Chapter 51: An Ax to Grind
Dean current age: 19
Sam current age: 14
"Happy birthday Dean!"
Dean rubbed his eyes from sleep as he stretched and yawned and propped himself up on his elbows.
"Sam what are you waking me up for?" Dean asked. "You know we never celebrate my birthday."
"Well this time it's gonna be different!" Sam said excitedly. There was a new light in his eyes that had been gone for so many years. The two had been staying with John for 4 months now and so far nothing had gone wrong. Dean avoided John and barely ever spoke to him. Anytime Sam would actually have a conversation with John Dean would glare over at him and Sam would go silent.
"Why's this time gonna be different?" Dean asked.
"Because well…" he started as he scratched the back of his neck and the loudness of his voice dropped, "Cause maybe dad will get you something and take us out for food or something."
"Sam" Dean said as he shook his head and sat up all the way in his bed. "That's not happening."
"Come on Dean" Sam said with a sigh, "How long are you gonna hold a grudge for?"
"As long as I'm still breathing" Dean replied.
"But Dean…"
"You know I don't get you Sam" Dean interrupted, "How could you act all friendly with the man that did so much to us? Have you forgotten everything you've been through?"
"Course not Dean" Sam replied. "But honestly… I'm just too tired to continue to hate him. We've wasted so many years of our lives hating him Dean, and now we have another chance to have the life we always wanted, to have a dad that loves us…"
"Stop Sam!" Dean said roughly as he stood to his feet and towered over his brother. "He does not love us! He never has and never will!"
"Dammit Dean you know that's not true!" Sam shouted. "He hasn't always hated us and you know it! Mom's death just pushed him over the edge, that's what made him that way!"
"Don't you talk about mom" Dean said angrily. "You didn't even know her Sam!" Sam took a step back and flinched at his words.
"I know her from what you've told me about her, and that's all I need to know that she loved me and that she was a good person" Sam replied.
Dean sighed and sat back down on his bed as he looked at the ground.
"I'm sorry Sam" Dean said after a moment. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Sam sat beside him and was quiet for a moment.
"Dean you need to just relax, and with time… just try and forgive him" Sam said. "Now get ready and we're gonna celebrate your birthday."
As soon as Sam left he walked over to his drawer and lifted a few of his shirts as he looked at all the money he had saved since he had turned 18. It wasn't much but altogether he had about $150 dollars. It'd be a while yet until he could take Sam and start over somewhere just the two of them.
He walked downstairs after he showered and had changed clothes into a pair of dark loose jeans and a black t-shirt.
"Morning Dean" John said from the kitchen. The smell of bacon, eggs, and hickory, honey sweet sausages wafted through the air and Sam was helping butter some toast.
"What's all this?" Dean replied.
"Well it's January 24th your birthday if I'm not mistaken" John replied. "And I know how much you love home cooked meals."
"How would you know that?" Dean questioned. "It's not like you ever made us anything growing up."
"Your brother actually told me" John replied. "And I remember how much Mary used to cook and how excited you would get…"
"Don't talk about mom" Dean said through his teeth. "You just speaking her name is an insult."
"Dean!" Sam said.
"No Sam, he doesn't deserve to talk about her after he's been abusing her children that she loved for years!" Dean said. "It's an insult for him to speak her name!"
"Dean, you didn't just lose your mother, I lost my wife too" John explained.
"You never loved her" Dean said. "If you did you would have never laid a hand on us!"
John suddenly slammed his fist down on the table and it rattled the plates and glasses. Sam flinched and Dean's eyes fixed on him.
"You see?" Dean said. "He's the same angry, violent man he's always been!" Dean stood to his feet and pushed himself away from the table as he slammed the front door and walked outside. Sam's eyes were watering a little bit and he felt his heart pounding at the outburst.
"I'm sorry Sam" John said as he rubbed his fist and moved it off the table. "I didn't mean to scare you." Sam remained silent and stood from the table as he followed Dean outside.
Dean was sitting on the grass picking at it as he did so. It was unusually warm for a January day and he jumped a little as Sam sat beside him.
"Dean… I…" Sam started.
"You don't need to say anything Sammy" Dean replied. "I knew it from the start."
"No I wasn't gonna tell you you were right" Sam said. "Sure maybe he hit the table, but at least it wasn't me or you" he explained. "And you did kind of provoke him."
"I can't believe what I'm hearing right now" Dean said. "You're taking his side?"
"Dean this is our chance to have our father back" Sam explained, "Don't you want that?"
"I could never have any kind of relationship with that man, all I feel for him every time I look at him is complete hatred" Dean said.
"What happened to you at Cedar Brooke Dean?" Sam demanded. "The Dean I knew would have tried to forgive someone who had wronged him."
"Then you don't know me at all" Dean replied. "Cause if you really did know me, you would know that I would never forgive him for hurting you Sam!"
"Me?" Sam questioned. "That's what this is all about?" Dean suddenly winced as white hot pain shot up from his fingertips and coursed into his shoulder. His eyes watered at the sudden flare up and he cried out.
"I can't take it anymore!" he shouted. "Everything bad that has ever happened in our life, everything is his fault!"
"Dean is it still getting worse?" Sam asked sympathetically.
"Don't worry about it Sammy, it'll be okay" he explained.
"I can talk to dad for you, see if he can pay for pain meds for you" he explained as he stood up. Dean grabbed his wrist and yanked him towards him.
"Don't you do that Sam" Dean replied. "I'm not asking him for anything."
"But Dean you're hurting!" Sam said annoyed.
"I don't care, I will never never ask him for anything" Dean said. He stood to his feet and walked back inside, the door slamming once again behind him.
So what's everyone think about this chapter? Is it time for Dean to forgive or will him holding a grudge for the rest of his life end up hurting him more in the end?
