I still don't own Chuck.
I understand that there isn't a review function on this site. But I would still appreciate your comments. The worst thing for an author is silence. You can't tell if you're connecting with your readers, if they're getting where you think the story is going or not. And those comments don't have to be praise. Of course, I'd be lying if I tried to say that I don't enjoy the praise. But I actually learn more from the critical comments. Just as long as you're respectful and allow me to respond, you can say anything.
Another One Bites the Dust
x-x-x-x-x
Josh was pretty sure that he must have misunderstood her. So his response was a little less than smooth. "Huh?" he asked.
Joey snuggled a little closer. She really, really had wanted to join the gang playing cards tonight. Joey loved playing cards. It was one of her favorite things. She was pretty good at it, if she did say so herself. She had already set Casey up for a major fleecing last week on the Enforcer. She was all ready to snap the trap shut and relieve him of some serious cash… and then gloat in his face about it. But the good Dr. Bartowski put her foot down. Her patient needed rest. Joey quickly learned that Ellie Bartowski was a nice, easy going person. Dr. Bartowski, on the other hand, was all doctor, all the time. There was no thought of questioning her. And yes, Joey had to admit that maybe getting up so soon for dinner was pushing it. She was really getting tired. So here she was, in bed at 9:00, just like she was nine again. Well, except that this bed was a lot nicer. And the man she was snuggled with wasn't her little brother.
It was sweet that Josh turned down a chance to hear some juicy Orion stories to stay with her. He had his own bedroom of course. But it really didn't take much convincing to get him to peal down to his underwear and crawl into bed with her. His t-shirts always smelled so good. It was probably just his brand of fabric softener. But still. "I think we should give your dad his wish," she repeated, this time with a contented sigh.
Josh tried to make it a joke. "Just how much of that pain medicine did you take anyway?" he asked. "I think that you might be delirious."
But Joey wouldn't be teased, not this time. "At least hear me out," she said. "This isn't a spur of the moment thing. I've thought about it for a while."
There was something in her tone that made Josh pay a lot more attention. "I'm listening," he said.
"Look," Joey said. "I understand the core problem. You don't think I do, but I do. I'm not downplaying it. I don't want you to try and be something that you're not for me. I'm also not asking you to become celibate for the rest of your life. I'm not ready for that either. We'll both have to find some sex every once in a while all on our own. We'll have to make that compromise to a normal marriage and help each other with it without any jealousy. But we've done that just fine for the past year, right?"
"So why get married?" Josh protested. "Aren't things great the way they are? And what happens when you find that guy who can give you the thing that I can't?"
"There are some purely practical reasons," Joey said. "First off, we have a dangerous job. We'd automatically be on each other's insurance in case anything happened. They could never separate us from working together. And you have to admit, it would make your dad very happy."
"You're not making a very convincing argument," Josh said. "You can't get married just to make an old man happy."
"You're right about that," Joey said. "I was just pointing out that there are some practical reasons that you can't deny. But that's not why I want to do it. I want to get married to make us happy. Here's the deal. With the job that we have, it has to come first. We both knew that going in. I was totally prepared to live my life alone. But now I find that Chuck and Sarah have a good point. It helps to have something personal to fight for, something that you love, that you can depend on to ground you. And finding that perfect guy who would fall in love and deliver a lifetime of blissful sex? Not too likely for either of us, is it? Not with the type of men we're always stuck being around."
"You do realize," Josh said. "That my dad wouldn't stay happy for very long. He'd be on us soon enough for grandkids."
"I can handle dad," Joey said with a grin. "You leave that part to me. He'll understand when I explain it to him that I have a career that has to come first. And if you and I ever decide that we want kids… there are ways to make that happen besides the obvious."
"I don't know, Joey," Josh said with a sigh. "It doesn't seem like a good enough reason for such a drastic move. What else you got?"
Joey playfully slapped his stomach. "You're really going to make me say this, aren't you?" she grumbled. "You really want this sappy, romantic scene? Okay, I love you. I love being with you. You're the best friend I never thought I could have. You make me laugh when I need it. You make even the bad parts of this life fun. I want to spend my life with you. Are you happy now?"
"Wow," Josh said with a laugh. "When did you figure all that out? I'll bet that was hard to say."
"You'll never know," Joey sighed. "When I was being tortured, and I thought that I was never going to see you again, I realized that it was stupid to hold anything back. When you love someone, you have to love them for who they are. That means the fact that you're gay is a key part of what I love about you. So there it is. I said it. What do you think?"
Josh kissed the top of her head. "I think that you need to work on the proposing thing," he said with a laugh, but also through some tears.
"You maybe should have led with that last part."
x-x-x-x-x
Sarah found him sitting at one of the workout machines straining against the far too much weight that he had configured. She promised herself that she wasn't going to cry, not this time. She was going to play this on his field, make a logical argument, and invest whatever time it took to make him understand. So she went over and sat on the machine next to him, adjusted the weight to almost nothing, and began an easy set. "That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me," she finally said.
Chuck was quickly breathless. He had been working much harder than a normal workout and now that the adrenalin was gone he was really struggling. "I know," was all he could say between breaths. "I was hurt. I lashed out. I'm not proud of it."
"Do me a favor," she said. "You're not using that machine properly. And you have about three times the weight that you should. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But I also don't want to see you get hurt. Please stop working while we talk."
Chuck was actually grateful for an excuse to stop. "If you insist," he panted.
"You're just plain wrong," Sarah said, but with no hint of anger. "Look, sweetie. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be a wife. I will freely admit that I don't have a clue what I'm doing here. I keep doing these stupid, insensitive things. I get that. But whatever you thought I meant… if it hurt you, then you got it wrong. I never said that I wanted to fuck an Intersect. At least I didn't mean it that way. If I said those words, it was a mistake. What I was trying to say was that I wanted my husband to use all of his assets to give us a wild night… for him. I thought that I was complimenting you. Tell me, Chuck. What did you hear that has you all hurt?"
Chuck sat for a long moment. There was no reason to dance around this. "You're unsatisfied with… with… well, with me," he finally was able to get out. "You need an extra kick."
"Can you be honest with me?" Sarah asked softly. "We talked a lot about our fear that night on the boat. Is that what you really think? Or is it what you fear? I'm honestly asking myself why that thought would even occur to you."
"It's what I fear," Chuck quickly admitted. "But it also makes sense to me. You're the most beautiful woman in the world. I know that this frustrates you, but I'm not the kind of guy… I expect that you're used to men giving you their very best effort in bed, to try and impress you… so they'll get a second chance."
Sarah knew that she shouldn't laugh under these circumstances. She just couldn't help it. It came out pretty wet. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she was finally able to get out. "I'm not making fun of you. It's just that is very possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard. You've met the men I've slept with. Do you seriously think that Seth or Bryce made any effort whatsoever to impress me in bed? Really? And the men in all those bars that Carina kept dragging over, they were just looking for a conquest, a chance to brag to their buddies that they had nailed Blondie. They couldn't be more insulting if they tried, thinking that their crude come-ons and double entendres would get me so hot that I'd be eager to get naked with them. If I had ever given them what they wanted, they would have taken their quick fuck and moved on without a single backward glance. I can't believe you don't get that. Maybe you haven't spent very much time in bars. And if you were going to say that you're not my type of guy… Okay, now as it turns out, I guess that I am making fun of you. You're being ridiculous."
Chuck didn't smile. Not really. But there was the hint of a twinkle. "Gosh," he said sarcastically. "And here I thought you came in here to try and make up with me."
"I am trying to make up with you," Sarah insisted. "Desperately. I'm willing to do anything it takes to make up with you including… well including absolutely anything. In case you're unaware of this somehow, I hate, hate, hate it when you're unhappy with me. It's my very worst thing. I probably was insensitive and hurt your feelings. Apparently that's something I'm very good at. In this case, I'm honestly not sure how or why. But if you think for even a second that I'm not satisfied with you, wow, I'm doing something horribly wrong in communicating."
"I'm probably being too sensitive," Chuck sighed.
"Yah think?" Sarah asked sarcastically. "I'm trying to take this seriously, Chuck. I am. It's just that I don't think that you realize how ridiculous you sound to me right now. Making love with you is the unquestioned highlight of my life. You're the one who knows me the best. I can't believe you don't see that."
Sarah took one look at the frustration on his face and got a lot more serious. "Look," she said. "I'm not so good with the talking about feelings thing. We both know that. I wish I was. But I tend to push my feelings down deep and hide them. So I understand that you don't get the reinforcement from your newlywed wife that you need sometimes. I feel horrible about that. I've never really told you any details of my training or life as a spy. Or how much you've changed me, how sex was never all that important to me… until I met you, and how now I'm just as obsessed with sex as Carina is."
"You don't have to tell me anything," Chuck said with a sigh. "I know that's hard for you. I'm being too sensitive."
"It's hard," Sarah agreed. "It's not in my nature." She took a long moment to gather her composure. When she finally continued, her voice was little more than a whisper. "But not nearly as hard as sitting here feeling like I'm letting you down. That's the worst feeling in the world, one that I can't live with."
She reached over and grabbed his hand. "Look," she continued. "I know that I'm probably not like a lot of other girls in bed. I don't moan. In fact I sometimes bite my lip to keep from moaning. I don't call out your name or ask you to fuck me harder. I get that you'd like some of that. There is nothing wrong with that. I'd like to give it to you. I'll work on it. But you have to know something. Sex was never that important to me until I met you. The truth is that I spent the past few months alone in my bed at night building up my expectations of our first time until I was sure that no human could possibly meet them. So when we finally got together and it was actually about to happen, I worried about it. I even gave myself a little pep talk preparing myself to be let down a little. I mean how could you possibly live up to my ridiculous expectations? But I quickly found that my fantasies didn't come close to the reality. I was blown away by how wonderful it was. And the second night was even better. And the next week even better than that. How could it possibly keep getting better?"
Even though Chuck knew that the question was rhetorical, he shrugged his shoulders.
"You might think that the excitement and the newness would wear off and it would get routine," Sarah continued. "And from routine to mundane, and then eventually fairly boring. But it's been just the opposite. It's been getting better and better. And I think that I know why. We're more relaxed and comfortable with each other. You're the only man I've ever loved. And that means you're the only man I've ever made love with, the only man who didn't make me feel cheap and used. If you were trying to impress me, you've certainly succeeded. So now I find myself totally addicted. I couldn't give up making love with you any more than I could give up breathing. Just why do you think I've been seducing you so often?"
Chuck finally looked her in the eye. "Okay," he said. "But you have to explain something to me. I think that our sex life is fantastic too. So why do you need the Intersect to fuck you? Isn't the inference that I should draw is that you're looking for something more exciting than just plain old me? Tell me how I'm wrong."
Sarah just looked at him for a long moment. Maybe Ellie was right. "I'm such a horrible wife," she said sadly. "I keep doing these stupid and insensitive things. But you're misunderstanding what I was trying to say. I'm not dissatisfied with you. I'm afraid that you're dissatisfied with me. I wasn't asking for you to use the Intersect for my benefit, I was asking you to use it for yours."
"For me?" Chuck asked. "Why would you…"
"Have you ever thought?" Sarah interrupted. "Has it ever penetrated that thick skull of yours that maybe, just maybe I'd like to impress you as well? I'm the one who is always making the first move. I'm the one who always decides when, where, and basically how we're going to make love. Shouldn't you get the chance to do some things that you want every once in a while? And I get that you're uncomfortable when it comes to asking for these things. So if it takes the Intersect to get you over being shy every now and then, I'm fine with that. That's all I was trying to say."
Chuck sat silently for a long moment. When he finally spoke, Sarah had to strain to hear him. "I'm sorry," he said. "I need to hear you say it. I probably shouldn't… but I do. For the record, are you satisfied with our love life?"
Sarah just sat for a long moment sadly shaking her head. "No," she finally said. "I really can't say that I'm satisfied." She saw the look of despair come over his face and realized that Ellie was right. Playing to his ego was a very small price to pay, especially when everything she was about to say was so true. So she quickly continued. "It's far too tame of a word to describe how I feel. I'm not satisfied… I'm blown away. I'm obsessed. I'm even freaked out a little by how much I need it, how it makes me feel. I'm addicted. It rocks my world. It makes me feel like I can flap my arms and fly. It's the thing I look forward to the most in my life. I'm honestly afraid that I am seducing you so often that I'm going to damage you somehow. I walk around in an almost constant state of arousal. If you doubt that in any way, I'm fully prepared to prove it to you right here on this exercise machine. What else can I say to make you understand? Chuck, if that was a serious question, then I'm more than a little disappointed. I'm clearly not doing something right. I can't believe you would ask me that at this point."
"I'm sorry," Chuck said with a sigh. "Now I'm embarrassed. I wasn't expecting for you to stroke my ego. I'm being… ridiculous."
"Very ridiculous," Sarah said. "But I actually don't mind stroking your ego a bit. In fact I actually don't mind stroking anything you'd like when it comes right down to it. It's a small price to pay for what I get from you, especially when everything I just said is all totally true. You deserve it. One of the things that I love about you is that you've always been willing to take the back seat… that you didn't let your ego get in the way. I've used sex far too much to thank you for that."
"I wouldn't say that you use sex too much," Chuck protested with a half smile. "In fact, I think there may be some growth opportunity."
"Good," Sarah replied. "I'm glad that you feel that way, because it was just an observation. I have no intention of slowing down. But I also need to do a better job of telling you what you mean to me, how you're honestly my hero, the nicest, sweetest man in the whole world, how every day I'm grateful when I wake up next to you. I don't do it nearly enough, not because I don't want to, but because it simply doesn't occur to me. I'll honestly work on that. So let's put it all on the table and fully understand each other. In ten years, we're going to be celebrating a milestone anniversary. We'll take the kids to Aunt Ellie's for the night. You'll probably get me flowers; maybe even surprise me with some nice earrings. We'll get dressed up and go out for a fancy dinner. I'll order lobster. You'll have a thick juicy filet. We'll probably splurge and get a nice bottle of wine. We'll go dancing and later that night in our hotel room I'll have some new surprise lingerie that you can see right through to pay you back for the earrings. It will be a very nice night, right?"
Chuck already knew where this was headed. But he was more or less now trapped in a losing argument. So he held his tongue and nodded.
"So tell me," Sarah continued. "Does the fact that we enjoyed treating ourselves to a special night mean that we're somehow unsatisfied with our normal life? That we won't miss the kids like crazy? That we won't be anxious to get to Ellie's and pick them up the next day?"
"I get what you're saying," Chuck said with a growing smile. "Can we please drop this?"
Sarah was now grinning. She hardly ever won a logical argument with him, and almost never so decisively. "Not yet," she said. "I'm enjoying this. I have to make sure that you fully understand. And I seriously question if you do. What happened in that bed an hour ago wasn't Chuck and Sarah Bartowski making love. It was you making it all about me and realizing one of my life long fantasies with the only man on the planet who could possibly begin to pull it off. I'll admit it was incredible, the most powerful experience of my life. I was totally under your control, yours to do whatever you wished. I was shaking so badly that it took me an hour to get my bra off. I want to make sure that I thank you for the effort. I'll also admit that at the time I thought you were using the Intersect. But I'm happy that you weren't. You were trying hard to prove something to me. And I'll admit, you've very clearly made your point. I'll even admit that I wouldn't mind you making that same point again sometime in the not too distant future when you're in the mood. But that certainly doesn't mean I would want it to replace our lovemaking. I'm very, very sorry if I was insensitive and gave you that impression. I wouldn't want that at all. Agreed?"
Now Chuck was also grinning. "If I agree," he said. "Can we drop this?"
"Not quite yet," Sarah said. "You still owe me something. You made tonight all about me. I get why. I even appreciate it. But the whole point of using the Intersect was that it was supposed to be all about you. So it doesn't necessarily have to be tonight, but it has to be soon. You don't have to use the Intersect, but you can. You need to take total charge again and this time make it all about you. Nothing is off the table. Fair warning. I'm in a fairly good mood given the circumstance. If you're going to tell me that I don't have to do this, save your breath and avoid ruining it. I do need to do it."
"Sarah," Chuck said, the frustration in his voice very plain. "I'm not trying to ruin your good mood. But we've had this conversation before. Explain something to me. Why do you feel that you have to impress me? You're the most beautiful woman in the world. Men drool in your general direction almost no matter where you go. And your looks aren't even in the top ten of your best qualities. You are, without a doubt, the most amazing person I've ever heard of. I pinch myself every single day when I realize that I'm actually married to such an incredible woman. I couldn't possibly be more impressed than I already am. Why do you think that I need more?"
"You're going to get me bawling if you make me talk about this much longer," Sarah quickly said. "I'll leave the psychoanalysis to the professionals. I understand that we've had the conversation before, more than once. But you still clearly don't get it. Chuck, I appreciate how you feel about me. I completely believe it. I know that it's true. You loving me is the very best thing in my life. This is not about me trying to earn anything from you that you're not already giving me. I even admire that you don't want to appear to use me. It's just one more example of how much you love me. What you don't seem to get is that I think you're just as incredible. You're the sweetest man I've ever met. You hung in there with me for so long when I was treating you like crap. You loved me for me, knowing full well how flawed and messed up I was. You make me laugh when I need it. You changed how I see myself as a person. I'm starting to actually like myself, and that's totally because of you. The truth is I also pinch myself every day. And I want to make sure that you get everything you need to be happy. I'm not good with words. I'm just not. I'm probably never going to be. And let's be honest, that cheats you out of some things. That thought makes me feel inadequate. So I need to know that I've done every possible thing to show you how I feel when I can't tell you. I need that."
"You know that I would do anything for you," Chuck said. "But I'm not treating you like a sex object. Get over it. It isn't happening."
Chuck looked at the devastation on her face. "Don't you want to know why?" he finally asked.
Sarah was making little effort to hide her disappointment. She paused for a long moment. "Okay," she finally asked softly. "Why?"
"Several reasons," Chuck said. "You're right. I'm bashful about those kinds of things. It would make me uncomfortable. But that's not close to the main reason. The real reason is that I hate the fucking CIA."
Sarah's head shot up. "What does the CIA have to do with this?"
"They've brainwashed you," Chuck said, maybe not angrily but with a definite edge. "It's what they do. They take bright, beautiful women, use their desire to serve mankind, and then train them that sex is their main weapon. Look at you. You're totally convinced that you need to prove to me that you love me by allowing me to use you as a sex toy. They've drilled it into your head that's all you have to offer."
Chuck stood up, reached over, and gently lifted her chin to force her to look at him. "Sarah," he said, much more softly. "You need to stop looking at yourself through the eyes of CIA, willing to trade your dignity for some minor mission objective, afraid that the only thing you could possibly offer someone is your willingness to spread your legs in some creative way. You need to start looking at yourself the way I see you."
Chuck paused for a moment to gather his composure. "You're simply amazing," he said. "You are so out of my league in almost every way you can measure it. I was in love with you months before we ever came close to having sex. You're a Harvard graduate, the smartest person I know. You can speak 600 languages. You're funny and witty and nice and just plain fun to be with. You can kick the ass of anybody we've ever met. You've saved my life too many times to count. You want me to loosen up and use you to fulfill a fantasy. Don't you get it? I'm living my fantasy. I don't just love you. I worship you. You're the very center of my universe. I want to put you on a pedestal and treat you like the incredible goddess that you are. I want you to know with my every single action how blessed I feel. I want to constantly spoil you with surprise flowers and jewelry. When I make love with you, I want you to both literally and figuratively feel how much I adore you, how lucky I am, and, by the way, how good of a time I'm having. Sarah, the very last thing I would ever want to do is disrespect you by treating you like an object. If I ever thought that someone was thinking of you in the way you're talking about, the Intersect would be kicking their ass. So my assignment is now clear. I have to constantly remind you how amazing you are. Assignment accepted."
Sarah stood up from her machine and wrapped her arms around his neck, her resolve to not cry suddenly broken. Chuck could feel her soft sobs as he gently rubbed her back. "That was, without a doubt, the nicest thing anybody has ever said to me," she finally said. "How do you always know what I need to hear?"
"I don't mind stroking your ego," Chuck said with a smile. "Or stroking anything else you'd like when it comes right down to it. Speaking of fantasies, I'm standing here holding the most beautiful woman in the work. I can feel that she's excited because her chest is poking into mine where she forgot to put on her bra. If I don't say anything stupid and ruin it, I'm pretty sure that she is about to drag me into the bedroom and do unspeakable things to me. Just purely for educational purposes, go to Lester sometime and describe this scene… then watch as he has to go change his shorts. Besides, we both know that if I ever wanted anything special, all I'd have to do is hint and it would be your idea before I knew what hit me."
That got Sarah laughing. "You're right about that," she said while still laughing. "I'm not sure that you want to put images of Lester in my head at this point." The argument was now officially over. It was time to get back to the bedroom post haste for some serious, between the sheets, love making. "What just happened here?" she finally asked in faux confusion as she broke the embrace, grabbed his hand and led him, not so gently, towards the bedroom.
"I thought that I was winning this argument."
x-x-x-x-x
Joan had never played poker before in her life. In fact, playing any sort of game wasn't something that she was remotely used to. But she quickly found that she was having fun. After all, poker was a game of mathematical statistics and probabilities. That was right in her wheel house. So once she quickly memorized the order of what hand beat what, she found that she was quite good at it.
And with the side bet that she had made earlier with her new husband, she had a good reason to try and be good at it. The pile of chips in front of her compared to his clearly said that she was going to be able to choose her favorite for tonight's bedroom activities. The only problem with that was actually choosing a favorite. So far she found that she loved pretty much anything they had tried. But the night was still young. She had a few hours left to make a decision.
But the real fun was bonding with her new family. Oh, the main ones, Chuck and Ellie, weren't here. But Devon would soon be her step-son-in-law. Casey and Laura were clearly firmly part of the extended family. So they were all very good allies to have.
The only problem, at first anyway, was this Laura person. Oh she was nice, funny, and friendly. But she was also drop dead gorgeous. Joan never thought of herself as the jealous type. Of course she never had anything to be jealous over before so it was a new experience. And it didn't help at all when Laura joked that she was much better at strip poker. Joan didn't really buy it anyway. She clearly wasn't wearing all that much to take off in the first place. Thankfully her new husband was clearly taking great pains to look anywhere in the room except at the outline of her chest that was so clearly visible poking out through her thin t-shirt. It was so cute that she whispered in his ear and gave him official permission to look… a little. After all, Devon was engaged and he was clearly looking. There was no sin in looking, right?
As it turned out, Casey and Devon were already somewhat good friends, at least when they were drinking scotch… as they currently were. They talked Joan, tricked was more like it, into trying a sip… and it was simply awful, tasted like chewing on a piece of charcoal. The tequila that Laura kept pouring for her wasn't exactly lemonade, but at least it wasn't torture. And in fact, the more that she drank, the easier they started to go down.
Nobody was making any attempt to hide the fact that they were curious about Orion, and more specifically, his plan to fight Alexei Volkoff.
Casey could never have been accused of being subtle under the best of circumstances. And the pure volume of scotch that he had put away made this less than the best of circumstance. So he finally just blurted it out. "Okay, Steven," he said. "Care to tell us how you plan on killing Volkoff?"
Steven had consumed his own share of scotch. And he clearly wasn't used to it. So he was much more animated than usual. "I don't plan on killing him at all." He looked around the table at the surprised faces, including his new bride. "How do you best punish someone who is rich and powerful?" he asked rhetorically. Smiling at the confused looks, he answered his own question.
"By making them poor and weak."
x-x-x-x-x
