Chapter Fifty Three
His eyes stayed glued to the toy train as it made it's away around the tracks. He sat in the middle of his train set just watching. He clutched his action figures, The Joker and Batman, tightly in his hands. They were his favorite toys. In his mind no matter what The Joker did, Batman always won in the end.
He jumped slightly at the sound of his father shouting. He glanced up nervously towards his father's desk. His dad was screaming into the phone. He watched intently until his dad slammed the phone down.
"Fucking moron," Dan yelled.
Nathan glanced away before going back to playing with the action figures in his hands. He didn't want to get into trouble. Ten minutes later loud laughter filled his ears as the front door slammed shut.
"In here," Dan called out.
Nathan didn't bother to look up when his brother's entered the room.
"Pops."
"How did school go today?" Dan asked immediately.
Out of the corner of his eye, Nathan watched as Cooper dug into his pocket before pulling out a wad of money. Cooper handed the money over to his dad before Dan started counting it.
"It's all there," Cooper chuckled.
"Well, I got an easy grand," Ryan spoke up smugly. He tossed the money on the desk.
Shane rolled his eyes. "I've got a buddy throwing a party this weekend. He's looking to pass around party favors."
"Good," Dan grinned before placing the money in the safe. "Was Derrick in school today?"
"Nope."
"Little bitch stayed home," Cooper grunted.
Dan shook his head. "I figured as much. He owes too much at this point. No way will he be able to pay back what he borrowed."
"Not unless he robs a fucking bank," Ryan snickered.
"Should we wait for him to show up to school?"
"Now that's no way to run a business. If we wait until everyone just pays us back then we wouldn't make any money. Does that sound like a good fucking idea to you?"
"N-no."
"Don't fucking ask stupid questions," Dan barked out. "Get the hell out of my sight, Brandon. Ricky, go with him. I don't want to hear shit out you two again today. Fucking idiots. I swear both of were dropped on your damn heads as babies."
"I tried to tell 'em, Pop," Shane said coolly.
"Listen," Dan started calmly. "We aren't sitting back and waiting for anything. You want something, you gotta take it. You got that? Now Derrick owes me money and its past due. Go to his house and find him. It's time to collect. Don't come back home until you have the money. If he doesn't have it rough him up a bit and then bring him to me. He'll work off his debt some fucking way."
Nathan heard his brother's shuffle out of the huge office. He stayed playing with the tiny action figures on the floor. He heard the front door slam loudly shut. His attention went back to the train. He placed The Joker on top of the train. The Joker had just robbed a bank and was trying to get away. He held Batman in his hand as he waited for the train to make its round. He was just about to capture The Joker when he heard his father calling for him.
"Son, come here. I want to show you something."
Nathan stood up hesitantly. "Okay, daddy." He made his way across the office before going around the huge desk. The second he was close enough Dan picked him up and placed him on his lap.
"What's in your hand, Nathan?"
Nathan held his hand open. "Batman. Mommy got him for me."
"Figures," Dan murmured. "You ever see one of these before?"
"Yep," Nathan nodded. "It's a gun."
"You wanna hold it?"
"Cool." He took the gun from his dad and glanced at it. "It's heavy."
"Soon enough you'll be strong enough to hold it. You want one of these?"
Nathan nodded eagerly. The cops on TV used guns to catch bad guys. They always looked so cool to him.
"In a couple of more years you'll be old enough," Dan told him.
"Then can I play with it for real?"
"Yep, just as long as you don't tell your mom that I showed you this. She's been really moody lately but she'll have the baby soon and then she'll be back to normal. Can you keep a secret, son?"
Nathan nodded eagerly once again before grinning at his dad. "Uh-huh."
"This stays between us," Dan smiled. "If you're good then I'll teach you how to shoot this thing real soon."
"Sweet."
"You know of all my boys you remind me of myself."
Dan took hold of the gun and placed it back in his desk.
"And you look just like me," Dan added with a smirk before ruffling Nathan's hair.
"Really?"
"Why do you think you're so handsome?"
Nathan grinned before shrugging. "I don't know. Can I have Batman back now?"
"This Batman toy is for a baby and you're not a baby, huh, son?"
"No, but –"
Dan tossed the toy in the trash. "If you want me to treat you like you're a big boy then you're gonna have to start acting like one. You're not like other kids. You're special. I have big plans for you, Nathan. Big, big plans. One day all of this will be yours."
Nathan glared off into the distance as his dad held him on his lap. He was too angry to say anything. He really liked that toy.
Nathan wasn't sure why he was thinking about that moment now. He needed to focus on the present. He knew that he should be listening to his father and Jimmy. He could hear their voices but the words weren't registering to him. His eyes focused on David across the small room.
David was sitting next to Ian. Both of them were listening intently to the directions being ordered out.
Nathan watched David carefully. Nathan didn't get it. Either David was one hell of a doubt agent or there was something else going on. Nathan just couldn't figure out which it was. He had tried finding more on David but there just wasn't anything there. By all accounts David was a model employee for the FBI. He hadn't been in any kind of trouble before he joined the FBI. His record was clean.
He felt Haley moving in her seat next to him once again. He glanced sideways to look at her. She hadn't really said a word to him since they left Seattle yesterday. Then again it's not like he really wanted to talk either. He studied her. She was leaning back in her chair and her arms were folded across her chest. Her whole body was tense. He noticed the look of distress on her face. He hated that she was feeling this way. He wanted to protect her from this.
When he realized that she wasn't looking up front he quickly followed her line of sight. He felt Haley move closer into him just as his eyes landed on who she had been looking at.
Nathan's eyes narrowed when he noticed Ian leering at her. There was something about the look in Ian's eyes that didn't sit well with Nathan. There was just something menacing about Ian's whole demeanor. It took seconds before Ian noticed him and then look away quickly.
Surely everyone knew they were together by now. Why the hell would Ian be looking at Haley at all? He didn't like it.
Nathan sat back and placed his arm around Haley trying to soothe her. It didn't work. She stayed completely tense throughout the rest of the meeting.
"Any questions?"
"What if this is another dead end?" Alex questioned before going back to looking at her nails.
Andy sighed tiredly. "We keep looking. Everyone head into the locker room and get dressed in your gear quickly. There will be four SWAT vans waiting for us in the back. We leave here in thirty minutes. You stick with your team leader and follow orders. We don't need anyone getting hurt. Follow protocol. We'll be in contact again once we arrive to the location."
Nathan felt like a ball of nerves as he got dressed slowly. He hadn't even realized that just about all the guys were out of the locker room. He placed on his bulletproof vest before reaching for his boots.
"See you out there, man," Lucas mumbled as he played with his phone. Nathan guessed that Lucas was messaging Brooke.
"You want us to wait in here for you?" Julian asked seconds later.
"Yeah, Nate. You look like –"
Nathan shook his head before Clay could finish. Did he look as bad as he felt? "I'll be right down. I just need a minute to clear my head. You guys be safe, okay. Don't do anything stupid once we get there."
"Right back at you."
Haley followed Quinn and Alex out of the locker room. Instead of following them to the elevator she made her way to the men's locker room. Nathan said he'd meet up with her in the hallway if he finished first. He wasn't there. She pushed her way inside and started looking for him. She found him in the middle of lacing up his boots. She took a seat next to him and waited in silence. Her stomach was in knots.
Once he was finished he stood up and held out his hand for her. Her hand was shaking when she took his and stood up. They held hands the whole way down to the lobby.
"What was that about with Ian?" Nathan asked dryly. He couldn't help the slight edge to his voice. He felt like he was missing something.
Haley sighed dejectedly. "The first day we all started working together, I think he sort of hit on me."
"What? And you're just telling me this now?"
"What was I supposed to say? We weren't talking then, Nathan. And I didn't know what to make of it. The guy just rubs me the wrong way. The way he looks at me…" she felt herself shudder. The guy was a creep.
"I'll take care of it," Nathan gritted out. "Fucking punk. He better watch his fucking eyes –"
"Nathan, just leave it. He knows we're together now."
"Yeah, that didn't stop him from gawking at you during the meeting. I can't just leave it if the guy makes you feel uncomfortable. You shouldn't have to put up with that shit. I'm just going to talk to him. You don't need to worry about it anymore. He won't bother you again."
Haley didn't think for a second that Nathan was just going to talk to Ian but now wasn't the time to argue about it. They had much bigger things to worry about.
"Who kept on calling you earlier?"
Haley grimaced. "Brooke and Peyton." Brooke and Peyton had been blowing up her phone like crazy since last night. She didn't bother to answer them. She couldn't. Talking to them would only stress her out more than she already was. Although at this point she wasn't sure that was possible. She was completely terrified.
Haley blew out a deep breath.
"This isn't anything we haven't done before," Nathan pointed out. He could tell something was wrong. He could see the fear in her eyes. She never looked this way before a sting operation.
"I know. I'm just…"
Nathan squeezed her hand in his. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Hales. Just stay next to me and Julian. You'll be safe."
"Do you think we'll capture them today?"
No, his head shouted over and over again. Honestly, since he had gotten the word of Cooper being spotted Nathan hadn't believed it. It seemed too easy. What were the odds that Cooper would just slip up and that all of them were hiding out in Miami? And Nathan couldn't forget about the tip they received from one of their informants about where the Scotts were staying. This was just all too good to be true if you asked him.
He even talked to his dad about all this. But it didn't matter. They still had to check it out.
Nathan felt like there was just something off about this. Why was this happening now? Why had that call come right in the middle of Brooke's engagement party? It's like Dan knew what was going on and he wanted to ruin it. Nathan was very aware that they might all be walking into a huge trap that Dan had set up.
Nathan wasn't sure of anything now. He just wanted to finally catch them. He wanted that badly. He wouldn't get his hopes up though. He learned long ago not to get his hopes up waiting for something to happen. He once had hope that he'd get to start a new life with his Mom and look how that turned out? There just wasn't any point in having hope. Dan always found away of taking it away from him no matter what it was.
"I'm not sure," Nathan mumbled quietly.
Haley felt her heart ready to slam out of her chest as they made it closer to the exit. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she was more terrified than she was now. All she wanted was to place a protective bubble around the three of them. Her whole body started to shake with fear as Nathan pushed the exit door open. He held it open for her to go through first.
"No," Haley rushed out as she dropped his hand. She couldn't bring herself to leave the safety of this building. If she wanted to keep safe then this was the place to be. It was a secure FBI building. She and the baby were safe here. Dan couldn't touch them in here. She had tried her best to block out the images of her time being held captive by Dan since last night. It hadn't worked. She had thought about it constantly and she couldn't let that happen again. Not now. She was going to be a mother. She had to protect their baby. That came before anything else.
Nathan glanced at her confused. "What's wrong?"
"I can't, Nathan. I'm so sorry but I can't go with you. I can't."
Haley watched him intently as he processed her words. It only took seconds before she noticed relief flash across his face. She watched him for minutes. He seemed to be thinking really hard about something. She wondered what it was. Her stomach was in knots as she waited. She felt like she would throw up any minute now.
Nathan was relieved. He couldn't lie about that. His chest felt less heavy knowing that Haley would be safe here. He studied her face for minutes. She was completely terrified of Dan. Her eyes were swirling with worry and fear.
"Do…uh…do you want me to stay with you?" Nathan choked out.
Haley knew that that was probably the hardest thing Nathan ever had to do. She could tell that he had to force the words out of his mouth. He didn't want to stay. He wanted to be the one that took down his biological family. She felt her heart sink in her chest. But he did ask a voice whispered in her head. As hard as it must have been for him, he did ask. Haley knew that Nathan loved her but she wasn't sure it was enough to keep him here no matter what she said. She wasn't prepared to find out which he cared about more, her or catching Dan. She had a feeling that she wouldn't come out on top.
Yes. Her mind kept shouting it over and over. That was all she wanted for him to be safe with her here. She didn't want him going anywhere near somewhere Dan Scott might be. She was terrified of what Nathan might do and she was terrified about what would happen to him. She couldn't lose him. She wanted to explain why she couldn't go. She wanted to tell him that they were having a baby, but she knew that wouldn't be fair. She couldn't tell him now. Nathan was already a nervous wreck no matter how cool he seemed to be on the outside. She knew different. It would only mess with his head and she needed Nathan to be on top of his game.
She couldn't open her mouth. She couldn't move.
They both knew that he was going.
"I have to go," Nathan finally spoke up. "They're waiting for me."
"Be careful. Please just…you have to come back, okay. I love you. You have a future with me, Nathan. I know you don't want to think about the future but we have one together so don't do anything stupid. Please just…come back to me."
"I do love you."
Haley felt his lips on hers a second later. The kiss was soft and over far too quickly. He had kissed her that way before. She remembered that night in Austin when he made love to her like it was the last time. This kiss had been like his kisses that night. It was a goodbye kiss.
She felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't even open her mouth to say anything. Her heart ached painfully in her chest. She placed a hand on her stomach.
"Just in case." Nathan tugged on the chain around his neck that she had bought him. He turned quickly and rushed out the door. If he didn't leave now he never would. He rushed inside the SWAT van. He continued to hold the small cross between his fingers. The van took off seconds later.
Haley stood there by the exit numbly long after Nathan had left. When she finally started thinking clearly she realized that she was back upstairs. She glanced around the room. She watched the movements of the four blue dots on the huge screen.
"Okay. We make our move in less than a minute. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."
Haley breathed deeply at the sound of Andy's voice blaring through the speakers. The room she was currently in was surrounded by tech guys, a few other agents, and her father. She heard her dad talking back to Andy but she couldn't focus enough to make out the words. She was too damn nervous.
Haley wasn't sure how long the silence lasted in that room. The room was filled with tension as they all waited to hear back from Andy. Time moved so slowly that Haley felt like the call would never come. She was so sick with worry that she emptied out her stomach and dry heaved. Her father stayed by her side trying to comfort her.
She was sitting on the floor with her head resting on her knees when Andy's voice filled the room once again. She quickly glanced up to listen better. She felt her father squeeze her hand. No matter what Andy said she wouldn't feel better until she could actually see Nathan. That was the only thing that would help her at this point.
"What happened?" Haley asked frantically.
"I'm fine," Julian grumbled. "That fucker caught me off guard is all."
"It's a clean cut. The Doc stitched him up. He's fine," Lucas promised.
"I'm so glad you're all okay," Haley mumbled gratefully. "I was so worried."
"I was surprised when we couldn't find you. Your dad said you got sick."
Haley glanced down. "Yeah. I just couldn't…"
"Man, that fucking guy jumped right out and just slammed that damn knife into my arm. It went right through my uniform."
"He's on pain meds," Lucas chuckled.
Haley kept her eyes glued to Julian. He had a huge bandage around his upper arm where the stitches were. They had filled her in on what happened. The Scotts hadn't been in the house they raided but it hadn't been empty either. Some local idiots were running a meth lab there. They tried to run but eventually they had all been captured. They were all currently being questioned. Luckily no one had been really hurt.
They had come here for nothing. The local cops could've handled the raid.
Haley folded her arms across her chest as she stayed by Julian's side until Lucas had taken him away. Julian needed some rest. Haley reluctantly left the empty room and made her way down the hall to where she had last seen Nathan. He had hugged her briefly before going interrogate some of the guys they captured. She found him in one of the conference rooms with Andy and Clay. There was another guy in there with them but she hadn't seen him before.
The guy was holding up the picture of Cooper and looking at it intently. Nathan was leaning his palms against one of the chairs as he waited. Clay was sitting on top of the table. Andy was the only one sitting down. They were all making her nervous.
Haley slowly walked to Nathan's side. She couldn't help how relieved she was. She could finally breathe again. Nathan was okay. She placed her hand over his.
"What's going on?" Haley whispered to him.
Nathan shrugged helplessly before glancing away from her. "Those fuckers claim to have no idea about Dan. They say they never heard of him."
"It's definitely a copy of the original," Mike spoke up.
Clay threw up his hands. "And what the fuck does that mean?"
"It means that this isn't the original picture of Cooper, dumbass. This is a copy, which means that someone could've changed the time and date on it."
"So basically we have no idea when this picture was actually taken," Andy mumbled.
"Yeah, basically."
"Fuck," Nathan barked. "I knew this was –"
"Nathan, stay calm. We knew this was a possibility," Andy said evenly. "Look, we'll stay in Miami for the night and then fly back to Seattle first thing in the morning. It's late. We should get some rest."
"There has to be more to this."
Haley could only focus on Nathan. He looked livid. She wasn't sure what to say to make him relax. She didn't even know if anything she said would work. Nathan just looked…distant. She wasn't sure she'd be able to reach him.
Haley tossed and turned. She had felt Nathan leave their hotel bed over an hour ago and he still hadn't returned. She couldn't fall asleep without him. Nathan had been tense and quiet all night. He hadn't wanted to talk about it. She hadn't pushed him. She was just so exhausted. The whole day had been emotionally draining. She had drifted off to sleep for a little while but it hadn't been for long. She was too worried about Nathan. She just wanted Nathan to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay.
She needed him to talk to her. She wasn't sure what was going on inside that head of his. It was like he was closed off once again. She hated it.
She checked the time on her phone before reluctantly tossing the covers off of her. She walked quietly across the room. She found Nathan on the sofa with a file in his hands. The coffee table in front of him was filled with sheets of paper. There was also an open bottle of Scotch. She felt her heart ache. He looked so exhausted and yet he was still up looking over the Scott case files once again. He was a mess.
She made her way over to him and sat down right next to him. He was tapping his foot steadily on the floor. She placed her hand on his bouncing knee. She noticed that more than half of the bottle of Scotch was gone.
"You okay?" Haley asked quietly.
"I have to be missing something," Nathan stated in frustration. "There's something that I'm missing here. He wanted us here for a reason. I just haven't figured out why."
Haley's brows knit together. "He?"
"Dan," Nathan bit out harshly. "This is a fucking game to him. You don't know him like I do. He wanted us here in Miami for a reason. He knew the second that we found that surveillance footage of Cooper that we'd come running. Now the only question is why? They're obviously long gone, that is if they were even fucking here to begin with. Fuck. What am I missing?"
"Nathan," Haley whispered painfully. She placed her hand on his cheek. He didn't move an inch. She forced him to look at her. He just looked so angry and frustrated. She tried to smooth out the hard lines on his face before she kissed him softly. She could taste the Scotch on his lips. "Just come to bed. I can't sleep without you and I just want you to hold me. Today has just been really hard for everyone and I need you. We'll figure this all out –"
"I need to figure this out now, Haley. I'll be to bed soon. I just have to figure this out now. I need to focus. I'm missing something. I know it."
Haley felt her heart sink when he turned back to the file and went back to reading. She sat there for minutes just watching him. It was like she wasn't even there next to him. She bit her lip nervously before placing her hand on his bouncing knee once again.
"Please…"
"Dammit, Haley," Nathan barked. "I'm busy here. I need to figure this out before they get too far away. I don't need to be distracted right now. Just give me some damn space."
"I get that you're upset but –"
"I'm not upset," Nathan gritted out. "I'm just trying to get a little work done. You're always distracting me from what I should be doing. I don't have time for this. I can't give you what you need right now. I can't just come to bed and pretend that everything is okay. It's not."
Haley stood up and placed her hands on her hips. "I'm distracting you?" It only pissed her off more when he ignored her and went back to looking at the file. "Answer me, Nathan! Is that what I am, a fucking distraction?"
"What the hell do you want from me, huh?" Nathan shouted as he stood up. "I have to find them. They're always one fucking step ahead of me no matter how close I get. I need to find them. Can't you understand that? I'll be to bed soon. I just…"
"Don't bother," Haley warned. She made her way to the bathroom and slammed the door shut before locking it. It was only then that she allowed her tears to fall. Would it always be like this, her having to fight for Nathan against Dan Scott, a man who wasn't even there? Why did she feel like Dan would always win? Nathan had looked like a man possessed just minutes ago.
Haley knew that Nathan had been obsessed with finding Dan but she had never, ever seen him like that before. Was she really just a distraction? She wiped the tears from her eyes. She hated it here. She just wanted to go home. She sat herself down on the floor and waited for the crying to be over. Seconds later she heard him banging on the bathroom door.
"Come on, Hales. Open up. I'm sorry."
Haley closed her eyes and waited for him to stop. He continued banging on the door.
"Dammit, Haley. Open the damn door. I didn't mean it. I'm just really stressed."
She tried to block out the banging but it was just so loud. "Just go away."
"Dammit!"
Haley heard him slam his palm against the door one more time before it stopped. Then there was just unwanted silence that surrounded her.
Nathan's whole body ached. He felt something kicking his leg softly. He tried to push whatever it was away but that didn't work. He continued to feel something tapping his leg every few seconds. Then he heard two people laughing.
His eyes flew open and he took in his surroundings. Lucas and Clay were standing a few feet away from him, both of them sipping on coffee. Clay had an extra cup in his hand. Nathan blinked a few times. Why the hell was his body aching so much? It was then he realized that he had fallen asleep sitting up on the floor by the bathroom door. His neck and back were killing him. His whole fucking body was killing him. His head was pounding.
"What the hell did you do?" Clay chuckled.
Lucas shook his head. "You've been like that all night?"
"Fuck," Nathan mumbled as he tried to move. It took a lot of effort and the help of Lucas before he was on his feet. He stretched before turning to the door. "Haley." Thankfully the door wasn't locked like it had been last night. He walked inside quickly. It was empty. He turned to the bed but it was already made. Haley's bag wasn't in the spot where he last seen it.
"She's the one that let us in," Clay grinned. "What happened, Nathan?"
"Where is she?" Nathan rushed out. "I fucked up last night. I let my anger with Dan get the best of me and I got drunk…where is she?"
"She's on the way to the airport with Julian and Jimmy. Speaking of, we need to leave real soon or we'll miss the plane. Get your shit ready."
"Fuck," Nathan hissed out. "I'm a fucking…did she say anything before she left?"
"Not a word."
"Mother fucker!"
"I'm sure it'll be okay."
"I don't think so, man. And wait until I get my fucking hands on Ian," Nathan added angrily.
Nathan was utterly miserable the whole way to the airport. Clay and Lucas made fun of him the whole time. It took all he had not to hit the both of them. He knew they were only joking around but this just wasn't the time. He had really fucked up last night and he wasn't even sure if Haley would forgive him. How the fuck was that funny?
It seemed to take forever to get to the airport and even longer before they boarded the plane. Everyone seemed to be on it but them. Nathan searched for Haley.
He noticed her sitting in between her father and Julian. Julian was asleep but Jimmy wasn't. Haley was reading a book. He wasn't surprised. That's what she usually did. He knew that he should just leave it alone for now and take a seat next to Clay but he couldn't. There was a reason that she was sitting next to her father and Julian. He knew it wasn't exactly the best idea but he walked towards them anyway. He stood awkwardly in the walkway. Haley didn't even glance up from her book.
Nathan's head continued to pound in pain.
Jimmy shook his head before pulling down his glasses. "Can I help, son?"
"I, uh…Haley? Can I talk to you before the plane takes off? You just left this –"
Haley looked up from her book. He gulped when she finally looked at him. It definitely was a bad idea to try and talk to her right now, he thought. The fact that Jimmy kept looking between the two of them wasn't helping matters.
"I didn't want to distract you," Haley stated coldly.
"Am I missing something?" Jimmy wondered. "I thought you two kids were –"
"No, Dad, it's fine. Nathan was just going back to his seat." Haley glared at him one last time before going back to reading her book. It was obvious that she wasn't going to talk to him now.
Jimmy sent him an apologetic look before placing his glasses back on. Nathan sighed before making his way back towards Clay and Lucas. They were both laughing loudly. He glared at the two of them before deciding to sit next to his dad. If he sat next to those two idiots then he'd end up kicking both their asses.
Andy looked up from his phone. "You okay?"
"Great," Nathan muttered before sinking down in his seat. They couldn't get back to Seattle fast enough. His head and his body continued to throb. Why the hell did he keep fucking everything up? Why couldn't he just let it go?
"Well, you look great," Andy teased. "You wanna talk about it?"
"Dad," Nathan sighed miserably. "Just…not now." He didn't need his dad trying to make him feel better. He didn't deserve to feel better, not after the way he acted last night. His dad would be disappointed if he knew. It was the story of his life. He always found a way to screw everything up. No surprise there, Nathan. Dan would be proud.
Nathan couldn't take it anymore. He needed to see Haley. After arriving back in Seattle he had spent time with his family. Beth, Brooke, and Noah were all happy that they were home safely. Nathan was sure that both Beth and Brooke hadn't been able to sleep much. They both looked exhausted. The house looked the same way it had when they left in the middle of the engagement party. They were both probably too worried to do anything but wait for them to get home. Brooke hadn't let go of Lucas since they walked through the door.
As much as he loved his family he didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Haley.
Haley had left the airport with her family without saying a word to him. He didn't blame her. He had taken his anger and frustration out on her and he shouldn't have done that. She didn't deserve that. He had just been so frustrated with Dan always playing these mind games with him. Drinking hadn't helped matters. He hadn't meant what he said. He needed her to know that.
He knocked hesitantly, not daring to use the key he still had.
It was minutes before the door finally opened. He shoved his hands in his pockets when he noticed her. She looked half asleep. She had a small blanket wrapped around her. Their eyes locked. He searched his mind for some kind of apology but he couldn't find the right words. I'm sorry just didn't seem like enough at this point. He kept fucking up.
Haley pushed the door fully open before walking back inside. He followed her quietly. Once they were in her room, Nathan stood there awkwardly by the door. Haley got back into bed and covered herself up before turning to her side. He stood there for minutes not sure what to do. She had let him in and that was a good thing he figured. He walked slowly to his side of the bed before taking off his clothes. He slipped into bed next to her. When she didn't object he moved up right behind her before wrapping his arm around her. It felt so good to hold her again. His eyes snapped shut when he breathed in the smell of her hair. Vanilla. He missed that smell all day today.
"I'm sorry. I know I sound like a broken record. I just mess up a lot, okay. Dan…he just brings out the worst in me. He always has. I don't know why I keep letting him. I'm sorry that I keep letting you down. I don't want to do that anymore."
He waited for her to say something. Nothing came. Silence surrounded them. He felt his heart beating a mile a minute as he waited for some kind of response from her. Then finally she took hold of his hand. She placed both their hands on her stomach. Her steady breathing filled his ears once again. She had been sleeping. He sighed before closing his eyes once again. At least she let him in and allowed him to hold her tonight. He was going to make this up to her. That was his last thought before sleep claimed him.
When he woke up the next morning the bed was empty. He sat up before glancing around the room. There was no sign of her. His heart sank in his chest. He got out of bed before going to look for her. He didn't have to go far. He heard her showering running. He pushed his way inside the bathroom before shutting the door. He took off his boxers before making his way inside the shower with her.
He couldn't remember how many times they started off the morning this way. That had been back when they were just sleeping together and sneaking around.
He took in the sight of her wet and naked backside. Every part of her was perfect. He took a few more steps before making it behind her. He pushed their bodies close together. He placed his hands carefully on her hips before kissing her shoulder. He felt her hands over his before she moved them to her stomach. They stayed like that for a while.
They took a long shower together in silence. It was nice and relaxing. Haley got out first. He stayed inside and let the hot water run over his body. He needed a minute to himself. The fact that Haley hadn't spoken a word to him was starting to worry him. He wasn't sure what to make of her silence and that scared him.
Haley was sitting on the sofa when he walked out of her room.
"Hey," Nathan smiled when he noticed her. She was in her robe. She had dried her hair and it was hanging down in loose curls. She hadn't put on any makeup yet. She was absolutely breathtaking. The look on her face worried him.
"We need to talk, Nathan."
"Yeah," Nathan agreed hesitantly. He took a seat next to her before he turned to face her. Haley looked nervous. She was looking at him but he could tell that she wasn't really looking at him. She was thinking about something. "What is it, Hales?"
"I have something really important to tell you," Haley started.
Nathan noticed her hands shaking and he quickly took hold of them. "Let me apologize first. You were sleeping last night when I did and I just need to say this. I had no right to talk to you the way that I did. I hate myself for the way I acted. I love you, Haley. You're the most important person in my life now. I know I let my anger with Dan control me sometimes and –"
"Why?" Haley wondered. "Why do you let it?"
"I can't help it. I've felt this way for so long that I don't know how not to feel this way. It's just always been there. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I'm such a mess. I know you didn't sign up for all this extra crap."
"It's always gonna be like this, isn't it?"
"No," Nathan rushed out. He didn't know who he was trying to convince, her or himself. He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't buying it. He dropped one of her hands before pushing her hair behind her ear. "It won't always be like this, Hales."
"I want to believe you but…"
Nathan sealed their lips together quickly. His eyes snapped shut the second her mouth opened for him. He kissed her slowly, making sure to explore every inch of her mouth. This felt right. Everything about them together felt right. They were just kissing and he felt lightheaded. It was easy to get lost in the amazing feelings she invoked in him. He couldn't lose that. He reluctantly pulled away minutes later. He watched her start to lick her lips and he couldn't help but kiss her softly one more time.
"Did you mean what you said before?" Haley asked timidly.
Nathan nodded before squeezing her hand in his. He brushed his thumb against her knuckles as they gazed at each other.
"Even about me being the most important person in your life?"
"I meant every word, Haley. You are the most important person in my life. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you. I know I mess up a lot and this stuff with Dan is a lot for you to deal with but please just don't give up on me."
"Nathan, I told you that I wouldn't do that." Haley bit her bottom lip nervously.
"Trust me as soon as we capture Dan and the rest of them things will be different," Nathan promised.
"What if you never find them?"
Nathan looked away from her. "I will. I won't stop looking."
"But what if you can't? What if he's taken off and he doesn't surface ever again?"
"He will. You don't know him like I do. Now that he knows that I'm alive and after everything…he won't just go away. Trust me. I'll never be rid of him –"
"What if there was another way…"
Nathan glanced up at her confused. "What do you mean?"
"What if there was another way for you to get rid of Dan and just live your life –"
"There isn't. He's not gonna go away. What happened in Miami is proof of that. He wanted us there for a reason, Haley. This is all some game to him and I was just stupid enough to…he's not gonna just go away," Nathan repeated in frustration.
Haley continued biting her bottom lip nervously. She felt her heart ready to explode out of her chest. She had been doing a lot of thinking since yesterday. She had a lot of time to think about things. Her hands were trembling. She swallowed hard before squeezing his hand.
"Let's run away together. We can get away from all of this and just be together. We wouldn't have to worry about anything. They'll never find us. It'll just be us and the…let's just run away together, Nathan."
