Author's note: It took a while and it's short, but it's here! I didn't have much inspiration for this one, I'm really sorry. However, I have more ideas for Chapter 50 that I just started writing. I hope you're all feeling well. We've been together for more than a year, and the story is soon to be done... what a beautiful thing to think about.~
Enjoy this one!
"Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays
'Cause no matter how far away you roam
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze
For the holidays you can't beat home sweet home"
- Perry Como
After this good time spent with massage oil, the couple got up and went outside. Dogmeat, however, stayed in the room, sleeping right next to their luggage. The ryokan's territory was rather large, enough to take a walk. There were several onsen as well. They would be spoiled for choice as to where to take a bath tonight. But as the sky started covering up in grey, cotton clouds, they decided to wash their bodies and take one without further delay. Their bathing session in a hot spring didn't deserve to be ruined by some... rainy shower.
Miho looked at Kinuyo, who was the first to soak herself in the thermal water. She wondered how she could survive such a strong and constant stress. No doubt she was much stronger than she expected herself to be. Even before the apocalypse, she had anxious tendencies. Everything had been amplified after the fall of the three. Miho thought back to her own anxieties. Since her trauma, she had not had much. And even before, she was rather relaxed and pretty balanced. Everything, in the end, had collapsed when she was away from Maho without knowing if she was alive... or not.
Miho sat next to Kinuyo and looked up at the cloudy evening sky. Even without electricity, the water was naturally warm. That was the practical side of it all. No need to go for a boiler or a water heater, since it was already heated. Naturally, in addition. A real joy.
"I remember Miyazu," muttered Miho. "Our idea of making a train work again."
"Truly visionary. Who had thought of it? Was it you or me?"
"No, neither of us, it was Alice. I can't stop thinking it's such a shame... we could have made her idea come true."
"It's such shameful no steam trains have survived, as Chihatan has probably been hit by the Tokyo bomb," Kinuyo sighed. "And another problem, although I have traveled in, I don't know how to run it. I was just reading, sleeping, or just thinking in my compartment, away from the girls, enjoying some peace in my own company."
"Hey, you don't have to know absolutely everything. You are very good as you are. Even if you were totally incapable, you'd be good."
"Yes, but I hate to feel useless or incompetent. I love learning again and again, in addition. And even, if it was you who did everything, it wouldn't be fair."
Miho sighed, not really knowing what to say, but moved closer to Kinuyo to show her that it wasn't anger or nervousness.
She looked back at the clouds that continued their slow run through the graying sky. It was weird to enjoy an onsen just before a thunderstorm, or just a big shower. The first drops had not yet fallen, but it could happen anytime. If the thunder started to growl, it would be better to go back inside. It would be a pity to be struck down by lightning when they were so close to reaching Maho, and... stark naked in a hot spring.
But Miho suddenly laughed. An old memory about skies crossed her mind.
"For some reason, I remember this... One day, while Maho and I were in the car with our parents while going on holiday, and we saw a sign with an arrow pointing upwards. Silly me started looking at the sky, searching for that location. I seriously thought there was a shop in the clouds.
"I did it too", laughed Kinuyo. "I was staring at the sky in search of a city... all that to finally realize that we were actually entering it. I felt stupid."
"Nevertheless, a city in the clouds, that would be interesting," Miho said. "Another under the sea, perhaps. Two ways to avoid radioactive grounds."
"Except that in both cases, building them would be very dangerous... however I don't think this is impossible. There's likely a way to do this. If you can survive a nuclear war, you can build a city at the bottom of the ocean or make a heavenly city in the clouds."
"Hm, don't focus much on potentiality. There will always be things that will remain impossible. You need to get more practical... for example, building a viable colony on the moon will likely never be put in practice."
Dogmeat's barking drew them out of their conversation. They came out of the bath and went to join him, both wrapped in a towel. He had to feel the storm coming, because by the time they were back to their room, thunder rumbled. They got dressed again.
"Well, he saved us once again!" Kinuyo exclaimed, giving the dog a pat. "Is it me, or are we kind of lucky?"
"Probably," Miho said. "How many times have we avoided the worst..."
"If Houdini hadn't come, I think I was done for," sighed the brunette, falling on the bed. "It wouldn't have been your fault, you couldn't take the crowbar out from the dead man's brain..."
Miho, surprised, almost choked with her saliva.
"Houdini?" she blurted out, almost laughing.
"Well, it fits her, she must be a very good magician to disappear as fast as she comes."
"I must say you're right. It's true that we hardly saw her. Who knows, maybe we'll run into her again later and will be able to thank her!"
Dogmeat climbed on the bed where Kinuyo was laying on her side. Miho removed the table and pushed her bed to make a single big one, then laid down on it, facing her beloved. Dogmeat had his mouth open, looking like he was smiling, and was waving his tail. If he could speak, what would he say? Comment on their actions? Encourage them? Or simply say nothing and watch what was happening?
The dinner was more copious than usual tonight. Miho and Kinuyo had gathered enough supplies, large enough to last until Kumamoto, and even to stock up the Nishizumi mansion a little bit! Maho would be happy. If she ran out of water or food, she would have some again, and a good amount! For once, it wasn't a meager dinner consisting of half a can or a few dry biscuits.
They were very satisfied. There were, especially, canned fruit, which the two particularly liked. Canned peaches, pineapples, pears, and some cans of mixes. Fruit in Japan was already crushingly expensive before the war, so getting some for free after the apocalypse was almost a blessing.
Drenching rain outside. The sky had darkened and thunder, despite the babel of raindrops falling from the clouds loaded with radioactive water, seemed to have stopped rolling. Cats and dogs, stair rods, all the negative charge accumulated in recent days was pouring on Kyushu. Miho hoped her home would still be watertight. Otherwise, some parts of the tatami would end up ruined. Maybe Maho had already had to repair some leaks...?
Miho spent a long time lying on the bed beside her beloved, listening to her light breath, the violence of the rain outside, the little squeaks of Dogmeat who had fallen asleep, and stared at the ceiling. This beautiful place was always better than a small hut at the bottom in some person's garden. She turned her head towards Kinuyo, who had closed her eyes. She looked so peaceful. It was so rare to see her as quiet.
"Are you sleeping, dreamer?" she gently said, her hand caressing her shoulder.
"No, I'm listening to the rain," the brunette replied, opening her eyes. "I'm having some rest..."
A desire came to Miho's head. She got up from the bed and walked over to the window. If only one of the senses was stimulated, what should be done of the others? Why not feel the smell of the rain, shiver upon contact with the cooled air, see the drops crashing on the ground like small bombs, and feel the strange taste of that water that came from the sky?
She slowly opened the window. The curtains started dancing with the wind. Her copperish hair joined the ball, drawing arabesques as they tangled, unraveled, raveled and untangled again. Drops met her skin like spray on the seashore, just like the good old times, when the Zuikaku was still at sea, when Oarai was still her second home, and when everything was as before. The sweet scent of the rainy weather stroked her nostrils and she shivered as she felt the fresh air outside. She stretched out her tongue. The water had this taste she had in mind. A taste that had nothing in common with the ordinary tap water or the one found in the bottles. It was... impossible to put words on it.
She heard her lover getting up and coming to her. Kinuyo felt the wind against her face and closed her eyes again, removing one of her senses to leave room for others. Miho watched her immerse herself in the sensations of rain and wind, plunged in some sort of trance, as if her mind came out of her body and let it feel. Was it a way for her to escape from her stress and all the hassles that tormented her? Miho sometimes wondered about it.
Tonight, they slept together quietly, lulled by the sound of the rain. They couldn't have asked for a better end of journey... hoping that the last few days would be just as peaceful.
In the morning, after a nourishing and hearty breakfast, they resumed their journey. This place, this ryokan of Yufu would remain in the memories for sure. A place that was so peaceful, so full of positive energy. They hoped to find a place like that, as it was really relaxing. At one point, they would find themselves at the foot of Mount Aso. There was no real way to bypass it, unless they'd make a huge detour that would only delay their arrival. If the volcano decided to erupt at the wrong time, it would really be a stroke of bad luck. Volcanoes were so unpredictable. Aso wasn't the most hot-blooded, but still had a tendency to get excited. It was also the largest of all Japan. Not as risky as Mount Sakurajima, but still dangerous.
They arrived at Kokonoe. Their shelter, a white house, was situated very close to a small river flowing down below. The atmosphere was quite nice. It was sure that compared to the Mooka hut or a night spent on the sand of a beach, it was better.
Miho put the suitcase on the table. Kinuyo, on her side, took out the porcelain bowl to give Dogmeat some water to drink. He had started to nibble and pull her skirt to let her know he was thirsty.
"Hey, I have a feeling Maho is alive," Miho said. "You know, this feeling you can't brush off, even if you want to. Just like you have often. I wonder if it's my instinct calling me!"
"Things that happened taught me that listening to your instinct is the best thing you can do," Kinuyo replied in an unusually sharp tone, grabbing the half-empty bottle of water. "If you are convinced that Maho is alive, it's because she is. Good for you."
"It's crazy, I've never had such a strong feeling before," Miho continued, excited. "Do you think it's the ghosts who give me this information?"
"I don't know. Maybe you just know that Maho is alright and she's still waiting for you. She'll be glad to see you again, that's the main thing. It's going to be great for sure."
Something wasn't quite right. A small noise caught Miho's attention. She turned her head. Kinuyo was kneeling with the bottle, pouring water into the dog's bowl... and half of it on the parquet. She looked oddly motionless. Dogmeat started to sniff her, sensing something was off.
"You okay?" Miho asked, putting a hand on her lover's back.
"Miho... I-I can't see anything" she moaned, dropping the bottle and pouring a few last drops on the ground.
Miho should have expected it. She seized her girlfriend and raised her head. Kinuyo was shallowly breathing, sweaty to the touch, unusually pale, and her pupils were dilated. Dogmeat barked and tried to lick her face. She seemed to try to keep her eyes open, but fainted after a few seconds.
"I'll help you," Miho whispered, turning to the front door.
She carried her and laid her on her side, facing the outside, hoping that it'd be easier for her to breathe, and that it would help her regain consciousness. Anxious, she put a hand on her side. What could have caused that? A sickness ? No, it wasn't possible, Kinuyo didn't have any fever or other symptoms, apart from her lack of appetite she had lately. Overheating? Lack of sleep? ...Stress?
Miho realized that the cause wasn't entirely physical. She had refrained herself from thinking about it. What if it was the meeting with Maho that stressed her so much?
The few thirty or forty seconds she spent unconscious seemed to last hours. Kinuyo finally moved and turned to Miho, then seemed to look around herself.
"You fainted again", the ginger said. "Are you okay...?"
"It's nothing," the brunette murmured. "I'm fine. It's just that..."
Miho knew why she kept her words. But if she continued to repress them, it would get even worse.
"I know what's going on," she murmured. "And somehow, I know I should have talked to you sooner about this..."
Kinuyo remained silent, keeping her head down.
"You're afraid to meet Maho, aren't you?"
Silence again. Kinuyo looked up, her eyes still looking hesitant.
"I... I'm afraid it's going to be like it ended up with Alice," she confessed. "Your sister, in addition, will expect Alice to show up, not me. She'll think I killed her..."
"No," Miho said. "I don't think it'll be that bad. Maho vaguely knows you, but she knows you. It's not like you are a complete stranger. You have already exchanged words, and she had nothing against you."
"She's going to wonder a lot about this, and I still remember Alice's attitude. They're not really identical, but I still fear that she won't like me."
"The good thing is that you managed to tell me what was going on," murmured Miho, taking her in her arms. "See, it was not that difficult. I worried about you because I knew something was off, but I didn't ask you because I knew you would avoid the topic as much as possible."
"Well... I snapped," Kinuyo whispered. "It's a weight removed from my shoulders, but it took me a lot to talk. I didn't want to annoy you with my whinings. I'd rather keep silent and deal with my issues on my own."
Dogmeat sat down beside them. Miho gave him a little pat. He sniffed her hand, then licked it. Miho giggled. She felt that he wanted to be useful.
"Don't be afraid to tell me how you feel, no matter if it's bad or not. I won't judge you, you know, " she murmured.
Miho felt reassured. Kinuyo would probably not faint anymore, now that she had said what she had repressed for so long. She would be less tense during the last days they'd spend on the road. Before they could see Maho, they had to get rid of all this emotional baggage they had dragged for more than a month. The three deaths they had to get over, the amount of stress, the constant anxiety, everything had to stay behind. They were heading for a new life in the post-apocalyptic Kumamoto.
Still in Miho's arms, Kinuyo whispered:
"Hey, can I tell you something that will not please you?"
The redhead swallowed.
"Go ahead...?"
"I was so afraid of seeing Maho that I was starting to wish her death."
These words punched Miho in the face. She forced herself to think about it. It wasn't a real desire to see her die physically. It was a desire to erase the cause of her fear. Kinuyo didn't really want Maho to die. And even, Miho herself had already had this kind of intrusive thoughts. Nothing practical, only theoretical...
"You're not upset at me, are you?"
"No... no, I understand you thought that," the redhead murmured. "I've... I've had negative thoughts like that too at some point."
"I am angry with myself for thinking that, and it weighed on my conscience. Because I know that if she were to really die, I could never forgive myself. I feel guilty enough already."
"It's okay, it's okay... I'm not upset at you."
Could they really control these thoughts, actually? The memory of that sudden desire for murder came back to her mind. That thought had come to her pretty unexpectedly, it was quite odd. She felt guilty for having had the urge to smother her with the pillow, just as Kinuyo felt guilty for wanting Maho to die.
Her sister was still alive... Miho knew it. She was alive and waiting for them in Kumamoto. Despite the difficulty of surviving, Maho was alive. She could not be dead. Despite Kinuyo's fearful wish, she was there. It wasn't possible that it happened otherwise... for Miho, this was inconceivable.
Kinuyo moved away slightly and gave her a tender look, then got up and went to the kitchen to see what was for dinner. Miho took advantage of this moment to wipe off the water she had spilled around the dog's bowl. It was a small waste, but whatever. In any case, it wasn't totally lost. The water wouldn't disappear from Earth, it would evaporate with the heat. There was no need to worry about it.
They slept together tonight, as everyday, waiting impatiently for the next day. Another day or two... it was almost over.
