We had just landed in Seattle. It was some time after two in the morning and Carlisle was debating whether to rent a car or simply run back to Forks once we had made it out of the city. Naturally, my impulse was to run. There was no trace of the tracker's scent in the airport and I was anxious to pick up the trail again. I had hoped we'd find him as soon we landed, but not knowing where he had gone made me more frustrated than ever.
I was so sure he would have returned to Forks, to meet up with the red-head if nothing else. I felt genuine fear at the prospect of not knowing where he could possibly be. Being so utterly clueless. We had no lead, we had no direction to go. I prayed Alice had seen something in her visions that might give us some semblance of a lead. I thought of the visions she had relayed to us but try as I might I couldn't fathom where the rooms she had seen could be. They held no importance to me, no spark of recognition.
I was so distracted by my own thoughts I barely noticed Carlisle answer his phone.
"Alice, we—" Carlisle stopped short. He listened as Alice hurriedly explained what had happened. His eyes were wide and he was more still than he should be around humans.
I abandoned all pretense of courtesy and listened through his mind. The tracker was in Phoenix. Or at least he would be. Alice explained that Bella had recognized the mirror room as a dance studio in Phoenix. Moreover, a new vision of Alice's had helped Bella to recognize the room with the television and the VCR as her mother's house. The tracker was closer to Bella than I was.
How could I have been so foolish? I couldn't have been more wrong! Rage, fear, and despair filled every fiber of my being. I felt every muscle tense in my body. I wanted to run straight to Phoenix right then and there.
Emmett moved closer, sensing my rising tension and ready to hold me back should he need to. "Easy, Edyth, easy," he cautioned.
"Emmett," Carlisle's voice was sharp, "first available flight to Phoenix. Now."
Emmett nodded once and left to book the flight.
"Alice," Carlisle's voice was still sharp, "Get Bella to the airport, we're taking the first flight out and we'll meet you there. Once we arrive, we'll take Bella somewhere safe. You and Jasper stay in Phoenix in case her mother comes home."
He hung up the phone, turning to me.
Stay as calm as you can manage,he thought,we're in a very public place Edyth. I made a show of relaxing my posture, but I could see myself in his mind and I didn't look nearly human enough. He sighed, placing a cautious hand on my shoulder. "It will be alright, Edyth." His words were hope, not promise.
"Let's move." Emmett called, waving three tickets at us as he approached. "First flight out isn't 'till six."
Was everything in the universe conspiring together to work against me? I found it increasingly difficult to practice any measure of patience. I quickly did the calculations in my head; it would take three or four hours to get to Phoenix once we were in the air, but if the plane didn't even leave until six then that meant four long hours of waiting, doing nothing and then another long four hours on a plane. This was hell, there was no other explanation.
Eight hours, and the tracker had a head start. I felt completely hopeless.
"What if I start running now?" I snapped, my patience all but spent. "If I run as fast as I can straight to Phoenix—"
"You'll look like a speeding disco ball once the sun comes up," Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Even running as fast as you can, in full on sun? No chance. Someone will see you."
"He's right, Edyth," Carlisle sighed, "The chances of being seen would be too great if you were thinking rationally and cautiously." His eyes locked onto mine, a meaningful expression coloring his gaze. "And you are not thinking rationally, or cautiously."
"But Carlisle—" I tried to argue, but he cut me off.
"Edyth, please." His voice was firm. "I know you are worried, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you—the thought of waiting—but recklessness won't help Bella right now."
"Besides, Alice and Jasper are with her," Emmett chimed in, "they won't let anything happen to her." I smirk danced on his lips. "Alice already loves the kid so much, she'd probably rip the tracker to pieces all by herself before Jasper could even get close."
"So, please, Edyth," Carlisle continued, "do your best to exercise as much control and patience as you can."
I couldn't argue, with either of them. The logic was sound on both sides. So, with no other choice available to me, I waited.
We sat in the terminal, trying to look human. Carlisle called Esme to inform her of the change of plans and Emmett mindlessly watched the nearby televisions. Occasionally he would elbow me to remind me to not be so still. I had to be still, though. Despite what Carlisle and Emmet had said, I still wanted to run. If I didn't focus all my energy on remaining a statue I would run as fast as I could out of the airport and straight to Bella.
The minutes ticked by, I watched the nearby clock obsessively. Every tick of the second-hand felt like the stab of a knife. In my frustrated impatience I gripped too tightly on the arm of the metal chair I was sitting in. The arm bent and snapped under my stone grip.
Emmett's eyes darted to me, he raised an eyebrow at the broken arm and snorted. "Nice."
"Shut up, Emmett." I growled.
Finally, an announcement came over the speakers around five-thirty that we could board. I was already on my feet and Carlisle was immediately on the phone.
"Alice, we're boarding our plan. We should be landing at nine-forty-five." He said. He paused. "Alright." He turned to me and held out the phone.
I took it and placed it to my ear. "What is it, Alice?" I asked, my voice too sharp.
"Jasper's checking out now." She was speaking at a speed only I could understand. I wondered if Bella was nearby. "We'll take Bella to the airport and stay with her until you get there. Then we'll relocate closer to her mother's house."
"Alright." I could hear the strain in my voice, I wondered how much of it was my frustration and how much of it was my desperate need to just hear Bella's voice again.
"I wanted to tell you the plan, I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but I promise you, Edyth, I will do everything I can to keep Bella safe until you get here."
"Thank you." I sighed. "I'm sorry, Alice."
"I know. It's alright." She said simply, "Bella just came out of her room, I need to tell her the plan and get her ready."
And the phone went silent.
The flight was even more of a torture than the waiting in the terminal. At least in the terminal I knew Alice could call me if something changed. In the air, I had no way of knowing what was happening on the ground. My only solace was the welcome announcement from the captain that we would be arriving ten minutes sooner than expected.
I felt strange. Normally I felt like I had time to measure and consider everything around me. I didn't feel like that now. I felt like I barely had the time to think anymore. Some part of me reasoned that this must be what it was like to be human. I barely remembered that at this point. I wondered if this must be somewhat how Bella felt.
When the plane landed, my mind began to feverishly imagine seeing her again. She would be there, waiting for me, probably standing on her toes to see over the crowds of people. I imagined how I would have to force myself to move at a decently human pace through the crowd of people between us. And then, when I saw her I would surely lose that composure and run faster than I ought to, so I could more quickly close that unwanted distance between us. I would wrap my arms around her warm, soft body and she'd be with me again. We would be together and she would finally be safe.
But that's not how it would be. We moved cautiously through the terminal, keeping to the shadows, avoiding the sun. Then I heard her.
Edyth! Edyth! Hurry!
Alice's panicked thoughts rang out through the terminal. I caught her scent quickly.
"Carlisle, Emmett—" My words came out in a strangled voice.
They looked at my face with concern. Emmett's eyes widened, Carlisle's face turned grave. We hurried towards where Alice was, Emmett would occasionally catch my arm to slow me down when I started moving too quickly.
I saw Alice, her eyes wide with despair and a piece of paper in her hand, I rushed to her side.
"What is it? Where's Bella?" I hissed.
She didn't need to answer. I saw it in her mind.
She had left with Jasper to get something to eat, but then she ran. She ran away. She was already long gone. Alice's visions told me what I was most afraid of. She was in the mirrored room with the tracker, or she would be very soon.
"No, no, no…" I tried to keep my voice low.
"Edyth…" She held the paper out to me.
I snatched it from her hand and read the words in Bella's handwriting.
I love you. I am so sorry. He has my mom, and I have to try. I know it may not work. I am so very, very sorry.
Don't be angry with Alice and Jasper. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. Tell them thank you for me. Alice especially, please.
And please, please don't come after him. That's what he wants, I think. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. Please this is the only thing I can ask you now. For me.
I love you. Forgive me.
Bella.
If my heart could still beat it would have stopped, then it would have broken.
"Carlisle…" My voice was strained. "Carlisle, I…"
"We need to move. Now." His voice was serious. "Alice, is my bag in the car?"
"In the trunk, I made sure all your supplies were well stocked." Her eyes flickered to me. "Just in case."
"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." He said solemnly. "Let's go."
"The keys, Jasper has the keys," Alice said, hopelessness coloring her tone.
"Bella doesn't have time for this!" I snapped, and before they could react I was already moving.
"Edyth!" Carlisle called.
"Whoa, sis, come back!" Emmett boomed.
Edyth wait…Alice's pleading thoughts.
But I didn't have time to wait. Bella couldn't afford me waiting.
I rushed through the airport, sliding between the clumsy, agonizingly slow humans. I couldn't run like I wanted to nor would I be able to once I was out of the airport, but I couldn't waste any time.
"You really need to learn some patience, Edyth Alice's chiding voice came from just behind me.
"I don't have time for this, Alice."
"I'm coming with you." She retorted.
"Alice—"
"Make a left," She snapped, turning sharply and heading towards an escalator.
"I can't waste any time getting to Bella." I hissed. "I need to get there fast."
"Oh," Alice's eyes widened with a spark of excitement as the decision I made brought a new vision into focus. "Well, that'll do it." She smirked. "Turn right, through those doors."
Sure enough, parked on the curb just outside the airport in the passenger pick up area was my salvation.
"That's a fast car," her eyes glistened as she glanced over the Ford GT's sleek black paintjob. "The owner isn't looking, let's go."
I sped around to the driver's side and slid into the seat. The keys were in the ignition. Maybe things were finally going my way.
"At least we didn't have to hot-wire it!" Alice chirped.
"As if that would be difficult for you," I sighed.
I hit the gas and sped off, the owner of the car began screaming and cursing from behind us.
"He'll get it back," Alice shrugged, "Probably, at least."
I didn't answer. My eyes were locked on the road, weaving in and out of traffic.
"I told the others where to go, they went to get our car and they should be right behind us." Alice said, glancing in the rearview mirror.
No sooner had she spoken then their car whipped out in front of a slow-moving Toyota and trailed just behind us.
I drove quickly down the hot, dusty roads. Alice sat mostly still, only her head was slowly tilting from side to side as she combed through visions, looking for clues, for some small measure of hope that we might succeed in saving Bella. Occasionally she would give me directions on which way to go. Beyond that, as we weaved through traffic, I began to make plans.
Plans for what I would do if I failed.
After all, there was no hope of continuing on, no point to it if I lost Bella. I could not bear that alternative. My entire existence up to that point had been meaningless, an endless loop of play-acting, of hiding… A half-life. Bella had changed all of that. She had given me purpose again and meaning. She accepted me for the monster I was and loved me despite it. She pushed me to be better. What I wouldn't give to hear her scold me for my temper, to have her chide me for my hasty actions! The thought of never experiencing that again was excruciating. It was a pain greater than any I had ever known or could imagine.
Death, if that's what you could call it, was not so easy for my kind. Was it even death? It was ending the existence of something, yes. But can death come to one who has no life? In any case, it would be difficult. Only another of my kind could give me that release. I couldn't ask Emmett or Jasper. They'd never agree to it. Royal might, though everyone else would try to stop him.
Ah, of course. My only real option became increasingly clear to me the closer we got to our destination. The Volturi.
Stop it right now, Edyth. Don't you dare! Alice's thoughts broke me from my own. we'll get to her in time.
Of course, she would see the course of my decisions as they became more solidified in my mind. Of course, she would be upset. Of course, she would tell me we would make it to Bella in time.
I tried not to think of how devastated Esme would be, the disappointment and heartbreak of Carlisle. Emmett wouldn't be able to understand, but hopefully Royal would provide some solace since I half wondered if he would even care. Alice would never get over it, but Jasper would probably be the most understanding. He knew what it was to be lost, drifting, without purpose and without hope. He had found a second chance when Alice found him. I knew Jasper's mind well enough to know he wouldn't want to continue on without her. He would be on my side.
It was decided. If I was too late I would go to Italy, find some way to provoke the Volturi—break a rule, cause a scene, whatever I had to do—and they would end my existence. They would release me from the unending despair and pain of losing me from the horrifying punishment of existing through all eternity knowing that I, in my never ceasing selfishness, had put her in mortal danger and I, in my insurmountable ineptitude, had failed to save her.
A part of me wondered if it was letting me off too easy. After all, if I failed Bella now then surely, I deserved to suffer for all of eternity. That would be right. That would be fair. It would be cowardly and even more unforgivingly selfish of me to seek escape from that punishment, but how could I not?
"Edyth." Alice's voice was low, serious, full of emotion.
"I'm sorry." Was all I could say.
As we arrived at the small dance studio, I felt my body tense anew. Alice's visions were too erratic to know what had happened or what might happen. The tracker was playing games, making it up as he went. No course was set.
I knew that if Bella had never come to Forks, she wouldn't be facing her death now. If she had never met me, she would not be here. I knew that if by some miracle I managed to save her from this, if I could keep her alive to see tomorrow, the only thing I could do to atone for my sins was to leave her. To hope, despite everything I still so selfishly wanted, that she would find someone else and live a long, happy human life away from me. If the universe would grant me this one favor, I would never ask or expect anything or as long as I continued to exist in this world.
I slammed the brakes, skidding to a stop just outside the dingy building, and leapt from the car, speeding through the burning sunlight.
