Forty-five.

Ed could tell something was seriously wrong. He was in the living room winding down the evening with Noah when he heard Olivia call his name from the bedroom. He assumed she was writing and that some newly unearthed memory, coupled with the recent trauma, was too overwhelming to bear. At least, too overwhelming to bear without him at her side.

"Hey, bud, I'll be right back." Ed handed him the remote control. "One more show, okay?"

"Kay Daddy!"

On his way to the bedroom Ed heard Noah using the voice command feature to turn the television to Curious George reruns. Every day the boy amazed him with his tech savviness. Ed tried to worry, figured he should worry, about the cons of his younger children growing up in the digital age, but even though Noah had access to a phone, iPad, computer, and hundreds of cable channels, he preferred face-to-face interaction. When Ed picked him up from school, Noah always opted for the park or a snack at the pub. If they went directly home, he typically unpacked his backpack, changed clothes, and played with Maggie and Wyatt. Now that the twins were starting to talk more and more, he delighted in teaching them words and showered them with praise when they repeated something he said. Very rarely did the phone or iPad monopolize Noah's time.

Olivia, however, had a hard time peeling herself away from the various digital magazines to which she subscribed, and instead of finding her at the laptop, Ed saw her leaning against the headboard consumed with the iPad Mini.

"Ed, we've got to stop with the chicken nuggets and mac and cheese with the twins."

He furrowed his brow.

Huh?

"This article says a child's taste buds are almost fully developed by the time they're three and it's important to expose young children eating solid foods to as many flavors as possible," she looked up at him with immense concern, "And too many times we take the easy way out with them!"

"I beg to differ, Lieutenant," he replied suavely and perched himself on the edge of the mattress. "Whenever we go out they eat what we eat. They eat Chinese. Italian. Greek…even Feta cheese. Feta cheese, Liv! What one-year-old eats that?"

"You think?"

"Yes. I…I wasn't there from the beginning, but I don't remember Noah refusing to eat anything." He leaned down and kissed her. "You know what you're doing."

"We know what we're doing."

"And when we don't we pretend we do," he quipped with a sparkle in his eye. "But, I tell ya what, tomorrow Maggs and Wyatt and I will bring ya lunch. And it will be something…exotic."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "Exotic, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well," she tossed the iPad aside and reached for her husband, "I already can't wait."

They fell back onto the mattress, kissing playfully, until they heard Noah's footsteps coming closer. Rather than jump to separate himself from her, Ed spooned her tightly and buried his face in her hair.

"Daddy, show's over!"

"Already?"

"Uh-huh."

"What were you watching, sweetie?" Olivia asked.

"George."

"There was probably only one available," she speculated. The reruns aired in fifteen-minute increments.

"Alright, bud. Go pick out your PJs and your books. We'll be in in a minute."

Noah jogged to his room and Ed resumed kissing Olivia.

"Ed," she gasped, "We have to—" another gasp, "—go read."

"I know," he moaned into her mouth. "I'm gonna read really fast and you can skip some pages."

"He's onto that trick."

"Try."

Olivia grinned and put her palms on his chest, reluctantly pushing him away. "I will, but he's never gonna let me get away with it."

"No he's not," Ed admitted with a proud grin, "I love that boy."

Olivia stroked his face, "The three of us were meant to be together," she cooed.

"And he was meant to be a big brother."

"Sometimes things just work out," Olivia said matter-of-factly, sitting up.

"I think," he gave her a quick peck on the cheek, "This is more than something we just worked out."

When Olivia arrived at work the next morning she self-consciously ducked her head, walked briskly into her office, and closed the door. Fletcher and Fin paid no attention to her failure to say anything other than a muttered good morning and assumed something on the morning news or found in her email on the way to work soured her mood.

The Lieutenant sat down and took a deep breath. After powering on her laptop, entering her user name and password, and opening the first of several emails, she assumed she would calm down and return to normal, at-work, Lieutenant Benson-mode.

Yet the sensations of Ed's morning lovemaking lingered. Her whole body tingled; she wondered how it could possibly feel like he was there, still touching and kissing her skin.

She speculated the protracted afterglow was due to Noah's arrival in their room mere minutes after they finished. Ed was cuddling her, kissing her neck, one hand still teasing at her thigh, refusing to relent and surrender to the inevitable start of their day.

Noah crept in thinking his parents were still asleep and, finding them awake and wrapped in the covers he regarded them like a disappointed father.

"Got school today!" He said and turned the iPad so it was completely facing them, "And babies 'wake! Look!"

Sure enough, Maggie and Wyatt were standing in their cribs talking gibberish to one another. This had become their morning routine in the past month, so Ed and Olivia routinely switched off the volume and enjoyed their extra minutes in bed.

"Okay bud," Ed took a deep breath with his face still buried in Olivia's neck. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Sweet boy," Olivia cooed, extracting an arm and reaching out for him. "What do you want for breakfast?"

Noah leaned his face into her hand. "Cin'min toast!"

"You got it. Hey, will you please do me a favor and tell Maggie and Wyatt we'll be right there?"

"Yep!"

"Thank you, sweetie."

Noah ran off to the twins' room and seconds later appeared on the screen pressing his face against the slats of Maggie's crib. She grabbed at his hair. He crouched out of her reach, teasing his sister who tried her best to strain over the railing and reach him. Wyatt slapped at his crib's bars and Noah darted over only to duck again when Wyatt began grabbing for Noah's nose.

Maggie's shrieks grew louder and more demanding, so Ed gradually peeled himself away from his wife. At this, she whimpered pathetically and he leaned down to kiss her. "I'll start the shower for ya."

I'll start the shower for ya.

Bursting with satisfaction, Olivia stared blankly into the squad room.

She was a woman whose husband started showers for her.

Unbelievable.

The daydream was interrupted when Olivia caught a glimpse of Sarah who practically twirled around the desks as she made her way to the office.

"Hi Livvie," she said breathlessly, plopping down in an armchair and dropping her bag on the floor, unconcerned that its contents nearly spilled everywhere.

"Good morning," she replied with a curious smile, "Coffee?"

"Oh, damn, I should've brought you coffee. Well," she eyed the cart in the corner of the room, "Might as well. Thanks." Sarah fiddled with the Kuerig and dumped several sugars and a cream into her steaming cup as she waited. "So, the reason I'm here is…I need to know the name of the guy who helped me, uh, the other night when you were, uh, you know…"

With a twinkle in her eye, Olivia finished her sentence, "Working?"

"Sure," Sarah shot her an appreciative grin and took a tentative sip. "Well, this guy, one of the ambulance people—"

"EMT?"

"—yes, that's it, EMT, sorry, well, he was so sweet and nice and took me to you, so I wanted to thank him."

Olivia assured Sarah she would do some digging and find his name and some kind of contact information.

"He was black, or, maybe mixed, not too tall, but a little taller than me, and super nice," Sarah reported helpfully.

"I'll include that in my inquiries," Olivia picked up a pen and wrote on one of the various scrap pieces of paper littering her desk, "lighter-skinned black male, approximately five-nine to five-ten, kind and considerate in manner."

Sarah giggled. "Yep, that's him. Sorry. I should've put it in cop terms."

"I got it."

"So anywho," Sarah sat back and stretched her legs. "Did you hear the news?"

Olivia raised her eyebrows in the negative. She'd been consumed with being a wife and mother for the past three days and hadn't given more than a passing glance to much else.

"Brooke and Sonny found a new apartment!"

Olivia's eyes widened. Ed mentioned talking to Brooke, but if he knew about this recent development it must have understandably slipped his mind. "Where?"

Sarah deflated ever so slightly. "Ft. Greene."

"Oh, Brooklyn? Wow."

"I know," Sarah moaned, "Like, we'll never see them."

"It's closer than Connecticut."

"Right-o," Sarah quipped, wiggling an index finger in the air, "They're renting to see if they like the neighborhood, and it's a three bedroom two bath which is nuts and it has a balcony terrace thing that's all theirs. They signed the lease on the spot because it was so perfect. Sonny hasn't told you?"

"I actually haven't seen him since Monday."

Sarah frowned at the memory of Monday night and mentally admonished herself for so flippantly moving on from the near-tragedy. "You…are you okay, Livvie? I should've asked earlier, but, it's like, you're always okay."

"I'm fine," she replied. "I've seen worse believe it or not."

Wincing, Sarah muttered, "I bet."

"So," Olivia said brightly, "Aidan's moving too? What is he a junior next year?"

"Sophomore."

"He's changing schools?"

"Welllll," Sarah droned, "That hasn't been decided. A lot is up in the air. If Dave's released early he could be home in Januaryish and Aidan could stay with one of his friends up there part time and Brooke would drive him other times."

Olivia groaned, "That would be…I hate to say it…so inconvenient."

"I know. He could also take the train and Sonny could get him or he could take the subway to Brooklyn…but that's still like…two hours. I dunno. They have the summer to decide."

Olivia pointed out Aidan would have to apply to private schools or the better high schools, and Sarah shrugged, clueless as to what had been discussed when she wasn't around. She rambled on about summer and how excited she was to take Noah to Coney Island now that he was tall enough to go on most of the rides.

"Every time we try to go out there something happens…rain...I get called into a meeting…so we're doing it this summer. Maybe next week?"

"Fine with me. Your Dad will probably appreciate the break."

"Do you even have a contract with day care anymore?"

Olivia laughed, "We do...they have to go a certain number of hours per week, but it's more expensive the less they go. I don't want to give it up quite yet. Last summer he was still working a little…but, then again, Noah will go to a day camp or two."

"And there's me!"

"And there's you."

"I really need to start spending more time with Maggie and Wyatt," Sarah said seriously. "But I don't want Noey to get mad if I take one of them…maybe I'll take Maggie for a couple hours then trade for Wyatt then trade for Noey and he can spend the night or something," she smiled, pleased with the arrangement, "Yep. That's what I'll do! I can't ever have kids. Between yours and Brooke's, I won't be able to find the time."

Olivia glanced at the cluster of framed photographs encroaching on her work space. "Don't worry," she said reflectively, "You have time."

…..

Buoyed by the prospect of a fresh start, Brooke had finished packing what little she had at the Connecticut house by the end of the week. She planned to take Aidan to see his father over the weekend, and Brooke hoped Dave would agree to pay for a caretaker to come and periodically check on the house. With one week left in the school year, Aidan, too, was preparing to relocate to Brooklyn at least for the summer. To Brooke's surprise, he withdrew his registration from the two lacrosse camps he'd planned to attend. He already had a list of other activities to help pass the idle weeks, and among his options was looking for a job. When Sarah found out about his decision she immediately spouted off about the numerous red flags, but everyone—Brooke, Sonny, Ed, and Olivia—all told her to relax and let him adjust in his own way, albeit under the watchful eyes of everyone in the family.

Friday morning after dropping Noah at school and the twins at day care, Ed drove to the Connecticut house and loaded boxes into his SUV. Knowing Ed's reluctance to enter his ex-wife's home, Sonny had graciously left the cargo stacked in the driveway. Ed piled the car seat bases in the passenger seat and lowered the rear seatback so there was ample space for everything.

"That it?" He asked Brooke, a little shocked.

"Just about," she said, "The rest is in storage or at Sonny's mom's. And I still have a few things, but I can take those myself when we're ready to leave for good."

Ed hugged her. "I'm so happy for you, Brookey."

He rarely used her nickname and the sound of it almost made Brooke erupt in sobs. "Thanks, Dad," she croaked. "So, uh, follow me?"

"Yup."

A little over an hour later they pulled up to the Vanderbilt Avenue townhouse. Ed insisted on carrying all boxes himself, and by the final trip, a sheen of perspiration blanketed his brow.

"Beer?" Brooke opened the fridge. It was nearly bare save for a twelve-pack and a Chinese food take-out carton.

"Sure."

Brooke rummaged through a box of miscellaneous odds and ends, looking for a bottle opener. Ed smiled as she tossed items haphazardly against the backsplash, examining a few more closely than others.

"Stuff the kids gave me over the years," Brooke explained, "I feel bad throwing it all away."

"I would too," Ed replied empathetically.

"However, I wouldn't miss it if the box happened to accidentally disappear," she said wryly, sifting through a pile of what Ed assumed were miniature paperweights in the shape of apples. "But, well, oh, there are some notepads in here. I could use those I guess. Oh, and this one's magnetic." She slapped the tablet on the refrigerator.

Ed squinted as he read the words.

Don't be sad because it's over. Be glad that it happened.

He read the sentences over and over and took so long Brooke waved her hand in front of his face. "Daaaadddd?"

"That's a bullshit quote," he muttered.

Brooke whirled around. She was being silly and hadn't bothered to read what was printed on each page. "Oh," she remarked dismissively, "It's just one of those silly sayings..."

"It's bullshit," he repeated.

"Are you alright?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

Ed took an excruciatingly long time to meet her inquisitive gaze; he knew his reaction was out of the ordinary and Brooke wasn't going to let him wiggle out of an explanation.

"Dad?"

He mumbled an apology. "It's, uh, I dunno, for some reason it reminds me of Liv."

"Aw, Dad. She's fine…I felt the same way when Sonny—"

"No," Ed shook his head. "Not that. Not Monday. Yeah, well, that scared the hell outta me, but…" he said the offending sentences out loud and puckered his face as if the words were the most unpleasant things he'd ever tasted. "That made me think about when Liv and I were, well…goin' through some stuff…and—"

"She broke up with you?"

"Yeah."

Brooke's sunny mood refused to fade. "But you got back together! It didn't last long."

"I know, but walkin' out of her building thinking I was never going to see her or Noah again? Be glad that it happened?" Ed took a long drink from the bottle. "Some things you never get over," he continued reflectively, "Losing her woulda been one of 'em."

The Tuckers, at least as Brooke knew them, had never been a touchy-feely type of family, but she grabbed her Dad's hand, trying to soothe the uncomfortable memory's effects. She predicted the gesture would be received awkwardly and maybe her Dad would even jerk away, but he squeezed her fingers.

"Would have," she emphasized.

Ed swallowed hard. "I know."

Brooke took her hand away. "I'm surprised you still think about that."

"I don't. Much."

"You're too old to wallow," Brooke joked and nudged his chest. "Now me. I'm allowed to wallow. I'm extremely good at wallowing."

"You haven't had an easy time."

"No…" Brooke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Since her honeymoon had been cut short by the shooting in their loft, her life had been a series of Herculean-esque obstacles. "No I haven't. But…I feel good here. Really good." Her hands fell to her belly. "And, overnight, I got excited about the baby. Like…I am totally not an energy person, but there was some bad juju at mom's house."

Ed chuckled. He wasn't one to invoke bad juju, but, nevertheless, he wholeheartedly agreed with the assessment. "Why do ya think I refuse to go in there?"

Olivia left work early Friday afternoon, picked up all three kids, returned home and remained there for the rest of the day. She played games with Noah, refereed rounds of chase, and happily camped out on the floor while her three children played with their impressive array o toys.

Brooke and Ed had lunch in her new neighborhood, and Ed insisted on going to their storage unit to retrieve as many boxes and pieces of furniture he could fit in his hollowed-out truck. As afternoon drifted into evening, Sonny joined them and Ed, in a moving groove, became dead set on clearing the entire unit.

"Then ya can shut it down, return the keys, be done with it," he reasoned.

Sonny readily agreed. "Good idea, Captain. Then that just leaves a couple bigger things at my mom's."

Ed checked in with Olivia regularly. Sonny and Brooke offered to buy him dinner, but Ed declined until Olivia insisted he take them up on the offer.

Kids ate, her text read, maybe bring me something?

When Ed got home the apartment was dark. He flipped on the lights and for a few minutes as he kicked off his shoes and sorted through the mail, he thought everyone was asleep despite the fairly early hour. He put Olivia's food in the refrigerator and sorted the letters he needed to keep from the junk circulars.

Looking up from the envelopes, he finally noticed a dull purplish light in the hall and, upon closer listen, heard the faint sound of the television. Their bedroom door was slightly ajar and he pushed it open slowly, gradually revealing to himself one of the sweetest scenes he'd ever witnessed.

In the middle of the bed, Olivia was propped against their entire pillow collection, slightly on her side, one arm under her head and the other draped across Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. Everyone, Olivia included, wore pajamas.

They were watching classic Winnie the Pooh.

Still grinning, Ed caught Olivia's eye and softly said, "My favorite's always been Tigger."

All three Tucker children's heads snapped up.
"DA!"

"Daddy!"

"Dadadadadadada!"

They scrambled to greet him, struggling for balance among the covers, and Ed hovered over them protectively.

"That's why ya got Wyatt a TIGER!" Noah said, "Cause you loooove Tigger! And now HE loves Tigger!"

"That's right, bud." Ed hugged the three of them at once. "I'm gonna change, then…can I join ya?"

"Yep!" Noah clambered back to Olivia's side. "C'mon, babies! Keep watchin!"

Wyatt sucked on his pacifier and allowed Noah to half-drag him back to his original spot.

Maggie wailed. As soon as Ed scooped her up she nestled her head under his chin and instantly returned to contentedness.

Olivia grinned and rolled her eyes playfully.

"I brought ya dinner," Ed half-whispered as he settled in next to Olivia, having changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt one-handed. Before she could answer, a tired Wyatt, started to fuss a bit and Olivia held him to her chest. "Shhhshhhshhh, baby boy. Close your eyes."

"Don't wanna eat?"

Olivia tilted her head against Wyatt's, kissed a chubby cheek, and surveyed the bed. Maggie was now partially wedged between them, serenely watching the show. Noah was opposite Ed, curling himself more and more into Olivia's side as he began surrendering to sleep.

"I will," she whispered, turning back to her husband, "But I don't want to move."

He kissed her and took his time peeling his lips away from hers.

"Me neither."

…..

#Tuckson