Harry is Sheldon and Wormtail/Luke Skywalker? What's the difference.


"How interesting. Without your hand, you're just like Luke Skywalker."

An awkward silence.

"You're standing in my spot." Harry said stubbornly, narrowing his eyes at Wormtail. The rodent jumped where he stood, just under the shadow of a gravestone. "W-what?"

"That spot. It's mine." Harry repeated, stating it like it was obvious.

"I-I'm sorry? H-how can you own a spot?"

"That place is the perfect spot for the shade to reach and yet have the sun warm it to a temperature where I'm neither shivering nor is my skin crawling. It has the perfect vantage point to watch the Dark Lord's resurrection and be shielded from any stray spells he might be inclined to 'shoot off' after his little 'wake up'." Harry said with a patronizing smile.

"O-okay! F-fine! I-I'll l-leave the spot if it means s-so much to you." Wormtail scurried away to a different position, grumbling.

Harry looked smug and tried to move, but then sighed and stared down at his ropes as if they were personally insulting him. "Darn it. It appeared I am trussed up- like a turkey, one might say," Harry snickered.

Wormtail didn't laugh, and Harry looked frustrated. "That was a 'subtle' hint for you to untie me."

Wormtail ignored him.

"Hint, hint."

Nothing.

"Hint, hint… LAVENDER!" He rapped on the stone three times. "LAVENDER!" Knock, knock, knock. "LAVENDER!"

Silence.

"She'll be here in a moment," pause, "and you'll be kneed in a sensitive place, I can tell you!" Harry sniffed.

Wormtail snorted.

"Don't snort. It makes you seem even less intelligent than you already are. LAVENDER!" Knock, knock, knock. "LAVENDER!"

Voldemort rose from the cauldron covering his ears. "Will you stop that incessant noise, otherwise I'll rip your intestines from your stomach and choke you with them!"

"That seems like an uncomfortable way to die. Can I choose another option?"

"Urghh!"

"...I hope you sterilised that knife. I could get Hepatitis C, and then where would I be? Hopefully out of these ropes!" Harry laughed.

No one else did.

"It's funny because I was just kidding. If untreated I could get liver cancer and die. Ha ha ha.!

A long silence.

"Seriously, sterilize that knife..." said Harry.