Everything belongs to JRRTolkien, except for the OC and weird parts of the plot.
HUGE thanks to the two very kind persons who beta-ed this chapter. Eylanan and Sujammas, you were both amazing :) You really helped a lot and I hope I won't disappoint you with what I did.
I blinked several times before groaning. The sun had probably been up for several hours, I noticed as I looked at the sky. The simple thought of moving from my spot on the ground wasn't really appealing at the moment. I could tell by the simple movement I had just made that my muscles were sore. Every one of them.
Ori had obviously heard me and he quickly made his way towards me with a steaming bowl in his hands.
"Good morning Amee. Come eat, we have some leftover stew."
I smiled at him before wincing.
As I tried to sit up, pain shot through my chest and left me panting and motionless. I blinked back tears that had already gathered in the corners of my eyes.
"Wait a second Meli." I heard Bofur say right then.
I didn't look up when I felt arms help me up. I sighed in relief though once my body was once more motionless. Dizziness soon left me and I was able to open my eyes without swaying on my feet.
"Does it hurt a lot?" The kind artisan asked me then.
"I'll be fine, don't worry." I forced myself to smile then looked around.
Gandalf was frowning and seemed lost in his thoughts. He was sitting on the side of our camp, smoking his pipe. Near the fire I could see Bilbo and Bombur who were talking quietly. Dwalin wasn't far away from them, checking his weapons. Ori was just next to me with Bofur. I couldn't see any other dwarves though.
"Where did they all go?" I asked them as I walked towards the small fire that burnt nearby.
Ori was quick to sit and grab the meat that was roasting on a small stick. Bofur was just behind me when I tried to sit and he helped me again. With yet another sigh, I took the bowl Ori handed me.
"Nori and Bifur are making sure we aren't being followed yet." Bofur finally replied. "Fili and Kili are hunting. The others are talking somewhere near the river." He shrugged and sat next to me, grabbing his pipe and filling it.
"Talking?" I frowned as Bofur shrugged and looked away.
Thorin, Balin, Oin, Gloin and Dori were talking. Alright. But about what? I could only guess it had to do with the quest. I didn't really want to think about it anyway. Instead I started to eat what I guessed to be some rabbit meat.
I had fallen asleep almost as soon as my head had touched the ground yesterday evening. The lack of blanket hadn't bothered me in the least. Exhaustion had been enough to induce me into a dreamless sleep. I had no idea how long I had slept, but I was surprised that no one had woken me. I had expected to be forced to walk early at dawn. It was odd that we were still in this camp.
As if he knew my thoughts exactly, Bofur started to speak.
"Thorin decided to take this day to rest. I think Gandalf talked to him earlier this morning. Apparently he knows of someone living not too far from here that could help us, provide us some food and equipment." I nodded as he calmly explained the situation. "Thorin agreed that a day of rest wouldn't be too much after all the events."
Thank Mahal for that. It was almost a miracle that Thorin would let us rest today. I knew I was relieved to hear that. It must have shown on my face because Bofur chuckled lowly.
"We'll leave before dawn tomorrow morning though." He winked at me cheekily as I pulled a face.
"What time is it now?" I asked before starting to eat.
"Around midmorning I'd say." Bofur replied looking up. "The sun won't be at its highest for several hours."
"What are we supposed to do then?" It felt odd to stay here the whole day. I couldn't really imagine it. After the intense rush of the past week, it seemed surreal to stay here for a whole day.
"Rest." Someone grunted.
I looked up as I heard Dwalin come closer. He sat near us and stared at me evenly.
"Gimme your blades, lass." He simply ordered as he extended a hand towards me.
I nodded and put the bowl back down before taking the two daggers. I grimaced as I saw the dried blood on the blades. As I had guessed, Dwalin grunted unhappily.
"I told you to always clean them, at least a little, before sheathing them back." He admonished.
"Sorry." I muttered, looking down.
"Well, we can't blame you." Bofur tried to help. "With everything that happened…"
"A rusty blade won't help her much." Dwalin snapped.
I decided not to participate in their discussion. It was kind of Bofur to defend me, but we all knew that Dwalin was right. It wasn't serious of me to have forgotten about this simple thing. Circumstances had nothing to do with it. Wordlessly, and with Dwalin's help, I started to clean them. I had been surprised by Ori's silence at first, but when I glanced his way, I saw that he was busy writing in his notebook. I had rarely seen him write so fast before. He wasn't paying much attention to us. He didn't even blink when several dwarves came back from wherever they had been to.
"Amelia," Dori said kindly. "How are you today?"
"I'm fine Dori." I replied with a smile. "How's your knee?"
"All good, all good."
"What were you all talking about?" I couldn't help myself but ask.
I was surprised to see him tense a bit. Surely their discussion wasn't so secret that the mere fact I knew they had been talking was bad. He frowned and I realized then that Bofur, Dwalin and Ori all seemed to be waiting for an answer too. Clearly the other dwarves weren't sure what this had all been about. It struck me as odd but I didn't say anything, simply waiting for an answer.
"We were just discussing what will come next."
It was my turn to frown. I couldn't shake the feeling that Dori was keeping something from me. Something important. I glanced around. Ori was frowning, just like Bofur was, but Dwalin seemed his usual self and kept working on the blade.
It was Thorin's voice that caught my attention next.
"Alright. Nori, Fili, Bofur and Bifur, you stay here for now and keep watch. You'll go to the river after us."
I blinked, only realizing then that all the dwarves had come back more or less at the same time. It was usual. During missions, and earlier during this quest too, when a group was sent to do a task, he was also given an amount of time. After that time had passed, he had to come back, even if the task hadn't been completed yet. It was a matter of safety. At least, like this, if one group encountered some danger, the others will know if they didn't show up at the agreed time.
I looked at the dwarves as they all decided to make good use of the river and the day of rest we had. In my humble opinion as a healer, it would be a good thing for their wounds to be cleaned and it would do sore muscles good too. In my opinion as a modern women stuck in a weird world, well, it would be good for them to clean as much as possible.
I didn't move from my spot and stayed near Bofur. We were soon joined by the others. Nori sat next to me and I forced myself not to look at him. It wouldn't help me in the least.
Yesterday I had probably been too exhausted to feel anything except the pain. But now that my mind was clearer, I couldn't help but want to be with Nori. I needed him to hold me. I wanted to touch him, to make sure he was alive and well. It was most irrational. I didn't understand why I so strongly felt this need. Yet I couldn't deny that I felt this way.
I clenched my fist and stared at my knuckles as they turned slowly white.
Oh Mahal it was as though my skin was burning to be close and yet far from him.
How could I think that he wasn't alright when he was just next to me, breathing, and when I knew perfectly well that he hadn't been majorly wounded? Memories of the evening before assaulted me. I could see my own fingers tremble as I had massaged ointment on the skin of his left arm and shoulder. I could remember how tensed he had been then. I winced in pain suddenly, as the cuts on my palms reminded me that they were still there. I shook my head, trying to shoo away the last remnants of the memory. My hands were shaking slightly. I could only wonder how the other would perceive my odd behaviour.
"It's alright you know." Bofur suddenly said and forced me to look up at him.
He wasn't looking at me though. His eyes were staring at the dwarf sitting next to me, Nori. I was all too aware that Nori was probably as tense right now as I was. After all we were both sitting really close to each other, yet far enough that we wouldn't touch each other by mistake. It was maddening. If I leant a bit more in his direction, I could probably touch him, he could take me in his arms and hold me...
Bofur spoke again, helping me to change my trail of thoughts.
"I think we all know what's going on. And none of us will speak."
I frowned and looked at him. He had a kind smile ghosting on his lips. Glancing around I saw Bifur huff and nod before he took some wooden piece out and started to carve it. Then my eyes landed on Fili whose eyes were full of mischief again. He winked at me and decided to speak too.
"Yeah. You weren't very discreet back then. I didn't say a word to anyone though."
I blinked several times before glancing at the last dwarf who was there.
Nori was looking just as tense as I had thought he would be. He was staring at the ground and I could see how he was clenching his fists just as I had been earlier. He looked at me just then and I felt my breath catch in my throat. His grey eyes were shining with worry and pain. The longing I felt at this exact moment would have made my knees buckles if I had been standing. Instead it sent a shiver down my spine.
There was a second of silence before his hand shot in my direction and then very softly grazed my cheek. Without thinking I leant into this ghost of a touch. I longed for more. I ached for more. Slowly Nori slid closer to me and, his eyes trailed over my face, his hand following his gaze. Then he seemed to hesitate for a second before he took my hands in his and turned them palms up. All the while I stared at him. My eyes were riveted on his face, noting every little detail they could see. How his mouth seemed to be torn down in pain as he looked at my hands. How his braided eyebrows were almost meeting as he frowned, worry etched on every feature of his face. How his grey eyes seemed so bright. And then my gaze noted how the small bruise I had seen yesterday on his cheek had darkened. How the cut on his forehead had stopped to bleed. How he had somehow taken the time to clean the soot away from his beard and hair. This last one made me smile softly as I freed my right hand from his and started to mimic his earlier actions. I let my fingers ghost over his skin before I let them trail over his beard. My heart welled up with love as I spotted some colour appear on his cheeks as I did that.
Our gaze met right then and we both leant to let our forehead touch. I sighed contentedly then closed my eyes.
Those little touches had apparently been enough to calm my irrational need.
"Will it be alright?"
Nori's voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper as his hand lightly squeezed mine.
I opened my eyes again and we both leant back, so we were now closer to each other. I looked down at my hands and felt a spike of anxiety.
"I hope so." I replied, my voice almost completely strangled by unvoiced fear. "It should be." I added, trying to convince myself.
The truth was that it really should, but the cuts had been really bad. The flesh was torn more than cut. I couldn't be certain that it would be better. Yesterday, Oin and I had decided that for that night we would just place some ointment and bandages and check again the following day. I hadn't removed the bandages yet, but I honestly was a bit afraid of what I would find underneath. My hands were my most precious tools. If they didn't work properly, how could I expect to stitch wounds, or worse, to perform any sort of operations?
I bit my lower lip, trying hard not to think about the worst that could happen.
"Mizimul." Nori brokenly whispered in my ear as he hugged me. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
I hugged him back and nuzzled his neck. Even the pain in my chest didn't seem so terrible right now and I didn't even flinch.
"It'll be fine." I heard myself murmur. "You've helped a lot already."
His derisive snort made me realize that Nori felt truly terrible. I leant further back and, having somehow forgotten about the others, observed Nori. He didn't meet my gaze and I immediately caught that he felt ashamed. My brain started to work faster to put pieces back together until I finally had a hunch.
"Nori." I called him in a whisper, trying to force him to look at me. "You helped a lot. Without your help, I wouldn't have survived all those trials. How could I? I can hardly believe I survived." I wasn't whispering anymore, I didn't care if our friends heard those words. To be perfectly honest, I had simply forgotten they were here. When I was so focused on Nori, nothing else mattered. "Had it been a year or two ago, I would have died at the first hardship, and now look at me. I fought against those creatures and lived to tell the story. Ain't that something? Without your help, I wouldn't be alive. I know it."
I tenderly cupped his cheek and smiled, trying to let him know how much he meant. I noticed the slight blush on his face and how he quickly glanced around. Suddenly reminded that we weren't really alone, I felt a blush of my own heat my cheeks. With just a glimpse I was reassured to see that none of the others were currently looking at us. Our friends were clearly trying to give us some privacy without actually leaving. Though I saw that, even if they weren't looking at us, the three dwarves were still listening and agreeing with me.
"You were left alone." Nori whispered shamefully, bringing my attention fully back on him.
His hand held my arm a bit tighter as I caressed his cheek with my thumb.
"Not for long." I tried to placate him.
"You almost died." He spat angrily, though his anger wasn't directed at me. I could easily tell he was angry at himself. I couldn't let that happen though.
"You too."
"Mizimul…" It sounded like he was begging me and it unsettled me greatly.
Without really thinking I gritted my teeth and, ignoring the pain in my limbs, I kneeled near him. Gingerly I hugged him, pressing his head on my collarbone. I placed a kiss on his forehead and started to let my fingers trail in his hair before I whispered as softly as I could.
"I'm alive." I murmured hoarsely.
I repeated those words as Nori hid his face in my neck and held onto me tightly. I forced myself to stay still, but oddly enough I wasn't in such pain even though he was holding me with a lot of strength. He was crushing me against him but it didn't hurt. This unexpected show of weakness made my heart melt. It forced me to realize once again how much I meant for him. Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt very odd and extremely strong feelings.
We remained like this for long minutes before Bofur cleared his throat, reminding us yet again that we weren't alone. Obviously being with Nori made me forget a lot of things.
I looked at Bofur who was blushing slightly..
Sheepishly he offered me a soft, apologizing smile.
"The others could start to come back any moment now."
He didn't need to say more. Slowly, cautiously, Nori and I moved away from one another. I cringed at the sudden pain that awoke in my body as I lowered myself back in a sitting position. Nori's sharp eyes saw it and he helped me.
"Do you need anything?" His hand stayed a bit longer than necessary on the small of my back.
"No, I'll ask Oin to help me later."
He nodded and sat back, far enough again for us not to touch and I felt my heart clench painfully. We all remained silent for a short while. I was observing the dwarves around me and suddenly felt curious.
"How did you know?" I blurted out without thinking.
Fili quirked an eyebrow at me. Clearly he found my question unbelievable. Bofur let out a chuckle and his eyes shone with mischief as he stared at me.
"Amelia, you're really cute sometimes."
I blushed.
I didn't feel complimented in the least by his sentence. Cute here seemed to mean stupid more than anything else. I glared at Bofur, though I wasn't really angry, more annoyed.
"As I said, you guys weren't really discreet during our mission in Archet." Fili shrugged before taking his pipe out of his inside pocket. "And from what I've seen so far, it's easy to guess the rest."
"The rest?" I repeated unsure of what he meant.
Of course it was obvious that he had somehow guessed my attraction to Nori during our mission together. I could now tell objectively that, hadn't I been so oblivious, I would have realized sooner that Nori was feeling the same way. Now that I thought about it though, I could only wonder at my stupidity. Was it normal that my brain had come up with so many silly theories when it was so obvious now that Nori had suffered the same way I did? Frowning, I didn't say a word as I kept thinking. I didn't pay attention to the way Bofur was coughing, or how Nori was glaring at a surprised Fili. What could he mean by the rest? Did he mean that it was easy to see how Nori and I would end up confessing our feelings? Or did he mean something else?
Fili's stammering voice was what forced me to look up.
"Ah…well, the rest…you know, erm, yeah…"
I looked at him with wide eyes. My brain was, for once, working seemingly fast. I observed my friends and Nori. Suddenly I was hit with the certainty that they were hiding something from me. And from the look of it, this was something big and it concerned my relationship to Nori.
"Alright, what's going on?" I asked with a deep frown on my face.
"Nothing you should worry about for now." Nori was the quickest to reply.
My eyes immediately met his.
I was surprised to see him look at me sternly. There was no doubt he wouldn't budge on this. Nori was keeping something from me. Something that concerned the both of us. I didn't like it one bit. I could easily live with the fact that the other dwarves kept information from me concerning the quest. I didn't mind it really, if the older dwarves were having discussions together about the rest of our journey. I wasn't their leader, I was merely a healer in their company so they had no reason to keep me informed about all the little details pertaining to this quest. But this was about something entirely different. I could feel it. This wasn't about the quest at all. What was it about though?
"But clearly it's something worrisome." I retorted in a rather cold tone, letting him know I didn't appreciate being left in the dark.
Fili cringed, feeling obviously guilty as he sent Nori an apologetic look. Bofur wasn't saying anything, suddenly finding his thumbs very interesting. Nori met my gaze without blinking and I knew for sure he would not tell me something he didn't want to. I turned slightly to look at the last dwarf, Bifur, who sighed loudly.
" Id-alnâs." He gruffly said, pointing at me before he gestured between me and Nori.
I blinked. I was certain I had never heard those words before. Well, by that I meant that no one ever taught them to me. My gaze quickly took in the faces of the others. Fili was trying hard to look at anything but at us. I could tell that he wasn't feeling comfortable at all. His cheeks were slightly pink. Bofur on the other hand was clearly struggling to contain his laugh. His eyes were shining with mirth. I felt both my eyebrows go up to my hairline. This situation was turning into something quite strange. So this wasn't some sort of worrisome information then? Bofur wouldn't laugh about something that would truly endanger us.
As I slowly turned to look at Nori, I was once more surprised by the sight that awaited me. Nori's face was red. He was glaring at the ground, looking more embarrassed than I had ever seen him. I probably made a sound, though it wasn't conscious, because he quickly looked at me and cleared his throat.
"Don't worry about it Amelia."
Bifur sighed loudly and shook his head, grumbling lowly. Bofur chuckled and told him something I didn't catch in Khuzdul. Bifur growled something back and I startled as I heard Nori snap something at him. They were arguing in Khuzdul and I had no idea what the discussion was truly about, except that it probably was linked to me somehow.
Glancing towards Fili, I was surprised to see him look slightly embarrassed. I frowned.
"What's going on?" I asked loud enough for the arguing dwarves to hear.
"I said, don't worry about it!" Nori snapped at me before his eyes grew wide. I could easily guess he hadn't realized he was snapping at me when he used that tone because he immediately looked worried and apologetic. "Amelia, I …"
"Don't!" I glared at him.
I honestly didn't like the fact that he would dismiss me like this. Now that I thought about it, it was far from the first time. Actually, he did it quite often. It wasn't only him. Dori too would sometime just tell me not to worry and dismiss me completely. As if I was a child. I felt anger bubble in me as the three dwarves were suddenly completely silent.
"Amel…" Nori tried again.
"Stop. Don't bother apologizing or explaining." I said rather coldly. "I don't care."
He was looking at me with wide eyes, clearly surprised with my outburst. To be perfectly honest, I was a little bit surprised by it too. It wasn't so often that I would let myself get angry so easily. And especially not at Nori.
But clearly, today was a brand new day, and angry I was.
"You're always telling me not to worry. Clearly there's something happening that I know nothing of and that you're all keeping from me." I growled at them. "And in case you were wondering, I don't like it." I snapped before looking at Bifur again. "Bifur, can you repeat that word please?"
The three dwarves were slightly stunned, all except Bifur who was looking at me smugly.
"Id-alnâs." He repeated calmly.
I mouthed it silently, trying to decipher what it could mean. Then Bifur gestured towards me and wrote runes in the dirt with his finger while repeating the same word again. Genuinely curious, I leant and looked at the symbols. I couldn't help but find them slightly familiar.
"What does it mean?" I asked, looking at Nori, Bofur and Fili in turn.
Neither of them seemed interested in telling me. I groaned and narrowed my eyes at Nori.
"Should I ask Dori? Or Balin?" Somehow I knew instinctively that this would sound like a threat.
"No!" Nori, Bofur and Fili exclaimed at once.
I quirked an eyebrow at them and Nori sighed. I was shocked to see him rub his face as he groaned. He was blushing and seemed embarrassed. It was almost shocking to see him this way.
"Amelia, please, now isn't the time to talk about this." His tone was almost begging. "I swear I'll explain everything, but please, for now, let it go."
"Lass…it's not really the right time to speak about these things." Bofur added sadly.
"These things?" I repeated questioningly. "Because of the quest you mean?" I sighed.
"Aye. Once we're all settled in Erebor, then you'll be able to ask Nori all the questions you want." Bofur said, a small glint of mischief in his eyes.
Nori sighed loudly before taking my hand in his.
"Please, be patient."
I frowned. I didn't really like this. In fact, I hated to be kept in the dark. Still, I couldn't say no to Nori. Not when he was looking at me with those big, begging eyes.
"Alright." I finally relented. "But once we're in Erebor, you better tell me everything or else." I pointed a menacing finger at him.
"I promise."
The discussion had to end here. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bofur erasing the word from the dirt as little by little the other dwarves arrived. Soon after, Bofur, Bifur, Nori and Fili left for the river too and I ended up sitting with Kili, Ori and Bilbo. The minutes passed by slowly and I couldn't help but feel quite jittery. It was odd. I should have enjoyed the calm and time to recover. But on the contrary it made me anxious. Even though I was exhausted and injured, I wanted nothing more than to stand back up and go. The pain in my limbs and stomach was far from forgotten, but it seemed unnatural for us all to be there, waiting with no true purpose, while we knew that orcs were chasing us.
Around lunch time, I just couldn't stand it anymore. I had to do something. In the end, I decided to check everyone's injuries. It could have been surprising that they let me, but at the time, my mind was completely focused. Even Thorin didn't comment much when I told him to sit straight and let me work.
It was obvious that I wasn't the only one feeling slightly unnerved. But contrarily to me, the dwarves were busy making or carving equipment we needed to replace. We had lost almost everything in the goblins' tunnels. My beloved staff was among the lost items. I had apologized to Gloin about it, but he had shrugged and gruffly told me not to worry about it. Gimli would be happy to help make another one, he had said.
While the others were busy carving plates, bowls and spoons, and I was checking their injuries, Oin was looking around, collecting plants. Bilbo soon joined him in this enterprise and they managed to find some useful herbs that we could use. My supplies were running low. I had blushed when the king had made comments about my idea to strap my satchel on me. It seemed that no one had expected it.
As the hours ticked by, it was obvious to everyone that we wouldn't spend the whole day here, much less the night.
"Is it really wise to leave this place now?" Balin wondered as he spoke with Gandalf, Gloin, Dori, Thorin and Dwalin.
"We shouldn't waste anymore time." Thorin growled.
"We're all able to walk." Dwalin agreed.
I felt their eyes on me at this moment, but I ignored it as Oin was showing me a way to make an ointment with fresh plants.
"We won't be able to walk far, but that still better than staying here."
"As I said earlier, I know of someone who lives nearby." Gandalf then chose to comment. "He might be of help."
"Might?" Thorin repeated.
"He doesn't care much for dwarves." Gandalf snorted. "But we need supplies, and his help would be more than welcome."
I exchanged a glance with Oin, but the old dwarf shrugged. It didn't cease to amaze me how Gandalf would speak to Thorin. He never hesitated to call the king stubborn or annoying. He never sugar coated his words. He was blunt and let the dwarves know he didn't agree with them. He even ordered them around somehow. It was shocking for me. The dwarves really seemed to respect him. I had to admit that the man, or wizard, was impressive. I could remember him fight in the goblins' tunnels. He had even performed some magic. I still could barely believe I had witnessed that.
That man was influential.
He was important.
I could tell without having to think too much about it.
As we ate, Thorin told us all we would leave right after lunch.
I schooled my features not to let show what I thought of that. To be perfectly franc I knew it was the right thing to do. But knowing it didn't mean I felt good about it. Every move I made was painful. It hurt to even breathe. My body was black and blue. I was still in pain and the thought of having to go on with our quest made me blanch. Yet I couldn't do anything about it. Keeping up with the dwarves would be difficult, but I had no choice. I wanted to fit in, so now was the time to prove I could. I might not be a dwarf, but I wasn't about to become a hindrance to them. I would show them that even a human could be resilient.
As we walked, my mind was busy thinking about the discussion I had with Fili, Bofur, Bifur and Nori. I couldn't help it. Something was bothering Nori. It wasn't new and I had known that for awhile. But now I knew that Bofur and Bifur weren't part of those that actually bothered him, or thought that we shouldn't be together. I couldn't believe that Kili would have a different opinion than Fili. The two brothers were too much alike, and besides Nori wouldn't worry about them. In his eyes, Fili and Kili were little more than kids. Similarly, it would be odd for Bombur to be against me and Nori. The chef didn't strike me as someone who would even bother thinking twice about it. I was certain he would just be happy for me and Nori.
I couldn't fathom who wouldn't allow me to be with Nori. Would it be Thorin? The king was opinionated enough for that. And with Nori's previous occupation, it seemed to be the most logical answer. Nori wanted to prove himself to our King. But why would Thorin bother thinking about such topics? And why wouldn't he allow me to stay with Nori? The more I thought about it, the less it seemed to make any sense.
Then the runes written by Bifur flashed through my mind. I was certain I had seen them before. But where?
Keeping my mind busy had been good in a way. I didn't see the time pass. I didn't think about the pain I felt. It helped a lot. Still, I was undoubtedly glad to stop that evening.
The following day, we all walked more or less in silence. Gandalf was leading us through a dense forest that finally gave way to some magnificent pastures. The grass was high and still a bright green. Colourful flowers of all sorts were blossoming. I immediately felt at ease. It was really strange, but I instantly liked this place. In the distance I could see trees growing high on a small hill. On top of that hill, it wasn't hard to see the grey smoke going high in the blue sky.
As we kept walking, Gandalf decided to break the silence.
"We're now on Beorn's territory. This is his land, his pasture and his animals. You would be wise not to hunt or take anything here without his consent."
As he spoke we finally arrived at the bottom of the hill. There he stopped and turned around to look at us. He frowned a bit and seemed to ponder on something. Then he grunted, as if agreeing to a thought he hadn't voiced and nodded to himself.
"Bilbo, Amelia, you'll come with me first." He said, looking at the two of us. "We do not want Beorn to feel like we're invading his territory."
"He doesn't sound like a friend." Gloin growled.
"He doesn't like dwarves." Gandalf stated simply. "So you're going to wait for Amelia, Bilbo and me to be up there, and then only you'll come up. In pairs. One pair at a time. You won't enter the house unless I call for you though." He added with a frown, clearly worried the dwarves wouldn't listen to him. "And remember, only come in pairs!" He insisted.
"Why should Amelia go up first if this man is so dangerous?" Ori piped in.
"Because she's human. And a woman. Beorn won't harm her. I'd be more worried for myself if I were you." Gandalf groaned before gesturing for me and Bilbo to follow him.
I blinked. I had to swallow back the lump that was forming in my throat as I automatically followed behind the hobbit. He didn't seem to like the situation either. For my part, I felt terrible for leaving the dwarves behind. I didn't like it one bit. I hated it. I felt as if I was being torn from where I was supposed to be. Glancing at Gandalf, I could only feel anxious when I saw how serious he was. Clearly the wizard wasn't sure what the outcome of our meeting will be.
"Gandalf?" Bilbo's anxiety was heard easily.
The wizard glanced down toward the hobbit before Bilbo asked his questions.
"Who's Beorn? Does he live here alone?"
"Beorn is a skinchanger." The wizard replied evenly, as if those words would explain everything.
"A skinchanger?" I couldn't help but repeat, honestly unsure of what he meant.
Suddenly I wanted nothing than to turn around and run back down towards the dwarves. What in Mahal's name could a skinchanger be? Was it even natural? It sounded...creepy.
"Sometimes he is a tall, strong man, sometimes he's a huge, black bear." Gandalf explained relatively calmly.
I staggered slightly and hissed when Bilbo helped me, the quick jolt was enough to send tendrils of pain in my ribcage. We exchanged a glance. Looking at my friend's bewildered face was enough to let me know that, no, skinchangers weren't usual in this world either. My head felt light at the simple thought of someone able to morph himself into another creature. I couldn't really grasp this new information. How could I? It wasn't…natural. It was magic. The healer in me thought it was impossible, yet I had witnessed too many impossible events and seen too many impossible creatures to doubt that such a thing could potentially exist.
Of course many things had already shocked me to the core since I appeared in this world. Elves, trolls, orcs and goblins were already magical enough. The giant eagles weren't too bad and well, I did live with dwarves. But still. This was yet another being that seemed just impossible to comprehend. My brain was trying hard to rationalize this. Maybe Gandalf spoke metaphorically. Somehow I doubted it, but well, a girl could hope.
As I was trying to comprehend just how someone could physically modify his body through his own will, I didn't realize we had walked all the way to the top of the hill.
I looked around.
We were in a clearing now. The house in the middle was entirely made of wood. The door was quite high, even Gandalf seemed short next to it. The roof was made of hatch and there was a chimney from which grey smoke came. We were currently on a small dirt path that led directly to the house, though I could see a fork that went to the back. Otherwise green grass and flowers beds surrounded the house. A movement on the right caught my eye and I just had enough time to turn and see a bunny disappear behind a bush.
I heard a neigh and could only guess that Beorn had at least one horse. As soon as I thought about that, I saw several of them trotting from behind the house. As they saw us, they neighed again before turning back and trotting away. As soon as they left, the door opened and an impossibly tall man came out.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" His tone wasn't really menacing, but it was far from friendly.
I saw Bilbo hide behind Gandalf as I stopped. The wizard walked closer and cleared his throat.
"Good afternoon master Beorn. You may have heard of me. I am Gandalf the Grey."
"I'm no master, and I don't know you." The huge man frowned.
I couldn't help but stare at him with wide eyes as I held my breath. This man had bushy eyebrows, an incredible mane of dark hair and a beard, but unlike the dwarves, they were...well, wild. He was wearing a very simple linen shirt and trousers. A simple look at the size of his arms was enough to tell me that he wasn't just tall, but strong too. Really strong.
While I observed him, he was clearly observing us too. His frown didn't leave his face and suddenly he bent to grab something, an immense axe, and narrowed his eyes at Gandalf who sputtered before finding his words again.
"Ah well, you might know my friend and colleague more. His name is Radagast the Brown. He lives in the southern borders of Mirkwood." Clearly, Gandalf sounded hopeful.
The giant narrowed his eyes some more and finally nodded.
"I heard of him. Not a bad fellow." He pointed at me then and at Bilbo. "Who are the two little ones?"
Gandalf cleared his throat yet again and smiled before side stepping, forcing Bilbo to face Beorn.
"They are my travel companions. Allow me to introduce you mister Bilbo Baggins from the Shire. And miss Amelia a human from the Blue Mountains."
"You're short for a human." Beorn stared at me with a frown.
"My mother was too." I replied, proud to hear that my voice didn't sound nearly as anxious as I felt. "Pleasure to meet you." I added, guessing that the dwarvish greetings shouldn't be used with him. Gandalf had said that Beorn didn't care much for dwarves after all.
He grunted and looked at Bilbo who bowed his head and cleared his throat.
"It is a pleasure to meet you, mister Beorn." Bilbo said without faltering.
"A wizard, a human girl and a halfling. What are you doing here?" Beorn repeated.
I looked at Gandalf who seemed to be thinking quite hard, though he kept smiling. It seemed that even the wizard wasn't sure what was going to happen. Clearly this Beorn wasn't an enemy, but he really didn't seem friendly. Actually, even the elves had been more welcoming than he was. I had no doubt that Beorn wouldn't think twice about kicking us out of his domain.
"Well, you see, me and my friends were travelling from the west to the east when we came upon a small problem in the mountains. But I don't want to bother you with this story. It is rather long after all." Gandalf said calmly.
"A story?" Beorn repeated. "Is it an interesting one?" He looked at me as he spoke and I felt obliged to reply.
"Well, some might think so." I let out, slightly hesitant as I had no idea what this man could find interesting.
"It is certainly not dull." Bilbo agreed in a small voice.
The giant man looked from Bilbo to me and then nodded.
"Then come in." Beorn gestured for us to follow him as he turned, left his huge axe leaning against the wall, and pushed the door to his house open.
From Gandalf relieved sigh, I could tell that this first contact wasn't too bad. I wondered though what would happen when the dwarves would start to arrive. The first pair probably left already and would soon be there. Without waiting, we followed Beorn and Gandalf in.
The inside of the house was rather impressive. Everything was made of wood and was proportionate to the size of his owner. I would probably have trouble to sit on top of the bench or chair. Actually, even Gandalf struggled a bit. Glancing around, I smiled. I liked this house. Herbs and flowers were hanging from the ceiling, drying. The large table in the middle was nicely carved. There was a large hearth on the left side with a small fire currently burning and I could hear water bubbling in the cauldron that hanged in there. Two chairs were near the hearth, and there were benches and stools around the table. On the walls, shelves were full of jars and tools. Further at the back, there was a small door, and another one on the right side. I could guess that one probably was the bedroom.
I didn't have time to look anymore around as Beorn helped Bilbo to sit on the bench. As he turned to grab my waist, as he had done to Bilbo, I stopped him. I felt myself blush a bit and quickly apologized for my apparent rudeness.
"I am sorry mister Beorn. But I hurt myself during our adventure."
"An adventure?" He asked before gently seizing my waist and carefully lifting me up.
I was genuinely surprised to see him handle me so delicately. I didn't hurt at all. Actually I felt like I was a china doll. How could a man his size be so gentle with someone so little compared to him? I blushed some more as he cautiously placed me on the chair closest to the hearth. Just after that he sat in the second one.
"So, tell me about this adventure." He grunted as he sat.
"Well, as I said, our adventure began in the west." Gandalf started. "And nothing much happened there, well until we met three trolls."
"Trolls? In the west? And three of you managed to defeat them?" Beorn snorted, obviously not believing it.
"Well, we travel with some more companions." Gandalf admitted cautiously.
I swallowed nervously and looked at Bilbo. Obviously the hobbit was as lost as I was. Looking once more at Beorn, I saw him quirk an eyebrow as he leant on the armchair.
"Where are they?" He asked gruffly.
"Well, we didn't want to be rude and so, they stayed behind." Gandalf smiled kindly as Beorn shrugged.
"Call for them then." He said before ignoring Gandalf once again and staring at me and Bilbo. "Do you want milk?"
The question made me blink. I honestly hadn't expected it. It felt like I hadn't had milk in ages. We didn't have that much of it in the Blue Mountains. Milk was expensive. We couldn't afford to buy fresh milk every day, and the dwarves obviously didn't have pasture and cows. Bilbo started to stammer an answer.
"Hem, we" He looked at me before clearing his throat. "We really don't want to bother you." He finally let out.
Beorn didn't say a word and grunted. Swiftly he stood up and in quick strides went out of the room, into the one in the back and quickly came back with two goblets and a pitcher. Wordlessly he poured milk in the goblets and handed them to Bilbo and I. I had to use both hands to hold it. What had looked like a simple goblet in the giant's man hand, looked like a pitcher in mine.
"Thank you." Bilbo and I chorused, but Beorn shrugged as if he truly didn't care.
"So, how did you get rid of the trolls?" Beorn asked as he sat back.
Gandalf was just coming back from the door.
"Gandalf used the sun to turn them into stones." Bilbo replied.
In the meantime I took a sip and was surprised by the taste. The milk was warm and creamy. I loved it. I didn't realize it, but a huge smile came on my face and I drank some more before I finally saw that Beorn was staring at me. Immediately I blushed and his gaze turned back to Gandalf who was now back in his seat.
"So you turned them into stone?"
"Yes." Gandalf nodded as someone knocked at the door and opened it.
Beorn barely glanced towards Dwalin and Balin as they bowed and greeted him.
"Dwarves?" Was all he said as he glared at Gandalf.
Gandalf was already relating the events that came next.
"Yes, some of our friends are dwarves, and we were all lucky to escape the trolls. But those trolls were easy to get rid of. No, no. We started to really have trouble when we crossed the mountains. My friends and I got separated and they ended up facing stone giants. Several of the dwarves got stuck on the giant while it moved."
"You call two, several?" Beorn narrowed his eyes at Gandalf.
"Well, they are more than two actually."
And so started a very odd conversation. I realized what Gandalf was doing. He kept Beorn busy and entertained with our adventure, letting him know little by little that there were still more of our companions outside. By the time he was talking about the eagles, all the dwarves were sitting silently on the floor. Bilbo, Gandalf and I were the only guests sitting on chairs. I could feel Nori's eyes on me as I slowly and happily drank the milk. I didn't feel too bad about it. I was certain that Beorn would offer some to the dwarves once the tale was over. He was very strange, and he would sometimes stare at me. But all in all, I found him, well, interesting.
He wasn't like the dwarves, and definitely not like the elves. He was completely different from the other people I had met so far. I still wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not, but at the very least it was interesting.
I didn't pay much attention to the end of Gandalf's tale. But I did look around when Beorn sat back and spoke.
"Well. That's quite an adventure you had." He merely stated before looking at the dwarves. "I don't like you." He said as his gaze didn't falter. "But I will allow you to stay here. You will be able to sleep and rest. Then you will be on your way."
"We thank you for your help." Gandalf said before any dwarf could take offense.
"Do not get out of this house when it's dark outside." Beorn ordered before once more looking at me.
I shifted a bit uneasily on my chair. I didn't know why the giant kept on looking at me. It made me slightly uncomfortable. Slowly, he extended his hand in my direction. From the corner of my eye I could see the dwarves were tense. Beorn grabbed the pitcher and simply put it back on the table. Then he tilted his head and huffed.
"Do you want to go down?" He asked, gesturing between me and the ground.
Looking down I saw the height I would have to jump if he didn't help me. Instead of trying I chose to nod.
"Could you please be kind enough to help me?" I looked at him with a small, apologetic smile.
He didn't say a word but nodded. Once again his large hands picked me up slowly and gingerly. I quickly found myself with my two feet back on the wooden floor. Craning my neck to look up, I offered the tall man a bright smile.
"Thank you sir."
"Beorn." He gruffly said before turning his back to us and leaving the house.
I saw him grab his axe and balance it on his shoulder before he turned away. He had left the door open, which was enough of a sign that we were allowed to go outside for now. I wondered why we were banned to do so during the night, but I was certain that we would soon find out. If not, we probably would be able to ask Beorn later. It was really, really odd, but I couldn't help but like this strange giant.
He was so very different to anyone I had met before. Yet there was something about him that just made me like him. His eyes were kind when he looked at me.
"Amelia, are you alright?"
Ori's voice tore me out of my thoughts. I smiled at him and nodded.
The dwarves were presently looking around. They were all otherwise occupied and didn't pay much attention to me. Not that I needed them to. I glanced up to the ceiling and saw the different plants that were drying there. I recognized some, but plenty of them were unknown to me.
I hesitated for a minute.
I wasn't sure that I should do what I had in mind. Still, it couldn't hurt to try. I took as deep a breath as I dared and slowly made my way outside. The dwarves were talking together in small groups. Before I stepped outside, I saw that, once again, Thorin, Dori, Balin, Gloin and Dwalin were talking together. This time though, Gandalf had joined them and they all seemed to listen rather intently to him. They were standing at a safe distance from the other and it really made me curious. I decided I would ask Dori later. For now, I had set myself another goal.
The air outside was still warm, even though the sun was already starting to go down in the sky. From what I could guess, it was still the middle of the afternoon. I looked around. Beorn was nowhere in sight. Remembering that I had seen him turn around, I followed the trail to the back of the house. Soon enough, I realized that the house was longer than I had thought. I could hear a sharp noise that seemed quite regular and decided to go in that direction. I arrived at the corner of the house to a scene that didn't surprise me. Beorn was simply busy cutting wood. I could see that there were two other buildings, though they were far smaller than the house was. Looking to my left, I startled, seeing that there were massive doors that took almost the whole wall on this side of the house. As the doors were slightly ajar, I took the liberty to glance inside.
It was a stall.
I could see cows and the horses from earlier. They were munching on some hay. It wasn't really a surprise. The milk had to come from somewhere after all. As Beorn was busy, I decided not to disturb him until he saw me or acknowledge my presence and simply sat with my back against the wall. I winced at the pain that shot through my body and sighed once I closed my eyes and simply basked in the sun. After a few minutes, my ears caught on a soft noise nearby. Glancing at my right, I couldn't stop a smile as I saw two dogs observing me. I beckoned them over silently.
It took them several minutes before they approached.
"Hello." I whispered in the closest one's ear as I rubbed his head. "How are you? You look friendly enough. Do you have a name?"
I sounded ridiculous. I knew. But honestly, I didn't care. I loved dogs. Well, I loved animals in general, but I had a soft spot for dogs. I couldn't help it. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings anymore. I enjoyed petting the dogs too much and I was busy as the two of them fought for my attention.
"Do you want something little one?" Beorn asked as he let his axe fall on the log, cutting it in half.
It almost startled me to remember he was there too.
"I do not mean to bother you." I said at first, but as he didn't reply and kept on cutting wood, I continued. "I was just wondering if the plants you dried were medicinal ones."
"Some are." He placed the halves neatly in a pile before grabbing another log. "Why do you want to know?"
"I'm a healer." I replied evenly. "I'm always interested to learn something new."
Somehow, that sentence made him stop. He turned to face me. I swallowed thickly when I saw his piercing stare riveted on me. He unnerved me a bit, even though I somehow couldn't help but instinctively trust him. It crossed my mind that it had been a similar situation when I had met Dori, Nori and Ori. Even though at the time I hadn't had much choice, I still had trusted them fairly quickly and instinctively. The same schema was repeating itself here. I trusted Beorn. I had no idea why, but I did. How odd.
The silence stretched between us as we were both lost in our own thoughts.
Beorn was the first to speak.
"Why are you with the dwarves?"
His tone was gruff, almost sounding like an accusation. Yet I didn't take offense. Instead I chose to ask.
"Why do you want to know?"
"You're not like them." He leant on his axe. "Dwarves don't care much for beings they deem lesser to them. They only care about what can benefit them." He tilted his head a bit and pointed at me. "You aren't like that."
I frowned. As always when someone questioned the dwarves, I couldn't help but feel a bit annoyed. This time, it felt slightly different though. I looked at Beorn and genuinely curious, asked him another question.
"How could you know?"
He shrugged but didn't reply. He kept observing me and I stared right back at him until one of the dogs got annoyed at me and licked my hand. I looked down and smiled as I started to pet them again. This time I was the one to break the silence.
"They found me when I was alone. They took me in." I replied with a shrug before adding softly, looking at the dogs. "They saved me."
Beorn grunted.
Our discussion seemed to consist mostly of long stretches of silence. Neither of us spoke for awhile. It felt oddly peaceful.
"You said you were injured." Beorn suddenly stated.
I nodded and sighed. Looking at his serious face, I decided to elaborate a bit.
"My ribs are bruised. I might have cracked one too. And I got cuts." I showed my bandaged hands as he nodded.
"There's a bathtub in there." He pointed at one of the smaller building. "I'll fill it with hot water and herbs."
I blushed deeply and shook my head.
"You don't need to do that. I'm …" I couldn't finish as Beorn interrupted me.
"You want to know what some of those plants do? You'll try their effects yourself. Wait here." Without further ado, he left me there.
I had no idea what to do or how to react.
As Beorn had left already, I chose not to move from my spot. The two dogs were lying with their heads on my legs. Letting my head rest against the wall, I closed my eyes. So many things had happened in such a short time. I could barely believe that I had survived so far.
It all seemed so impossible.
The trolls at first had been quite the challenge and they still gave me shivers every time I thought of them. The smell of meat still made my stomach revolt. Yet, thanks to the dwarves, I was safe. Then it had been the orcs, and later the elves. This world truly was amazing. It felt as if I had stepped in some fantasy world. Sometimes I even wondered whether I was truly here, but the pain I felt in my limbs was enough to assure me I wasn't dreaming all this from a hospital bed.
The second part of our journey had been genuinely terrifying.
As soon as we had stepped in those mountains, it had turned into a nightmare. I shuddered at the memories. The giants, the goblins, the orcs again… I had been lucky to survive. I could have died a hundred times. This world really was dangerous. Suddenly the little adventures that I had before seemed so silly. Why had I been afraid of men, when creatures such as goblins existed? How could I have nightmares because I poisoned some random people, and not when I ran through a town full of goblins? I snorted. It seemed like the past two years had been filled with pleasant walks compared to this one journey.
I had never been so glad for all my training.
Clearly, without it I wouldn't have survived.
A sudden noise startled me out of my musing. Looking around, I saw Beorn come out of the small house, a large empty cauldron in hand.
"You can go now." He simply said before he turned away and left again.
Smiling I moved slowly, trying my best not to make any sudden movements that would hurt me. The dogs stayed at my side as I walked back to the main house. I had to let the dwarves know where I was.
Nori, Ori, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Fili and Kili were all outside. The older dwarves were smoking and talking together, laughing while Fili and Kili spared. Well, they were brawling more than sparing, but no one truly cared. They were laughing rather loudly too.
"Where were you?" Bofur asked as I came closer.
I knew they hadn't been worried. His question didn't mean much, except that Bofur was a truly curious dwarf. I smiled and gestured at my back.
"Back there with Beorn. He was kind enough to warm some water for me." I said before absentmindedly petting one of the dogs, they were really tall. "I'll go now."
The dwarves didn't say a word, simply nodding before I turned and walked back. Before I did, my eyes met Nori's. I couldn't help but smile as he smirked. He seemed better. Clearly, the fact that we were safe and relatively unharmed was finally making him relax a little. If we had been alone, I would have kissed him right then. But we weren't, so, after a small nod, I just left.
The dogs escorted me to the small house and sat at the door while I entered.
There wasn't much in there. On one side, I could see a huge wooden tub, and on the other a pile of wood. There were some shelves too and, next to the tub, a towel and a basket with a bar of soap and herbs. I smiled. Beorn truly seemed like a kind hearted man. He was gruff and a bit scary, but I was used to that now. I chuckled softly at the thought. It seemed strange that I ended up being used to gruff, grunting men. I threw the herbs in the bath and without wasting any time, I started the painful process of stripping. I winced several times and was panting by the time I stood naked in the small, dark house. I used a log as a makeshift step to enter the high tub. The water was steaming. It was blissfully warm and I didn't stop a moan. Mahal, I had missed this.
As I was about to sit, I realized I had forgotten to remove my necklace. I didn't want to damage it so I quickly detached it. Holding it in my hand as I slowly sat, I looked at it. As my fingers slowly touched the small beads, I realized that I knew the runes written on one of them. My eyes widened as I gasped. I knew those runes. I had seen them before. Suddenly, I was absolutely certain that those were the exact same runes written in the dirt by Bifur. Weeks, no, months ago, Nori had given me a necklace with beads engraved with that word. What could it possibly mean?
I was completely shocked.
I tried to guess what it could be, but I honestly had no idea. Well, it could mean anything really, and with my tendency to overreact I didn't want to start imagining things that weren't true or real. I had done so too many times in the past.
As I looked at the runes, I felt turmoil of feelings; giddiness at first, simply because I had recognized the runes. Then there was a huge part of me that was curious. Clearly, the word used by Bifur was important and true. I recalled how he had gestured between me and Nori as he said it. It probably was some sort of description, and clearly Nori agreed with it if he had offered me a present with that word. I was also feeling a bit smug. I couldn't help but smirk as I thought about Nori and how he would react when I would show him those runes. He would be obliged to tell me what they meant. It was thrilling. Chuckling happily I leant back and closed my eyes. I sighed loudly and smiled. I felt really good right then.
I remained in my happy bubble for as long as I dared. That meant I stayed in the bath until the moment the water turned cold. I felt so much better. My sore muscles were refreshed. I felt rested and relaxed. The cuts on my palms weren't closed at all, but at least they didn't seem infected. The smell of the fresh herbs in the bath had lulled me in a doze and I knew I would sleep perfectly well that night. At this moment, the rest of our journey didn't seem like an impossible challenge anymore. I would have to thank Beorn profusely.
I smiled softly as I attached my necklace once again and hid it under my tunic. Softly touching it, I felt my heart swell in warm feelings for the dwarf who had made it. Deciding not to waste anymore time, I quickly bandaged my hands again, though it was a bit tricky at first, with some fresh bandages I found in Beorn's basket. I was smiling softly as I opened the door and grinned at the dogs that had stayed there. They escorted me back to the main house. The sun was now descending low in the sky. The night would soon fall.
As I entered the large living room, I looked around. It somehow felt as if nothing could break the happy bubble around me. Fili and Kili were joking with Ori, Bilbo and Bofur near the hearth. Next to them, Nori and Bifur were busy whittling while Bombur simply sat there and seemed to be taking a nap. There was nothing wrong or strange with their behaviour. Everything was as it should be and I smiled some more. But then my gaze turned to fall on the other dwarves. They were on the other side with Gandalf. And as I looked at them I realized they were all staring at me. I couldn't help but startle a bit at their serious gaze and felt my step falter a bit. Strangely, even though I was still feeling the effects of this amazingly soothing bath, an odd, ominous feeling started to grow in my heart. I could almost hear voices in the back of my head whispering words I couldn't quite catch at the moment.
I shook my head, feeling silly. Nothing could or should break this cheerful and peaceful mood I was when I came in.
I was about to ask them what was going on when a noise distracted me. Beorn came in from the door in the back and his calm, piercing stare took in the whole scene.
I frowned as he seemed annoyed and when his piercing gaze fell on me, I suddenly felt frozen.
I had no true idea why, but my instincts were screaming at me that something was wrong.
Something had been wrong for days now. I knew. I had seen the strange looks the older dwarves sent my way. I wasn't that stupid.
As I was about to talk, Thorin stepped forward and came to stay a few meters away from me. As soon as he moved, my gaze broke from Beorn's and riveted on our King.
Immediately all the dwarves turned silent and looked at us.
The older ones were mostly frowning but clearly knew what was going on. Balin looked unhappy though, and quite sad too. Dori was obviously determined, as were Gloin and Dwalin. Oin was glaring, but I wasn't sure who he was glaring at. Nori and Bofur exchanged a glance, both frowning uncertainly while the others were clearly lost and unsure of what was going on. I, for my part, suddenly felt like a deer caught in the light. My heart was slowly but steadily starting to pound in my chest. Somehow I knew I wouldn't like the discussion I was about to have with the king. Still, I couldn't believe that my good mood would vanish completely. Nothing Thorin would say could possibly bring me down from such a happy and peaceful state.
"Amelia." He said sternly. "You're not going to go any further."
...What?
I blinked several times. At first I wasn't sure I had heard him clearly, but then my brain was working fast to try and make sense of those words. I felt stupid as I frowned and asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You are not coming with us." He sighed before he continued. "This quest isn't meant for women, let alone young, human girls. The past days proved it."
"But…" I blurted out.
This didn't make sense. Why was he saying that? I didn't understand. I was here. I was already here, with them. What did he expect me to do? I shook my head, trying to clear my frenzied mind.
"Wait...I'm," I stammered before a clear thought finally crossed my mind and I held onto it strongly. "But the contract. You can't…" I said before he interrupted me.
"Even though the contract was signed by my sister, I am the king. If she signed it in my name, then I am still able to cancel it. I didn't before simply because the dangers were still manageable." He calmly, coldly stated before adding. "In the past few days, it has been obvious that this quest is just too harsh for you." He explained in a detached way before he shrugged. "Anyway, the contract was lost in Goblins Town, so I can declare this accord completely void now."
My thoughts were in a mess. In some part of my mind I was wondering why he would come up with this solution now, why hadn't he thought of that when we were in Imladris? Even though I had almost died several times in the past week, so did they. But a bigger part of my brain was concentrating on the scary information it registered. I couldn't really fathom what was happening. I couldn't understand it. They couldn't mean that, not after all we'd been through. Not now. My heart rate was skyrocketing and I felt my mouth go dry. Some cynical voice in the back of my head noted that my happy bubble was completely gone now, but now wasn't the time to focus on that.
"You can't…" I repeated, suddenly afraid. "What do you mean?" I asked again, feeling lost.
"Amelia, I asked Beorn and he assured me that you could stay here for now." Gandalf intervened, his voice too kind to my taste.
I glared at him. It sounded as if he was considering me stupid. My glare turned to the king. My fear was slowly, but steadily morphing into anger. I closed my fists tightly as I felt my hands tremble.
"You can't mean that." I shook my head. "I'm your healer. I helped you out. I'm not useless." I wasn't sure whether I was trying to convince him or myself. "I can follow you."
From the corner of my eye, I saw that Bofur, Bombur, Bifur and Nori were now standing, frowning deeply. They didn't know, my brain whispered to me and somehow, it made me feel slightly better. I saw Bofur open his mouth, a deep frown on his usually smiling face.
"Enough!" Thorin snapped at the dwarf before he even talked. "Amelia, we've talked about it between us. We all think that this quest is too dangerous for you. Gandalf here says we can trust Beorn, and I'm sure you'll be perfectly safe with him. Gandalf assured us you would be safe here and, concerning that matter, I have no reason not to trust him. As your king, I swore to protect you." He emphasized on this last part before looking at me and continuing. "I swore to protect you and you swore to obey me. Now I order you to stay here, it's for your own good."
"You can't just leave me here!" I exclaimed, fear gripping my heart, unable to accept this situation.
"I won't have you follow us anymore." Thorin growled, he was obviously trying to stay calm though.
"Amelia, my dear, you surely realized how terribly dangerous this quest was." Balin kindly intervened. "Look at you, you almost died so many times." He shook his head sadly. "I can't in good conscious let you follow us."
Eyes wide, I looked at my two guardians. Dori was staring at the ground, obviously doing his best to avoid my gaze. Balin looked apologetic but clearly wasn't about to contradict his king. But I thought he trusted me? I thought he was proud of my achievements? He had encouraged me when I went on missions, supporting me when I trained. Why this sudden change?
"Amelia. We think it'll be better if you wait here. This quest wasn't meant for you." Dori ended up saying, and I knew he meant every word.
Realizing this was like being stabbed repeatedly in the gut. Did he not trust me either? Was it so easy for him to discard me that he wouldn't only do it once, but twice? He left me behind in the halls at first and now was planning to do it again in the middle of nowhere. Why? Hadn't I proved myself time and again? Hadn't I shown them I was strong? Didn't they think I was reliable?
"You're just a human, lass. It's not your fault, but it does make you weaker." Gloin grunted, obviously thinking this would placate me.
It didn't.
"I am not some old shoe you can discard like this!" I hissed angrily at the king, glaring once more at him and focusing all my anger on him, purposely ignoring my guardians and kin.
His eyes narrowed at me and if I hadn't been so furious, I would have recoiled in fear. I was afraid alright, but what frightened me was the thought that they would just leave like that, without me.
"I've had enough of you always discussing my orders." Thorin spat coldly. "I don't want to discuss this. I don't have to discuss my decisions with you. You are a guest in our halls, and you swore your obedience! So you'll do as I said! Your king, your guardians and your kin all think it best for you." His voice was tight with barely contained anger. "You will stay here." He emphasized this last sentence by pointing at the floor, eyes narrowing.
"You can't…" I had barely uttered those words that he snapped.
"I can and I am ordering you to stay here!" He exclaimed. "Do you want me to punish you? Do you want to know how dwarves punish insubordination?" He glared at me.
There was a collective gasp. Obviously dwarvish punishment weren't a good thing to experience. My heart clenched painfully. Suddenly, I could hear several voices in my head. Dís and Danà talking to me about dwarvish customs. Glorfindel, telling me that dwarves weren't to be trusted. Beorn finally, saying how dwarves weren't interested in weaker beings. I clenched my fists so tightly that pain shot through my palms.
"You wouldn't do this." I managed to articulate through gritted teeth. "You wouldn't punish me, it wouldn't make sense. Not if you really meant to protect me." My tone seemed almost accusing, and maybe it was.
Why would he punish me? Why? I only meant to help. It didn't make sense.
"Try me." Thorin eyes were cold, uncaring.
A sad reality dawned on me. He would. He definitely would.
I glared at the ground. I felt suddenly cold. I wouldn't say I felt numb or empty, because I wasn't, not really. Instead I was inhabited by cold fury. Before I could say anything else, Nori finally decided to speak up.
"We can't just leave her here." He blurted out, while Bofur hastily agreed with him.
"She can keep up. She has so far." The kind-hearted dwarf said, nodding at Nori's words.
"Enough Nori!" Dori glared at his brother. "Amelia can't come with us. As her guardian, I forbid her to." He growled angrily. "Balin and Gloin agree too. We all agreed. We don't need to know your opinion." He spat at Nori who glared right back at him.
My eyes were darting between all the dwarves as pain shot directly through my heart. They were all starting to argue, but it was clear that even my mentors, Oin and Dwalin, were against me coming with them. I had never known what betrayal felt like until this very moment. All those men I had trusted so much were so quick to leave me behind. How could they?
"How could you do that to me?" I accused Dori, Balin and Gloin, glaring at them. My voice was tight with barely contained emotions. "How?"
"Listen, Amelia," Dori took a step in my direction at the same time as I took a step back. "It is for your own good."
"Right..." I narrowed my eyes at him. "None of you actually trust me." I venomously spat.
Things were quickly escalating as more dwarves voiced their opinions loudly.
"Enough!" Thorin bellowed, effectively shutting everyone up. "She's not going any further and that's final!"
The room fell silent instantly.
"I helped you." I whispered but I knew he heard me. "I'm useful." I added a bit louder.
"We don't need you." He snorted derisively. "You should have stayed in the halls. This quest is no place for weak human girls." His voice grew cold as his smirk disappeared. "The past days only proved to me that you're nothing," He emphasized that last word before taking a deep breath and repeating it." You're nothing but a young helpless girl. You're a distraction we don't need." His eyes narrowed at me as he took a brief pause in his speech. "I won't have you jeopardize our entire quest. I won't have a human child tag along anymore."
His words stabbed me as a knife would. I inhaled sharply. He could have hit me and I would have been less hurt. His words were more painful than what I had been through this past week. Still glaring at the ground, it took me a minute to put a word on how I felt.
Betrayed.
Bitterly, I forced my hands to unclench.
"Do I need to repeat myself yet again?" He finally asked, his voice completely even and uncaring.
"No." I replied evenly, calmly.
I looked up slowly. My sight narrowed on him. I had never felt so much pain before. He was threatening to abandon me, but in all intent and purpose, he was doing it by leaving me behind. They were leaving me here, in the middle of nowhere, in some place they had never heard of before. They were abandoning me. And they all agreed...what a bitter thought it was, that they would just agree on such a thing. How could I ever accept such a betrayal? How could I even think of ever forgiving these dwarves who so easily discarded me?
My heart was throbbing in pain, muddling my brain. Breathing was hard as I was feeling emotions I had never experienced before.
To betray me like this…it was an unbearable pain. It was crippling. But the only thing I felt beside that terrible pain, was the raging fury that allowed me to still breath and stand.
I didn't stop to think and ponder on my next move. I didn't need to, didn't want to. My decision was taken. If they were able to discard me so easily, then so be it. If I didn't mean anything more than that to them, then so be it. If they could so easily leave me behind and walk away, then so be it.
If I couldn't trust them anymore...then so be it.
The air in the room was stiff. Everyone seemed frozen, as if no one dared breathe at all. Nori was obviously flabbergasted. The smug thief looked completely lost. He was the only one I looked at. I loved him. I loved him so much. But right then I suddenly felt tired. I was tired of hiding my feelings for him. I wasn't stupid. I knew Nori's uncertainty meant that some of the dwarves wouldn't agree with our couple. Somehow, right this instant I was persuaded that it was me they found inadequate.
I felt hollow.
Had those past two years been nothing but a dream?
Were the dwarves truly how the elves and Beorn had described them?
Had I been so blind?
As my gaze once more met with the cold, uncaring one of Thorin, I felt suddenly bitter. Extremely so.
Rage and pain clouded my thoughts.
They thought I wasn't good enough. They thought I was weak. I wasn't a dwarf after all, and never would I be one. All the pain I had been through, all the trainings, the efforts I put into fitting in, nothing seemed important to them. After all this time, I still wasn't accepted. I still wasn't worthy.
Bitterness and anger raged within my heart. I didn't need to think about my next action. My body acted almost on its own.
Ever so slowly I felt my hands come up to my temple.
Silently I grazed my braids. Then my resolve hardened.
In a matter of seconds, all it took for a few, harsh tugs really, I had torn several of my beads away from my braids.
"Amelia!" I heard several calls but I ignored them.
My gaze, riveted to the king's, didn't miss how his eyes widened at my gesture. I had in hands my kinship and my healer's beads. Slowly, I let them fall to the ground where they clanked loudly in the stiff silence. In one swift move, the large bead I wore in the back of my head followed them. I was left with only one braid.
"You know what it'll mean." Thorin said lowly.
"Of course." I said, my voice sounding as hollow as I felt.
And ignoring a few pained cries and several gasps, I removed the braid and let my guardians' beads fall to the ground.
... :) I'll try my best to update sometimes in the next two weeks.
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