Chapter 53
"Oh my gosh Mom! You have to come see the inside of the church!… It's so beautiful and they're almost ready to light the candles! The florist just finished!" Nicki gushed as she hurried back up the stairs to the second floor of the main house where Hailey and Kara had also dressed in their dark blue gowns that bordered on the edge of midnight with an amethyst hue in the shimmer. "I love the flowers that Eddie picked!… Our bouquets are waiting downstairs. Eileen and her assistant said they would be ready to do the photos with the bridesmaids down in the garden in a few minutes whenever Eddie's ready. She has all-white lilies and ours are deep purple and orange with light green and all different textures with these cute little button things... Lillian says they have eucalyptus, scabiosa stellata, yarrow and hyper… hypericum in them," she ticked off on her fingers. "I want the exact same thing when I get married!"
"Okay, well we are certainly not having that conversation today!" Erin continued to sniff while she rolled her eyes a little and teared up again as she looked behind her in the mirror at Nicki's excited face and continued to adjust her own makeup. "You'll change your mind on that a million times between now and then and I can only handle the thought of marrying off one baby of the family at a time, please! I know I'm just going to bawl my eyes out the minute I see Jamie standing up there, I can't help it! This new waterproof mascara better live up to the hype!"
"The hall looks fantastic too, I just came back up with Eva… rust colored tablecloths with light gold plates and orange carnations, those little purple and green cabbages around black lanterns with white candles," Linda confirmed. "Such a beautiful color palette for a fall wedding. It almost makes me want to get married again," she laughed and then finished with a small sigh. "I won't have a girl to do this with so you'll have to share Nicki when the time comes."
"Well, there's always time to make one of your own," Erin added suggestively with a sly smile. It had been obvious to all in the past few months that Danny and Linda had been able to rekindle their relationship to a large degree which of course opened them back up to the normal family ribbing in that department.
"Bite your tongue, Erin Reagan," Linda tutted as she paused for a second at that thought before shaking her head and turning to look out the window down at the garden where Eddie was now sitting in the shady gazebo swing rocking Kaylin who was napping with her head on her lap while Hailey and Kara were leaning back up against the railings and standing ever present for moral support. Despite the apparent ceasefire offered by Eva when she returned with Frank to the rehearsal dinner the previous night, mother and daughter had yet to dispel all the tension between them and instead of addressing it the older woman had busied herself with the particulars of the venue while Eddie likewise ignored the strife and occupied herself with getting ready as the hairstylist had also just finished with everyone a short time ago.
"I think those days are long gone," she attempted to convince even as she felt a familiar sad twinge tugging at her heart. "But Pop's already taking bets on how soon we'll get the news that Kaylin will be expecting a new little brother or sister. I say Eddie's pregnant within the year… by their first anniversary at the latest. She mentioned once that she wanted her kids close in age."
"I took this Christmas," Nicki confessed as she reapplied her lipstick only to pause when the two older woman stopped to stare at her. "What? I'm nineteen! I know where babies come from! Besides Grandpa already has Valentine's Day!"
"Tell him to put me down for Thanksgiving," Erin snickered as she finished her look with a couple of spritzes of hairspray. "I have a feeling there will be some serious cuddling going on during the honeymoon… you know conserving body heat and all. Maybe that was part of his grand plan."
"I tried to warn her," Linda sighed. "Never let a Reagan man plan a vacation on his own. That's the last thing she needs to worry about right now though… I just wish she could work things out with her mom before the ceremony. I tried to get Eva to go talk to her now while they were sitting in the garden but I'm not sure she will… I think she's embarrassed about what happened yesterday and afraid she'll just upset Eddie again so as far as I know Henry will still be walking her down the aisle."
"Well at least she's here. Mom and I had our own ups and downs before my wedding," Erin admitted. "She thought I was too young to know what I wanted, and she was probably right about that, but she never made me feel like I wouldn't have her support."
"Mine wasn't thrilled that I was marrying a cop, but I didn't really care what she thought at the time… it's not like my family's ever been close. She was only ever concerned with my sister, anyway."
"Well my mom's not going to be like that, right?" Nicki asked impishly as she reached over and hugged Erin. "Just think, you were only two years older than I am right now when you married Dad."
"Again, take note of the ensuing disaster and remember I said Grandma Mary was right about me being too young to know what I wanted, but I don't regret any of it," she acknowledged as she embraced her daughter back. "You are the best thing I ever did with my life."
"Uh oh, incoming!" Linda gasped as she glanced out the window once more and spotted Eva walking with firm conviction on the path directly towards the gazebo. "Nicki, run downstairs and tell Lillian and the photographer to hold off on going out in the garden until it's clear. It looks like Eddie and Eva are going to need some space."
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"Edit, may I have a word with you?" Eva Janko's voice rang out through the quiet garden air that had remained unspoiled for the most part aside from the twittering of birds and gentle squeak of the gazebo swing's chain. Hailey and Kara had departed a few minutes ago to give Eddie the space she needed to think while she slowly rocked Kaylin who had fallen asleep laying on the bench with her head on her mother's lap. The already beautifully dressed little flower girl was tired after a busy few days and had uncharacteristically soothed herself with her thumb in her mouth, providing a beautiful unscripted portrait of the bride and her daughter that the photographer had been frantically trying to capture undisturbed with her long lens after she spotted them, as the perfect backlighting and foliage behind the pair enhanced the dramatic shot and the resulting images would win several major awards to put Eileen Weiss Photography on the map.
But that's not what had been on Eddie's mind the last few minutes.
Instead as she was taking this quiet time to gather herself, her thoughts were not on her own imminent wedding to the love of her life which was really just a matter of a formal ceremony at this point, but rather what it would be like for Kaylin if she was so blessed years from now… about what kind of mother would see her through that special time. Would this now innocent little girl likewise be fingering a stunning old sapphire necklace meant to hold her grandmother's spirit close on that day, or would there be something else in its place as a symbol of her own missing mother? Eddie was not naive to the fact that both she and Jamie held a job that was dangerous or that so many other fates could come into play in the years between now and then. If she was indeed present that day when Kaylin would be nervously anticipating that first dance with her intended, what would their relationship be like? As a bride would she be anxiously glancing over at someone standing there with tears in her eyes as she encouraged her beautiful baby girl to take that next big step in her wonderful journey, or instead would there be tension running under everything as Kaylin prayed that her mother would not take it upon herself to ruin what should be the happiest day of her life to that point.
That would be determined by hundreds of thousands of moments like this, Eddie decided as she pushed the swing just a little harder… moments in the years ahead when she and this sleeping little girl would laugh, fight and cry together as all mothers and daughters do… when Kaylin would come home from school with a problem or a broken heart and try to play her daddy's girl card off and Eddie would have to remain firm, or when Jamie would get that protective look in his eye when his daughter came around with a boy he didn't like… or any boy for that matter knowing how he was, and Eddie would have to quiet him with a careful touch or word before he said or did something to cause strife. So many potential points in time of love and conflict… and Eddie was looking forward to each and every one of them. If that was so, where had things gone upside down for her and her own mother she pondered as she remembered many happy times from when she was younger… picnics at the beach and parties, vacations with her parents when they seemed to be in love before a gradual drift separated them and things grew colder as that light went out between the two, extinguished fully when news of his arrest proved to be the last straw.
"Edit," her mother tried to catch her attention again. "May I sit with you?" she pressed.
Eddie acknowledged her this time without a word and simply moved some of the fabric of her gown out of the way to make room until there they were… three generations sitting in the soft afternoon light of the gazebo, dressed to the nines and swinging slowly back and forth.
"You are simply beautiful today," Eva began in attempt to make an inroad.
"You too, Mom," Eddie offered in truth. Although likewise shorter in stature, her petite mother had always made a rather stunning figure with the classic model lines that she had failed to inherit.
"Yes, but I am not the one everyone should be looking at today," Eva reminded.
Well, let's hope not anyway, Eddie thought to herself without responding out loud while she considered her mother's propensity to seek out ways to be the center of attention in situations like this as she continued to keep a protective hand on Kaylin's back and paused to pull the little curled hair tendrils away from the front of her face so that they wouldn't tickle her awake just yet.
"She reminds me so very much of you, my lány," Eva admitted quietly with a small sniff as she looked over at the little sleeping blond girl. "I wish now that we could go back to that time, remember? You and I would spend two weeks down at the shore in the summer in that house off the point when you weren't much older... and you would wear yourself out chasing seagulls and the neighbor's little boys across the beach before we would go sit up on the porch in the shade and you would take a nap every afternoon just like that."
"You, me and Dad," Eddie corrected her mother's attempt to rewrite history. "We all spent those vacations down there, and yes I remember how happy they were. So should you."
"Indeed," Eva agreed with a heavy sigh. "It is hard for me to admit sometimes, but your father and I… we did have some good years."
"It shouldn't be that way… hard I mean," Eddie replied. "Although it is for me too sometimes," she admitted honestly. "Before we were partners… I didn't want anything to do with Daddy anymore, but Jamie kept pestering me to go visit him, and then that time he was in the hospital after the fight in the prison last summer we were able to talk. It made it better… I was just so sure he was that bad person I'd spent the last however many years convincing myself he was, but I was wrong… he's still the same as he was before in a lot of ways and had done the right thing. I had to let go of being angry at him all the time," she hesitated before adding another revelation. "He called me this morning, you know. Daddy said congratulations, and he wished me a wonderful day," she choked as so far none of this had been offered by her mother who was sitting aside of her and not currently incarcerated and so shouldn't have such a pointed reason to hate cops or disapprove of her choices. "He said he was proud of me and he was sorry he wasn't here to walk me in. Imagine that, huh?" she poked at what she knew to be a hugely sore spot without fear.
"Edit Katalin Janko," her mother muttered as she pursed her lips and for once successfully fought an internal battle not to say something rude when her ex-husband was brought up in that manner. "I…" she started.
"I've been sitting here thinking," Eddie interrupted as she refused to take a backseat in this conversation like so many wasted times before and renewed their even swinging motion with a firm push of her legs. "I've been thinking about Kaylin and what it will be like on her wedding day… about what kind of mother she will need for that… about what kind of mother I want to be for her whole life," she offered. "I can't imagine a reason big enough that I wouldn't be honored to stand up with her if Jamie couldn't... as long as she was marrying a good, kind person and was happy… and let's face it, the Reagans and I would have scared away any other type long before we got to that point," she offered with a small huff.
"So what you are saying is that you don't want to be a mother like me," Eva replied back with hurt evident in her voice.
"No, I'm saying I want to be a mom like you can be," Eddie reiterated. "Like you really were before all of this happened with Dad and you got bitter about everything… when we were happy. I know we always had some differences, but there's so much more to be thankful about. You're here, Mom… Jamie and his family would give almost anything to have Mary with them today and yet you're willing to push it all away because you're afraid of losing something that's already gone. I'm not a little girl anymore and I'm not gonna be that daughter you can use as an excuse to stay angry at Dad. I don't like what he did, but I've made my peace and I'm ready to move on. I really wish you could do that too," she added as a few tears finally started to fall. "Kaylin doesn't have another grandmother… please, Mom, for her… be her Nagyanya. I want you to be my Anya, too… don't be alone anymore. I still love you, Mom."
"Edit Katalin Janko… soon-to-be-a Reagan," Eva sighed with her acceptance before ending with a small smile as she grasped her daughter's hand and nodded as her heart grew back three sizes that day. "I will try, my lány. I do so love you and this little one… I know that Jamison is the one for you, baby, and if that means I must accept the rest to make you happy, then I will. I cannot promise that I'll be perfect, but I must try… for my család… my family," she trailed off before adding the words that made Eddie's heart sing.
"Szeretlek, baby… I love you and I will be proud to stand with my beautiful daughter as she is married today."
Thank goodness, right? Again thanks to lawslave for her suggestions on the topic of that E vs. E chat. Eva Janko might just have a big opportunity in the next installment to prove herself to be the kind of mom her family will need including for a somewhat reluctant new son-in-law who could be in the market for some of her own special brand of tough love at that point. Next though, the big moment finally arrives!
