Chapter Fifty-Four: Waiting For A Friend
The night is when the ghosts all come out
Playin' with my head, spin it all around
This room is like a prison cell. I'm all by myself
I'm waiting for my friend to come and break me out
You left me today, lyin' on the floor
I wanted you to stay, seems you wanted more
This bed is like a prison cell 'cause I'm all by myself
Still waiting for my friend to come and break me out
And there's stone cold bars on my door for this stone cold heart
~The Pretty Reckless
"Understand this," he said softly. "I care about you Nilin, greatly and deeply," he confessed. "I know I shouldn't, but I do. And I only want the best for you."
Nilin smiled up at Finch as he laid his hands on her cheeks. His eyes close and she saw him leaning towards her. Nilly could feel the butterflies tickling her stomach. He was going to kiss her. Her eyes shut as he came in closer. Suddenly she felt his hands lock around her wrists. Her eyelids opened to see Finch smirking at her.
The next thing she knew, she was falling. Plunging into darkness, she reached out for anything and came up empty handed. The earth came rushing at her fast. Nilin let out a scream. Her eyes shot open as she rocketed forward in bed, chest heaving. Her skin was clammy with sweat. There were tears in her eyes that made it hard to see.
She looked around, realizing she was in her bed in the dark. Releasing her death grip she had on her sheets, Nilly ran her hand across the night side table until she found her lamp. The room lit up when she flipped the switch.
Nilin let out a deep breath and buried her face in a pillow. She was about to let out a scream when she heard an intake of breath. Ice slid down her back. There was someone here. Slowly she lifted her head out of her pillow and saw movement in the corner of her eye. Someone was in her room. She shot away from the movement with a yelp, nearly falling off the bed.
"Shh, shh. It's just me," Damon smirked, as he lounged out on her sofa. "Some dream you had there, huh?" he asked, his words slurred.
"Damon?" she breathed.
"I didn't know how to wake you this time, you wouldn't let me in," he mumbled lazily, looking up at the ceiling as he spoke.
"What the hell?" she coughed out, her heart was still hammering in her chest but he was focused on something else. "How'd you even get in here? My window was locked."
His eyes slid to hers. "Yeah, it was and now it's busted. I'll get someone to fix that for you," he told her, sitting up. He looked at her strangely. "Sorry I scared you, just doing my part in the neighborhood watch."
Nilly sat up, tucking her hair behind her ears and off her sweaty forehead. "It's okay," she murmured, not looking at him. She needed a moment, everything was currently racing back to her and it was making it hard to breath. For a second, she had forgotten that she couldn't run to Damon for comfort. So, she scooted up the bed further away from him. "Thank you for, um, for looking out for us. For me," she said softly.
His lips turned up in a grin. "That's me, your trusty bodyguard. Calm in crisis," he announced proudly. She noticed his sluggish movements.
Slowly, Nilin slid off her bed, putting it between them. "Have you been drinking?" Damon held up his hand, showing his pointer finger and thumb a small distance apart. Nilin let out a shaky breath. "I can't handle this right now, Damon."
"Yeah, and neither can I," he looked to her, pain crossing his face. He wasn't even hiding it from her like he always did. Usually she would have to dig, but it was right out in front and raw.
Then it all clicked into place. With everything going on, she was surprised it all fit together but it did and Nilin's shoulders dropped as she looked to Damon. Cautiously, she made her way around the bed to stand in front of him. "It was Katherine, wasn't it?" she assumed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "She got to you."
"Oh, she got to me," he mumble, his eyes far off in the distance.
"Damon, hey," she scooted forward, taking his chin between her thumb and pointer finger. "Damon, look at me. I can't lose you," she said, her heart clenching in her chest. "I'm gonna be selfish here, and say that I need you right now. So you can't fall apart."
"She was working with him, Nilin," he babbled. "Katherine, she wanted you dead. She wants you dead," he clarified. "And Katherine always gets what she wants."
"Well, she can come find me then," she told him, smiling a little. He didn't find her amusing. Damon stood up suddenly, pulling Nilin with him. He started to push her back towards the bed. Nilin put her hand on his chest, shoving him back. "Whoa, whoa, Damon. Time out a second here."
"I want this," he breathed, the smell of alcohol burning her nose. "You want this," Damon told her, his hands sliding behind her neck, bringing him in closer. "We both made mistakes. I still care about you, and I know you still care about me," he pushed.
Nilin shoved him harder, causing the drunken vampire to stumble back and fall on to the sofa. "Cool it, Damon," she said. "You're drunk, you're upset. Those are two things that don't mix together well."
He shot up again, coming chest and chest with her. "Just admit it, Nilin. You're afraid to get near me now. You're afraid Katherine's going to send me over the deep end," he laughed coldly. "If that's so, then you're a little too late."
"Stop this," she demanded, taking a step back from him. "Why are you letting her have so much rule over your life? Huh?"
"You're scared of me, aren't you?" he drove, not listening to her.
"Stop it, Damon," she nearly shouted, backing away from him more.
"You're incapable of showing any love to someone like me," he spat.
"Damon, knock it off."
"You want nothing to do with me, just say it," he shouted out at her. "I'm never what you wanted, isn't that right, Nilin? You just had the misfortune of getting in my line of sight." He wanted her to get angry with him, he wanted her to scream and tell him that she hated him. This was a classic Damon Salvatore move.
"I never said that," she responded, trying to force him back. He wasn't budging this time. "Why are you doing this?" she asked. The backs of her legs hit the side of her bed as he continued to push her.
"Because, I'm bad, Nilin. Because, it's easier to be hated, and not feel a thing," he explained. He leaned towards her, causing Nilin to fall back on the mattress. She shot up quickly, not taking her eyes off of him and she backed to the other side of the bed.
"If that's the case, then why do you care what I think?" she asked, scrambling as she got off the bed and stood up.
Damon was suddenly in front of her. "Because I can't turn it off without knowing, the thought of you won't let me," he shouted. "You won't let me," he hit every word hard. "It's your fault," he blamed.
He was pressed up against her, causing her to tilt her head up to get a good look at him. Both of them were breathing heavy as tension iced over the room. Damon blamed her for feeling, just like she blamed him. The two of them had more in common than most realized. He was scared, that's what this was really about. Kathrine had thrown him into a black pit, all alone. He thought he was all by himself and he needed some sort of reaction from her to prove or disprove that.
Nilly looked at him. The furnace inside her cooling off. Slowly, she brought her hand up and brushed the hair off his forehead. She flattened her hand on his cheek, running her thumb back and forth. He watched her carefully. "I'm sorry that I turned my back on you," she started softly. "I'm sorry I didn't see what was really going on, but I do now and I'm here now."
Damon just scoffed at her. He attempted to turn away, but she didn't let him. She wasn't going to let him just yell at her and then leave. "How did she break you?" she wondered, her voice a soft whisper.
He shook his head but seemed to dial down a couple notches. "It's Stefan, it's always going to be Stefan," he said bitterly, looking down at her. "Straight out of the bitch's mouth herself."
Nilin felt her heartbreak. That's all it took for Katherine to crumple him. That's all she needed to say. Nilly realized that she'd never have that kind of power over Damon. She swallowed hard before speaking again.
"I care about you," she told him. "I never stopped, I don't think I can." He was shaking his head back and forth. "I'm not going to give up on you again, Damon," she told him as he turned away from her. He created distance and Nilin let him. "I was wrong to do it before, but it's not going to happen again, because you never gave up on me. Even when I screamed and cursed at you, you never did."
"You should give up. I'll be the death of you," he faced her again.
"No, you won't," she stated.
"I'll hurt you," he pushed.
Nilin shook her head. "No. You won't."
"Stop trying to make me out for something good, Nilin!" he snapped suddenly "Because I'm not. I will never be. All you're doing is setting yourself up for major disappointment."
"Get over yourself, Damon," she snapped, stalking towards him. "I will not let you push me away again. I need you—"
"No, you don't," he jumped in. "What you need is to stay far, far away from me and go live this second chance of a life you've got."
"I'm not dumb. I see what you're doing." Nilin told him. "You could be with Katherine right now, but you're not. You could be ripping someone's throat out right now, but you're not. I'm not saying that you're good, I just showing you that there is good," she jabbed a finger at his chest.
"How do you know I didn't do both those things before I came over?" he challenged with a dark smirk on his face.
"Because I know you," she answered. "I know the real you, not the Damon that Katherine has pulled out. Just like you knew the real me, and not the one Finch created."
"You can't be sure this isn't the real me," he sneered.
He took a few steps towards her, she wasn't going to have any of that. Now it was time for the second act, Damon Salvatore the menacing, intimidating vampire. When it came to Nilly, he was in desperate need to change of his little production. "It's not." Nilin replied, walking back over to her nightstand.
"How do you know?" he asked.
Nilin looked at him, her face hard and set. She let out a slow breath, closing her eyes for a moment. She didn't want to yell at him anymore, that wouldn't work. There were things she wanted to tell him, things that she's been holding in, but she knew those words would hurt the both of them and Nilin was scared. So she buried most of it. "Because I care about you, you idiot," she snapped. "I still care, Damon. Even after everything, there are still feelings and I can't ignore them."
They grew quiet, just staring at each other. Nilin had finally been strong enough to let him go. But when she realized that, she also realized that she didn't want to. Damon Salvatore had crawled right back under her skin and she liked it.
"You don't have to say anything back," Nilin told him, breaking the silence. "Let me just talk. You saved me again today," she began. "You're always saving me, in more ways than one," Nilin took a few steps towards him warily. "I need you in my life," she admitted, shaking her head.
"When'd you decided that?" he asked, trying to sound apathetic.
"There was a moment, the night of the fire, that I thought you were gone. I thought I had lost you, and my last words to you weren't I love you. And I felt a hole start to open up in my chest. It was the most sickening, gut wrenching pain I had ever felt. But the moment I saw Stefan dragged you out, it went away. Not even an ache was left behind," she spoke slowly. "That's when I knew. I'm just sorry it took both of us nearly dying for me to figure that out."
"And what about Finch?" Damon breathed.
"Finch…" Nilin could feel her heart plummet. She sat down on her bed defeated. "Finch is my Katherine in some ways. He didn't really care about me. I didn't mean anything to him and it wasn't real. I have to try and get past the aftermath of all this. You know, process, accept—"
"Move on," Damon finished, swaying a little.
"Yeah, move on…" Nilly mumbled. Then she looked up at him. "And so do you."
He just laughed darkly. "Tell me when you figure how to do that," Damon said. They grew quiet again. Damon walked up to her bed, trailing his finger across the edge of the sheet. His hand stopped right next to her bare knee. "The universe has a sick and demented way of bringing the two of us together," he murmured.
Nilin had frozen, watching him carefully. She just swallowed hard and nodded as the tips of his fingers brushed against her skin. His reaction was some what disheartening. She had just opened herself up to him, something she swore to never do again. His response started to make her regret it.
Damon looked down at her, bringing his other hand up to stroke her cheek. "I'm sorry to bother you tonight," he said. Nilly knew he was trying to be cold, and shut her out, but it wasn't working. "I should go now," he announced softly. He didn't move away from her though.
"Okay," Nilin mumbled, she didn't move either. They watched each other for one moment more, then he dropped his hand from her cheek.
She saw him starting to turn away. Unconsciously, her hand shot out to grab his, stopping him. They both paused. She didn't understand what she was doing, but her fingers were already interlocked with her fingers. "Damon?" Her voice was small and scared. He turned back to look at her. "Could you stay here?" she asked, searching his face for any emotion. "Just until I fall asleep, please."
A smirked appeared. His eye filtered over to her tiny floral sofa. "I guess that chair is comfortable enough—"
"No," she cut him off, letting go of his hand. She scooted over on her bed. "I mean, you can sit here… if you want," she offered, timidly.
Any cold emotion melted off his face. Damon nodded and slipped off his leather jacket, tossing it on the floor. "Sure," he said, sitting down next to her. He brought his arm behind her shoulders, bring her closer to him.
Unsure, Nilin bit by bit laid down her head on his chest, tucking her self right in the crook of his arm. They laid there comfortable, quiet. It was everything she missed. Nilin pushed the guilt out of her, she wasn't going to let it ruin this.
She felt Damon press his lips to the top of her head. "Goodnight, Nilin," he said.
She couldn't speak at first, because for a moment Nilin wanted to say 'I love you'. She wanted to let him know and she wanted to make sure she herself knew. "Goodnight, Damon," she whispered instead. She kept it at 'goodnight', because love would mean falling and Nilin was afraid she wouldn't survive this time.
Caroline cracked her eyes open. Something had woken her up, but she wasn't sure what. It was dark in the hospital room. Could it be the annoying beeping coming from the machines she was hooked up to? Or the uncomfortable hospital bed? Probably both.
She turned over and tried to get comfortable. That's when she saw someone standing in the doorway, looking in on her. Caroline jumped, sitting up fast. She squinted her eyes, trying to get a better look in the dark. "Elena?" she asked, confused.
"Hello, Caroline." Elena smiled, walking up to her bed.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she wondered, sitting up more. She rubbed her tired eyes with her knuckles. Everything was blurry due to the meds they had pumped her up with. It gave it all that dream like feeling.
"My name is Katherine. I was hoping you could give the Salvatore brothers a message for me." Elena said, strolling closer to her.
Caroline dropped her hands from her eyes. She was drowsy and baffled. "What are you talking about, Elena? What message?"
Caroline saw a dark grin curl on her face. "Game on," she said.
"What?" Caroline asked.
Suddenly, her pillow was ripped out from under her. Then she couldn't breathe. Elena was holding in over her face, pressing down with incredible force. Caroline tried to fight back, clawing at the arms that held the pillow over her. But soon she found it hard to breath. She tried screaming for help, it was muffled by the pillow. Caroline's lungs burned, screaming for air.
Her movements became sluggish and slowly the dark closed around her.
