It was a epic battle to end all epic battles, to be sure. It required precision, stamina, finesse and above all: dedication.
Oh yes.
Castiel was trying to keep Dean from a double bacon cheeseburger (with extra onions).
The angel had his hunter's health at the forefront of his mind. Like a shimmering beacon in the night, like his personal north star, Cas clung to the prospect of Dean's ideal health with fervent, desperate hands. He wanted the man to be healthy. Cas didn't understand why Dean didn't share his sentiments. Daily, the hunter clogged his arteries with bacon cheeseburgers. Castiel listened to the shrieks of Dean's liver as he drowned it in beer and Jack Daniel's. Castiel realized that Dean's lifestyle kept him fit—running from/chasing demons and ghosts daily tended to burn calories. But it was the principle of the matter that ate away at the angel like acid.
Dean's body was beautiful. How could he treat it with such disdain?
It was with such thoughts in mind that Cas launched his crusade to save Dean. It wouldn't be easy by any stretch—Dean was a man in touch with his vices. But the angel knew he would succeed. He had to. Dean's life was ultimately depending on it… sort of.
Attempt 1: Appeal to the Hunter Within
Dean was sprawled on the motel bed and eating his beloved double bacon cheeseburger with extra onions. Cas popped into the room and Dean greeted him through a mouthful of burger.
"I have news, Dean," Cas said.
"Yeah? What about?"
"I have… caught the wind of a hunt, as you say."
"Where?"
"Abandon your cheese sandwich and I will show you."
Dean shot him a patronizing look. "Dude, it's a cheeseburger. And no way am I leaving it to get cold. Multitasking is my middle name."
The comment threw Cas for a loop and he momentarily forgot his purpose. "Your parents must have been confused when they christened you."
"It's a joke, Cas. Now come on. Out with it, angel boy. Where's the hunt?"
Castiel prepared to reiterate his want of Dean to abandon his lunch, but soon saw that the hunter had finished the burger. Only moments before, half had remained. It was now gone. "Where has the rest of your cheese thing gone?" he asked, broken.
"… I finished it." Dean gave him a weird look. "You okay?"
"No. I am not." Cas disappeared without another word.
