my flashback of Finnick's death, but she is quickly silenced by Cinna.

"Mr. Hawthorne, take her onto the train. The cab in the back is reserved for important Capitol officials, but it should be empty at the moment. It is to our disposal." He pauses and I can hear the faint sounds of Haymitch and Peeta scuffling on the train platform. "If you two want to accompany her, I suggest you follow suit and get on the train as well."

"But she is not allowed to leave the District-" Effie protests, but Cinna cuts her off.

"We'll deal with it later. We obviously have larger problems at hand than that."

"Than breaking the law?" Effie's bewildered voice betrays her fear of the Capitol, but Cinna ignores it.

"Hawthorne, hurry. The train leaves in 5 minutes."

I feel strong arms lace themselves under my legs and around my shoulders before I am lifted off the ground. The memories of Finnick have me immobilized in shock and grief that I can't bring myself to relax.

"Peeta, Haymitch. Both of you need to get the luggage and follow Gale. The attendants will be arriving soon, and I'll need to distract them before the train departs."

"Cinna!" Effie huffs angrily. "This is illegal! You are breaking the law!"

"We shall discuss this with Paylor when we arrive in Four," Cinna argues gently before Gale begins his ascent into the train car.

The cool winter air dissolves into a comforting warmth as the train door slides closed behind us. I feel Gale maneuvering carefully around the compartment before gently laying me down. I open my eyes to find myself on a long couch, just before Gale pulls a blanket from the compartment above our heads and shakes it open.

"Rest, Katniss," he murmurs as he drapes the soft fabric over my body.

I find myself succumbing to the darkness before I can even reply.

I awake to a low humming sound fairly close to my ear. I force my eyes open, blinking slowly as I bring myself to the present. The train car interior comes into focus as I take in a deep breath and heave myself onto one of my elbows.

The humming abruptly stops. "Hey, you're awake."

"Peeta-"

"Shh. How are you feeling?" He turns from where he had been sitting on the floor by the couch near my head. His brilliant blue eyes come into view as he gives me a concerned once-over. "You've been asleep for almost two hours."

"Two hours?" I raise my hand to my forehead, running it down my face. "Where are we now?"

Peeta reaches behind my head and hands me a glass of water. "We're halfway into District 11. The train is supposed to make a stop in District 8 before we continue."

"Will they stop us?" I ask, taking the water and tentatively sipping at cool liquid. My stomach still churns at the thought of the Capitol trying to stop me from reaching 4.

Peeta shrugs, before taking the glass from my outstretched hand. "I don't know. But we'll deal with it when we get there. You should probably keep resting."

"I'm fine," I insist, pushing myself upright. "I just want to know what's going on."

"Nothing's going on," Peeta snaps suddenly, startling me. But just as quickly as the comment comes out, regret appears on his face and he looks away abruptly. "Sorry," he mumbles, refusing to make eye contact with me.

It all comes back in that split second Peeta's remark slipped out.

I didn't ask for any of this, Peeta! In fact, if the Games never happened, I probably would've lived a very very different life than the one I'm living in now! And maybe I'd still have the people and things around me that I truly cared about!

Guilt immediately floods over me, followed by shame and embarrassment. Had I really said that to Peeta? Had I really just insinuated that he meant less than everything that I have lost in the rebellion?

"I should go." Peeta rises to his feet and shuffles towards the cab door quickly.

"Peeta. Wait." He pauses at the sound of my voice, but he doesn't turn to look at me. Instead, he remains very still, his hand perched on the door handle ready to open it and leave.

The very idea of Peeta just leaving nearly breaks my heart.

"Peeta." I wince at the pitiful tone of my voice. After all this time building myself back together with him, I still don't trust myself with my own emotions and dislike exposing them, even to Peeta.

But he must hear the desperation and insecurity in my voice that I feel about the way he's acting because his gaze flickers up for a fraction of a second.

"I-" I break off abruptly as a lump forms in my throat. I realize just how hurtful my words must have been to Peeta and just how much more dejected I would have been if he had said the exact same thing to me.

"Its fine, Katniss. I'll see you later." He doesn't pause as he pulls the door open and steps outside.

I don't let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding in until the door slides shut behind him.