Chapter 50:
"…"
"…"
"How long?"
"I leave at the end of the week. The others intend to follow at a later point, but for now will stay here."
"…I need time to think about it."
"I understand. Please let me know before I leave."
Without saying another word, Infernostar turned and left, closing the door behind him. Jude waited a moment, before pulling the picture frame out from behind him, looking down at it.
…I should have known he would do this He thought. Infernostar was almost identical in mindset to Jude, so it was no surprise that he would want to return to the Wilderness. But the real question is…Should I stay, or go…?
The rest of the day was spent with Jude trying to keep Lucy from knowing, and Lucy doing the same to him. It made conversation between the two rather awkward, so instead they opted to just stick with interacting with Jude's team.
Through it all Infernostar didn't say another word about his decision. He kept rather quiet, preferring to watch the group talk instead. I will not do anything to persuade him one way or another he thought; Jude is more than capable of choosing for himself.
Soon it came time for them to head back to their base. Jude and Lucy said their goodbyes, as one by one Jude's teammates left. Infernostar was the last to leave, turning his head to stare at the two of them for a brief moment, before turning and leaving.
"…Well. That was…awkward." Jude said, before turning to Lucy. She was staring at where Infernostar left, lost in thought. "Uhhh, mom?" He said, pulling her back to reality.
"O-Oh, sorry about that. I was just…thinking, is all." Lucy replied. Did he already tell Jude his plans? And if he did, what am I supposed to do about it? She thought as Jude move in front of her and locked eyes with her.
"He told you first about it, didn't he?"
"…"
"…Well?"
"…Sigh, yes. He warned me that he would tell you the news. I just didn't know when he would drop it."
"Infernostar told me he is going to leave at the end of the week. And that he wants me to go with him."
The end of the week? That only leaves three days for Jude to decide! "W-What are your thoughts on the matter?"
"I…am not sure. I need some time to mull it over for myself, decide what would ultimately be the best for me."
I don't like the sound of that Lucy thought. She anticipated Jude being tempted to leave, but the thought still scared her nonetheless.
"I have a request. Don't try to sway me in either direction. I want to make this choice without any outside interference." Jude asked. I can imagine she wants me to stay, but I have to decide for myself.
"O-Of course." Lucy didn't try to press further, knowing full well he was serious. If I can't try and impact his choice, the most I can do is hope.
The two didn't discuss it any further that day. Soon after Jude retired to his room for bed, with Lucy soon doing the same. Jude laid down on his bed, and pondered the options.
Ok. It's time to start making a decision…
"Let's start off with positives on both sides. On one hand, staying would mean I'd never go hungry. I'd never have to worry about being arrested, being injured on a lethal level, or getting lost. On the other hand, I'd be free to make my own choices, to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and be free from unfair prejudice."
Jude rubbed his head, unsure on what he could possibly go with yet. He wanted to be free, but being safe was something that he'd missed dearly.
"Ok, lets come back to that later. Negatives…" Jude shivered for a moment before continuing. "If I stay, there comes the issue of babying. Despite everything, I doubt its gone away. And if I stay, I can only imagine it'll come back full force. Or worse…I could awaken to find an acceptance of it…"
He took a moment to slap himself, both mentally, and physically, just for saying that.
"Ok, let's try thinking the other sides negatives. I'm likely to get stuck dealing with more issues with the HAA out there, even with Infernostar to defend me. If anything, he might actually make that worse…But never mind that. Other issues include environmental hazards, weather problems, disease, injuries, and running out of supplies. Though that also takes much longer to happen."
"What else can impact my choice…Oh right. Dealing with any friends/enemies I may have made during my time here, or from other parts of my life…Eh, that won't do much honestly. Frankly nothing scares me anymore."
"…Something different, but related. If I stay, my attitude won't do me any favors. It hasn't once since I've been here, in fact all it's done has gotten me into trouble. If I did choose to stay, I'd either have to come to terms with that, or…Change how I behave…"
"No. I can't do that. Not again."
Jude tried not to think about that last comment. It reminded him too much of the past, and he wasn't going to relive any of that.
"…I think that's enough for tonight. I'll work on making a decision in the remaining days." With that he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Lucy removed her ear from the wall. "…What did he mean by 'Not again'?"
Hmmmm. Thats a goodquestion.
