Hello everyone! First of all, I would like to apologize for the extremely long wait on the second part of Chapter 38. You see, my partner has been experiencing a bit of a writing rut lately to include being busy with BotW. Luckily they managed to write this secret mini special up on a last minute notice.
This secret mini special is all about Icarus. Warning, this chapter is very depressing so I suggest to prepare yourself before diving in. Note this mini special takes place during chapter 37 before the angel twins got back to their own time period.
Trigger warning for suicidal ideations, ableist slurs and animal abuse.
HTK Secret Mini Special 2: Lament's Ballad
- "The Last Time" from Skies of Arcadia plays-
Palutena kept her mouth shut for the remainder of the day. Just observing her dear friend being completely consumed by the guilt Erebus bestowed upon him continued to gnaw its sharp teeth inside her stomach. She pondered how much damage the archangel inflicted upon Icarus, recalling his plea for help. His words echoed throughout her subconscious, immediately remembering the fear and anguish in his own voice.
The Goddess of Light knew Erebus was the perfect textbook definition of an abuser. It pained her just to imagine the pain he brought upon Icarus – from isolating him away from those who cared about him to even guilt tripping him for conveying his own thoughts which didn't please Erebus. Deep down, Palutena knew Icarus deserved none of the suffering he was being forced to go through. No one deserved that kind of treatment. She couldn't understand why Erebus would jolt his way into Icarus' heart, leading the boy onto false hope and illusions just to use him. It's evidently clear Erebus heavily distorted his thought process in turn of keeping the angel wrapped around his finger.
She wondered how Pit and Dark Pit were faring on their mission to get to the source of the issue. While she started drifting off into space, Erebus (in Icarus' body) caught note of her silence.
"… Don't tell me you actually care for that thing?" he remarked in uttermost disgust. Palutena refused to look at the monster straight in the eye, instead keeping her mouth shut. It was none of his business to inquire about her own personal affairs. Howbeit, Icarus decided question her further, trying his best to push her buttons.
"You do actually care for that pathetic sack of shit, don't you? Don't even try to lie to me goddess, I can see it in your eyes."
Again, no words were ushered out of her mouth. She didn't want to give into his mockery, knowing it'll end up hurting Kid. What surprised her was how Erebus decided to keep his word about not harming the goddess especially given the kind of individual the archangel is.
"Well, I'll assure you this Palutena," the angel mocked, "the feeling is mutual. Anyways, it's getting quite late and seeing how I need to make some last minute preparations, you should get some rest. It's the least I can do."
Palutena got up, following Icarus like a mindless drone lost in the forest of isolation. For a moment, she wondered if he was actually being genuine before realizing he is most likely following Icarus' orders about keeping her intact. Before she knew it, Icarus opened up a door and shoved her inside, proceeding to lock the door afterwards.
"Sweet dreams goddess."
- "The Last Time" from Skies of Arcadia fades away.
The Goddess of Light stared at the darkness which consumed its surroundings. Dazing off for a moment, she allowed her eyes to take in the duskiness, letting them adjust themselves. After a minute or two, she caught sight of a lamp and made her way over to turn it on. The dim light revealed she was inside a bedroom of some sorts, the bed hastily made as piles and piles of papers were scattered all over the room, almost as if something happened prior to her arrival. Deciding to make use of her time here – as well as giving herself a distraction of some sorts, Palutena figured the least she could so was organize the papers. One by one she grabbed the loose pieces, neatly stacking them on the bed before transferring it over to the desk nearby.
While Palutena placed the stack on the wooden surface, she caught glimpse of an object of interesting. Being the intrusive goddess whom she was, Palutena decided to pick it up the object, recognizing it to be a journal. What intrigued her was its age as its spine was completely worn out and its once ruby red color faded away, transitioning into maroon. The Goddess of Light couldn't help but open the journal, seeing right away it belonged to none other than Icarus himself. As she swiftly scavenged the pages, Palutena made note it dated back to when he first obtained it at the age of five.
- "Not Tomorrow" from the Silent Hill soundtrack plays-
"Should I really pry myself into Kid's own life?" she thought to herself out loud. Palutena knew she wasn't going to get any response yet with further ado, she decided to read a few entries, starting from the beginning.
September 5, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Today I got to go to the garden with Mommy. It was very fun. Mommy teached me some things about flowers and plants. Mommy showed me how to make things out of flowers. I love Mommy a lot. She loves flowers and they are important to her. I hope to make her happy with a garden of my own one day.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 5)
In addition to the entry, he drew a cute picture of himself and his mother sitting in the garden, smiling.
A smiled curled on her lips as the goddess observed the picture. She found it quite odd that he and Viridi despised one another yet had something in common – their love of nature. Palutena reminisced the fond memories she had with Kid in the past as he was the walking encyclopedia about plants. He rambled on and on about them to the best of his ability as Palutena gave him his undivided attention, not once averting her gaze towards something else.
She decided to flip through a couple of pages, rendering it useless to read his entire journal unless she wanted to spend hours peering herself into his own life.
November 14, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Today I am sad. I do not like school at all. My classmates are mean to me for no reason and make fun of me. Today, Eugene Angelos called me a retard. He also said I look like Dumbo except ugly which was very mean. Nobody wants to play with me. They make fun of me and hurt me. I do not know what I am doing wrong at school. At home when I want to play with my brothers, they tell me to go away and insult me too. It does not help that they are way older than me as I feel alone in the house. I always have to play by myself because no one except Mommy wants to play with me. I would ask Papa but he is always busy.
I wish I had a friend to play with.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 5)
The Goddess of Light frowned. She knew how cruel children could be especially since both of her angels – despite Dark Pit claiming otherwise, were constantly harassed during kindergarten before she pulled them out. Pit fought back when it came to defending his brother yet always smiled it off when it was inflicted on him. Palutena could imagine how distant Kid felt with his older brothers, especially when she had to remind herself about the seven year age gap between him and Adonis. She was lucky Medusa was only a few years older than her – this of course, was before Medusa took advantage of her position being the Goddess of Darkness or rather, that's what Palutena always told herself.
Palutena skipped a few more pages and read another entry.
March 8, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Today I learned I was appointed by the king of Gods himself, Zeus to watch over his youngest daughter. I am very excited and nervous to be honored with such a high job. I wonder why he choosed me out of all of the other angels available? He could have choosed my brothers or anyone else for the job but out of all of them, I was the one who got picked. I wonder what kind of person his daughter is. Papa said she is the same age as me. I hope she is nice and good and kind. I am scared she might not like me like the other people at my school.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 6)
Another smile found its way on her lips. She didn't understand why Kid doubted himself before reminding herself of the ridicule he faced from his schoolmates on a daily basis so in retrospect, it made perfect sense on why he would be scared of it. Flipping the page, she noticed another entry written the day afterwards – her first encounter with him.
March 9, 19XX
Dear Journal,
I am so happy! I finally made my first friend! Today I got to meet Zeus' daughter Palutena! She is very sweet and kind. At first I was scared but she gave me a flower as a token of our friendship. I told her I am happy to serve as her bodyguard but she told me we were also friends. Not once did she make fun of me for the way I talk. Mommy said I have something called a speech edpediment. She did not bully me for the way I do things either which is very good. I like Palutena a lot and hope to become the bestest of friends with her.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 6)
More smiling. The goddess found his excitement for her to be adorable. Her mother always taught her never to judge a book by its cover and to be patient. Palutena knew as the Goddess of Light, she wanted everyone to feel safe and welcome, no matter who they were. Being curious, she skipped ahead a few entries.
April 10, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Why can't this girl leave me alone already?! You see, Palutena is friends with this very mean girl named Viridi. She is the Goddess of Nature yet she does not act like it. Instead she is mean to me and likes to hurt me for no reason. She sometimes would send me off on fake missions and lie they are from Palutena herself. I keep falling for them and ended up getting hurt because of it. She also made fun of the way I talk and tells me to stop talking. It is very rude. I like Palutena but I do not like her friend. I do not know why she hurts me when I treat her with nothing but kindness, just like Mommy taught me. I noticed Palutena gets really sad when Viridi hurts me and tells her to stop every time she does. Unlike that mean jerk Eugene and the other bullies, at least Viridi listens when she is told. She also rambles on how I'm stupid and annoying and ugly and keeps calling me a big baby! I CANNOT STAND IT WHEN SHE DOES THAT.
I really wish she would stop bullying me soon.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 7)
Palutena never understood why exactly Viridi harassed Kid. Was it because of the way he talked – no, she knew it wasn't because of that. It was obviously a sign of jealousy, the emotion which gets the best of anyone. Not once did the goddess tolerate Viridi's bullying towards him and always called her out on it.
Palutena skipped a couple of more pages, making her way towards when he was at the age of nine.
October 10, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Am I doing something wrong? Every time I hear my father chatting with the other members of the angel council, not once has he ever mentioned anything about me. I've heard him talk about Lapidos, Vasilis, Perseus, even Adonis but never me. It's like if I'm just a thorn at his side or something… well, I never do what he tells me to correctly and just — ugh, it's really frustrating! I wonder if my father secretly hates me. Like everything I try to do is never good enough for him and I'm constantly getting disciplined because of it. Not once has he tried to encourage me. I honestly think he sees me as some sort of failure or something. I brought these feelings up with Mother one day yet she claims otherwise. I'm not sure how to feel about that because one, I dislike the way he treats me compared to my older brothers and two, he always seemed distant when it came to me, almost as he thinks I'm some sort of mistake or something.
Journal, do you think I'm a mistake? Is that why everyone is out to hurt me all the time? Is that why Eugene constantly calls me hateful words such as faggot, mentally challenged and tells me to stop being so autistic? Maybe Father is embarrassed of me because of my disability.
If only I wasn't born the way I am, maybe he would have loved me too…
Sincerely,
Kid (age 9)
Her heart sank. The goddess knew Erebus used this advantage to manipulate the poor angel. Palutena knew eavesdropping was always bad for a reason. For one, it led to many false accusations, this being one of them. The green-haired goddess recalled stumbling upon Ourias' conversation several times. While Kid believed his father hated him, Palutena knew this was completely false. In fact, he talked their ear off when it came to his youngest son. Ourias cherished him like no tomorrow, even proud of the fact he was honored with the task of watching over her. He loved his son and even talked about his disgust with the school system for refusing to do anything about the bullying situation despite telling them countless times to do their job.
Even if he gave off the aura of being distant, Palutena knew those assumptions were false.
April 18, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Today Palutena decided to surprise me with a tour of a massive garden. It was full of all kinds of flowers ranging from lavenders, roses to even chamomiles! To admit, it was almost like walking into a fairytale — an adventure waiting to happen! We decided it was the perfect spot to have teatime along with some yummy edibles. Afterwards, we went inside her house and watched some Darkwing Duck before I had to go home. To confess, I can't feel anything but happiness every moment I spend with her. There's just something about her that makes me so happy — from her beautiful green locks to her angelic smile, Palutena is the pure embodiment of light. Maybe that's why she's the Goddess of Light.
Every time I think about her, I can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Just the way she talks, how sweet and caring she is makes me feel good about myself. I honestly would be lost without Palutena as I can't imagine life without her. I just wonder what these newfound feelings for her are? Is it love? Nah, I think it's just an extreme fondness for her. After all, Gods have a vow to follow and it's to remain pure and untouched.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 10)
Palutena paused for a moment, allowing herself to process what was written. Truth be told, she read the journal entry a couple of more times, trying to grasp what exactly Kid was trying to convey. It was almost as if he had a crush on her at some point yet it was never confirmed. She could however comment on the chastity vows as she found it quite absurd to be honest, especially with all of the things her father has done. It was quite hypocritical to say the least.
July 29, 19XX
Dear Journal,
I have unfortunate news to share with you. It turns out Mother is sick! In fact, she hasn't been the same for a long time now. It's quite sad to see her slowly grow weaker by the months but I'm positive she'll get better in no time! Father is heavily concerned for her well-being but despite her condition, she still manages to pull through to me.
I hope she gets better soon!
Sincerely,
Kid (age 10)
Palutena turned the page, knowing the entries were only going to get more depressing since she already knew about his mother's fate. No matter the circumstances, the boy tried to keep his chin up high, believing everything will turn out fine. Unfortunately, life can be quite a fickle bitch and bite someone in the ass.
December 15, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Hey journal, guess what?! Today's the big night! I cannot express how excited I am to be attending a dance with Palutena! Did you know that she attends school on the surface world?! Pretty cool huh? I wonder how different schools are on the surface compared to the ones in Angel Land. I imagine it's full of all kinds of creatures and is very diverse. To admit, I am kinda nervous. What if I accidently mess up or embarrass myself in front of the others? Even worse, what if Viridi tries to play a prank on me? Palutena told me not to worry about it as Viridi will most likely be too busy talking with her other friends but still, with people like Viridi, you'll never know what they will do. Anyways, I would love to write in you more but I got to get ready soon!
I'll update you when the dance is done, okay? Remember to be good journal!
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
The goddess grinned again, immediately reading the following entry afterwards. The dance was always a fond memory they had together. In fact, it was one of their last before he dropped off the face of the earth and later on, taking the alias of his middle name.
December 15, 19XX
Dear Journal,
HOLY COW! The dance was AMAZING! I've never had so much fun in my life and for once, I completely felt at ease. For starters, none of the other kids really knew me so none of them bothered to harass me. Two, Viridi was busy talking with other people just like Palutena said and last but not least, I got to dance with Palutena herself. Speaking of Palutena, she looked extremely lovely tonight. I couldn't help but get mesmerized just by looking at her. To confess, I find Palutena to be absolutely pretty. Just every time I'm with her, I can't help but feel my heart flutter. There's just something about her I cannot quite pinpoint.
In fact, I have a crush on her ever since I got to really know her and understand the feelings of love. If life was perfect, I would ask her out in a heartbeat. Just the fact that she decided to take me to the dance was such a high honor and I wish I could pay her back. Honestly, I want to ask her out yet deep down, I know it's just wishful thinking — not to mention, it's highly risky as well. Perhaps keeping these feelings to myself is for the best. The last thing I want to do is risk my position and get in trouble for taking our friendship to the next level.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
Her jaw dropped at the mention of his crush. So her suspicion was true all along. At some point in his life, Kid was infatuated with the goddess. The further Palutena began contemplating about it, the more she realized that she was clueless about his crush all along. It was obvious, the way he got easily flustered around her, how interested he was in everything she had to say and finally, he cherished every moment they spent together.
Dare she proceed on? Palutena knew it was only going to go downhill from here but she felt that she couldn't stop reading. So with all due respect, she continued to turn the pages.
January 3, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Time passed by too quickly. I'm crying as we speak (more like writing but you get the idea). You see, my mother passed away peacefully in her sleep last night. I truly thought she was going to get better, I really did. It turns out, she didn't want me to worry about her while she endured her illness. I miss her so much. She was the only one who completely understood and loved me for who I am. At least she isn't suffering anymore but still, I want her back! I want her back, I want her back, I WANT HER BAAAAACK!
Why is life so cruel to me? I feel sick to my stomach, I cannot eat or drink anything without remembering Mother won't be by my side anymore. She will not be present to watch me grow up, graduate from school and even get married someday (if anyone would even take a poor sod like me). I know she's in a better place now, but still… I just want Mommy back…
Speaking of parents, not once have I seen my father cry when he learned of the grave news. I almost wonder if that man is void of displaying any emotion whatsoever. The next few years are going to be rough especially without Mother….
Is life even worth living anymore if the one who cared most about you is dead?
Ps. Why couldn't death taken me as well?
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
Her heart sank. She knew how close he was to his mother and how much he loved her. Palutena recalled the unfaithful day as the angel council consoled Ourias about his loss. While the man wasn't much for displaying emotion, the goddess noticed the only reason why he didn't shed any tears in front of his children was to be strong for them. The goddess remembered how she caught glimpse of the man silently sobbing over the loss of his beloved wife. Not only did Melaine's departure take a heavy toll on Kid – it also damaged Ourias as well.
January 5, 19XX
Dear Journal,
I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I can't do anything right.
Sincerely,
A pathetic runt
The goddess sighed deeply, knowing how lost the boy felt without his mother. Recalling how Lain is actually a replacement for Melaine, Palutena knew he wasn't over her death.
January 8, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising. Death sounds promising.
Sincerely,
A useless angel who can't do anything right
Ps. I wish I was dead. Maybe death would be kinder to me than my own miserable life.
Just reading that made Palutena felt sick to her stomach. Part of wondered if Icarus was still suffering on the inside despite showing signs of being okay?
January 10, 19XX
Dear Journal,
I'm alone and afraid. Most of all, I feel completely abandoned. I overheard Father talking on the phone about giving me away to some scary place called the psychiatric hospital. Afterwards, he decided to tell me about it and thinks I need "help." Father told me it would benefit me in the long run but I think otherwise. Just why is he trying to give me away all the sudden?! You know what, this just proves that not once has Father ever loved me! I love how quick he is to send me off to some strange place yet not once has he ever done that to my brothers! Why the hell am I the one suffering through all of this bullcrap!? What did I do to deserve this kind of torment!? Am I really just nothing but a damn mistake to him? I really don't want to go journal, I really don't.
I'm scared, I don't want to be left alone with some strangers. Being alone just terrifies me.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
To admit, any child would be scared of being placed inside a hospital, especially since they feel abandoned without their parents. She knew Ourias had the best intentions and honestly, he did the right thing. He cared so much for his son that he wanted him to get better. If he saw him as a mistake, he would have never put forth the effort to even care about his wellbeing.
January 15, 19XX
Dear Journal,
I'm glad I was able to take you along. Unfortunately I have to write with a crayon because the nurses are afraid I might try to stab myself with a pencil. After a couple of sessions with the so-called therapist here, I can officially say I'm scared to death. I feel that they're trying to numb me with drugs to turn me into some sort of zombie or something. The therapist insists that the medication will make me feel better but I don't believe them. What's even worse is that if I refuse to take it, the nurses somehow inject a shot in my, calming me down before having me take the drug. Everything about this place is depressing. All of the patients here are like zombies, drugged up and miserable. Why does a horrible place like this even exist?
I miss my mother very much! Perhaps this is all part of one giant nightmare and she'll be home again when I wake up from this dream.
I just want someone to save me from this hell.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
He clung onto false hope despite reality obtaining the best of him. To admit, the boy was right about one thing – psychiatric hospitals are in fact, pretty depressing.
January 18, 19XX
Dear Journal,
Today I've learned everything I knew was a damn lie! During our free time today, I managed to come across a new friend named Shadow Mewtwo. He told me about how practically everyone will forever hate me and that Palutena only pretended to be my friend because I was assigned to protect her from her father! The more I thought about it, the more I realized it made complete sense because not once has she invited out to meet her other friends. Hell, she never even invited me to her birthday parties! To feel so stupid for thinking she was my friend when she only saw me as a damn lapdog! What makes me mad is no matter what I do, I'll always be second to none in everyone's book! It makes so much sense now on why my father sent me here! He was trying to get rid of me on purpose after all! I want everyone to pay for what they've done to me!
I'm SICK and TIRED of being pushed around. I can only take so much bullcrap until I crack! Luckily, my new friend told me a way I can get revenge on all those who've wronged me. It told me about a great power harvested in gods themselves. As a matter of fact, they're called essences. If one where to obtain these essences, they can have what their heart rightfully desires. In fact, I now have a purpose in life.
I want to obtain the goddess essences to create a perfect world, free from disgusting bullies who bring nothing but pain and misery. My new TRUE friend said it'll even help me with my goal.
Sincerely,
Kid (age 11)
Ps. Shadow Mewtwo suggested I start practicing the art of magic. It told me I have the perfect aura needed for it as I need to master it to harness my true potential. I promise to make Mother very proud with my new outlook on life.
Palutena felt her blood boiling as there he was, the entry about that fucker Erebus. From the start, he filled the child with nothing but lies. He knew the boy was troubled and decided to utilize that to initiate his own plans of ruling the world.
February 2, 199X
Dear Journal,
I can't believe we're moving. Well, ever since my brother Adonis moved out of the house to pursue his dreams, my father decided to move houses out of nowhere. Instead of being in Angel Land, we'll be living down with the humans on Earth instead. While at it, I'm moving to a new school on the surface so I guess it's a positive I won't have to deal with Eugene's ugly face anymore. He's such a pitiful sight to look at. It's been pretty quiet since my brother's departure. While one would expect me to be upset at the lack of their presence, truth be told, I'm glad their gone. At least I won't have to put up with their stupid insults anymore. The only change I'm upset at is moving houses as I will be leaving away precious memories to include the garden my mother rightfully cherished.
Despite being annoyed with the sudden decision to move, at least I can finally get a fresh start. In fact, I'm thinking about changing my identity entirely and going by my middle name instead, that way no one would catch on. What do you think journal? Shadow Mewtwo said it was a good idea and I take its word for it. I'm thinking about dying my hair brown and having my wings become the same color as my father's. I might even get some blue contact lenses to go with my new look too!
So with further ado, say goodbye to Kid Leventis and say hello to Icarus Leventis! Man, does that have a nice ring to it.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 12)
"So this is when he started going by his middle name," she muttered. While at it, she recalled hearing Eugene's name from previous entries yet the goddess knew she heart it elsewhere. Finally it hit her – Eugene was none other than the father of Pit's "friend" Cloud. He was a wealthy man and the owner of a multi-millionaire company. Eugene reminded Palutena of the evil, golf obsessed Dorito Donald Trump. Mr. Angelos was an extremely arrogant man but unlike Trump, he managed to play the false persona of a professional extremely well. After all, he didn't want to tarnish his own image.
February 18, 199X
Dear Journal,
I apologize for not writing in you sooner but I got caught up in my first week of school in a town called Smashville. Kind of a silly name for a city if you ask me, but whatever – the name of the continent of this entire place is even worse. Who's idea was to even name it Amerijapanadaropesiafrica anyways? That sounds so fucking stupid, no offense to the person who thought it up. I mean seriously, if you think about it, it's just America plus Japan plus Canada plus Europe plus Asia plus Africa. Where the hell is Antarctica and Australia in there?
Anyways, sorry for going off on a stupid tangent about something minor but I must say, I rather enjoyed my first week of middle school on Earth. It will take some time getting used to being the only angel in the school but luckily that didn't grant me any bullies. Speaking of bullying, I'm glad to confess my torment has finally ceased! Hurrah! Unfortunately, I haven't made a single friend at my new school as everyone either seems invested in their own cliques or too scared to start a conversation with me (they have to do it first. I'm a chicken when it comes to any form of social interaction). I told Shadow Mewtwo about this however it told me that it's for the best. It informed me how they would highly likely be a bunch of nuisances who will end stabbing me in the back later on. Seeing how it became like a father figure to me (trust me, you wouldn't like my father either journal), I took its word for it. While everything went smoothly, I can't help but admit I've been feeling chest pains here and there as of late. Sometimes I can bear through the pain but other times, I end up clenching my chest, trying to suppress the pain.
Hopefully this is just something minor.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 12)
Chest pains.
Palutena wondered if this was the one of the side effects of Erebus using Icarus as his host body. She started connecting the pieces together, realizing Erebus leached off of Icarus' own life force, causing intensive pain when doing so.
August 25, 199X
Dear Journal,
These chest spasms won't stop! They have been more frequent as of late and sometimes manage to catch me off-guard. I feel that slowly but surely I'm getting sick. With what? I'm not quite sure about that one. Let's just say one of them got really bad that my father rushed me over to the emergency room. Yes, you've read that right, my father out of all people decided to help me. Is he trying to make up for his half-assed attempts at parenting or something because honestly, I'm not buying it. Maybe he's trying to show how "good" he can be Pleeeease, you're full of shit Father, everyone knows that.
Speaking of Father, I'm disappointed that he's forcing me to go to therapy despite my claims that I feel completely fine. He fears that ever since I changed myself for the better that I might be suffering from depression or some shit like that. Father also claims he wants to put me in occupational therapy to help with my social skills. Gag me with a spoon but why the hell does he want me to socialize? I'm perfectly fine being cooped up in my bedroom, messing with my projects. Speaking of my projects, I am currently working on some custom arrows but so far they've been nothing but a fluke. Who knows, if I manage to perfect my technique, maybe I might create a pizza arrow for the hell of it!
But yeah, Father needs to stop forcing himself into my life. It's obvious he never wanted me in the first place, so why does he even bother?
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 14)
He cares for you. Palutena wished she could usher those words loud enough for Icarus to hear yet knew it would be rendered useless. Who know how long Erebus put him to sleep while he took over his body for the time being. The goddess knew Ourias wanted to help his son yet it appears the dick told Icarus he was out to hurt him.
October 21, 199X
Dear Journal,
High school is such a measly chore. The cliques are still there not to mention the stupid one-sided battle between the jocks and the nerds. What's next, the Goths versus the preps? Just imagine how stupid that would be. Hopefully I'm long gone before I live to see that bullshit happen. As usual, I cannot stand anyone in my high school class. Even worse, I get to deal with Palutena and her band of stupid idiots. Apparently her other friends consist of some annoying space version of Toadstool, a stupid girl who thinks she's hip, an overly religious zealot (most likely hails from that hick place of Hyrule, Florida), and last but not least, that fucking bitch Viridi. To admit, it's kinda amusing to see Viridi hasn't grown much at all – and to think I used to be shorter than her back in the day.
Anyways, Shadow Mewtwo told me they carry essences that I need – well, it told me Phosphora's a useless bitch so I can ignore her. So, after crafting up several schemes, I finally thought of the perfect plan. Not only will it inflict my revenge onto Palutena and Viridi but it will also have all five of them disband. During our senior year at Westwood, I will sabotage the ballot and put that Kynthia girl and Viridi's names in there. I don't have to do the other three because they will definitely be a shoo-in, especially the whore of the school Palutena herself. I'm surprised she hasn't got in trouble for constantly dating people. Fortunately for them, their relationships only last up to a week so I guess Palutena is pretty pathetic on her end.
Back to the subject at hand, Viridi and Kynthia will most likely be thrown off-guard. Kynthia will worry because she's not the greatest looker in the bunch which will cause Phosphora to offer a makeover. Being desperate, Kynthia will take it however I need something to amplify her ego – oh, I know! Rumor has it her parents keep a cursed ring locked inside their bedroom. Maybe I can convince her to find it and see if it's true or not. This in turn, will be the start of pinning them against each other as I will even play telephone and spread rumors. I can't wait for senior year now!
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THOSE BITCHES BURN, ESPECIALLY VIRIDI!
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 16)
"Gee, thanks," Palutena muttered with slight annoyance. She knew it was all part of Erebus' manipulation which caused him to antagonize everyone in the first place. The part about his estimation on her relationships did hurt her just a tad bit. While she did date multiple people during high school, Palutena noticed not once had she kissed them – the most she did was hug.
At first, she wondered if it was due to the whole rule about gods have to remain pure? No, it definitely wasn't that. Second, she wondered if she was into the same sex. Little did anyone know, Palutena experimented during her college years yet just like those she dated prior to in the past, it was the same results. Palutena knew she wasn't asexual in the slightest yet wondered why it was hard to even establish a mutual relationship. Was it because of her mind being fixated on one person? No, it couldn't be.
September 21, 199X
Dear Journal,
Apparently some girl transferred to Westwood on her senior year. Her name happens to be Emily Martinez – surprisingly for a Latina, she has ash grey hair (it's most likely dyed though). Shadow Mewtwo thought she is the perfect target to break. It suggested I slowly but surely, ruin her life, little by little. So that means I actually have to force myself to socialize and pretend to be her friend. I am definitely up for the task as who knows, it might help me vent up some bottled up anger.
Now I wonder, just what kind of person is Emily exactly?
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 17)
Reading the entry about Emily made her realize she was glad to learn the truth about their actual relationship. For the longest time, it was built by the foundation of mere rumors of Icarus completely destroying her yet the birth of twin angels told another tale. Palutena knew out of all things Erebus wouldn't want, it was definitely to have the two who were destined to destroy him born. No wonder he detested Emily so much.
November 2, 199X
Dear Journal,
Today I went to see my therapist. While I have been making progress of some sorts, we still haven't been able to get to the root of the problem. Truth be told, I'm honestly too afraid to even tell them anything as it will most likely get relayed to my father. After all, Shadow Mewtwo told me to keep my mouth shut about any major problems I'm having at all times and the last thing I want to do is come off as a disappointment to someone who actually believes in me. I still wonder why the hell do I even need therapy to begin with despite the minimal progress. If Shadow Mewtwo thinks I'm fine, then I'm fine. Father could be such a pain in the ass sometimes about purposely missing my appointments. I am seriously this close to telling him to fuck off.
Well, on a lighter note, I still miss Mother dearly. I wonder how she's doing right now – if that sort of place actually exists. Is she proud of me? Disappointed? Nah, I'm sure she loves me no matter what I do. She was the only one who believed in me it's obvious she'll think I'm in the right!
Anyways, you remember the Emily girl I mentioned about a couple of times right? It turns out, she's completely different from the people I know. Kind of eccentric, overly optimistic, too upbeat – you know, annoying. What pisses me off about her is that she's actually trying to get close to me. I hate to say it new girl, but if your friends are warning you about me, I'd suggest you fuck off and listen to them.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 17)
Palutena flipped over a page or two.
December 10, 199X
Dear Journal,
What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? Please tell me I'm okay or if I'm dreaming because believe it or not, Emily isn't the girl I thought she was. No, she's more than just a new girl (I need to stop calling her this, she isn't even new anymore). While her jovial attitude might be fairly annoying, deep down, she's actually a very sweet girl. Color me surprised. You see, while I was ditching Dry Bowser's class (I really didn't want to hear him ramble on about ionic and covalent bonds. He's actually pissed I have the highest grade in the class despite being "hard to handle" as he puts it), she happened to be going to the bathroom at the time.
After a few words were exchanged, I don't know how she managed to trudge on through but Emily managed to read through my guise and unlocked the chains of my own burden. Because of it, I ended up crying like a baby and to confess, it felt really good? Like I was expecting her to make fun of me for it because "crying isn't manly" or some asinine excuse yet she never did. Instead, she consoled me – soothed me even to make sure I was okay!
Now that I realize it, Emily is kind of cute… could this be the start of a new relationship perhaps? Who knows, but fuck it, I'm in love! Hopefully she feels the same way about me but for now, I'll keep my infatuation on the down low. A generous soul like her doesn't deserve to get hurt at all. While I know it will disappoint my father figure, I don't want to harm someone who actually cares for me. To admit, it feels nice to have an actual friend I can physically talk to again.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 18)
"She sounds similar to Pit to be quite honest," Palutena remarked before she continued reading.
April 4, 199X
Dear Journal,
This may sound farfetched but I do not want Emily out of all people near that senior prom. Ever since the fiasco of my plan, I'm afraid she might get hurt or even worse, killed! I love her too much to lose her and the last thing I need is to be responsible for her death. Thankfully luck was on my side as I somehow convinced her to go the fair instead. She was quite puzzled at first but I told her I'm not much of a people person or one for loud music (which I'm not lying about). Emily was very understanding about it as there was no point in blowing off so much money on clothes you're only going to wear once.
Yet due to my recent actions, my father figure got pissed at me for not sticking to the plan yet honestly, I could give two shits. Sometimes I wonder if it even cares about me at all, especially given that a father figure would support someone's decision no matter what, not try to guilt trip them out of it.
Besides, why would I want to risk losing someone whom I love with all my heart for some stupid plan anyways? In fact, being with Emily is the first time in forever since I've actually been genuinely happy. The last time I recall being this happy was when my Mother was still alive. I for one, tend to keep it that way!
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 18)
Now that was the Icarus she knew. The who was extremely protective and loyal of his friends. She was glad he fought against Erebus yet knowing the position she's at now, it was too good to last forever.
March 15, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I don't know how I managed to do it but after busting my ass off studying and whatnot, it truly goes to show that all my hard work isn't going to waste! GUESS WHO JUST GOT ACCEPTED INTO ONE OF THE TOP MED SCHOOLS? THAT'S RIGHT – ME! My god journal, you should have seen me! I barely could contain my excitement as I immediately stormed over to Emily's right away to tell her the fantastic news! Unfortunately her parents weren't impressed by the great news but then again, they hate me apparently. Emily informed me countless of times how she tried to convince them that I certainly mean no harm yet to no avail, they refuse to listen.
Speaking of Emily, did I ever tell you how cute she is? From her contagious optimism to her goofy grin, I love everything from head to toe about this girl. I'm honestly surprised our relationship managed to last three years! Guess that's a new record for me in my book. There's something so elegantly charming about Emily I can't quite pinpoint. Just something about her just makes me feel completely whole again and honestly, she makes life worth living. Maybe tomorrow night after I get off of work, we'll go out for some Japanese food or something.
Ps. To those idiots who are misplacing the books on purpose when they see me organizing them in the library: do yourself a favor and fuck off. You're not cute, you're pathetic.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 21)
Palutena was relieved to read a normal journal entry. She did find his love for Emily to be quite cute and while at it, learned he did in fact, study to become a doctor of some sorts. The goddess did recall him always wanting to help people.
September 1, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I really wished all good things lasted forever but sadly, they don't. As of late, I'm starting to doubt myself, ranging from my self-worth to my lack of energy to find inspiration in anything. It's official, I'm convinced misery will follow my every step wherever I go – no matter how depressed or elated I am, it's there to stay. Speaking of depressing news, I'm not surprised my father hasn't bothered to even contact me. Shadow Mewtwo told me he most likely disowned me when I left the door at eighteen, happy his pathetic excuse of a son is finally out the door.
I don't know how to say this, but I'm frightened I'll lose Emily because of this. Fate always snatched my mother away with its greedy hands, I know for a fact it's pinning for her next. As much as I don't want to do this, in order to save Emily from this unnerving circumstance, I must call the relationship off.
She deserves much better than me. Emily deserves a man or woman who can make her feel special and loved – someone who isn't a fucked up shitstain such as myself. Perhaps her parents might finally be happy and prefer her new spouse. After all, their judgment about me was completely right; I'm nothing but trash.
Tonight I'll write a letter, apologizing for all the things I've done. After all, she deserves better than a lowlife piece of shit named Icarus. Who knows, maybe this new lover might actually be fully functional.
Sincerely,
Icarus aka a deplorable waste of space (age 22)
Self-hatred.
Under the guise of what's presumably a confident man was one who still yearned for acceptance and for his mother.
May 17, 20XX
Dear Journal,
Remind me what's so good about humanity again? Society is filled with nothing but the most grotesque of individuals, competing against one another for what? To prove they're better than someone because a particular individual happens to have some sort of PhD or some inane bullshit. Why do we as a society feed off on the misery of others, particularly those who aren't deemed normal? I myself despise humanity as a whole. It's nothing but a thorn at my side for the longest time – hell maybe it's to blame for my sudden depression.
Day after day, I've witnessed countless acts of malice towards individuals who don't deserve such unjust treatment. Yesterday, I unfortunately got to catch a glimpse of an angry woman inside Target throwing a pair of jeans at a retail worker. Speaking of retail workers, why is it that society likes to act as if they're above them because they work a job no one else wants to do? It's absolutely fucking horrendous in my opinion and for one, appalling. I could give a shit if the woman might have had a bad day at work or if something's going on in her life. The bottom line is, you don't take your goddamn anger out on innocent people who don't even fucking know you!
Today however, was much worse. While taking a morning stroll, I had to come face to face with one of the monstrous sights I've ever laid eyes upon. Not too far from me, an insolent jackass repeatedly kicked a stray dog who was trying to protect her offspring. Just hearing the dog yelp in pain was enough to almost break me. No animal deserves that kind of treatment, especially one it didn't even ask for. I couldn't help but intervene and teach the fucking piece of shit a lesson or two. I repeatedly punched him in the face multiple times, managing to knock him down to kick him over and over again, just like he did to the poor dog. The man completely deserved it for hurting such a precious creature.
While I managed to do a number on him, afterwards I immediately took the dog and her litter to the vet. I was fortunate enough to arrive at the nick of time, otherwise their mother would have lost her life. I hope the dog recovers and finds a forever home, otherwise my heart will break. As for the motherfucker, I'm not sure if he's dead or alive but oh well. Bastard deserves to die anyways. Bullies don't deserve to get a slap on the wrist – not this time.
Soon they will all perish anyways by my own hands!
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 24)
The goddess almost dropped the journal, having to recollect her thoughts from reading about the gruesome sight. It was definitely heartbreaking to read the story about the dog, even if it did receive a happy ending after all. In addition, Palutena could sense the slow decay of Icarus' own state of mind as Erebus only enabled it further.
October 13, 20XX
Dear Journal,
It finally happened. Some bumbling idiot decided to write a Harry Potter Fanfiction centered around Goths versus preps. How fucking stupid is that? Being curious, I couldn't help but browse this so-called piece of literature, if it could even be deemed as such. The title is none other than My Immortal, homage to the Evanescence song of the same title. After taking a glimpse of the first chapter, I cannot help but roll my eyes.
"A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them."
Seriously? I mean, really? How stupid is that? Well, everything about this fic is fucking asinine ranging from the overly long and unnecessary description about Ebony to the overall premise of the entire story. Hot Topic is a dreadful store to begin with and furthermore, what does being a Goth at Hogwarts have anything to do with the Harry Potter series!? The nonsense people come up with these days. Well, at least I can say it's one of those things that are better kept written than becoming real, right? I'll bookmark this "literary" work for now. Who knows, it might give me a couple of good laughs.
Ps. I will never see that Evanescence song the same way ever again.
Sincerely,
Icarus
Palutena chuckled from the entry, recalling the troll fanfiction My Immortal. She personally recalled how many people got so riled up over it yet the goddess found it highly amusing, then again, she unironically enjoyed trollfics – that is, if they don't get too offensive and vulgar. The goddess recalled the time where she accidentally called Dark Pit Ebony back when he was really hardcore into his Goth phase. Let's just say the dark angel wasn't the least bit satisfied with that.
October 15, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I can't believe it… how the hell could I be so damn stupid? To emphasize, I somehow accidently bombed a major exam which in turn, could hinder my entire med school career. As much as I wanted to weep, I just couldn't bring myself to. Instead, I wallowed up in my own despair under the huge oak tree at the local park, berating myself for being such a damn failure. I glanced up for a moment, observing the carefree children paying around. Oh how I wish I can restart my life over and hope for it to be different. I've always wondered what it was like to have such an easy childhood anyways, one where people rarely harassed you over your own conditions or anything out of the ordinary. I can imagine it being remembered fondly, an experience I cannot have.
Believe it or not, the unexpected happened. Someone or something kept tugging at my shirt. Wondering who was bothering me, I perked up and noticed not one, but two twin angels staring at me with their innocence. I can't help but admit they're quite cute kids but honestly I was surprised there were other angels even residing in Smashville. It's kind of weird when you have children being concerned about your wellbeing but hey, it managed to somehow work. The talkative brother offered me to play with them.
Needing to get my own sadness away from me, I took their offer. Before we played, I did notice both boys becoming uncomfortable at one point. Turns out, shirt tags really bothered them. Well, that's one thing we three have in common – shirt tags really bother us. Knowing how much of a nuisance those things are myself, I removed the tags for them and man were they pleased! Afterwards, we played for about an hour before I had to depart to get to my next class. Luckily I managed to catch their names, the older one being Pit while the younger one is Pittoo. I find it cute their names go together and as silly as the younger brother's name is, it's quite adorable!
There is one thing that's bothering me though journal. For some reason, their wings appear to be smaller than usual, like abnormally small. I might have to look into it sometime and see if cases of flightless angels are even possible.
Ps. This may sound weird but I can't help but feel connected to them somehow.
Sincerely,
Icarus (age 27)
"That's something new."
Palutena didn't know that he had met his children prior before everything started falling in place. The journal entry was cute yet she knew Erebus wasn't pleased to see them born and alive.
November 19, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I…. I don't know what to say….. I fucked up big time. After spending a month or two researching the phenomena of flightless angels, it turns out that in order for it to be a given factor, one must procreate with a mortal. So in retrospect, Pit and Pittoo are actually my children from Emily. Unfortunately because the birth of celestial beings is highly uncalled for (and rare) in humans, their birth took a heavy toll on her, taking her life.
I'm fairly upset about this. I knew misery was going to snatch her away from me, I just knew it! Everything's my fault. No matter what I do, I fuck up, even if I'm not physically there. While at it, I'm disgusted to learn the caretaker of my own kids is none other than Palutena herself. I fear for them because I know for a fact she'll hurt them, just like she did me.
Life's just spiting me at this point, I just know it.
Sincerely,
Icarus
The only reason why he thought Palutena hurt him was because Erebus brainwashed him into believing such nonsense.
June 10, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I had to witness another unholy act of bullying today! So, I was sitting inside this diner minding my own business when suddenly some asshole had the nerve to yell at a young waitress. From the looks of it, she appeared to be around sixteen. The prick called her incompetent, stupid, any word that basically dehumanized her very being. It didn't help she was still getting used to her job seeing how she was only hired a week ago but still, just the nerve of some people and how they treat food and restaurant workers absolutely enrages me! Thankfully the manager was on her side as he told he man to get the hell out of his diner. Afterwards, the manager apologized to those who had to witness that. I gave him my heartfelt gratitude that he actually stepped in and defended the poor girl.
Unfortunately a negative turning into a positive didn't last long. While browsing the net at the library, I happen to catch some unfortunate news about a group of assholes causing one of their peers to commit suicide in high school because they were gay. It was absolutely foul to read that, only deepening my hatred for humanity even further. The fact our heteronormative society shames people for their own sexuality is fucking horrendous. In fact, their perception on queer individuals as a whole is fucked up. What's wrong with someone liking someone of the same sex anyways? The fact that society acts like its fucking taboo to even mention that stuff around children is grating. Newsflash, it's not the end of the world if someone isn't straight.
The fact how embedded this disgusting way of thinking is in our culture makes me absolutely sick to the bottom of my core. Humanity itself caused and started many of their own problems, yet in order to fix them, they decide to tiptoe around the issues. Let's make everyone feel included they said, it'll be fun they said… more like nothing will get done. I honestly just want humanity to cease and crumble at this damn point. Too many people have suffered its bullshit for far too long now and for what? Just to get harassed, berated, abused?
Oh how I can't wait to watch it crash and burn. Enjoy your life now because sooner or later, Icarus is coming to cleanse all of its sinners (aka the bullies).
Sincerely,
Icarus
She noticed he stopped writing his age at this point.
January 18, 20XX
Dear Journal,
Am I sick in the head? I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything as of lately. These episodes have become quite a norm now, I don't feel anything at all. No feelings of sadness, worthlessness or anything – just numb and empty. I thought about seeing a psychologist yet Shadow Mewtwo quickly advised against that. It claimed they will lock me up for all the thoughts I have and might forcefully place me inside a psych ward, and in turn, give me too much medication. Already having a bad experience from the first time, I took its word and decided to grin and bear it.
Another concern of mine is that these spasms are gradually growing worse as the years go by. I really need medicine for my illness yet I was told not to go. Maybe it's not really worth it. Perhaps I'm just hallucinating everything at this point.
Sincerely,
Icarus
"Fucking dick." The goddess knew Icarus needs serious help yet Erebus prevented him from doing so because he would have eventually been revealed if the angel would have helped himself.
April 30, 20XX
Dear Journal,
If life worth it anymore? What's the point of living if everyone you cared for ends up dying and misery follows your every move? I haven't felt this awful since the time my mother passed away yet honestly, I'm tempted to join her at this point. Who knows what the afterlife might bring me. Will it bring me peace? Happiness? Solitude? Would it finally put my aching pain at ease? Death itself sounds heavenly at this point. Why must I suffer feeling nothing like a useless burden wherever I journey off to? My life's a mess, Emily's dead and my father one-hundred percent despise me so suicide sounds like the best option at this point.
They say those who commit suicide are nothing but selfish cowards but none of those people who spewed that grasp it from our point of view. Are we selfish for not wanting to suffer the turmoil which gnaws at our negative emotions anymore? Are we not allowed to profess our negative feelings without being scrapped off as some form of attention seeking? Are we not allowed to feel shitty anymore unless we're ordered by those who are calm state of mind? No, we're individuals just like everyone else – the only thing that separates us is the fact that I'm mentally ill.
Thankfully, Shadow Mewtwo managed to talk me out of it. It told me if I were to end myself now, the bullies would win. That's the last thing I want is for horrible shitstains such as Eugene and Viridi to triumph over my own death. Honestly, I don't know where I would be without my father figure. I'm glad it's at least stuck around for a long time, otherwise I would have been gone a long time ago.
More suicidal thoughts.
August 8, 20XX
Dear Journal,
No matter where I try to find solitude, nothing is safe from bullying. From the school grounds to the internet, humanity is proving itself to be disappointing once more. For instance, did you know there are particular websites and blog pages dedicated to mocking people's work? Whether it is writing or drawing, it doesn't matter how old you are, when someone finds their work being mocked for being "bad", "awful" or any variation of words with very subjective definitions which are personal to individual alone, they are most likely to get discouraged and give up. Some manage to recover and prove everyone wrong while others give up on a hobby which once provided them joy. While most of these are of people mocking minors, some of the people who are also a victim to this are adults.
Journal, I know you're probably questioning why I even brought that up in the first place but think about it. Society already looks down upon for people engaging in any sort of weird activity. Because of this mentality, it is assumed only a small percentage of material is good while the rest is rubbish. This in turn, hinders some people and even causes late bloomers because of society's negative stigma told them all work of art is bad, etc. Not once do these cruel individuals even consider if the individual's first language isn't English, if they have any developmental and or learning disability of some sort or even just late bloomers when it comes to participating in systems with flawed rules, catering to the majority.
I know I sound rather preachy right now but I never understood why society shames people for engaging in harmless activity yet is fascinated in distorting the unknown. Society as a whole is one, fucked up place and I for one, will be the one to cleanse it! No matter what happens, I will not allow for anyone to suffer any longer at the hands of man!
I will do all it takes to cleanse this pitiful world of its sinners and to begin life anew.
Sincerely,
Icarus
This was one of the exact reasons Palutena was hesitant with the twin angels using the internet and sharing their interests. For one, the goddess feared they would too get mocked for their hobbies and discouraged. So she agreed with Icarus abut that yet found his sense of justice – or rather what Erebus made him believe, rather eerie.
December 29, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I cannot fathom how fucking pissed I am. To think I'm so fucking forgettable to her is absolutely astounding! I CANNOT BELIEVE PALUTENA CAN FUCKING REPLACE WITH ME SUCH EASE AND WITH WHAT? A FUCKING CHILD! NOT JUST ANY CHILD, BUT MY FUCKING OWN! WHAT'S SO FUCKING SPECIAL ABOUT HIM ANYWAYS? Just because he managed to fucking put a stop to Medusa doesn't fucking mean shit. I'm glad most of the angels back home died, hell I fucking hope Eugene was one of them. I cannot help but seethe with the upmost jealousy at the fact a FLIGHTLESS angel became the captain of the fucking guard!
I know it's fucking petty to take out my own frustrations on a child who doesn't deserve it, but at this fucking point, I just want everyone to burn.
Sincerely,
Icarus
For someone he claimed to despise so much during the past (thanks to Eredick), Icarus sure kept thinking about her. She wouldn't be surprised if Erebus caused him to write this in the first place. He transformed Icarus from someone gentle to a spiteful individual. It suddenly made sense why Ourias would talk with Pit and even give him small gifts from time to time (and Pittoo when he was present). The older angel knew in advance they were his grandchildren, the only thing he had left to remember his youngest son. Just the thought about it is rather depressing so Palutena turned a couple of more pages.
February 13, 20XX
Dear Journal,
This sickness refuses to go away. It's not like any other infection I have encountered in the past – no, this one's completely foreign. For a while now, I've always pondered about these spasms these chest pains accompanied themselves with. Is it a new type of illness that has yet to be discovered? A peculiar form of an existing one? Am I losing my mind?
To explain, lately these spasms have been accompanied with the feeling of lethargy. Some days, I feel too weak to do anything. I could easily just lie around in bed all day and be content with doing nothing, however that is entirely impossible. Hopefully I get better soon. I need every last ounce of strength to complete my residency to become a general surgeon. To my surprise, things appear to be going fairly well for me. Despite being a semi-reclusive individual of a few words, I am heavily admired by my peers for being extremely resourceful and informative when it comes to my profession. The feeling is fleeting to say the least.
Hopefully I'll manage to trudge on through in this pit of despair in no time.
Sincerely, Icarus
"Interesting. So he actually is a doctor. Who would have known."
April 11, 20XX
Dear Journal,
Have I ever told you that I'm also a scientist of some sorts? I realize I haven't jolted much about my inventions since I became too engrossed in my own research. I managed to perfect the craft of custom arrows – for instance, I invented one with its intended purpose of erasing the memory of someone's encounter. I definitely made sure to keep in mind not to make it too impacting. In other words, it will not cause amnesia to the victim if they were to be struck. Instead, it'll temporarily knock them out and erase their memories of a random encounter which took place on the same day.
Speaking of inventions, I have one that will further up my plan to the next level. You know how in video games and anime there's these things called artificial beings? I've decided why not try to create one myself. To confess, I have already managed to put together the blueprints ahead of time and decided this project will utilize the goddess essences to strengthen itself against all those wretched heathens. In fact, I have already dubbed it as Project S.A.R.A.
The purpose of S.A.R.A. will be to cleanse this ungrateful world of all its sinners, purify it to start life anew and to spread the message of God – no, not just any god… ME! Have I truly reached a new breaking point in my life with my state of mind? Perhaps. I know creating this project isn't going to be an easy task but in the end, the results will be worth it.
With S.A.R.A. at my side, I will finally be able to put all of my anxieties at ease and allow the scars of my tainted past to heal up.
Sincerely,
Icarus
Palutena knew that the mention of a god was actually a reference to Erebus himself. It only become clearer Icarus was slowly but surely growing out of touch with the real world.
November 2, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I know my father told me not to do this, but I cannot help it. Curiosity has bested me, making me intrigued in studying my potential enemy in the future. Shadow Mewtwo told me in a dream that there will be an obstacle that plans on getting in my way. It turns out, it'll be none other than my sons – particularly the youngest twin. What I'm doing is fairly risky yet I want to study my enemy. I need to know what kind of person Pittoo is – is he selfish, arrogant, pragmatic, cocky? I have crafted endless possibilities of what kind of demon my child is yet after a few sessions, something is telling me otherwise.
For starters, I might as well tell you a couple of tidbits about Pittoo. The young angel is currently in sixth grade, attending a public middle school. Like myself, he doesn't seem much like a people person – he sits by himself during lunch break, doesn't usher a word unless spoken too, not to mention he glares at people. It seems quite odd he isn't hanging around his brother as Shadow Mewtwo have informed me both he and Pit were extremely close in the past. Instead, Pit is preoccupied with what seems to be a group of friends.
While he may not demonstrate it, I can definitely sense the anger radiating off of Pittoo. He feels his brother abandoned him despite Pit's efforts to still keep in touch. In return, he retaliates with rebellion, feeling he doesn't belong in the world – well, at least that's what I'm grasping at. Remember journal, this is all just theory crafting. Pointless but fun I guess.
Lately, it has distraught me to learn that my youngest son and I are much more alike than I thought. Turns out, he's being constantly tormented at school by the same bunch who linger around Pit. Their vulgar words vary from the use of the r-word to even a plethora of homophobic slurs aimed at the poor sap. Not once have I seen Pittoo demonstrate any form of sadness or other emotions when it came to his persecutors. I wonder if the angel is even human – well figuratively in the aspects of having emotions yet I cannot help but grow concerned.
I know it's farfetched to feel a thing for someone who's supposedly going to be your enemy in the future yet I can relate to his woes. Shadow Mewtwo have constantly reprimanded me for feeling an inch of sympathy for the boy yet I no matter what I do, I can't help but feel sorry for him. This may come off as extremely unnerving but I plan on following him for now on, keeping my distance of course to make sure those bullies don't hurt him. While they cause my blood to boil to the very core, I have to constantly remind myself like my son, they're just children. Disgusting children yet hopefully they become educated and realize the error of their ways. I doubt it but at least I can hope for that.
Sincerely,
Icarus
She knew it! Dark Pit never told her the name of his bullies or rather, refused to. This journal entry alone confirmed that Eugene's son did in fact, harass her adopted son. Palutena made a mental note about not wanting Pit near those nasty boys anymore.
November 15, 20XX
Dear Journal,
I cannot believe the nerve of that wretched brat! I managed to somehow slip up and get caught by my own son. The little prick told me to fuck off, even going as far to give me the middle finger. Turns out, he was aware of my presence for quite some time now (which explains his detours as he tried to pry my eyes off his back). How dare I do the little shit a favor just to be scoffed at in return! It disgusts me how ungrateful this brat is. Seriously, who shoved a cactus up that kid's ass anyways? And to believe I garnered any form of sympathy for him.
Sincerely,
Icarus
A couple of pages are turned.
March 2, 20XX
Dear Journal,
It pains me to hear the grave news which partook at the famous Smash manor. To thoroughly explain, every few years or so (rather, what feels like that), a tournament is held, ranging from participants from all shapes and sizes. They compete in a party style combat tournament as the best of the best are invited to join in. The manor is owned by none other than Master Hand and his brother Crazy Hand. Apparently during their fourth annual tournament, one of their fighters was being harassed for little to no apparent reason.
To my own surprise, the bullies turned out to be none other than my shitstain of a son (who apparently goes by Dark Pit now… Please, your legal name is much better than being called Adjective Pit) and his friend. I somehow feel his friend was dragged into this mess, manipulated even as the blond didn't strike me as the type to even think of such malice. Luckily I managed to arrive at the nick of time before the creature lost its life.
During my arrival, I've took note of Master Hand's absence. I wondered where he was for a slight moment before quickly tending to my patient. From the looks of it, the creature is none other than a Yoshi named Yoshi (kind of redundant but hey, it kind of suits him). Yoshi suffered from some severe burns, even having some skin loss due to my demon son and his terrible influence on his friend. I knew if I were to take Yoshi to the hospital, he will not survive the trip. I convinced the EMT to allow me to tend to the creatures wounds. I managed to subside some of his pain before taking him to back to my laboratory. Due to the large amount of skin and blood loss, I had to compensate his skin for robotic parts. Even though he looks like he came out of those terrible Terminator movies, it's better than nothing.
After all, it was all part of the plan. Seeing Yoshi's hatred allowed for me to initiate part two as the green dinosaur will allow me to further my goal. This is only just the beginning.
Sincerely,
Icarus
"The beginning of one, giant shitstorm," the goddess commented before resuming on.
? ?, 20XX
Dear Journal,
More progress is being made as we speak. Shadow Mewtwo helped me assemble the Big Bads – a group of like-minded individuals who want to help with my goal to rid the world of bullies (well, I didn't tell them that but Yoshi is more of a speaker than I him so I just relay the information to him). As someone who plays a ton of video games during his spare time, I am not entirely sure if these people are even nice yet my father figure told me otherwise. Seeing how much it's helped me throughout my life, I took his word for it.
Sincerely,
Icarus
That definitely explains a lot. Well, it actually made much more sense now that Palutena thought about it. Icarus seemed rather out of place next to major villains who were notorious for causing havoc. Irony sure is sweet, especially when the major Big Bads are nothing but bullies themselves if one were to go by the angel's definition.
? ?, 20XX
Dear Journal,
No words can tell you how upset I truly am. I cannot believe what partook in front of my very own eyes as my father figure went against me and harmed them. This may sound pathetic but I'm still shaken up from the entire ordeal. I know I'm pathetic for weeping at this age yet I cannot believe Shadow Mewtwo went out of its way and laid a finger on my children! Sure Pittoo may be a huge brat but I would never wish for or inflict any sort of harm on him. The same goes for Pit too. Ever since my plans have been playing through, I cannot help but feel doubt.
I'm already as pathetic as it is, being powerless to even help my own kin. I've been nothing but a lousy individual my entire life. I miss Mother dearly. I wonder if she hears my constant pleas for her return. If only life were that simple.
Sincerely,
Icarus
The goddess remembered Erebus definitely confirming this to be true. Palutena figured the journal entry was proof that the archangel wasn't lying when he told her Icarus was devastated when he almost killed Dark Pit. Again, this was definitely a man who needed help and support from those who actually love him, not some jackass telling him he's wrong for going against him.
? ?, 20XX
Dear Journal,
Today I bring nothing but grave news. Project S.A.R.A. has failed. I don't know where or what exactly went wrong. It turns out, the body I synthetically created didn't manage to survive. At first, I felt like everything was lost – part of me was devastated from the loss of Sara yet another part of me wanted myself to fail. It's almost as if my subconscious is trying to rely a message to me. Thankfully Erwin was around to catch sight of my mishap as he critiqued me, telling me a pre-made body is what caused my project to fail in the first place.
That man is truly a lifesaver! With his special liquid mix he utilizes to create his clones along with the remains of the fallen Anal (her name is inappropriate. Why she even goes by that I don't understand myself) and the goddess essences obtained thus far. Last but not least, it required a DNA sample as I offered him my own as the mixture ended up creating an entirely new being. I couldn't help but be reminded of my mother when I first gazed upon her. What made it more perfect is he named her Lain. My mother's name is Melaine so in a sense, I see Lain as a supplement for my deceased mother.
No, Project L.A.I.N. is a tribute to Mother. I will make sure she doesn't fail, no matter what it takes to preserve her! I will not lose my mother again!
Ps. If an afterlife does exist, I wonder is Mother proud of my accomplishments? I'd love to imagine so.
Sincerely,
Icarus
Palutena flipped a couple of pages forward, feeling nothing but sympathy for the angel.
? ? 20XX
Dear Journal,
This feeling of uneasy continues to gnaw at my stomach daily. Ever since that unfaithful day, I cannot help but feel skeptical of my father figure. Something tells me it will definitely try to hurt my children again and honestly, that's the last thing I want. At this point, as much as I want my plan to succeed, I also want someone to put a stop to it. Thankfully chance decided to grant my wish as in the search of a new secretary, I immediately noticed one of the Resistance members (the group of future brats mind you) posing under the alias they were assigned at birth.
Seizing the perfect opportunity, I decided to hire Sheik on purpose. I feel that they can help me with stopping myself before things get out of hand. You know, save my sons from being harmed by my own hands again. This may sound extremely risky but I want the information I provide to be relayed to the good guys. I want them to put an end to my own misery and allow me to finally come at peace with myself.
Sometimes I even doubt if I'm a good person at all. Mother always said I was nothing but kind yet I beg to differ. Kind people would never go through extreme measures to obtain their own, selfish goals. I for one, am nothing but cruel. I'm a monster, a freak, weirdo, you name it.
I just want this entire never-ending nightmare to finally cease itself to an end.
Sincerely,
Icarus
Palutena was surprised to learn Icarus knew Sheik was hiding under their birth alias the entire time. For a moment, it seems as if the real Icarus is trying to reach out for help.
? ? 20XX
Dear Journal,
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?! I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THE USE OF AUTISM AS AN INSULT IS SO FUCKING NORMALIZED! WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SPEWING THAT THESE FUCKING DAYS?! DO PEOPLE NOT EVEN BOTHER TO LEARN WHAT A FUCKING WORD MEANS BEFORE BEING FUCKING ABLEIST?
You want to know what's the kicker? These same exact bastards will tell you it's just a word if you correct them on their foul behavior. No, any gross word that is used to dehumanize a group of people shouldn't be used period. HOW HARD IS THAT FOR PEOPLE TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND?!
I'VE NEVER FELT SO FUCKING MAD IN MY LIFE!
I really want humanity to fucking burn once more.
Sincerely,
Icarus
"Agreed." Palutena proceeded to turn the page.
? ? 20XX
Dear Journal,
Viridi is really damn ungrateful! To claim someone such as myself as being ungrateful when I provide only the most luxurious of treatment in my prisons is completely absurd! So with my stubborn pride, I decided to prove her wrong by going to shop at the mall for some holiday gifts. Maybe that'll shut her up.
Surprisingly, I've encountered my sons at the mall. Luckily they didn't seem to recognize me. Despite what Shadow Mewtwo has told me the entire time, I am honestly amazed to learn my sons are good individuals. They're really bright kids and I wish nothing but the best for both of them.
To admit, Palutena must have definitely done something right with them. That does leave me to wonder though, am I even doing the right thing anymore?
Sincerely,
Icarus
The green-haired goddess felt a bit confused. She wondered what Icarus was doing in the mall at the same time Tobias was around before suddenly it hit her. Their father went under a different alias to prove Viridi wrong and somehow managed to bond with his sons.
? ? 20XX
Dear Journal,
Am I even doing the right thing anymore? As much as I would love to believe so, I think otherwise. While my intentions are good, the way I'm trying to obtain it is extremely harmful. I know both Mother and Emily would be furious with me right now if they were still alive. I only wanted to make the world a better place but I guess everything went over my head.
Sincerely,
Icarus
…
? ? 20XX
Dear Journal,
I'm such a fucking fool…. Why the hell am I so damn stupid? I'm starting to doubt my father figure's words and think it might be two-timing me. It promised these goddess essences will bring me happiness and joy yet that's all a myth. Instead, this entire ordeal has brought nothing but pain and misery. In fact, everyone's so distorted in my mind, I can't tell what's true and what isn't. I know one thing, none of those boys deserve to get hurt. The fact that my father figure hurt them still irks me to this day. I don't want it laying a hand anymore on my children or on Palutena! Journal, I want to apologize for being such a gullible fool.
Palutena, I'm sorry for thinking you were the enemy when you truly did care for me. I'm sorry for making your life miserable without your friends and taking your essence away. You have every right to punish me when this ordeal comes to an end. As a matter of fact, I hope your captain and his brother succeed in putting an end to all of this (and to myself).
Emily, I'm sorry for becoming such a monster and for allowing a monster to hurt our children in my body. I'm sorry for abandoning you when you needed me most. I'm sorry for being such a shitty boyfriend.
Father, I'm sorry for being such a fucking mistake. I'm sorry for being the son you've never wanted. I'm sorry for being an ungrateful child when you only meant well. I'm sorry for mistaking your help as forced affection.
Mother, I'm sorry for being the son you didn't expect. I'm sorry for turning out to become such a grotesque monster. I'm sorry for all the things I've done. I'm sorry for going against everything you believed in.
Pit and Pittoo, I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry for being a piece of shit father. I'm so sorry for being absent in your life. You two deserve better and Palutena provides that. Just spending time with you both that one time was enough to prove how great both of you really are. That alone puts a smile on my face and in turn, will slightly ease the pain when the time comes.
I'm sorry for everything. Perhaps when the heroes finally arrive, they can put me at ease. I would rather die by the hands of my own sons than live on at this point.
"Kid…."
? ? 20XX
Dear journal,
I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up.
Sincerely,
A fuck up
-"Not Tomorrow" from Silent Hill fades away-
The final entry seems to be written with haste as if Icarus didn't bother to think anymore. Closing the journal, the goddess felt her heart crumble into pieces. Reading those random entries only further proved how broken Icarus actually is as the goddess is heavily concerned about his mental health at this point. He has experienced and expressed thoughts of suicide before and it was clear the poor guy needed help. Palutena felt nothing except upmost hatred for Erebus, wanting that bastard dead. He was the one responsible for the decay of Icarus' health, the one who pretended to be a father figure just so he can seal the deal.
As her own thoughts erupted, gradually consuming her in the flow of magma, the doorknob trusted and before she knew it, the door opened. The goddess quickly jumped, dropping the journal onto the floor and getting on her guard just in case Erebus tries any tricks.
Icarus stepped inside the room as the goddess clutched onto a nearby object, ready to swing it at him with full force. The man lifted up his hand as she caught glimpse of life in his eyes, dropping the object as it turned out he managed to somehow take control of his body for a temporary time. Palutena observed his features, taking note of how pale he looked in comparison as Erebus' residency took a heavy toll on him.
- TPR - Schala's Theme - A Melancholy Tribute to Chrono Trigger starts playing-
"There's no need to be alarmed…." He gently spoke. "It's just me."
The goddess opened her mouth yet she couldn't usher a word. The angel slowly inched towards her, before halting in his tracks, his eyes fixated on the ground beneath him.
"Kid... are you alright? You don't look too well."
Palutena lightly placed her hand on his cheek, taking note of how frigid his body temperate was. Icarus glanced up at the goddess, being slightly bewildered by her actions. The angel softly placed his hand over hers, moving it downwards.
"Lady Palutena, I'm fine," Icarus assured her, beaming weakly. "It's just the effect of having a demon absorb your life force. Speaking of said monster, he temporarily left my body to make some preparations… so I came to see you."
The green-haired goddess shook her head in response. "Kid… you're not fine! You haven't been for the longest time!" Palutena turned her head towards the corner, frowning. "You've suffered more than enough – why do you force yourself to smile if you're feeling gloomy?"
Icarus was at loss for words. The angel stared down at the ground, noticing a familiar object on the ground; his journal. He stood silent for a minute as he processed the possibility of Palutena intruding into his personal life and reading his diary. As much as he wanted to discipline her for prying her eyes through his notebook, the angel felt it wasn't worth it at this point. The Goddess of Light deserved to know what was exactly going on – it's not like he had much time left anyways.
"So – I see you've read my journal."
Palutena took a step back. "I-I didn't mean to, I swear!"
Icarus laughed sheepishly before taking a deep breath, sighing. "It's interesting how calm you are Lady Palutena, especially around a monster such as myself." He took a deep breath once more before resuming on. "You should punish me while you have the chance. Please, put me out of my own misery."
She only shook her head, closing her eyes as she inhaled before exhaling. "I… I can't… Kid. You deserved none of the torture you had to endure. In fact, you were completely taken advantage of when you were a child, misled by Erebus as a means of manipulating you."
Palutena touched his cheek with the back of her hand. "You were scared, afraid even. You thought Erebus was going to save you. He fed you nothing but lies causing you in turn to best please him as he gobbled up your affection and in turn, regurgitated it as a gateway to hurting you."
The man's eyes widened, surprised at the goddess' calm demeanor. He knew he shouldn't be spared, he didn't deserve her kindness, not especially after all the events which partook and how awful he treated her back in high school.
"Why…? Why aren't you punishing me?"
"Because you don't deserve it. Kid, let me help you. I know for a fact neither Emily nor your mother would want you to throw your life away. Just because some garbage cock forced you to do his bidding doesn't mean you can still make amends!"
"Perhaps you are right… you know I don't have much time left. The least you can do is make sure neither of the boys get hurt."
"That's a given," the goddess replied. "You may think I'm nuts for saying this but I know there's a way to save you. I may not have the idea at the moment but I know there's a way to rescue you from the horrid clutches of Eredick."
Icarus snickered at the creative nickname she gave the archangel. "If you manage to find a way, please wake me up from my prison. This may sound odd coming from me but I need you to do me a favor."
His request perplexed the goddess. "And that is?"
"If things go awry, please remember me for who I am – not what I've become."
Her emerald eyes dripped with tears as the walls which held her up, aiding her to be strong crumbled. Palutena's lip trembled as the salty drops continued pouring, being overcome by her raw emotions.
"I… I can't. I want to help you, not lose you."
The goddess closed her eyes, weeping uncontrollably. She didn't want to accept what fate had in store for her former bodyguard. Palutena tried her best to believe there was a way to safe him, despite knowing it would be merely impossible. She swallowed, feeling a rough lump in her throat from the discomfort she experienced. The next thing she knew, the goddess felt a hand gently touch her face, wiping away her tears. Palutena opened her eyes, seeing Icarus softly smile.
"Please don't cry…" he gently murmured. "Remember the time when I accidently fell into the pond in the garden? You were so concerned for me at first but both of us ended up laughing till we couldn't breathe."
Icarus tried his best to cheer her up, bringing up fond memories of his past. He didn't want to see her cry for many reasons. One, he was already pissed enough as it is for Erebus hurting her and two, just seeing her sob would set him off.
"Yeah… that was pretty funny. Do you remember the time we played in the garden together? Or the time we created our own fantasy world? Those were some of my favorite memories."
Icarus' lips slightly curled before frowning. The angel realized if he wasn't back by a certain time, Erebus would grow suspicious of his pawn's departure. The redhead turned around, making his way towards the exit.
"Wait… I need to tell you something." Those were the words she wanted to convey yet she was speechless. Instead she followed after him, only to have him cast a spell, preventing her from leaving the room. The angel collapsed onto the floor, avoiding eye contact with the Goddess of Light.
"Lady Palutena… please forgive me… I don't want to do this but if Erebus finds out where I am, he'll hurt you again."
Before she could usher a word, the angel stormed off, disappearing from her sight. With that moment, Palutena finally realized why she cares so much for Icarus' wellbeing despite him technically being absent for so long in her life. To admit, ever since his disappearance, she couldn't help but wonder where he was. She really hoped the angel was doing okay yet reality proved her wrong. There they were, being dragged into raging water, the waves violently engulfing them whole, preventing them both from reaching the surface and into safety.
Out of all the men she's dealt with in her life, Icarus was the only one who saw the goddess as an actual celestial being with emotions. In other words, he wasn't interested in her because she was some attractive goddess. He liked her for her.
Palutena decided to call it a night as she climbed into the vacant bed and closed her eyes. Her mind drifted off elsewhere as the goddess started dreaming.
The goddess woke up just to realize she was in her bedroom. Palutena got dressed and made her way out the door, just to be greeted by Icarus, Pit and Dark Pit. The boys are murmuring a few words at each other, the black-winged angel scoffing at his brother as Pit just smiled. Icarus extended out his hand towards Palutena, smiling.
"I have something to show you."
Being curious, Palutena reached out for his hand, grabbing it. Without second thought, Icarus pulled her, sweeping the goddess off her feet as he twirled her around. The setting reconstructed itself from her home to a field of various flowers. The next thing she knew, the two collapsed on the group, the goddess landing onto of Icarus.
He stared at the sky for a split second before he started laughing uncontrollably which was followed by a smile. Afterwards, they were joined by the angel twins as Pit beamed wide.
"I love you Lady Palutena!" the jovial angel chirped.
Dark Pit glanced away, his cheeks turning a slight hue of red. "The feeling is mutual." Well it wasn't exactly close to saying I love you but Palutena knew he was stubborn. So in turn, his response would suffice.
Soon, it was Icarus' turn.
"I love you Lady Palutena."
In spite of it the moment, all good things must come to an end as the goddess woke up, realizing it was only a dream. Her cheeks felt wet as tears trickled down her face. The only thing she could do is hope for the best possible outcome.
And that's the end of that. Expect the second part of chapter 38 to be up around sometime soon. I just don't know when but we'll see.
Anyways, curiosity got the best of me so I figured why not ask this question.
What kind of ending do you think Icarus deserves? Feel free to emphasize on your answer if you want.
