Chapter 44

It was June before James Potter finally cornered Hermione on her way back to her dorms. And in all honesty, it was something she never planned on having to talk to her brother about.

It had been a relatively busy month, what with her older friends beginning their OWLs and studying for it constantly. Even James and Sirius, who she was certain never opened a book in their life, managed to crack down and get in some studying. At least more studying than she ever expected that they would do.

"I need to talk to you, Hermione," James said, with a sense of urgency; enough so that she was left panicking, wondering what it was that James possibly had to say that was so important. "Not here," he said, looking around, as he dragged her toward an empty classroom.

"What's wrong?" she asked, fearing the worst. Despite the rising tensions in the wizarding world, there hadn't been anything that happened in the past few days. Had something happened to her parents? Was that what James had pulled her aside to talk about? "Has something happened to Mum and Dad?"

James shook his head quickly, "It's nothing like that Hermione. I just wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" she said, fear leaving her.

He slumped slightly. "I don't know how to say this," he said softly, running his fingers through his hair. "This isn't easy for me."

"What is it," she pushed.

"Do you have feelings for Draco?" he asked after a moment.

"What?" she spluttered out, never expecting her brother to have asked her that. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Do you?" He pushed again.

"Of course not," she scoffed, trying to push aside the panic that was filling her chest. If her brother, who despite being overprotective of her, could be rather oblivious to matters of the heart, had noticed, then who else had? And more importantly, had Draco noticed?

"You do," he said, without taking his eyes off of her. "You know, this is the second time in our lives that you've ever lied to me?"

She looked down, not wanting to meet her brother's eyes.

"I understood the first time. Merlin knows Sirius and I have been in more than enough trouble in our life time, and if you couldn't talk about it, then I'm sure you had an important reason for it." James said softly. "But why are you denying the truth about this?"

"Because I can't have feelings for him!" she said suddenly. "You don't understand, Jamie. It would ruin everything if something went wrong. And there's more important things at stake than my feelings for him. Like our-" she hesitated, "our friendship. It's too important to risk over feelings he probably doesn't even reciprocate."

"You and I both know that even if something went wrong, Draco would still be there for you. Nothing could stop that boy from being in your life. Not even if you told him you cared for him," James said softly, tilting her head up.

She didn't say anything at that, and how could she? She loved her brother, but she couldn't tell him the truth. She hadn't ruled out telling her family one day; they did deserve to know, and she trusted them more than anything. But she couldn't tell them; not yet. And until she could, how could her brother even possibly begin to understand what it was that she was feeling, or the amount of conflict running through her head on a constant basis? How could he understand that it was more complicated than her feelings for him? How could she make him understand how much was at stake without telling him the truth?

She knew it was unfair to him; he needed to know, and until he did, he wouldn't ever truly understand how she felt on a constant basis. He wouldn't understand the fear coursing through her at any given basis. How she tried so hard to be Peter's friend, yet she still saw her brother's murderer when she looked at him. How she couldn't even be in the same room as Bellatrix without having a panic attack. How she had no idea where half the remaining horcruxes were, no did she have any idea how to even destroy them if she had them. How she knew that this time around, it would be up to her and Draco to fight Voldemort in the end, and she was so afraid of what would happen when that day came. And if they failed, the future they tried so hard to prevent would come to pass anyways, regardless.

"He cares about you too, Hermione," James said, mistaking her silence for mere fear about her feelings for Draco.

But despite her fear about the future, she knew he did have a point about her fear for telling him the truth. Because despite living until her twenties and then living an additional few years in this time, she still had the mind of a teenager. All those stupid insecurities about romance and her feelings plagued her, and she was terrified that if she told him she cared for him and he didn't return her feelings, she'd be left heartbroken.

"I don't like it," James said after a moment. "I don't like thinking about you in a relationship, because you're my baby sister. I remember holding your hand when we went to that muggle fair when you were four. I remember teaching you how to fly and you holding me tightly the entire time. I remember reading to you when you were too young to read. I don't want to think of you in a relationship because it means you're growing up. But I love you, and I know that you have feelings for Draco Black, even if you don't know how to admit it to yourself. And I know that beyond anything, he has feelings for you too. The two of you have always been close, closer than you've been with the rest of your friends. I'm not surprised you have feelings for him. I want you to be happy, Hermione. And he makes you happy."

"I just wish it was that simple," she sighed. "I wish it was only about my feelings for him, and then maybe I could do something about it. But it's so much more than that."

He pulled her into a hug, and she held him tightly, "It'll be okay," he whispered, "And I'll be here for you through it all. Whatever happens, good or bad, I'll be there to support you."

She held on tightly to her older brother, taking comfort in his embrace and his words.

She may have feelings for Draco Malfoy. But that very much did not mean that she had to do anything about it.


Whatever feelings Severus Snape might have held for Lily had long since faded from when he were younger.

It was hard not for him to confuse the love he felt for her. How could he not, when he didn't love very many people in his life until that point? His father was hard to love; always drunk and angry, and far too quick to take out his anger on anyone who disappointed him. And Severus disappointed him on a constant basis as a child, half the time simply for existing.

He loved his mother in a way. She wasn't outwardly abusive. She never said a negative word to him, nor did she ever hurt him the same way his father was so quick to do. But she never stopped it either. She never made sure he was alright after one of his father's drunken episodes, nor did she defend him during one. She never checked to see if his wounds were healing correctly or try and heal him using magic.

When she found out he got his Hogwarts letter, she had a look of disappointment on her face; she had wanted him to be normal, and he had proved to be anything but once more.

But then had come along Lily Evans. She had been so pure, so filled with love. And he loved her more than anything. She never had judged him for being different; instead she had been astounded, wanting to learn everything he knew about magic.

He knew he probably was slightly at fault for Petunia Evan's distaste for her sister. But Petunia already had the look of jealousy in her eye when he met her. He knew it only would have been a matter of time before her jealousy trumped her love for her sister.

Lily was heartbroken by it, and how could she not be?

He loved Lily Evans, and he had been heartbroken for her, never wanting her to know the same pain he knew from having family despise him. He wanted her life to be happy and to continue to be pure.

It had been easy for him to think he was in love with her; that is until he met Hermione Potter and grew to love her in the same way. He loved them both; wanting to keep them safe and free of harm. Hermione Potter who he had been so quick to judge for her brother's misdeeds. Hermione Potter who didn't care that he was a Slytherin or a half-blood. Hermione Potter who wormed her way into his heart despite it all.

He loved them both, and for the first time, he realized it wasn't that he was in love with either of them, but that he loved them wholeheartedly. That they were his family long before he had become Severus Prince and met his grandparents.

And he had grown to care for others too in the past few years. The younger Black cousins, who despite their pureblood status, looked up to him and asked him for help without feeling the need to boast about how much purer they were than him, as some of the others often took to doing. Lupin, who despite having a horrid condition, never lashed out on others or used it as an excuse for falling behind a few days a month. Even Potter and Black, the elders, who he had hated for his first year, had become something of acquaintances to him. There was still teasing, and Merlin knew he was aware that it would never stop. But the two teased everyone, especially Hermione Potter and Draco Black. It had been their way of letting them know they cared.

But Peter Pettigrew had always struck him as a strange addition to the group. He wasn't studious like Lupin or Hermione. Nor was he athletic like Black and Potter. He wasn't particularly exceptional at any one thing, and yet no one seemed to care how out of place he was at times with the rest of them. He knew that Hermione offered to tutor him more than once, and every now and then he took her up on it. And he knew that James and Sirius never excluded him from their games of quidditch when they played outside of school. Nor was he ever excluded from pranks, despite not contributing much to them intellectually as the other boys all did. He was just there.

He didn't miss the flashes of disappointment on the boy's face when Remus left him to go study with Hermione, Severus and Lily. Or when Sirius and James got into detention without him for something they didn't include him in. Or when teachers always seemed to give him pitying looks when they handed back the boy's assignments.

He was an outsider, something Severus was all too familiar with. And he could see the anger that flashed on the boy's face from time to time, more so as the years drew on. He could tell that it was really only a matter of time before the boy lashed out. That it was only really a matter of time before he either found his own niche, or he lashed out on his friends for being 'lesser'.

But he had been surprised still when Peter did.


Hermione smiled to herself as she saw her brother come out of the Great Hall, having finished his OWL exam in Defense Against the Dark Arts. She knew he hadn't been worried about it; why would he be when it was one of the subjects that came naturally to him? He was so like Harry in that sense, that it made her heart burst just thinking about her friend and how he would have loved to have known even that small comparison to his father.

She would tell him one day; of all the ways he was similar to his parents. Even if it didn't make the same impact on him, she would make sure he knew every day just how loved he was.

"What did you think of question ten, Moony?" she heard Sirius ask as her brother greeted her with a bright smile. She could see Lily and Severus walking behind the two of them, going over their answers for the test, trying to make sure they had both come up with the same thing.

She would have loved to have someone to do that with back in her time.

"Loved it," Remus said, slightly briskly. "'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question."

"D'you think you managed to get all the signs?" James teased him and she laughed at that.

"Think I did," Remus said, sounding serious. "One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: his name is Remus Lupin."

Her eyes crinkled at that, as the boys laughed in response. Even Lily gave them a small smile as she looked up from her comparison of answers with Severus.

It was Peter who did not laugh at that, as he started stating the signs he had written on the test. And James had been confused to say in the least at that, asking how he didn't know. And he did have a fair point, given their extracurricular activities.

"Keep your voice down!" Remus implored, as he looked around to see if anyone had heard. But as they made their way out onto the grounds, she could tell that there weren't too many people who cared.

She spotted Draco and Regulus sitting over at the lake, and they headed over as Draco waved to her, with Peter trailing behind them all.

As she sat down, James pulled out a snitch from his pocket and began playing with it, while Remus pulled out a book, and she pulled out her own assignment to work on it with Draco and Regulus.

"Where did you get that?" she asked her brother suspiciously.

"Borrowed it?" he asked, looking slightly sheepish. But the grin he exchanged with Sirius alerted her otherwise.

"Right," she rolled her eyes. She didn't watch as he released it into the air, and let it fly around, always catching it before it got too far for him to do so. Despite his position of Chaser, she knew that he always did have a small fascination with the snitch in the game.

She tried not to grimace as Peter laughed and cheered loudly each time James caught the Snitch. And while she knew her brother wasn't doing it to get the other boy's awe, she could tell he wasn't about to discourage him from it any time soon.

"Put it away," Lily said, rolling her eyes at the boy, as she looked over her OWL paper with Severus. "You're distracting Potter."

"Are you too distracted by my good looks to study?" James teased, and Lily flushed at that.

"Of course not! I'm just trying to get some work done!" she said quickly. "We have more examinations soon! I can't afford to be distracted."

"Right," James said in a mock serious tone.

"Give it a rest, Pettigrew," one of the Ravenclaws sitting nearby said in an annoyed tone. "You're annoying the rest of us."

"Let him be," Sirius rolled his eyes. "He's having fun. Tone it down a bit Pete," Sirius said in direction at Peter.

The boy blushed at that, and she knew he was embarrassed of being called out.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, as he clamped his hands in his lap.

"I don't get why they let you hang out with them," one of the Ravenclaws said in a mocking tone as they came over to them. "You're clearly a bother to them; just as you are to the rest of us; what with the way you clamper behind them like an annoying dog."

"Hey!" James said, standing up, annoyed with what they were saying. "Don't speak to him like that."

"Or what?" the Ravenclaw, Davey Gudgeon, taunted. "You'll prank us?"

"Just walk away," Remus said, standing then. "We all have better things to be doing than this."

"I don't think so," the Ravenclaw laughed, and those behind him seem to be watching with anticipation, laughing to themselves. "I'm having fun."

Peter, who had been scrambling to stand up at that moment, looking angry and upset, was quickly knocked off his feet.

"Impedimenta," Gudgeon said, pointing his wand at Peter.

"Look at him, scampering to stand back up. He can barely hold his own without the rest of you helping him every step of the way. Merlin knows he wouldn't even be passing any of his classes if it weren't for the rest of you helping him every sad step of the way. He probably would accidently hex himself. I'm surprised he hasn't lost any body parts or been held back by a few years," Gudgeon said with a laugh to his friends.

"Leave him ALONE," Lily said, furiously standing to defend Peter, trying to help him back up to his feet.

"I think I'm having fun," Gudgeon said with a smirk. "A bit of stress relief from all the OWLs we've been forced to take. Levicorpus."

Peter began to hang from the air, dangling in the air, as fat legs showed out from under his robes and his underwear shown out to everyone before them

"Stupefy!" James shouted then, knocking the boy off his feet, causing Peter to fall to the ground.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE," Lily yelled, as she tried to help Peter back up to his feet.

Sirius and Remus had their wands trained on Gudgeon, as Hermione kept her hand on hers, ready to draw it if it a full-on fight started.

"You're lucky you have to many people here to protect you," Gudgeon blinked, clearly no longer liking his odds.

"I don't need help from mudbloods and blood traitors like them," Peter spat out, clearly frustrated at the turn of events, and humiliated from the abuse he had suffered.

And in that moment, everything went silent. James, Remus and Sirius looked stunned, Lily like she had been slapped in the face. Even Hermione didn't know what to say.

"Peter," James said in a strained voice. "Say you didn't mean it."

"No," Peter said, holding his face up, despite the pain he had suffered. "I don't want the help of people like you. Not when there are others who think I'm worthy the way I am. Why would I want to be friends with people who think of me as nothing more than a dog who follows them around? Gudgeon was right."

"We're your friends," Sirius said, sounding shocked at Peter's words.

"Not anymore you're not," Peter said, as he turned at walked away from them all.

And just like that, Hermione felt as if she had failed to truly save Peter Pettigrew from his fate.


Peter Pettigrew was fuming.

It had been hours since he had allowed his façade to fade and he had lashed out against the people he had considered friends for years.

He had lashed out and yelled at the people who thought they were protecting him, but were suffocating him.

Because they were; he couldn't breathe, couldn't even get a word in without the rest of them being so quick to jump to his helpless defense. He knew he was weak; he knew that he was passing school by the skin of his teeth. He knew that he could study for days on end and never manage to get more than a Acceptabe if he was lucky.

He knew he would never be athletic either; the Gryffindor Quidditch team would never have a spot for him.

Nor would he be able to actually plan out a prank from top to bottom.

Whether he liked it or not, he didn't fit in with James, Sirius, or Remus. And while they never went out of their way to make him feel bad about it, they all knew that Peter wasn't as good at anything as they were. Except maybe chess. And that was hardly anything to brag about.

But Nott and Avery had always been there for him. They had never made him feel like he was lesser like the boys did. He never felt inferior when he hung out with them. They included him, showed him that he was special. That he could achieve great things.

They would be there for him today too, through his worst day in his life. They had offered sympathetic glances to him already, and he knew he could count on them.

It wasn't as if he could go back to his dorm tonight. How could he after the day he just had? He didn't want to see any of the boys again. He didn't want to deal with the look of confirmation from Hermione Potter that she had constantly been right in her judgement of him. He didn't want to have the boys try and talk to him to see what it was that was going on with him. They wouldn't take the hint; that he was so much more than what they thought he was and that others finally saw it even if they couldn't.

"You wanted to see us?" Avery said, as he and Nott slinked out of the Slytherin dungeons to meet him.

"I need a place to sleep tonight," Peter said softly, "I can't go back. No one in the tower will even look at me, and I can't face the boys after everything that just happened. Please, just let me sleep here until the term is over. I'll figure out something for next year over the summer."

"Of course," Nott said quickly as he and Avery exchanged a glance. "It couldn't have been easy to confront them today and tell them how you really felt. But it was unfair that you had to hide it all. They're a disgrace to our world, polluting it with their love for muggles, then they act as if we are the enemy for trying to preserve our heritage. Plus Gryffindors have a way of being especially righteous about the whole thing. It's disgusting really."

Avery nodded, "Stay for as long as you need, Mate. Maybe we can even talk to our parents and see about getting you transferred into a different dorm for next year. Merlin knows that it would be torture to spend two more years with that lot."

"Thank you," Peter said gratefully, as the boys moved to open the passage to the Slytherin common room.

He hesitated for a moment, knowing there was more he had to tell them.

"What is it, Peter?" Nott asked, sounding concerned.

"There's something you need to know," Peter said, still a little bit unsure of what he was about to do. "About Remus Lupin."

"Which is?" Avery prodded, and Peter fidgeted.

This was it. There would be no going back once he told them the truth. The boys would never forgive him.

"He's-" Peter started, but the words didn't come out as he felt a sharp pain.

His eyes widened in shock as the remembered the stupid bond he had made with the boys after they had all learned the truth about Remus, wanting to reassure him that they would never be able spill his secret.

"You can't tell us," Nott realized then.

"He's hiding something," Peter gasped, trying to get out as much as he could, before feeling himself grow weak.

"We'll figure it out," Avery promised. "But for now, let's go to bed. Whatever it is can wait."

Peter nodded as he followed the boys up to their dorm. Things for him were about to get a lot harder, but at least he was with people who truly cared for him.