Katniss pov

I wake up in a panic. The nightmares never leave me alone. The images stay in my mind even as I stare into the darkness awake. Everything horrible I've ever done to Peeta. His words echo in my mind. Mutt. Lier. Murderer.

And it's all true. I don't deserve him. I'm a mutt. He deserves to be happy. He deserves better than me. He deserves peace. If only I would have let him go. He could have been happy with someone like Delly. Someone good for him. Someone who could make him happy.

The words of my inner demons fight with me. You should have eaten the berries and died like you were supposed to. He could have been happy. Married a girl who could give him everything he deserves. But no, he is stuck with you. Selfish you. He'll never get better. You hold him back from the life he should have.

I stumble out of the bed as I bite back tears. I glance at Peeta, who is sleeping peacefully. I fall into the closet, my old hiding spot. I cry in silence, curled up in the corner of the cold dark closet.

I have to get out of here.

I have to let him go.

I slip off my nightgown and put on my warm hunting clothes. I tell myself that this needs to be done. I watch for a moment as he sleeps peacefully. Without me. See, he already doesn't need me.

Maybe this will give him a chance to see that he will be better off with someone else. I press a kiss to his forehead, but that's all. I don't write a note. I don't leave any clue to what in doing.

For Peeta.

I leave my hunting gear. I leave everything. I just run.

I don't know how long I run for, but it's cold and my lungs burn. When I finally look where I'm at, I find that I'm well into the woods. And honestly, I'm not quite sure where I am.

Good.

This is what I deserve.

I deserve to freeze alone out here.


Peeta pov

I wake a little cold. Normally I have the heat of Katniss as she lays on my chest, but she's not there. I feel around in the bed to find it empty. I open my eyes and find that I'm not mistaken.

Maybe she went hunting again or she could just be in the bathroom. I get up and walk to the bathroom to find it as empty as my bed. Normally she leaves a not by the bed if she goes hunting.

I look to see if it fell on the floor but I come up empty. Where the hell could she be? I slip on some clothes and go downstairs and I find something that shakes my whole world.

Her hunting gear is here.

But her shoes are gone and there's some blood on the floor by her bow that lays on the floor forgotten. My heart pounds faster than before and my eyes widen.

I run out the door and pray she's where I hope she is. I don't bother knocking on the door. Her parents look surprised when I burst in. I can't imagine that I look very sane. Then it occurs to me. The blood. Did I do something and I don't remember?

"Peeta what's wrong?"Her mother asks.

"Katniss- where is she?"I ask frantically.

"We haven't seen her...Peeta-what happened?"He dad asks surprisingly calm.

"I-I don't know..."

"Did you have a flashback?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. I don't remember anything. I woke up this morning and I was alone in bed. No note, no nothing. Her boots were gone and there was some blood near her bow, but it was untouched. I-I I'm scared. I don't know if I did anything to hurt her or the baby."

"Listen Peeta,"he says placing both of his hands on my shoulders,"you need to stay calm. We don't want you to go into a flashback. I swear to you, we will find her. I know my daughter well, and so do you. Between the two of us, we'll find her."

I take a deep breath and nod. He's right. "Thank you, John."

Her mother holds Prim as she starts to cry, and honestly it's taking everything I have not to break down right now. John grabs his bow and slips on his boots.

"We should tell Haymitch,"I tell him. He nods in agreement.

We burst into his house and shake him awake.

"What? What is it boy?"He asks a little angry.

"Katniss is gone."

He looks shocked. "Gone? What do you mean she's gone?"

"Gone! I woke up and she had vanished! Haymitch I don't know where she is!" I say losing my temper for a moment.

He places a hand on my chest and pushes me back slightly. "Whoa there boy. Calm down, we'll find Sweetheart. She can't be that far. She's pregnant for God's sake."

"I hope you're right."

"Let' ,"John says.

Haymitch follows us out the door. "We should check the forest."I say.

"That's what I was thinking. I know that forest like the back of my hand. And I know that Katniss finds peace out there."

"Are you kidding me? That forest is huge!"Haymitch complains.

"She's gotta be in there,"I say.

"The cabin! She probably ran there,"her father says,"come on I'll show you the way."

We follow him to the forest. It's colder out here. I shiver and pray that she's keeping warm. I spot something red against the frost. It's blood. Like the blood in the house.

"Hey!"I scream to the others. "I found blood!"

"She's gotta be near!" Haymitch yells back.

We make it to the cabin, but she's no where to be found. East of the cabin I find more blood.

Please be okay, Katniss.

A/N so some of you might be wondering why she would just leave if they're married or why she didn't once think about the baby during this chapter. Well, I wrote it that way because I want it to be noticed that Katniss is still very mentally ill after everything she's been through. She still has those bad days where she suffers from PTSD. And this was one of those extreme cases where she tries to leave Peeta because she truly believes she is helping him. And she didn't think about the baby once because in her "flashback" it's nonexistent. I want it to be seen that they are both still sick and trying to be healed. I hope you enjoyed this torturing chapter! ;) until next chapter!