Disclaimers and warnings see Chapter 1
Chapter 53 Deaf
Sam kept a watchful eye on his brother as he had looked confused and scared last time he was awake. Sam was so used to Dean normal calmness, even when he woke from an accident, that it had scared him to see it there. Bobby had finally gone for a shower and a few hours sleep at a nearby motel, but he had looked as confused as Sam felt when he left. Sam stroked his brother's arm, but Dean was restless twitching and moaning around the tubes in his sleep.
Eventually, Sam dozed off sitting up in the chair and woke a couple of hours later with Dean's movements waking him. Dean was pulling at the tubes with both hands and choking in great gulps, tears flowing down his face as he hurt himself ,while trying to pull the tubes out. Sam pressed the call button and grabbed Dean's hands away from the tubes but Dean continued to choke and cough.
A nurse came in and assessed the situation, pressing the button again, and helping Sam with Dean, telling him to calm down and relax. She rubbed Dean's throat in an effort to calm him down. Another nurse came in looked at Dean's thrashing before leaving the room in a hurry. Dean was becoming calmer but his face was red with effort and sobs racked his body as he tried to regain control. Dr Reznor came into the room and gave Dean an injection and he struggled weakly for a few moments before his eyes closed and his body went limp.
Sam was shaken after the ordeal but knew what Dean had been trying to do and why. He had been in this situation before. Brett and the nurses secured all of Deans tubes, drips and monitors before Brett spoke to Sam. "Sorry about that Sam, it appears Dean is trying to breathe on his own and it can be a bit frightening for him with all the drugs and his injuries ."
"What happens from here? Are you going to get the ventilator off him?"
"We will, but we will do it in stages as there is still some pressure on Dean's brain, because the swelling isn't down as much as we would like. We will put him on a breathing assistance program where the ventilator only breathes for Dean when he struggles. It's perfectly safe and he will feel like he has some control when he is awake and will feel less panicked. I will also put Dean on some medication to help him relax but it wont be strong, just enough to stop him getting upset again, help keep him calm. But he is doing extremely well for someone who has gone through what he has."
"Thanks Brett."
True to Brett's words, Dean was a lot calmer when he woke a few hours later, he lay passive and didn't struggle against the ventilator almost surprised when he tried to talk that there were tubes in his mouth. Even though he was on more drugs, Dean looked more alert, and sought Sam's hand out as soon as he woke, then pulled Sam down to the bed and rubbed his face with his hand.
Sam returned the gesture rubbing Dean's cheek softly with his fingers, seeing Dean's eyes with less pain, and more of a clarity about them as well as the look of love Sam liked to see there. Sam murmured softly to Dean as he stroked his cheek and Dean squeezed Sam's hand and kept the pressure up as Sam murmured to him. Dean stayed awake for some time seeming to drink Sam in with his eyes, keeping the worry away for now. Eventually he fell back to sleep and Sam sighed as he rubbed his arm and sat back down, relieved that Dean looked like he was getting better.
Dean continued to get better over the next forty eight hours, waking for longer periods ,until he was awake for over an hour at a time. But he still needed the medication to keep him relaxed enough to accept being on the ventilator. When he had finally settled for a nap after a particularly restless time, Deans doctor approached Sam. "Sam we're finally happy enough with Dean's condition to take the ventilator off and put him on a nasal cannula."
"Great. Dean will love that."
"Yes. I get the feeling he will but the removal process will be painful for him, so when he wakes next we will give him something to numb the throat and we can remove it."
"Thanks for everything you've done for Dean.I really appreciate it."
"No problem. I'll be back to do the removal when he wakes."
When Dean next woke, Sam pressed the call button, and a nurse came in and put a patch on Dean's throat. Ten minutes later Brett came in and removed it. He explained to Dean what was about to happen, although Dean had been prepared by Sam; Brett's explanation was a lot more detailed. Sam noticed Dean was concentrating hard on Brett's face with a slight frown as he explained. The nurses undid the bandages holding on the tubes and prepared the cannula.
Brett turned to Sam "You might want to wait outside while we do this; it looks pretty painful and doesn't sound good."
"No its ok Dean would want me here."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm sure." Sam took Deans hand and looked into his eyes. "Ok, Dean I'm gonna be right here ok? Just squeeze my hand to help with the pain, alright?" Dean frowned but nodded slightly to show he understood.
"You guys have been through this kind of thing before?"
"You could say that."
"Ok let's do this. Dean we need you to take a deep breath in then release it slowly. Don't worry if you start to cough or feel like vomiting that's ok. When you are breathing out, I'm going to ease the tube out. All set?" Dean nodded again and squeezed Sam's hand. "Ok Big breath in …then out". Brett pulled the tube out in one smooth motion, while Dean coughed and gagged, going red in the face.
Sam almost wished he had gone outside, because of the noises Dean made. Between Brett and the nurses, they had Dean's cannula on and working in a few seconds. One of the nurses leaned him forward slightly and rubbed his back to calm him, as he got used to the new set up. Brett was quick to give Dean some ice chips, then sprayed some numbing spray down his throat to help with the soreness.
Sam was bouncing from foot to foot waiting for the nurses to finish up with Dean, but they were changing Dean's bandages to a smaller ones, and removing all his drips bar one and taking out the monitors he no longer needed. Sam was almost climbing the walls with impatience before the door finally closed behind them and they were left alone.
Sam came straight to Dean's side and bent and kissed him softly on the lips, his hand going around the back of his neck. God he missed this. Dean responded by opening his lips slightly and making the kiss slightly deeper. It felt to Sam that Dean missed this to. They broke apart and Sam sat on the bed, feeding Dean ice chips. He chatted away, not caring that Dean didn't answer him, just giving the occasional nod. Sam knew his throat had to hurt like a bitch.
Over the next twenty four hours, Dean improved steadily until Brett announced he would be moved to a regular room for a few days, before he could leave. Sam expected Dean to be pleased, but he was unmoved, and didn't comment. He was very quiet when he was wheeled downstairs. Dean had only been in his new room two hours, when food arrived for him, and Sam expected Dean to a) complain about hospital food, because it was fairly mushy being his first food since the accident, and b) ask Sam to sneak some decent food in.
But Dean did neither, just stirred it around on the plate to give it the appearance that he had made an effort, and folded his arms across his chest. "Are you ok Dean?" Dean didn't answer just sat moodily staring at his hands. Sam looked over at Bobby who looked equally as mystified.
Later that day, Sam passed Dean the remote for the TV, hoping it would cheer him up but Dean threw the remote on the bed without using it, making Sam very concerned. "Dean are you ok?" But when Sam looked over, Dean had his eyes closed, looking like he was asleep. Sam waited until Dean's breathing evened out in sleep then walked over to Bobby. "Got any ideas?" He kept his voice low.
"If I didn't know any better,I would say your brother is depressed. But this is Dean we're talking about."
"Maybe this last accident was the last straw for him."
"He has had a rough couple of years, to put it mildly."
Sam used the attached bathroom to shower and clean up that afternoon and when he came out, Dean was sitting up with his arms folded, looking at his hands. Sam realized he had seen this contemplative face a lot in the last couple of days and decided he needed to get to the bottom of it. He put his things away and sat on the bed facing Dean and tilted his head up with his fingers. "Hey Dean what's going on? I need you to talk to me big brother. We can handle what ever is bothering you together." Dean frowned at Sam watching his lips "Please Dean talk to me."
Sam's expression was one of worry, so Dean pulled Sam's face forward so Sam's ear was over his mouth. "Love you Sammy" Dean whispered. Sam pulled back.
"Then what's going on with you." Dean pulled Sam back again.
"I can't hear." he said into Sam's ear slightly louder. Ok a lot louder going by Sam's flinch. Sam stared at him.
"What do you mean you can't hear?" Dean looked like he was about to do something he really didn't want to do, then put his hands over his ears.
"I can't hear, Sammy".
TBC
