Hey, everyone! Thanks to every single one of you who commented on the last chapter! Special nod to ambre and meredith who aren't registered (which prevents me from responding in PM).
Here's chapter 41. Special warning for this one, it can trigger personal issues.
Chapter 41
"You felt it too, didn't you?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi's eyes opened to find Barriss Offee standing before him, looking more enthusiastic than he had seen her in awhile. She sat down to join him on the floor where he was in the process of meditating.
"Yes," he replied, still unsure of what he had felt.
There was a disturbance in the Force. The Light was more attainable, stronger, shining almost too strongly whenever he had delved into meditation these past few weeks.
What he was unsure of was the origin of this disturbance. He wondered about other Jedi, whether there were survivors out there... After all when they arrived on Alderaan two years before, Barriss and he had been very surprised to be welcomed by Ylenic It'kla, one of their fellow Jedi and a few padawans, who had fled the massacre to find refuge on Alderaan. But even if there were other Jedi, he knew - deep down he knew – this wasn't about a few Jedi bringing the Light back.
It was too strong.
"The children perhaps?" he murmured, stroking his whitening beard thoughtfully.
Barriss arched an eyebrow, visibly fighting the urge to tease him. She had done a great deal of that these past few years which he secretly enjoyed.
Obi-Wan sighed. "I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it."
The Light felt like...
Anakin.
He had felt his former apprentice reach out to him distantly, almost automatically, in a blind burst of light. There had been pain -so much pain- involved but there had been something more like the Anakin he had known than Vader.
"Maybe we could try-" Barriss started.
Obi-Wan shook his head, "No, it's too dangerous."
"Barriss," he interrupted her when she started to protest, "It may be Anakin but it's too unstable for now. We don't even know what changed. From what we can see, the Empire is still there." Obi-Wan fought against a shudder as he thought of Padmé the last time he had seen her on the Holonews. "Perhaps his children help him to reach the Light but it's too soon to make any move."
He stood up, rubbing his aching shoulders and walked to the window from where he could see the Alderaanian landscape. The Alliance had been growing stronger these past few years, providing them a shelter in Bail Organa's old castle, right under their enemy's nose.
Obi-Wan frowned. Anakin had grown reckless or maybe arrogant. There were rumors about Badinta, the Alderaani Senator, being involved with the Rebellion but nothing had been investigated. They had moved in there with the support of the population and were living on the planet almost in the open.
He could tell the Jedi were getting back in people's good graces. They were given far more help than a few years prior.
Something was shifting, the Jedi could feel it.
And if the time came to fight Anakin again, Obi-Wan was ready. He had meditated intensively these past few years, letting go of the betrayal, the fear, the anger and hatred polluting his mind and soul.
He had let go of all these dark emotions, replacing them with peace and had grown only stronger.
Whenever he thought of his former apprentice now, he could only feel sadness and longing for what they used to have.
In all these years he had also grown to believe Master Yoda and Qui-Gon were right. Maybe, just maybe... Anakin was still the Chosen One and could be brought back to the Light.
But never before had he obtained such evidence that it was happening. That all these years spent hoping against hope the balance could be brought back would not be for nothing.
Obi-Wan couldn't fight some worry though. Because now, after all his deeds, even if Anakin could turn back to the Light, in what state would he be left? How could he really atone for his sins?
When he was alone with his thoughts, Obi-Wan often wondered if it was too late.
He remembered all too well the younglings' bodies littering the Jedi Council room.
"We have to hope for the best," Barriss said, suddenly next to him. He looked back at her with affection.
"I know," he replied softly, his gaze going back to the Alderaani lake.
"I'm more concerned about Lainé," she spoke again after awhile.
Obi-Wan frowned.
If he had attained some peace in the past few years, Lainé, now a young man, was harboring dark feelings for the Emperor. The young Jedi hadn't been unable to think past the fact he should have been with the survivors and killed. Desire of revenge motivated him, which was never good.
Obi-Wan sighed, stroking one of his temples.
"It's not your fault, Obi-Wan," Barriss said next to him, guessing his thoughts again. "Just like Anakin turning wasn't your fault. Everyone makes their own choices."
Everything was going according to plan.
The fake attack against her was due today. Fake communications and reports of suspicious activity from the Senators that were blocking the bill had been fabricated under her instructions. Mon Mothma was also supposed to have planned it all.
Empress Vader allowed herself a small smile.
Soon, at last, her bill would pass and she would improve the galaxy's state. Just a little. Maybe this bill would bring her popularity back as well.
Motée, one of her handmaidens, announced Toré Monera in her office, who soon came in, wearing a proud smile. "Your Highness", he bowed before her. She stood regally and only nodded, motioning for her handmaiden to lead her to the Senate chamber.
Soon there would be an alarm, a bomb detected right before the Senate session and everyone would be evacuated. And she would be free to do everything she wanted.
But when the Empress sat back at her usual place, the Senate session started.
Two standard hours passed while the same old arguments started again. And there was still nothing.
Padmé scowled. Had Monera failed at the one thing she was counting on him for?
Suddenly there was a hustle in the assembly. The Empress leaned down, watching as clonetroopers invaded the pods of the Senators she had wanted to target.
At last, she allowed herself a small smirk.
"I am afraid the session has to be adjourned," the Empress ordered.
But instead of a little grumbling and the sound of pods withdrawing, unrest filled the entire chamber. Some Senators were yelling...
At her, she realized in shock. There were threats, insults from some pods in the higher rows.
"You did this!" Ron Badinta, the Senator from Alderaan, stood from his pod and pointed at her.
"How dare you?" she responded then motioned at her aide on her right. "Arrest him!" Clonetroopers circled the Senator and cuffed him. The unrest grew bigger.
"We'll have to escort you back to your office, Your Highness," the aide whispered next to her.
She nodded, still too shocked to speak.
When they reached her office, there was no trace of Monera. Padmé was still at loss. She was supposed to be the victim of the so-called attack. Yet, no attack had taken place and still the Senators were arrested.
Had Anakin stepped in and done it himself?
Motée opened the door to her office, looking flushed and concerned.
"What is it?" she snapped, massaging her temples, trying to determine what had gone wrong.
"Your Highness, there was an attack on the Palace. I heard the Emperor was injured-"
Padmé's head snapped up in shock. "What?" she could only utter, her whole being frozen.
The handmaiden was still talking but she couldn't hear anything, the blood was thrumming in her veins. "Is he badly hurt? What about my children?"
"I don't know, the reports keep coming in."
Padmé's hands were trembling as she put them on each side of her face, feeling herself shake all over. "I have to go to them, I-"
"Your Highness, the security protocols are clear, you have to stay inside."
Padmé only shook her head, pushing past her and reaching the security guards.
"Your Excellency, go back to your office," one of the clonetroopers was telling her, pushing her back inside.
"No, lead me to the Palace now!"
"They're evacuating the wounded; the place isn't secure; you need to wait-"
Padmé pushed against the surprised trooper. "I need to go there now!" she cried out, trying to escape to the main corridor. They caught her immediately and pushed her back inside the office, locking the door behind her.
She screamed, hit the door with her hands like a mad woman. It couldn't be real, she needed to be with them now, see for herself they were alive, all three of them... Something was breaking free of her, painfully.
Padmé fell down to her knees, still screaming. She could barely feel Motée's arms around her, the young woman murmuring words of comfort.
What had happened? It hadn't been her plan. She would've never risked the safety of her children's for the sake of arresting the opposing Senators.
Wouldn't you have?
Padmé shook her head against her inner voice, one she had thought she had banished forever. It was supposed to be a fake attack. And never at the Palace.
It was Monera of course...
Monera whom she had manipulated into making him believe he could be her lover one day because he was useful... Monera who had spoken about getting rid of the Emperor multiple times and she had never denied the possibility because he was useful...
He had done this.
Padmé felt sudden deep anger at the Governor. It replaced the fear. Better.
"Call Monera now," the Empress ordered to the handmaiden sitting next to her as she pulled herself upright.
Moments passed. There was no answer.
When they finally let her go, the Empress had composed herself enough to the public eye. The whole Senate had been evacuated and the streets strangely calm as they flew her to the Palace.
Not even one Holoreporter.
Padmé fidgeted in the backseat of the speeder, biting her nails. She had some strange difficulty to breathe.
When the Palace came into view, she couldn't help a gasp. A whole wing had been ripped apart, smoke still billowing from there. She thought of the Naboo Palace abruptly, closed her eyes tightly against the sight.
Then she tried to visualize the wing in her mind. What did it correspond to?
Anakin's quarters, she realized in horror.
Panic was diluting her senses, making her shake even in the warm speeder.
The clonetroopers escorted her to the medical wing which was thankfully intact.
Padmé saw them almost immediately and sighed in relief. Holding her cumbersome skirts in her hands, she ran down the dark corridor until she reached them.
Luke and Leia were sitting up against the wall, cuddling each other. Luke was sucking on his thumb like he hadn't done in a long time.
They were unharmed, not even the trace of smoke on them.
The relief was so staggering she fell to her knees, releasing tears from the sheer stress.
"Luke, Leia..." she breathed, touching their hair. They both recoiled at her touch automatically.
She tried again, her hands reaching out to them. This time, Leia batted her hand away roughly, her eyes shining with hatred...
For her.
"It's your fault!" Leia screamed. "I hate you, I hate you!"
Padmé stared at her daughter, uncomprehending, as the girl screamed, tried to kick her, then stopping, only because she was coughing violently.
"What are you talking about?" she whispered.
"You did this!" Leia yelled again, tears in her eyes. "I heard Father's officers talk. You did this!"
"Go away!" Luke added, his blue eyes so dark she recoiled physically.
Padmé stood up like she was on autopilot, watched as one of her handmaidens tried to calm her own children down.
The numbness was back.
She turned to the medical wing, asked to be let inside by some man she didn't recognize and couldn't care less about.
"Is he dead?" she asked without preamble when she was brought to the healer.
The healer looked at her suspiciously. "No, he isn't, Your Highness. The Emperor suffered relatively minor injuries. I was called for the others."
"The others?" she asked, still feeling oddly distant.
"Some people couldn't be evacuated earlier. It was an ionic bomb-" like the one on Naboo...
Padmé held up a hand, she didn't want to hear anything any longer. Her feet took her to the medical wing where Anakin sat, his back turned to her as he spoke with Officers. She saw the muscles on his back tense before the Officers standing at the ready turned to her, looking her up and down but saying nothing.
"We'll discuss this later," Anakin only said, still not turning towards her.
Padmé barely noticed them leaving the medical wing as she came closer to Anakin, suddenly seeing the burns on the left side of his chest. One of her hands reached out to touch the skin then returned back to her side before completing the move.
"What happened?" she murmured.
Anakin's head snapped in her direction so quickly she jumped slightly.
"You're asking me what happened?" he stared at her incredulously, standing up. His gaze was so cold it hurt. "You planned this!"
Padmé shook her head, still unable to shake herself out of her numbness. "I didn't, I swear-"
"I know it all, Padmé!" Anakin yelled. "Monera's role, your plan to overthrow me! He's already admitted to it all in prison!"
Padmé shook her head again, helplessly. "He did this without my consent, I only planned for a fake attack, that's what he told me-"
Anakin held up a hand, visibly wincing from his injuries. "I don't want to hear your excuses. We'll discuss this later. For now I'm trying to clean up your mess, make it appear as if you had nothing to do with this-"
"I had nothing to do with this! How can you believe that?" Padmé tried again, feeling herself sway dangerously. She could barely stand upright.
"Because the culprits for the attacks are the people you wanted me to get rid of just a few days ago," Anakin replied dryly, looking away. "We both know you hate me, Padmé, I-" he stopped himself.
Only then did Padmé realize he wasn't exuding any darkness, not prominently anyway. There was no yellow in his eyes but she could see how tense he was, like he was reining himself in.
"The culprits will stay but I have to remove any trace of your participation," Anakin said, stepping around her and wincing as he put on a fresh shirt.
"Why?" she asked, her gaze lost in the distance, as she turned her back to him.
"Because the alternative is your execution for high treason," Anakin spat from behind her.
Padmé was still strangely numb. She could feel something push through though. She could feel herself reaching surely but inexorably...
Her breaking point.
"Why don't you execute me then?" she whispered. "Don't I deserve it?"
"I will not be responsible for the death of the mother of my children no matter how despicable," Anakin replied without a hint of affection. "There were 14 people killed in the explosion. There would have been many more if I hadn't sensed the explosion beforehand." He paused. "The Padmé I used to love would've cared. She would've asked."
She said nothing.
"The Senators you wanted to get rid of are dead by the way. They fought against their arrest, then they were joined by bystanders. It was turning into a riot." An irritated sigh. "The troopers shot them dead."
Padmé stared ahead, unable to feel anything. There was a long silence.
When Anakin spoke again, there were tears in his voice.
"Get out of my sight."
Without a word or a glance at him, she turned around and exited the medical wing. She paused once to look down at her children who stared at her with hatred still and then kept on walking. There were some people in the corridors, clonetroopers tailing her everywhere she turned. She reached her quarters soon enough. The handmaiden next to her started to unbutton her dress but Padmé stopped her.
"Leave me alone. Now."
The handmaiden bowed, left the room. She was alone.
Padmé's hand reached out to the light sensors, shut them down, plunging the room into darkness. She untied her hair, letting the short strands fall down on her neck softly.
Then she stared at her hands, raised them to examine them in the darkness.
They were dirty. Bloodied.
Like she was on autopilot, Padmé reached the adjacent bathroom and washed them thoroughly. Then again. And again. And again.
The skin was starting to ache, flushing all over. Padmé then raised her head, took a good look at herself in the mirror.
Examined the hard cold truth in the face.
She was a murderer.
All the people killed in her name by Anakin so she could live. So she could live and then kill Dormé. Bail Organa.
Her father.
Her eyes filled with tears in the reflection, her face twisting into a grimace of pain.
And suddenly the torment of emotions she had fought against for years came and destroyed everything in its passage.
She had killed those Senators. Those people killed by the explosion in the Palace. Probably Monera too.
She was the reason Anakin was still encased in darkness. She remembered his yellow eyes turned to her because he had stayed long enough next to her to hate her again.
The hatred in her children's eyes.
Anakin had been right. She was nothing. She had betrayed everything she had ever believed in.
Padmé watched as her murderous hands reached out and broke the mirror in several pieces, the shards escaping, biting into her skin.
She looked down at her hands again. They were bloodied. Blood was seeping from her skin, falling on the pristine floor.
Her screams went unheard as she broke down. Roughly. She could sense she was swallowed whole by the darkness. Everywhere she turned was cold and dark. Her hands closed around the shards of glass harshly.
She gripped the edges of the elegant sink like she was drowning. Stuck in the deluge of emotions, unable to get out. Unable to escape the pain.
Oh, please make it stop...
Then it clicked in her mind. It all appeared very simple.
Clear.
Why hadn't she thought of it before letting a monster taking over herself?
None of it would have happened if Anakin had let her die when she gave birth to her children. She should have died then.
Their children would have brought him back.
There was never any need for her. She was the Darkness. She was the reason why he turned in the first place. Why he kept being glued to the dark side now.
She was the reason for all these deaths.
She should have died.
And suddenly she was tired. Of fighting against the pain and all these emotions tearing her apart. She wanted the comfort of the darkness.
Forever.
Her eyes turned to the shard of glass in her hand.
"The final report came in. There were 14 dead, 23 people injured, Your Excellency."
"Thank you, Lieutenant,"Anakin responded to the young face in the holo before him. He sat back in his chair in the guest wing, trying to focus on anything but the sting of the deep burns on his side.
Piett was one of the very few people he had trusted when his senses made him feel the bomb. He had made his children evacuate first and foremost. Luke and Leia had cried, clinging to him, obviously feeling his fear. Then he had worked to evacuate the whole Palace. It had taken too long.
His quarters had been ripped apart in one second.
At first everything pointed to the Senators who opposed Padmé on the health bill being responsible for one of too many attacks made against his life. But after their arrest, Anakin still wasn't convinced. The bomb had been put there by someone who had their trust, someone who knew the security system. It didn't take long to find that one of Padmé's handmaidens had put it there. There had been no need for torture. The handmaiden had taken one look at him and told them Monera had instructed it.
Monera hadn't been very immune to the probe from the droid. Anakin had allowed himself the luxury of disappointment when he realized the Governor had broken down so easily, without the need to torture him.
But then the disappointment hadn't lasted long when his Officers relayed him the contents of his declarations. Padmé...
Padmé had orchestrated it all. To get rid of Mothma and the Senators.
It had come off as a shock. He had gone to Monera himself, had stopped himself – just barely – from using Force lightning to make him talk. But Monera had said the same thing again. Padmé was the one ordering the attack.
The horrible betrayal hurt so deeply he couldn't breathe. Then he had seen the holoreport on the Senate, the insults and threats thrown at her and he had made his decision.
No one could know.
This would also endanger the whole Empire. The Empress turning against her husband to replace him with her lover?
Anakin cut off the transmission with Piett after thanking him – the look of shock on the young Lieutenant's face would've been amusing if he wasn't so tired – then took the opportunity to be finally alone to allow himself several seconds of weakness.
He shouldn't be surprised. Padmé hated him with passion. She had always held him responsible for her father's death. She had been annoyed at his continued presence in the Palace, afraid he would take her power away.
So she had taken measures. And risked her children's lives in the process.
In the end this was what he couldn't forgive.
What was he going to do with her? Imprison her?
Force... How had everything come to this?
Anakin felt a sudden disturbance in the Force nagging at him. He could feel...
Padmé's pain. It surprised him. He had thought her incapable of feeling anything anymore.
But right now, he was too hurt and too angry to go to her. He was afraid of what he could do. The effort it took not to turn to the dark side again in his pain was taking everything he had, he was shaking with it.
When Anakin finally found the strength to get up and open the door of his makeshift office, he found himself face to face with Luke and Leia who were sitting before the door. The warmth it brought almost eclipsed the immense pain in his chest.
"What are you doing here?" he asked softly. The children stood up then came to him, fidgeting shyly.
"Luke's afraid of the dark," Leia sniffled, looking up at him.
"No, you are!" Luke replied.
"Am not!"
Anakin sighed. "I'm too tired for this, please. You were both afraid of the dark?"
The children nodded. Anakin took Luke into his arms wordlessly, Leia's small hand in his and led them to their rooms in Padmé's quarters. Once inside Leia's room, Luke wouldn't leave. Anakin put them both inside the same bed and stayed at their bedside until they fell asleep.
His eyes closed themselves in the darkness, the deep fatigue he felt taking over.
Something woke Anakin up.
A nagging feeling. The same disturbance in the Force. Looking at his children, he sighed in relief when he realized they were alright, both breathing regularly.
Something was urging him to leave though.
He frowned. He wouldn't leave their sides.
But as he tried to rearrange himself in the seat where he slept, the nagging feeling of... alarm? wouldn't leave him.
Trust the Force.
Hadn't he done just that earlier? When he had felt the bomb?
Sighing in defeat, Anakin stood up, not before activating Artoo next to his children. Still frowning, he found himself walking for a short while until he realized he had reached Padmé's bedroom.
When he entered it, the nagging feeling became stronger. The room was dark all around.
He reached out to feel Padmé's presence and strangely found... nothing. A few feet away, the door to the bathroom was opening and half shutting on a loop.
Anakin frowned and came closer. Then he stopped in his tracks.
He could smell blood. He would always be able to smell its particular scent, a parting gift from the Clone Wars.
And there was a lot of blood here. Feeling an icy sensation on his back, Anakin came to the door. Something was blocking the entry. He almost stepped on it.
A gown?
It didn't take him long to realize.
Padmé was laying on the floor.
In a pool of blood.
AN : Hopefully Chapter 42 will be posted sooner than usual. Stay tuned.
