A/N: The Twilight Universe and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just making it up as I go.
***ANNOUNCEMENTS: Alright, I know I suck. Can we just say the last several months have been one long test in Murphy's Law? Seriously. It's been that bad. And with that, my creativity kind of dried up for a while, and I had about ¼ of this chapter written until yesterday when the floodgates opened. You'll be happy to know that 54 is already written and with the beta. True story.
Now for some good news: Sage has been nominated in another contest! She's in the "Best Other Character" category of the Sunflower Awards. Be sure to check it out and vote for Sage. Voting is open until 5/24. http:/ thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/
This story is rated M for mature content, including adult language, situations, themes, and lemons. 18+ only, please.
LOOK MA! I converted one! Yup, that's right! AbbyMickey24, a die-hard anti-OC reader has been converted. Yup. She likes Sage. Kinda pisses her off too, but she likes her regardless. Thanks to her for pre-reading.
HammerHips is my Schwoogie-Muffin, so I love her long time.
Chapter 53: Through The Years
I can't remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you've taught me everything I know
Can't imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more
"Through The Years" by Kenny Rogers
Sage POV
Taking Rosalie to Lompoc wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I was actually rather glad that she was going to meet my dad, regardless of Amelia. For some reason, it didn't feel right that after all these years, she hadn't met him.
Emmett meant a lot to my dad, regardless of his animosity, and Dad had often peppered me with questions in an attempt to get to know her.
It felt right, having that bulky car seat in the back seat with Rosalie wedged against the side window while she cooed and talked to my niece and attempted to keep her distracted when she wasn't napping.
"You don't need to be nervous, Rose." Jasper sighed and I looked up to see him watching her in the rearview mirror.
"I'm not." She replied, and I could tell by her tone that she most certainly was.
Jasper smirked and shook his head. "Randall's a good guy."
"I'm sure he is. I doubt you and Sage would keep going to see him if he wasn't." she whispered and I turned around to watch her stare out the window. "What if… he doesn't like me?"
I snorted, earning me a glare from Rosalie and a chuckle from Jasper. "Rose," I giggled. "You realize my dad is worried about you not liking him, right?" she shrugged noncommittally. "He is." I insisted. "I mean… Let's face it, you spent seven years thinking he was dead and then find out he's in prison… and Emmett never has a kind thing to say about him and he's well aware of that. He's utterly terrified of you, but at the same time, he's so excited to get to meet you and Amelia. Anyone as important in Em's life as you two are, he's excited to meet."
She gave me a wan smile and I supposed it was because I'd brought up Emmett. It was just sort of an unspoken agreement that we weren't discussing Emmett. At all. We didn't ask how Emmett had reacted to the news that Rose and Amelia were headed for Lompoc and Rose didn't volunteer the information. It was simple. Easy. And almost completely impossible at the same time because it was the great, big, purple elephant in the room.
"How's Therapy going?" she asked, changing the subject.
I shrugged. "It's going. Had a breakthrough last week. They're thinking of cutting back my sessions, but I'm still supposed to be working the bag, which is getting harder."
"Why?"
"I'm running out of things to be pissed about."
Rosalie gave me a genuine smile at that. "That's really good, Sage. I'm happy for you."
We pulled up in front of our normal motel a few minutes later and Jasper helped Rosalie get Amelia's travel crib and their bags into their room while I took our bags to our room next door. When he came back, he sighed and laid down on the bed.
"We need dinner…"
"Pizza?"
"Sure." He sighed. "I'm exhausted."
"I'm not surprised. You barely slept last night, Jazz."
He grimaced at that, but nodded. "I was anxious… this thing… these trips… it's always just been you and me. Feels weird."
I smiled. "Yeah, but I kinda like the weirdness of it."
He groaned and sat up, pulling me down into his lap and planting a tender kiss on my lips. "Well, as long as you're OK, I can deal with it. How about I go grab a pizza and you get Rose and Amelia over here for a movie?"
"Sure. I just have to call Warden Afton to confirm he's giving us one of the trailers tomorrow."
Jasper pulled a face at that. The Warden was being very nice and sensitive about the entire ordeal. My father had years of good behavior to help in this endeavor of mine, but it had taken a lot of string-pulling on the Warden's side to secure a trailer normally used for conjugal visits. He even swore up and down it would be cleaned entirely before our visit (thank God). He hadn't yet gotten back to me on whether I would be allowed to bring my guitar though.
Dad had wanted to see me play, but I couldn't just show up with my guitar. According to the Warden, sometimes special circumstances meant the rules could be bent and I hoped this was one of them. I really wanted to be able to play for Dad.
"OK." He kissed me again and I let him up. He called in our order and left while I dialed the Warden's number.
"Warden Jeremy Afton." A gruff voice barked after the third ring.
"Hi, Warden. This is Sage McCarty."
"Hi there, Sage. How are you?"
"Good, Sir. I was calling to confirm we'll have one of the trailers tomorrow?"
"Yes, ma'am. It's already set up and ready. When you all get here, the guard at sign-in will be waiting for you and he'll have one of the CO's escort you to the trailer."
I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "Alright… What about…" I took a deep breath and steeled myself for a let-down. "What about my guitar?"
The line was silent for a moment and I bit my lip as I waited. Finally, he said, "The CO's will need to do a thorough search and scan… but you can bring it."
I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. "I'm OK with that, so long as they're careful. It's my dad's old guitar. It's older than I am."
"They'll use the utmost care with it." He assured me.
"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow, Warden."
"Yes, ma'am."
I hung up just as Rosalie wandered in with the baby. She gave me a small smile and perched on the end of the bed. "Conversation with Warden Afton go well?"
"Yup." I nodded. "They'll have to scan the guitar, but they're letting me bring it in."
She grinned. "Well that's good. Jasper says you haven't been playing much lately."
I shrugged. "Not really… After I burned my hand, I didn't really stretch the skin and work it the way I needed to and it got stiff. I've been practicing for a few weeks though." There was no need to admit to either Rose or Jasper that I hadn't actually picked up either of my guitars since that epic emotional fail with Michael. I'd somehow lost the zeal I used to have for it, but now that I was recovering and moving forward, I was regaining my love for the instrument.
On any other day, I used the Gibson Hummingbird Jasper had long ago chosen for me, but I wanted my dad to know how much I treasured his old guitar, and so I'd pulled it out of its case and had it cleaned and serviced so that I could play it for him.
Jasper entered a moment later carrying a large pepperoni pizza. He grinned evilly and asked, "Mimi, you want some pizza?"
I cringed. Rose and I hated that nickname for Amelia, but that only made Jasper use it more, so we'd stopped bitching about it.
Rosalie scowled at him. "She'll be just fine with her jarred food and breast milk, Jasper." And then she kissed Amelia on the head and cooed, "Uncle Jasper's being an idiot. Just wait until he and Auntie Sage have babies. He'll be an idiot then too, but Auntie Sage will kick his ass like she did to Peter."
"Rose, little ears have big mouths." I chastised.
"Shut up." She laughed. "She's not talking yet."
"Yeah, and when her first words are fuck, shit, damn, ass, and bitch, you're gonna flip your lid."
Jasper snorted a laugh. "Says the girl who can make an entire sentence out of all those words, including using one as a verb and another as an adjective."
"Shut up. You wanna feed a seven month-old pizza." I retorted, sticking my tongue out in a stellar showing of my own maturity. "Can we eat already? I'm starving."
We ate in relative silence, watching some crappy movie about vampires who sparkled in the sunlight while Amelia attempted to crawl on the blanket Rose had laid out for her. After the movie, Rose excused herself to get Amelia ready for bed and I immediately pulled out Dad's old Gibson Epiphone and began tuning it.
Jasper grinned at me. "It's good to see you play again, you know that? I can't remember the last time I saw you play before a few weeks ago."
I smiled wistfully. "The night of my date with Edweird."
His brow furrowed at that. "Seriously? That long?"
"Yup." I replied, pulling the pick free of its spot under the strings at the top of the neck. "That long. On the Samick." I strummed a little to start before picking up the scales. It had always been a habit of mine to start with scales when I practiced, just to make sure the muscle memory was still there.
Unfortunately for me, it wasn't. It really had been too long without playing and I was having to slowly build up the muscle memory again. My fingers ached and the calluses that had built up were still sensitive instead of being thick and tough like I needed them to be.
I'll be paying for this for the next few months.
I grimaced as I felt my pinky strain to reach the correct chord, and then again when my middle finger cracked.
"Shit." I whispered.
"It sounds good." Jasper encouraged.
I pulled a face. "It's scales and it sounds like shit."
"You're out of practice. It happens." He whispered soothingly, pushing my hair out of my eyes. "And he's not gonna care if all you play is scales for him. He'll love anything because you love the guitar just like he does."
I smiled. "Why do you do that?"
"Do what?" he asked, grinning.
"Say the right thing all the time?"
He chuckled at that and kissed my forehead. "If you'll recall, there have been times where I've said some decidedly stupid things."
"Not recently." I murmured, tilting my head up to kiss him. "Now, go shower. I need to practice."
Jasper smirked. "Fine. I'll give you until I'm outta the shower, but then we're goin' to bed. You don't need to be up all night straining your fingers and I don't need to try to sleep to a chorus of Fuck Fuck Fuck that hurt! every time you can't reach the right fret."
I rolled my eyes, knowing he was teasing me. I could reach the frets just fine, it was just difficult without the muscle memory. "Whatever." I mumbled, sticking my tongue out at him.
He laughed and disappeared into the bathroom while I continued, my frustration mounting every time I strained my pinky. I eventually took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to come up with a song to play.
Without meaning to, my fingers began the opening notes to Frankie J's Daddy's Little Girl. I hadn't played the song in a very long time. Jasper was the first person to play it for me, all those years ago in Galveston, on the porch swing that first night. I'd never told him, but I'd learned the chords as soon as I back to Forks and played it every night for a year. It helped me sleep. It made me feel as though he was there with me.
"See?"
I snapped to attention, not realizing that I'd played through the entire song with my eyes closed and my mind elsewhere. Jasper was leaning in the bathroom doorway, a towel slung low on his hips and a grin on his face.
"See what?" I asked.
"See? You've been stressing, but you played it perfect."
I shrugged at that. "I used to play it a lot."
He nodded and shrugged away from the door. "Well, maybe that's a sign? Maybe that's what you should play for him. It means a lot to you."
"You were the first person to play it for me."
"So? Your face lights up whenever you hear it. You were smiling just now."
"Maybe…" I acceded.
The next morning, we grabbed breakfast at the diner across the street from the motel before heading over to the prison.
The check-in process was a lot longer than normal, since I had the guitar with me. Unfortunately, I might've hampered the entire process a little by henpecking every move the guards made with the guitar.
I was jumpy and unconsciously kept reaching for it every time they made a move with it, though they were incredibly gentle, and it was only when Jasper put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly that I calmed slightly.
The guards escorted us to one of the trailers and I set the guitar down in the corner as Rosalie settled on the bed with Amelia.
The trailer was sparsely decorated, only having a bed with cheap white sheets and a single pillow. There were no chairs, no decorations, and the walls were white. It kind of reminded me of being on the Ward, except that the mattress on the Ward was thicker and had a nice blanket.
A few moments later, the door opened and Dad entered, wearing the orange jumpsuit I'd grown accustomed to seeing him in, his wrists cuffed in front of him.
I waited until the guard removed the cuffs and left with a reminder of three hours before crossing the room to hug him.
"Hi, Daddy." I whispered.
"Hi, Baby Girl. How you been?"
"I've been better… but I've been worse." I replied, smiling up at him. He grinned back, his dimples showing, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him over to the bed. "Dad, this is Rosalie Hale… and this is Amelia."
Dad grinned and shook Rose's proffered hand. "It's so nice to meet you, Rosalie. I've heard a lot about you."
"Rose, Sir." Rosalie replied, giving him a winning smile. "Family calls me Rose."
I could tell by that simple statement, Rose had made his day. His smile was so wide, I thought his face might crack… and it wasn't much of a stretch.
Dad was more worse-off than the last time I'd seen him. His cheeks had sunken in, his skin had taken on a slightly yellow pallor, and the whites of his eyes had gone yellow.
Jaundice.
"Well, Rose, family calls me Randall." Dad replied, smiling brightly. "So she's my granddaughter?"
Rosalie nodded. "Would you like to hold her?"
"Nothing would make me happier."
Rosalie slid over to make room for him and he sat down next to her, situating himself so that he was stable on the bed before taking Amelia from her. "Hey there, Little Girl. I'm your granddaddy. It's nice to finally meet you." Amelia smiled and Dad smiled back. "She looks a lot like your mother, Rose… but she's got Sage's and Mariah's eyes."
I rolled my eyes. "Dad, her eyes haven't settled yet. She's only seven months old."
"So what? They're more green than anything, but they're that light green like yours, not dark like Jasper's."
"I agree." Rosalie murmured. "And they're beautiful, no matter what. She's got your dimples though, Randall." She added as Amelia smiled again, further proving the point.
"Well, they're Emmett's…"
"Emmett gets them from you, that makes them yours." She replied.
Dad smiled again and I swear I saw a tear slip down his cheek. "You've no idea how happy you've made me today, do you know that? I get to meet the love of my son's life, and my granddaughter all in one go. That's pretty damn special." He wiped his eyes quickly and glanced at me. "Sage, you gonna play for me, or did you just bring the Epiphone for show?"
I snapped out of my Dad-induced trance and nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna play." I replied, smiling gratefully as Jasper pulled the Epiphone out of its case and handed it to me. I strummed and tuned by ear while Dad and Rosalie continued a murmured conversation.
Jasper sat quietly with me, kissing my hair as I found the right sounds, and when I was ready, he scooted a little ways away to give me enough room.
He smiled encouragingly and I plucked out the first few notes slowly, earning a nod of approval, and then I began to truly play.
I hadn't actually meant to sing, but for some reason it didn't feel right to not sing, not let Dad hear me, when this was quite obviously the only time he would. As I picked and plucked out the song, I started low, almost a murmur, and as Jasper placed a comforting hand on my knee and squeezed, I began in earnest.
"He drops his suitcase by the door And she says, "Daddy, Daddy, don't leave
She knows her daddy won't be back anymore
She drags her feet across the floor
Tryin' to hold back time, to keep him holdin' on
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you?"
Jasper wiped a stray tear from my cheek and I gave him a soft smile, not having even realized I was crying. And then, without warning, Dad picked up the song with me, rocking Amelia gently as he sang with me. "Daddy, Daddy, don't leave Father, listen
Mommy's sayin' things she don't mean
She don't know what she's talkin' about
Somebody hear me out?
Tell him that he's got a home
And he don't have to go
Father, save him
I would do anything in return?"
It had been so long, I'd forgotten how well my dad sang, how comforting his voice was. It was deep and gravelly, not nearly as smooth as Frankie J's, but still so perfect in its own way. He was a little pitchy at points, but no one cared, and I loved the sound. I was committing every bit of it to memory. "I'll clean my room, try hard in school Now she hasn't slept in weeks And she says, "Daddy, Daddy don't leave
I'll be good, I promise You
Father, Father, I pray to You
She don't wanna close her eyes
'Cause she's scared that he'll leave
They tried just about everything
But it's gettin' harder now for him to breathe
I'll do anything to keep you
Right here with me
Can't you see how much I need you?
Daddy, Daddy, don't leave Father, listen I'll clean my room, try hard in school Please don't let him go, I'm beggin' You so Father, listen I'll clean my room, try hard in school She was Daddy's Little Girl"
The doctors are sayin' things they don't mean
They don't know what they're talkin' about
Somebody hear me out?
Tell him that he's got a home
And he don't have to go
Father, save him
I would do anything in return?
I'll be good, I promise You
Father, Father, I pray to You?
Let him open eyes, need a little more time
To tell him that I love him more
Than anything in the world, it's Daddy's Little Girl
Tell him that he's got a home
And he don't have to go
Father, save him
I would do anything in return?
I'll be good, I promise You
Father, Father
We trailed off slowly as the song came to an end and Rosalie and Jasper both clapped loudly.
"That was great!" Rose exclaimed. "Sage, I had no idea you could sing that well."
Dad grinned and nodded. "You sure as hell didn't get that from your mother, that's for sure." He chuckled and shook his head. "She always sounded like she was skinning a cat."
I laughed at that. "Dad, that's not nice."
"No, but it sure as hell is the truth. She knew it too, she just didn't care… and I still loved to hear her sing."
Jasper POV
Over the next few weeks, Sage and I began picking up our Lompoc visits to every weekend. She'd never asked, and I knew she never would, but I began suggesting it and she was always relieved that I offered.
Rosalie and Amelia joined us a few times, except for the weekend after Thanksgiving, as she and Emmett wanted to spend their first big holiday as a family together. We were alright with that though, since we'd spent the holiday with Peter and Char before driving down to Lompoc the day after.
The stress of it all was definitely getting so Sage, though. She'd gotten a low A on her Ethics mid-term and was freaked out that she wouldn't be able to keep the grade up, citing that her ethics must've been skewed because of what happened with Maria and Royce.
I'd simply rolled my eyes and quizzed her non-stop, letting her use my flashcards, since she had the same professor I'd had, and let her have her quiet time to study.
I knew from her attitude that she and Randall were spending some time during the visits talking about Emmett, but what exactly, I was never sure. She was always drained, but she wouldn't let herself slip. She was still working the bag, still hiking and kickboxing with Charles, still pouring her heart out to Doctor Cullen…
And my girl was happy.
It wasn't so much that I could see it, as I could just feel it. It was such a drastic change, it felt like the air around her had shifted and she was pure joy and laughter and jokes, music and photographs, light and energy.
She got up at the crack of dawn every damn day to run five miles, then went off to class, then to work with me to help with riding lessons, then back into the city for therapy, then home for Rage Exercises and homework. She was unstoppable, a complete force of nature that often left me feeling exhausted.
And I loved every fucking minute of it.
This was the Sage I'd been missing, the one who'd slipped through the cracks over the years. She was back, and she wasn't fucking backing down again.
Two weeks before Christmas found us back in Lompoc, sans Rose and Amelia, and enjoying the quiet time in our motel room. We'd both brought books to study for the upcoming finals, but something was off and I could tell Sage was waging some internal battle about whether or not to bring it up.
After over an hour of her fidgeting, she finally sighed, sat up on the bed and said, "I got early acceptance to the Master's Program at Columbia."
I closed my book and set it aside. "That's fucking awesome, Darlin'! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I kissed her quickly and hugged her.
She sighed and buried her face in my chest. "Because I'm not sure I'll go."
"What? Why?" I cried, pushing her backward so I could look her in the eyes.
"Because… you were planning on applying to the Master's Program at Berkeley, and I don't want to be separated for three years… I figured I'd just apply to Berkeley's program. It's just as good."
"No, it's not just as good." I argued. "You and I both know that… and I was planning on applying to Berkeley's program as a fall-back in case I couldn't get into Columbia's program. I'm going wherever you're going, Sage. You're stuck with me."
Sage smiled wistfully at that. "You mean that?" I nodded. "So then… as long as you get in too, we're going to New York."
"Damn straight." I kissed her again and laid down, pulling her onto my chest. "Just please tell me we won't stay in New York afterwards." I laughed. "I don't think I could live in snow and slush forever… or the humidity."
"No, I definitely don't want to deal with all that forever… just long enough for the program." She agreed.
We spent a few more hours that evening studying and discussing plans for what we would need to take care of if we, indeed, were making a move to New York by the end of the next year, and then went to bed shortly before midnight.
The next morning was par for the course. Sage agonized over what to wear to the prison, still intent that she should look nice for her dad, even if that meant gut-wrenching over how much skin was showing. We grabbed breakfast at the local diner and were parked in the visitor's lot no later than ten.
I saw him long before Sage did. At first, I'd thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, or that maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but as we got closer to the doors, he came into sharper focus and I knew that he was actually there. I just didn't know why.
He was leaning against the wall, arms and ankles crossed, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, simply waiting… watching… but his face was a blank mask.
I stopped short of the sidewalk, cinching Sage to my side and she looked up at me questioningly. "Jazz? What is it? What's wrong?" she looked around, and I knew the exact second she caught sight of him, because her entire body went rigid as she exhaled a whispered, "Emmett."
End Note: Next chapter will be up next week. Leave some love, I'll send a teaser.
