A/N. Okay, I admit. This chapter is kind of fluffy - but I had so much fun writing it!
By the way, 4.8 kilos is ten and a half pounds, just so the Americans know! You'll know what I mean when you get to it.
Also, I want to add Cosmic Love by Florence + the Machine to my While-I'm-Writing Playlist. I...really like Florence, obviously.
The new cover is by a reader! They emailed it to me, and am unsure of their username on FFn, so whoever made it, please PM on here so I can give you credit! :D
...~oOo~...
Chapter Fifty-One: Strong Eggnog and Apologies
Hermione walked into work that Monday to find a bouquet of fluttering paper flowers and butterflies on her desk in a crystal vase. She was very familiar with the handiwork. In Hogwarts, one of Sirius's favorite ways to show off while simultaneously romance her was send her flittering butterfly notes across the classroom.
"Someone's got an admirer," Alice Longbottom said as she passed the desk, smirking.
"Actually, just an idiotic brother," Hermione said. "Alice, aren't you still on maternity leave?"
The woman nodded. "I just came by to see how Frank is doing. Frank's mother is spending time with Neville, fitting him for sweater vests and outrageous hats, I'm sure. How have you been?"
Hermione shrugged and turned the vase to see every angle of the rainbow paper bouquet. "I've been alright. Sirius has just been less manageable that usual lately."
"Does it have something to do with you and Remus, you think?" Alice asked.
"I don't know if it has anything to do with me and Remus, but he's made it pretty clear how he currently feels about Remus. They've been having some problems." Hermione tried to give a casual shrug. "Boys will be boys, right?"
Alice touched Hermione's hand in the way a mother would. "I know it must be hard. Your brother and the man you love suddenly butting heads, but everything will get better. I promise. And the fact that Sirius is sending you bouquets must mean he's sorry. You should try talking to him."
"Thank you, Alice," Hermione said sincerely. Alice, always so soft-spoken and sweet, with her short brown hair and round face. She was type of woman who just knew what to say.
"Speak of the devil," Alice said, nodding to behind Hermione. "Hello, Sirius. How are you today?"
"I've been better," Sirius said with a dramatic sigh. "Back aches from, you know, sleeping on the couch."
"Oh, please!" Hermione snipped. "There are enough rooms in the Potters' house to house Wizengamot. Don't act even for a moment like you've been sleeping on a sofa."
"Oh, alright," Sirius huffed. "But emotionally, it feels like a couch because it's not the same as being home. I haven't been able to sleep, kitten. It's been hell."
Alice just gave her kind smile and said, "I'll leave you two to talk. See you all soon!" She waved and walked away.
Sirius turned on Hermione with wide grey eyes. "I miss home, Hermione."
"It's been a day."
"And what an awful day it's been," Sirius moaned. "And technically, it's been two nights. Two nights of no bloody sleep. I love Harry - really, I do - but for the love of magic, the kid never stops crying. I don't know how Lily and James do it."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "So the only reason you want to come home is because you're tired of being woken up by the baby?"
"Marginally, yes. Then there is the fact that Lily makes the coffee far too weak and James has become boring in his old age."
"Don't you mean 'mature'?"
"Boring, mature - same difference. The point is that I want to come back to Grimauld. You can't keep me out forever, you know."
"I've changed the Floo password, all the wards, and the locks. So, yes, I can actually keep you out forever."
Sirius's face drooped into a deep frown. "Don't you miss me?"
Hermione pretended to think about it before shaking her head. "No, not really."
The frown grew graver. "You're brutal. I missed you."
"No, Sirius, you missed your laundry being done from day to day. Whatever did you do without the only pair of boxers you ever wear?" Hermione crossed her arms.
"Going commando is not nearly as fun as everyone claims," Sirius proclaimed. He reached down and scratched his crotch without discretion. "It chafes like hell."
Hermione's face screwed up into a grimace. "Good Merlin, Sirius, have some decency."
Out of nowhere, Sirius's arms were thrown around Hermione and squeezing her for all she was worth. "Please, Hermione, let me back in the house. PLEASE. I need you - I need you like fish need water, like Hippogriffs need dead ferrets, and like you need books. Much longer and I'll die."
"Twenty-four hours, Sirius!"
"That only goes to show you just how much I need you," he persisted, holding her harder as she just wiggled, but there was no room to move. "Two nights, one day, and I've already lost three pounds, lost a whole night of sleep, and lost about four layers of skin around Stubby."
"Do you honestly still call it that?!"
"THAT ISN'T THE POINT."
Hermione sighed and pulled away from his tight embrace to cross her arms. "Why should I let you come home? Give me three good reasons."
"I'll start doing my own laundry, I'll stop having whiskey with lunch, and I'll apologize to Remus."
Hermione almost heard the thunk of her chin hitting the floor. "You're going to actually apologize?"
Sirius nodded confidently. "Yes."
With a deep breath Hermione said, "Okay, fine, you can come home. But only after you've apologized to Remus."
Sirius beamed. "Deal. I'm going to take you out to dinner tonight, Whiskers. An apology dinner to you."
"Who's going to be paying for it?" Hermione asked skeptically.
"Most likely you. You are the one with all the money, you know. Your house, and everything."
...~oOo~...
"Hermione, I need you to babysit."
Hermione dropped her face to the table in front of her. "Lucius..." she groaned.
"I understand that Draco doesn't particularly..." Lucius hunted for a word "- like you. But you see, we're having our annual Christmas party - which you denied our invitation to - and the house-elves and everyone we know is going to be there and busy. So we need someone to watch Draco for the evening. And since you did reject the invitation -"
"Are you ever doing to let that go?"
" - I figured whatever you must be doing Christmas Eve is a bore, so there's no harm in bringing Draco." Lucius gave a smirk.
"You just want to see me end with bruises and scratch marks from your son," Hermione huffed, stirring her tea. The back patio of Malfoy Manor had a wamring charm cast over it, but Hermione could see the frigid air whirring the frosty branches and the dusting of snow like white icing over the ground.
Lucius gave a formal shrug. "That may be part of it, but I still need a babysitter. So as his godmother, it's your duty to do this."
"So, this isn't a question?"
"No, it's an order."
"You're so damned...ugh." Hermione shook her head and sipped her tea.
As if on cue, crawling from the backdoor was a small boy with a mop of blonde hair and a large rubber teething ring in his mouth. A house-elf opened the door for him and out he came onto the patio, making mewling and gurgling sounds.
"There's my son," Lucius said with a hint of pride. "Where is your mother Draco?"
Predictably, Draco did not answer. The seven-month old was getting longer by the day, it seemed, and his face had rounded out quickly. His eyes were a lively grey and his nose came to a gentle point. He strongly resembled the Draco Hermione remembered.
Hermione, having a fondness for babies, reached down and lifted him up, sitting him on her lap. Draco gurgled some more. Hermione carefully dislodged the magic teething ring, which never popped our got bite marks, and lifted his lip to have a look at the development of his teeth. His bottom two front teeth were pushed through the gums, but still not fully grown yet.
"You're getting to be a big boy," Hermione said in her baby voice. Draco giggled maniacally before reaching out with one of his fat baby hand and gripped a section of her hair to yank. "Ow, ow, ow, Draco!"
Lucius let out a deep, amused chuckle.
Still laughing that high-pitched hiccuping laugh, Draco pulled harder.
Hermione took hold of Draco's wrist gently but firmly and detached him. Draco promptly took his saliva-covered teething ring and chucked it at Hermione's face.
"You will have such a fun Christmas together," Lucius declared with an evil smile.
...
The Order's Christmas party was held in the ballroom that they normally used to duel one another to within and inch of their lives. It wasn't really formal, but there was eggnog, plenty of liquor, decorations, lots of sweets and cakes, and dozens of friends.
When Hermione walked in with Draco on her hip - tugging on her hair again and twisting it into knots - she immediately felt relief that there were other kids there. Lily and Alice both had their sons and Hermione's smile glowed when she saw the array of red heads buzzing through all the adults' legs.
The vision of one red head clutching his mother's skirt and walking wobbly and pigeon-toed almost had Hermione in tears. Ron's hair was everywhere and his freckles were apparent already.
Molly was talking to Lily, discussing their sons, so when Harry looked down from the perch on his mother's hip to the redheaded barely-walking boy below, Hermione's heart melted. Until Harry took the pacifier from his mouth and dropped it onto Ron's head - then she just started laughing.
Hermione couldn't hold back. She walked over and said, "Hello, Lily. Molly. How are you?"
"Lovely, thank you, dear," Molly said with a broad grin. "I didn't know you had kids, Hermione!"
"Oh, he's not mine," Hermione said, scooting Draco higher on her hip. "I'm babysitting for a friend." Draco whacked her hard across the eye.
Lily winced for Hermione. "He'll grow out of that, you know."
Hermione sighed. "Regretfully, something tells me he won't."
"What's his name?" Molly asked.
"Draco," Hermione answered. "It fits him, trust me." Then she felt a weak tug on her trousers and looked down.
Standing there, still unsteady on his feet, was Ron gripping tightly to the fabric on her thighs, looking up at her with the strangest expression.
"He's beautiful," Hermione told Molly sincerely.
Molly smiled proudly. "Thank you. He's one of the biggest of my boys when they were born - Bill is the only one who beat him. A healthy 4.8 kilograms. Thinking of Bill, he's just turned ten and he's been causing quite the ruckus. Excuse me, dears... BILL! B - WILLIAM ARTHUR WEASLEY, WHAT DID YOU JUST PUT IN YOUR BROTHER'S HAIR?!" And Molly was off towards Bill, Charlie, and Percy.
A pair of two year olds sat at the Weasleys' table, pinching each other and stuffing their faces with food. Hermione picked Ron up onto her other hip and sat beside them. Lily, grinning, did the same.
"Hello, boys," Hermione said. "You're Fred and George, right?"
"Yes," the said in perfect unison. Then they pinched each other again.
"What's yo' name?" the left one said in his little boy voice.
"Hermione."
They both stared at her like she spoke a foreign language. The right one bent to whisper in the left boy's ear and they both giggled. Some things, Hermione figured, never changed.
Then she was suddenly preoccupied by a loud yelp from Ron. Draco had, very savagely, bit down on the ginger's hand. Ron whimpered and Draco giggled and Hermione couldn't help but have a strong sense of deja vu.
"Shame on you," Lily told Draco, playing her mother card. "You be nice, young man."
Then Harry whipped out his little arm and smacked it down into Draco's blonde head, making the latter cry out.
Hermione couldn't prevent it any longer, she laughed.
"Looks like you're having a jolly time," a voice said from behind the women.
Hermione twisted her head to find Remus and James standing there with drinks in their hands, both looking very amused.
James patted his son's head and sat next to his wife. "That's my boy. Making Slytherins cry already."
"Don't encourage him, James," Lily quipped.
"He's five months old, Lily, I'm barely encouraging him if he won't remember it two minutes from now, much less understand a word I say," James said, absently trying to push Harry's hair to where it's supposed to be, but it was as stubborn as his.
Remus took the seat between Hermione and the twins, handing her a cup of egg nog. "Remind me again about how Lucius coerced you into watching his son on Christmas Eve?"
"I'd rather not relive the humiliation," Hermione sighed, scooting the two boys on her lap apart so that they didn't harass each other. "He's a terror."
Of course, Draco chose that moment to snuggle up into Hermione's neck.
"He doesn't look so terrible to me," Remus observed.
Hermione huffed and said, "He's just pretending to be good because other people are around. Actually, he's evil. He bit Ron, for goodness sake!"
Lily paused. "How did you know his name?"
"I'm his godmother -"
"Not Draco's. Ronald's. Molly never told you his name - but this was your first time seeing him, right?" Lily looked very curious.
"I, um...heard Arthur talking about him once or twice," Hermione said, rubbing the ginger infant's back lightly. "Must've stuck in my head. So! Where's my brother?"
James and Remus pointed at the same time to across the room. Sirius was surrounded by some Order members' daughters, most still Hogwarts ages, and giggling around him like a flock of owls. Sirius, who usually enjoyed females' attention, looked very awkward being circled by jail bait.
"It's amusing," James observed. "It's almost as if he's had this coming. I hope he gets arrested."
"Moody is here," Hermione said. "And he'd arrest Sirius for breathing wrong." She sipped the eggnog and almost sprayed it out. Lily took a drink of hers at the same time, and actually did.
"Jesus!" Lily cried. "Who made this bloody eggnog?!"
"Hagrid, of course," James reported with a broad smile. "Sirius helped, though."
"It tastes like cough syrup!" Hermione said.
Nodding and drinking his, Remus laughed, "That it does." He didn't even cringe as he swallowed. Men were ridiculous, Hermione thought.
Ron stood up on Hermione's lap and started playing with her hair, while leaning heavily on her shoulder.
"She's like Saint Theresa," Lily said, smiling. "Children just love her."
"Though he is not showing it right now, Draco actually hates me," Hermione said grimly. "He always screams in my ears, tries ripping out my earrings, and slaps me."
"Well, Ron likes you," Lily assured her. "Look. He's being very gentle."
"It's because I have stupid hair," Hermione said morosely. "Babies like it because it feels like a wool blanket."
Her three companions giggled at that.
"Well, I think you're wrong," Lily said. "I think once you have children, you'll see that they love you."
Hermione's heart gave a pang and she fought to keep smiling. While absently straightening Ron's little sweater, she said, "I don't think I'm going to have children. I have too much fun playing with all of your kids - why would I need any?" she teased, brushing a piece of fuzz from Draco's blonde locks. He still didn't have his first hair cut, so his hair was as soft as down.
"Well, of course you'll need some!" James laughed heartily. "You need to repay the favor and make me a godfather!"
"Sirius will take care of that, I'm sure," Hermione joked half-heartedly. Her and Remus were studiously avoiding one another's gazes. They didn't want to talk about kids again, not after the huge issue it caused last they talked. And it still hurt, for Hermione.
"Remus, tell Hermione she has to have kids," Lily said. "I'm sure you're not going to tolerate being childless forever!"
Remus didn't say anything, just looked away and took a long swallow of eggnog.
James and Lily looked at one another. "I think we hit a nerve, love," James said slowly. "We just figured with everyone becoming parents lately that... you know..."
"That we'd follow suit, you mean?" Hermione finished for him. "Well, you know I can't have kids right now with the whole Dark Lord business."
"Yes," Lily answered. "But after the war, surely..."
Hermione handed Remus Ron and said, "I have to go say hello to my brother and everyone." She stood up and switched hips to carry Draco and ducked to kiss Remus's temple. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. "Bye, guys." She waved to Lily and James and hurried away.
...
"What just happened?" Lily demanded of Remus once Hermione was out of ear shot. She narrowed her eyes and scowled. "This is your fault - I can feel it."
James shook his head before Remus could answer. "No, it's probably Hermione's. You know how she is - she has reservations about everything."
Lily shook her head harder. "No, this is woman's instinct. Hermione is like every other young woman on the planet. She wants kids, she wants marriage, she wants to spend forever with the man she loves. But if the man - " she glared accusingly as Remus " - says or does something to get in the way of that plan, well she gets upset. So, spill it, Remus."
The werewolf sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Do we have to talk about this? It's sort of personal, don't you think?"
"So is childbirth, but I let you in the room, didn't I?" Lily retorted.
"Fine, fine," Remus said, bouncing Ron gently on his knee. "I told Hermione that... I can't have kids because of the whole werewolf thing. Werewolves rarely procreate, so its impossible to know if it's genetic."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "You're telling me she didn't talk you out of that stupid theory? I thought she was the smart one."
"Well, she tried to, but..." Remus took a deep breath. "She made it very clear that one day I should have kids, but it wouldn't going to be with her."
"I don't get it..." James said.
Remus shrugs. "She doesn't think we'll, you know, marry or even get to the point to talk about kids. She thinks end up with someone else because I'll get sick of her or something."
Lily's glare darkened. "Have you said anything to make her think that?"
"No!" Remus said, offended. "Never!"
"Then why's she saying it?" Lily demanded skeptically.
"Oh, goodness, I don't know," Remus said sarcastically, "maybe because she's an impossibly complex young woman at a very unstable point in her life?"
James nodded. "One day in Hermione's brain, I'd imagine, could make drive the sanest of people mad."
"Try one hour," Remus added. "I just... I don't know where we stand right now."
There was a long pause before Lily said, "Remus, I really don't think lycanthropy is genetic. If it were, it would be transmitted through semen, and by now Hermione would be infected, wouldn't she?"
"Even so," Remus said, "it isn't something I'm going to risk, because there's no way of telling that for sure." He offered James the spitting Ron and said, "Take him, will you? I've got to find Hermione. I want to give her the gift I got her. I don't want to fight on Christmas."
...
Sirius Black hated Christmas. As a child, it was never any fun because his parents were never home and he and Regulus would have to open their gifts alone. Usually it would be a lot of shiny things that little boys weren't interested in. The only gift he remembered liking from his childhood was his first broom, from his father. He flew around the house and broke a crystal figurine and once his mother came home and the house-elves reported the incident, he got the belt and was locked in his room for the rest of Christmas day.
Then, of course, it was always the time of year for couples to cuddle close and buy gifts and be happy while he was miserable.
The only happy Christmas he remembered having was the Christmas Eve night that he took Hermione's virginity.
But there he was, handsome bachelor at a party, being surrounded by girls who were still in school. Granted, he was barely 21, but these girls just didn't know when to shake off.
Sirius almost fainted from gratefulness when Hermione walked over, baby in her arms, saying, "Alright, girls. Make way, make way. He's much too old for you, and far too perverted."
The girls all reluctantly departed with Hermione's shooing. "Happy Christmas, brother," Hermione said, reaching up to kiss his cheek.
"Happy Christmas, kitten," he replied. "Thank you for chasing away the junior temptresses. How's the little devil doing?" He nodded towards Draco.
"Perfectly terrible, though he's settled down," Hermione admitted, looking at the blonde boy resting against her breasts.
"Sneaky little bugger," Sirius grumbled, sipping his eggnog. "He just wanted to touch your boobs."
"Sirius, just because you always want to touch my boobs, does not mean seven-month-olds do as well," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
Sirius gave a pout.
"But enough about my breasts -"
"Darling, I can never hear enough about your breasts."
"Can you pretend to be a gentleman for two minutes?"
Sirius put on a pensive expression like he was honestly thinking about it. Then he shook his head, "Nope."
"Then, at least hold Draco for me." Hermione held the boy out to her brother. Sirius backed up so fast you'd think she was offering him leprosy.
"Why the fuck would I do that?" he demanded, aghast.
"I need to find Remus and apologize," Hermione said. "We need some...alone time to talk and I can't do that with an infant trying to rip of my earlobes, now can I?"
"Well, find someone else, because I'm not touching him. As Arthur's wife - she's used to masses of midgets in her life."
"He's not a midget, he's a baby -"
"It's the same thing -"
"You hold Harry all the time -"
"Harry isn't Satan's spawn -"
There was a loud throat clearing and they both turned. There Remus stood, hands in his pockets, looking mildly amused at their display.
"Hermione?" Remus asked. "Could we maybe take a walk?"
"I'd love you, Remus," Hermione said, shoving Draco into Sirius's shocked arms. She hurried away, taking Remus's hand and disappearing before Sirius could catch up.
...~oOo~...
Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. What do you think Remus got Hermione? 3. How do you think Sirius is going to do babysitting Draco? 4. How do you like all the HP's major players meeting as babies?
~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~
