Eleanor's chest was tight and her stomach in knots. She wanted Caroline to answer the door now. She wanted her to never answer the door. It all seemed so artificially and impossibly balanced. All won or all lost in the next few minutes. Of course it wasn't as dramatic as all that, but there was no telling her stomach.
They'd agreed to meet Wednesday evening after Caroline returned home from school. Celia and Alan were in Halifax and Flora with Greg. Caroline had seemed supportive over the phone during their quick conversation – but had also said it was something they should discuss in person. Eleanor wouldn't believe what she heard – wouldn't know for sure what she believed – until she could look at Caroline. See her and feel her reaction in person.
So she stood waiting, eyes closed as she focused on breathing. The sun had just begun to set and the trees were becoming one dimensional dark outlines against a violet sky. It was still late summer warm, though a damp was sneaking into the air in the evening.
She heard footsteps approaching. Her heart doubled-timed as Caroline opened the door.
The warm glow of the house was a soothing contrast to the falling dark outside, and backlit Caroline as she stood facing Eleanor. She wore her favorite pair of jeans and a wide boat neck sweater over a tank top - and the kindest smile Eleanor had yet seen from her. It reminded her of how Caroline looked at Flora. Adoring and passionately protective. She put her hand over her mouth and instantly began to cry. Which was exactly what she told herself she wouldn't do.
She shook her head and laughed nervously. "I'm so sorry. I don't mean to cry like an idiot. You haven't even said anything."
Caroline smiled and stepped back from the threshold and opened her arms. "Come on then. Let's get all the crying out of the way first, you and I both, and then we can talk."
She nodded vehemently and rushed forward. She buried her head on Caroline's shoulder and cried until it was tiresome. She swiped at her eyes, took a deep breath in and collected herself, apologized again.
"I'm sorry."
The kindness was still there, but Caroline's expression was stern. "The first thing you're going to do is stop apologizing. It's not like you, and I won't have it any longer."
Eleanor's eyes widened, but she smiled and nodded. "Right."
She took Eleanor's hand and lead her through into the living room. There was already an open bottle of wine, two empty wine glasses and two full water glasses. A broken bar of dark chocolate was on a plate adjacent.
"It seemed to me that we might want reinforcements."
"You always were the clever one." Eleanor tried, but the tear-stains on her cheeks belied the bite in her wit and the effect was more endearing than flirtatious.
Caroline didn't respond, but she sat on the couch instead.
Eleanor slid off her heels and followed suit, next to Caroline but not close. She opened her mouth to speak, and Caroline held up her hand.
"There are a couple things I have to say first. You've said so much already – with your letter. And before we go further, you need to know where I am. I need you to understand me perfectly."
Eleanor's heart started slamming again at the change in demeanor. Caroline's eyes became an icier blue and her tone deep.
"Right now the only problem I can see for us moving forward is that I will slowly and joyfully squeeze every inch of life out of Emma Slattery with my bare hands, if we ever cross paths again. Subsequently I'll be jailed. So we're both going to need to make sure that never happens. Are we quite clear on that point?"
Caroline's words hinted at a humorous effect, but there was only deadly serious intent and anger dancing in her eyes.
Eleanor nodded. She laughed out loud in abject relief and smiled up with fresh new tears that quickly subsided.
Caroline continued, but this time her tone was lighter, and her look imperious. Clearly judging Emma in her mind and finding her severely lacking. "Even Flora understands the concept of keeping your hands off of what belongs to others. And you belong to me, Eleanor Strathclyde. You and I are the only ones who can change that." Caroline's tone became serious again. "She's badly used you, and she's hurt something very precious in this world." She leaned forward to tuck a strand of hair behind Eleanor's ear. "I'm sorry for that."
She felt oceans of relief washing over her and confidence rushing back in. Her chest opened up and she stood abruptly. She couldn't help it. She laughed again and shook her hands at her sides, more tears of happiness and relief. She held a hand up gently to a curious Caroline.
"It's all been so much. I just – I need to move for a minute." She paced briefly and then smiled brightly.
She sat down facing Caroline, knees on either side of her hips, and settled onto her lap. She'd blown off two hair appointments, and it hung down in loose auburn waves, now past her elbows and on to Caroline's chest. "I need to do this right now. We can keep talking. I know we have to." She sighed dramatically. "But I have to do this right now."
She took the collars of shirt and leaned in to this woman she needed so terribly, her kiss traveling from the very tips of her toes all the way through her body and pouring into Caroline everything she'd carried the past months, and the weight of what she'd dug up that week alone.
Caroline sat further back in the couch. She was glad to take on what Eleanor had to let go. Glad to offer her anything she needed, to be who she needed to make herself whole again. To do whatever she could to rediscover the the woman who'd begun to change her life – to change her - last year, and was continuing to do so even today.
The kiss was intense, but not exactly passionate. She felt Eleanor's need beginning to wane, and she smiled against her. She put her hands on Eleanor's hips and eased her up.
Eleanor smiled in apology and her eyes widened as she stood. "Oh. Oh – your back. I'm sorry. I tend to get carried away when it comes to kissing you."
"It's fine. But let's save my strength."
"Innuendos are my territory."
Caroline smiled, stood and leaned over to stretch her back. Eleanor moved into her as she straightened up. She wrapped her arms around Caroline's lower back and massaged briefly, which prompted a whimper of mixed enjoyment and discomfort at the touch.
Eleanor winced. She stood back and crossed her arms. "Now that you've heard it from a medical professional, perhaps you'll finally take my advice and join me at yoga?"
Caroline smirked and nodded. She poured two glasses of wine and offered one to Eleanor, and they tilted their glasses together with a small clink.
She took Eleanor's hands in hers. "I am terribly sorry about June. I'm terribly sorry that you went through all of that – any of that. And that you didn't have the support you needed." She leaned forward. "You're the strongest person I know. Then and now. And I love it. I love you. Past, present and future. Know that, please."
Eleanor closed her eyes and nodded. "It feels true, when you say it."
"Whatever you need – anything. I'm here. If it's in my power, I'll do it. And if it's not in my power, I'll learn how to do it. I want to help you."
Eleanor opened her eyes, gaze clear and full. "Thank you."
Caroline sat up and back. She leaned over to the coffee table and took a long drink from her wine glass. Now her expression became tentative. "You mentioned – in your letter – staying in Harrogate." She looked down at her hands and back up with a million questions in her eyes.
Eleanor positively beamed. She rearranged herself on the couch. She was silent, dramatic as always again. building the moment of revelation with eyes alight in mischief and happiness.
"Yes. I did. Your girlfriend has finally done something quite clever. I took my eye off the ball, for a moment. I forgot about being innovative. But only for a moment." She winked.
Caroline smiled down at Eleanor, the Eleanor she'd been missing. Cocky and confident. Arrogant even, except for the fact that she backed up her claims.
"What have you done, then? Do tell." She felt a bubbling joy in her own heart, encouraged.
"I'm sorry I couldn't say anything earlier. But Ken wouldn't agree to see reason for the longest time. The offer's gone out, so I'll tell you now, though it's more than confidential. I wouldn't say anything at all, but I need you to know this is real." Her expression went from playful to serious. "I'm here to stay. In Harrogate. Assuming you'll have me." She grinned mischievously.
Caroline shifted her hips to warm up her back and threw caution to the wind. She came forward onto Eleanor, who squealed in surprised delight, and pinned her underneath her on the couch.
She wanted to smile but she couldn't yet. "Are you sure?"
Eleanor's smile was from ear to ear. "I am. Positively. Because we're selling Anadyne. We've had offers for a while from another company who wants parts of our distribution network and a piece of R and D we've been working on successfully for about a year. It's complementary to something they've got." She shook her head and kept smiling. "That's the boring part. The not boring part is that our C-suite is going to do very well in the deal, now and in the future. I can sell some of the stock I have now, after the acquisition, and still stay partially invested in the new company. We're also getting a chance at options, which I'll take. They should do very well once they use our research to bring the drug they're developing to market. And since I won't be going on to Pantheon – the new parent company – they're buying out the last three years on my current contract. I've got the money and the time I need to figure out what I want next." Eleanor's eyebrow went up, her brown eyes danced, and she bit her lip with all the suggestion she could muster. "Besides you, that is."
Caroline stayed over her silent, taking in the news and feeling it re-open a world of possibilities she wanted more than anything to consider. She felt as if someone had turned up the light in the room and in her life.
Eleanor smiled, eyes bright, wrapped her hands around Caroline's midriff. "Say something."
Caroline was still quiet, still in disbelief. Imagining this is how it must feel to win the national lottery. Part of her believed it could never happen. That it had happened. That Eleanor was going to remain out of reach. Part of her had already begun the work of reconstructing a single life. But it was a small part of her that was shrinking with each passing moment.
She sat back on her knees. Eleanor came up to rest on her elbows. She arched her brow in expectation.
"We're going to be together, aren't we?" A smile began on Caroline's lips.
"Yes. We are." Eleanor moved herself back and sat up to face Caroline and slowly started to move toward her and wrapped an arm around her.
She crooked her finger toward Eleanor, who leaned down until their heads touched. She brushed Eleanor's long hair back and whispered in her ear.
Eleanor heard her but did not immediately react. She paused for a second, considering Caroline's sparkling blue eyes. She was absolutely still. Then she dove forward to kiss her, palms against the couch at her shoulders, but her whole body against her. She abruptly sat back on her knees. She ripped her shirt off and flung it toward the arm chair next to the couch and then immediately resumed smothering her in forceful kisses.
She pulled up again and looked at Caroline with eyes that were dark.
Fully engaged but still able to find amusement at Eleanor's complete abandon, Caroline chuckled. "My body is in no shape for scandalous liaisons on the living room couch."
Eleanor was unaffected by her reluctance and pushed forward. "You can ask, but I won't wait for you, Caroline. I won't. I'm having you right here. Right now. I'm going to completely ravish you, and more than once."
She took one of Eleanor's hands and placed it on her chest. "Perhaps you won't wait, darling. But you can slow down, please. Because I'll wait for you." Caroline whispered in Eleanor's ear again.
"And I promise I'll make that wait worth every second that passes."
Eleanor's eyes darkened further, pitch black now, and she was silent.
"I've finally left you speechless." She gave her own teasing smile and toyed with a lock of Eleanor's auburn hair.
Eleanor's voice, when she found it, was low and hoarse. "Upstairs. Right now. No stops. No delays, no more talking, for now, at least, and no 'Caroline' distractions. I'll carry you up myself if you try anything. You know I will. You know I can."
"I know you can, Eleanor. And you can carry me anywhere you'd like."
Fin.
