"I want to fuck you, Connor."
Connor smirked knowingly as he continued to rinse Murphy's cum off the washcloth, briefly catching his twin's eyes in the bathroom mirror before returning to the task at hand. Connor had just finished cleaning his brother's cum from his own belly and he was preparing to tend to his twin when Murphy whispered the words Connor already knew.
Murphy didn't have to say those words but Connor sure loved hearing them, especially when Murphy's voice was throaty and laced with lust. There was no doubt in his mind what Murphy wanted…..Connor wanted the same thing, and just as badly. He was eager to feel Murphy moving inside him, to truly feel how big he was and how hard he fucked. Even though Connor seemed cool and collected on the outside, it was nothing but a false façade. Inside, Connor MacManus was a bundle of nerves while he waited for Murphy to do more than talk.
Connor twisted the washcloth in his hands, wringing the water from it before he casually readjusted the tap, warming the water a bit more before placing the cloth back under the stream. He didn't want to clean his boyfriend with cold water, Murphy liked it borderline hot.
Murphy watched his twin with eyes that rarely looked at anyone other than Connor, eyes that barely blinked when his brother was near…..eyes that could melt Connor with just one glance. Murphy moved his hand to his mouth and began to gnaw on his thumbnail mindlessly, unaware of his own action until the copper taste of blood hit his tongue and he practically recoiled in shock.
"If you're not careful, one day you'll chew right down to the bone," Connor teased before freezing in place to watch Murphy lick the blood from his thumb in an attempt to halt the bleeding, his pink tongue licking in leisurely strokes.
"Jesus, Murph…..stop that."
Murphy licked twice more at his thumb before lowering it to his side, all the while keeping his eyes on his beautiful boyfriend who was suddenly breathing heavier than the previous moment. Connor narrowed his eyes in realization; Murphy was such a cute little fucker. This wasn't one of Murphy's innocent gestures, this wasn't one of his unknowing teases…..the little shit knew exactly what he was doing.
Murphy wanted Connor right fucking now but he was too scared to make a move. It was ironic, actually…..he practically attacked Connor all week but after one hot fuck in the barn, Murphy was scared shitless. Connor was an incredible lover and he made Murphy feel amazing, better than he ever thought possible. But Murphy was afraid when he did the fucking, when it was his turn to be the incredible lover, he'd only be half as good. He'd be crushed if he couldn't make Connor moan in pleasure, if he couldn't make him scream his name…..if he couldn't make Connor cum harder than he ever had before. Murphy was scared he'd disappoint his love.
He wanted Connor to take control of the situation, to take matters in hand…..to take Murphy in hand. But Connor must not have heard him because he wasn't taking the hint; even the finger lick didn't send him over the edge like Murphy thought it would. He had to flat out tell his brother again what he wanted and hope this time Connor would heed his plea.
"I want to fuck you, Connor," Murphy reiterated, his voice still breathy but a bit louder and more insistent as he waited in nervous anticipation of Connor's reaction.
"I heard you the first time, Murph," was the quiet response as Connor decided to tease back a little, wondering what the fuck Murphy was waiting for…..he looked like he was about to burst into a sexual frenzy at any moment. They already made love once so there was no more waiting for the "right time," and prior to their first date Connor told Murphy to take what he wanted…..and Murphy obviously wanted him so what the fuck was the holdup?
As they watched each other in the mirror, Connor felt a pang of concern for his brother. Murphy wasn't acting at all like Connor expected. Murphy was suddenly hesitating, which was surprising considering how long Murphy wanted him. And he was quiet…..too quiet. Murphy became quiet as they held each other in the hay and the quieter Murphy became, the more he clung to his twin...almost as if he was scared of something. In fact, the only reason Murph let him go was because Connor insisted on coming inside to clean him up.
Murphy's behavior raised red flags but they'd never had sex before and Connor didn't know how Murphy acted afterward; that quiet clinging might be normal for Murph. But it might be completely abnormal too…..and given what he suspected happened to Murphy when he was 16, this possibility terrified Connor.
He studied his little brother for a moment, his face etched with the concern of a man deeply in love. Other than Murphy being quiet and his sudden lack of sexual initiative, he seemed just fine. In fact, Murphy was watching him with that intense stare that made Connor sweat. With the resolve of a much older man, Connor kept to his original plan and he decided not to push for answers…..pushing would only traumatize his twin and exacerbate the problem. It might also make Murphy panic and run. No, Connor would be gentle and patient. He'd wait for his lover to be ready to talk.
And in the meantime…..if Murphy wanted to make love, if he wanted to fuck like bunny rabbits, Connor wouldn't say no. He'd never say no to Murphy again.
Connor twisted the washcloth in his hands and he turned to face his twin, his eyes dropping to the dried cum still on Murphy's flat belly. Murphy held his breath as his brother approached, unsure of Connor's intent but hoping he was about to get the opportunity to top. When Connor pressed the warm washcloth to Murphy's sticky belly and began to rub, Murphy couldn't help his small sigh of disappointment.
He watched Connor's face as he cleaned the last of his cum from his skin. Murphy would never admit it, but he loved how Connor doted and fussed over him, how he practically hovered and loved him like no other. He couldn't get enough of his twin when he was like this…..Connor was caring for him with a gentleness only Murphy saw, it was for him and him alone.
But Murphy knew Connor was confused; it was obvious by his facial expression that he expected a different reaction from him. Truth be told, Murphy was confused too. His emotions were heightened and he felt like he could cry at any minute but he didn't know why or what to do about it. All he knew was he loved Connor more than he ever thought possible…..and for some strange reason, this scared him.
The washcloth took a final lap across Murphy's stomach before Connor pushed it down between his brother's legs and grasped Murphy's dick with the wet cloth. Murphy inhaled loudly as Connor's fingers moved and cleaned him with their motion, gently pulling and twisting before lifting his heavy cock upward. Connor dipped his head and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Murphy's dick before releasing his twin and returning to the sink without a word.
Murphy stared at the bare ass on display in front of him, Connor's narrow hips swaying gently as he rinsed the last of the cum from the washcloth. Murphy wanted to bite Connor's ass, just grab it and bite it. His ass was fucking perfect…..it was round and tight and made to be grabbed and fucked. Murphy waited a lifetime to be with Connor, he was the dream that became a beautiful reality and Murphy just couldn't wait any longer…..he wouldn't let his fear hold him back any more. He had to have Connor.
Connor turned off the faucet and looked up, expecting to see Murphy watching him with that hungry look that said he wanted to fuck, the look Connor had seen for years but didn't understand until just recently. But Connor was alone, completely alone. He slowly turned around in shock, feeling like he'd been kicked in the stomach…..or the balls. Whenever Murphy disappeared without a word, Connor felt his panic rise and consume him like wildfire. With each passing second his fear doubled, it spread and became completely unbearable.
Jesus, he fucked up again. He made Murphy feel insecure just when he'd found a tiny bit of confidence. His lover told him he wanted to fuck him…..he said it not once, but twice. And what did Connor do? Did he flirt back? Did he tell his boyfriend he wanted him? No…..Connor fed his brother's insecurities with a smart ass comeback and lack of action.
"Murphy?" he quietly called into their bedroom, trying to keep the tremble from his voice as he hoped Murphy hadn't left the house. He had to fix this; he could make it right as long as Murph hadn't run away. He'd make his boyfriend feel safe and secure again…..he'd make sure Murphy knew he was loved.
"Murph!" His voice was assertive, demanding a response from his darker half. Connor was prepared to storm into their room to find his pants and chase his brother through town when Murphy quietly returned to the bathroom with a quizzical look on his face, his bare feet not making a sound on the floor as he padded across the tile toward his other half.
Murphy didn't look upset, not in the least. On the contrary, Murphy looked surprised by Connor's reaction and his near panic. Murphy's voice was soothing as he calmed his brother with his mere presence and his gentle gaze. "Conn…..it's okay. I'm right here."
A wave of relief swept through Connor's body at the appearance of his twin and he leaned his hand on the sink to support his weight, dropping his head momentarily to gather himself as his body visibly relaxed. He placed his hand over his heart and he took a deep breath before looking back at his lover.
"I thought you ran away from me."
Murphy took a couple steps closer, his eyes soft as his mind registered his brother's unwarranted fear. All Murphy did was leave the room for a few moments but in Connor's mind, Murphy didn't just leave the room, he left Connor.
"I didn't run away, Connor. I didn't leave you. I just went to get something, s'all."
Murphy was still naked and judging by the look he was giving his twin, Murphy wanted to play. He lifted a small white paper bag toward Connor, shaking it slightly to encourage Connor to take it from his hand…..after all, what Murphy had in the bag was for both of them.
"What is it?" Connor couldn't help but laugh, he was pretty sure he knew what was in that bag but he didn't want to spoil his boyfriend's game. His shy Murphy was blushing like a virgin bride on her wedding day and that only made Connor want him more. "Your ears are turning red, Murph."
Murphy's blush deepened into a richer shade of red and it spread down his neck, coloring his chest with a delightful mixture of pale white and deep crimson. Murphy shook the bag impatiently at his twin and cocked his head to the side as Connor gingerly took it from his hand.
Connor couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. Murphy was such an enigma sometimes…..blushing shyly while boldly announcing he wanted to fuck, hiding behind his hair while standing naked in front of Connor, not touching when he so obviously wanted to touch. Connor was captivated with Murphy's idiosyncrasies; his boyfriend could mystify him without trying and Connor was led to distraction by every fucking thing Murphy did.
"Go ahead, Connor. Look inside."
Connor turned his back to his brother and placed the bag on the edge of the sink to balance it as he unfolded the top of the bag and peeked inside. He stared at the contents for only a moment before he pursed his lips in pleasure and nodded, liking the fact that Murphy was watching him in the mirror.
"Pick a flavor for me." The excited quiver of Murphy's words made Connor's heart pump faster; his sexy Murph was finally making a move again…..Connor was about to get what he ached for.
Connor reached into the bag with a slightly shaking hand and pulled out the first tube, turning it to read the label and then quickly dropping it back into the bag. "It's not a strawberry kind of night," he mumbled with a slight laugh, once again enjoying their playtime even though his nerves were making his body feel weak. "That's more of a weekend lube. Obviously."
"Oh…..obviously." Murphy rolled his eyes and laughed at his idiot brother; Connor had a way of making everything humorous, even lube. "So what's a Wednesday night lube, then?"
"Well…..for my boyfriend, I'd have to go with the cinnamon." Connor pulled out the proper tube and held it up for his twin's inspection, twirling it between his fingers as his eyes caught his brother's wide eyed expression in the mirror. "It's sweet and spicy all at the same time, just like you Murph."
"Connor….." His name was a whispered plea to stop, an embarrassed whine…..a sexy moan. Murphy whispering his name was the sexiest sound Connor ever heard. The only thing sexier than Murphy whispering his name was Murphy whispering his name in his ear.
Murphy moved without a sound to stand directly behind Connor, his expression mirroring his twin's as he stared at Connor's reflection from over his shoulder. Connor felt hot hands cup his ass cheeks, Murphy's fingers kneading him gently as he forced Connor's hips forward into the cold porcelain of the sink.
Connor watched his boyfriend in the mirror as he bent his head and kissed Connor's shoulder with wet lips. His hot tongue licked a long stripe toward Connor's neck and his heated breath caused Connor to shiver involuntarily. Murphy smiled at the reaction his mouth caused and he buried his face in Connor's neck, inhaling his lover's sweet scent. Connor tilted his head and presented more of his neck for Murphy's mouth and with an eager smile, Murphy sucked on his pulse point.
Connor reached up and pushed his fingers into Murphy's hair, grabbed a handful and pulled him harder into his neck, practically smothering his twin. "No hickeys, Murph," Connor quietly warned his boyfriend, wanting to be marked but knowing they couldn't risk it.
Murphy's mouth shifted and his lips dragged wetly across Connor's neck. He wanted to suck Connor's skin until it bruised and he wanted everyone to know Connor was taken…..by him. But he also knew how hard it was to hide those marks and what trouble they could cause, especially if their mother started interrogating them. With a sigh of resignation, Murphy listened to his brother and he softened his mouth. Instead of giving hickeys, Murphy placed light kisses and long licks on Connor's skin from shoulder to ear and back again.
Murphy's hands groped Connor's ass with a firm grip, squeezing and caressing as Connor pushed against his brother's fingers, aching for more and wanting Murphy to slide his digits inside him. But Murphy released his ass all too soon and slid his hands over Connor's hips and up his chest, his fingertips light and slowly stroking as they searched for Connor's nipples. Upon finding the nubs, Murphy twirled and pinched them until they hardened into deliciously painful peaks. And then he played with them some more. Connor loved when Murphy played with his nipples, it felt like a direct line straight to his cock and as his nipples hardened, so did his dick.
"Fucking hell, Murph. That feels incredible." Connor moaned as he grinded his ass into his brother's cock, wanting nothing between them, not even air. Murphy roughly grinded back and Connor felt the distinct rise of Murphy's dick against his body.
His Murphy was driving him insane and Connor started to sweat…..small trickles of perspiration slid down the side of his face and Murphy slowly lapped it up, reveling in the salty taste of his brother's desire.
Murphy's mouth slid to Connor's ear and he licked the outer edge with a pointed tongue before sucking his earlobe between his lips, his hot breath tickling his ear canal. The grinding of Murphy's hips became more insistent, his dick poking at Connor and making its hard presence known. "Tell me what you want, Connor."
Connor thought back to what Murphy told him just a short time earlier; to what Murphy whispered with that sexy fucking voice he had…..'I want to fuck you, Connor.' What did Connor want? He wanted that same fucking thing.
"I want you to fuck me, Murph." He could barely articulate the words; they were slurred and filled with the breathy need of a man growing more excited by the minute…..a man excited by his new lover.
Murphy's hands left his body and the warm pressure against Connor's back eased as the darker twin reached for the lube in Connor's sweaty grip. Connor wasn't consciously aware of how hard he was squeezing the tube until Murphy had to pry it from his hand as gently as possible.
Murphy hurriedly opened the tube and squirted a large amount onto his fingers, slickening them thoroughly. Then a different sort of pressure was felt…..it was the pressure of Murphy's fingers entering his hole and sliding inside.
"Oh, fuck," Connor quietly moaned and his head lulled to the side as Murphy's fingers pushed in deeper, his probing gentle and slow. Murphy's free hand was on his back, rubbing up and down in long strokes to ease his brother's discomfort while his fingers paused deep inside, waiting for Connor to adjust.
Connor had a white knuckle grip on the sink but not from pain…..from anticipation. Normally Connor had the patience of a saint, normally he could wait for what he wanted…..except when Murphy was involved, then he didn't like waiting at all. And what he wanted right now was Murphy inside him.
Connor pushed back at Murphy, impaling himself further on his brother's long fingers to encourage his twin to do more. Murphy's hand ran down Connor's back and slid under his thigh, lifting his leg and resting his foot on the toilet, spreading Connor wider. Murphy pushed into Connor deeper and he scissored his fingers as Connor bent at his waist and leaned across the sink, supporting himself on his forearms.
In and out Murphy's fingers went, scissoring and pushing the slick further inside, faster and deeper. He rubbed Connor's prostate only once, just enough to make his brother moan and his body jerk but then he carefully avoided it, not wanting Connor to cum just yet.
Then the fingers were gone…..just like that, gone. Connor looked up just in time to see Murphy drop to his knees and disappear from view, only the top of his head visible in the mirror. Murphy patted his butt gently and quietly commanded, "Spread yourself for me, Conn."
Connor didn't hesitate, not when Murphy sounded like that…..he'd do whatever the fuck Murphy wanted. He reached around and took an ass cheek in each hand and pulled himself open, feeling Murphy's hot breath in places he never dreamed possible. Murphy pushed on his hands, spreading Connor even wider and his tongue began licking.
At first, those licks were tiny little teases but they quickly developed into something more. Tiny flicks became flat licks, flat licks became delicate probes and delicate probes became insistent tongue fucks. Each touch of Murphy's tongue made Connor squirm and moan as his lover licked the cinnamon taste from his body.
Just when Connor didn't think he could take any more, Murphy stopped and stood, reaching for more lube. Connor released the grip on his ass, rested his weight on his forearms on top of the sink and tried to catch his breath as he watched the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen in the flesh.
Murphy's face glistened, sweat coated his forehead and sides of his face while the shimmer of lube coated his mouth and caked into his chin stubble. Murphy slowly licked at his lips and if Connor wasn't so overheated, he would have laughed out loud. Connor certainly chose well…..Murphy loved cinnamon.
Connor's eyes dropped to the body of his man, his fucking beautiful Murph. He had the broadest shoulders and narrowest waist and his pale skin looked amazing with that light sprinkling of hair on his chest and around his navel. Connor suddenly wanted to lick that flat stomach and make Murphy twitch and squirm. But instead, he let his eyes go further south, to Murphy's cock.
Jesus, Murphy was big. Connor knew full well his brother was well hung; they'd seen each other naked more times than they could count. Connor had even measured Murphy's dick throughout their teen years, just for comparison purposes…..at least that's what he told himself at the time. But seeing Murphy so swollen and hard, with that weeping slit and heavy balls…..Connor couldn't stop the moan of excitement from escaping his mouth.
Murphy felt Connor's eyes on him and when he lifted his gaze, Connor was met with the beautiful blue eyes of his soulmate. Murphy smiled at him as he squirted lube into his palm, keeping eye contact while he coated his dick.
Murphy tossed the tube into the bag, quickly wiped his hand clean on a towel and moved to stand behind Connor once again, grabbing him by his hips and maneuvering him into position. Connor kept his foot on the toilet and he stayed bent at his waist over the sink as he spread his ass for his brother, looking over his shoulder in anticipation.
Murphy was careful with his love…..he'd never hurt Connor, not ever. He entered him slowly, just the head of his dick inside his twin at first as Murphy shifted his fingers on his brother's hips. He pushed further in, inch by slow inch and he allowed his love to adjust to his size before pushing deeper, keeping a careful eye on Connor's face. Murphy felt bigger than he looked and he stretched Connor wider with each fat inch he slid inside.
Once Murphy was completely embedded in his twin, he stilled and waited, sweat running down his face and body…..Connor felt amazing and it was difficult not to thrust into his boyfriend's hot ass. But he would wait until Connor was ready…..it would fucking kill him, but he would wait.
Finally, Connor growled, "Fucking move, Murph. Move."
That's all Murphy needed to hear; he'd been ready for this moment for years. His thrusts were careful and slow at first but Connor was perfectly prepped and Murphy was perfectly lubed so they quickly moved together into a fast grinding rhythm. With each deep thrust, Murphy's fingers dug into Connor's hips and he pulled as hard as he could, trying to go even deeper inside his twin. Connor let go of his ass so he could brace himself against the sink and push back as Murphy's body rocked him back and forth.
"Fuck, Murph!" Connor yelled when Murphy shifted his position and his dick began to slide across his prostate with each pump of his hips. Connor lowered his head and rested it on his forearms as he tried to slow his building orgasm but his brother wasn't making it easy on him. He never imagined Murphy would be so fucking good at this.
"God, Murph…..I fucking love you," Connor loudly moaned and Murphy suddenly stopped all movement, his dick half in and half out of his twin as his fingers shifted on Connor's hips. Connor lifted his head and caught Murphy's wide eyes in the mirror and they stared at each other for a moment, neither twin moving as blue eyes locked onto blue eyes. Connor didn't understand why Murphy stopped or why he looked so funny; all Connor said was he loved him…..and he did.
"Murph, you okay?"
Murphy quickly nodded and he wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand as his eyes looked away. The excited sexual glow was still on Murphy's face but it was a bit muted now…..Murphy actually looked uncomfortable.
Connor must have scared Murphy; it was too soon to tell him he loved him…..Murph wasn't ready to hear it just yet. But fuck, Connor didn't want to take it back…he didn't. He was in love with Murphy and he wanted him to know it, albeit Connor pictured an entirely different scenario. Connor's sole reason for wanting to take those words back would be to prevent that look on his lover's face that he didn't quite understand.
"Murph?"
"I'm fine, Connor."
Then Murphy began moving again and Connor could no longer focus on his brother's strange reaction, he could only focus on what his brother was doing to him and how good he felt with Murphy inside him.
Murphy pushed balls deep into Connor and began a grinding motion as one hand slid up and down Connor's spine and the other reached around to fist his dick. Murphy pushed hard on Connor's back, pressing his chest into the cold porcelain sink and he held him in place as he began somewhat frantic thrusts, short and fast as he grunted with the effort.
Each time Murphy thrust into Connor, he pumped his hand on Connor's dick to the same rhythm and his dick teased Connor's prostate until Connor could no longer hold back. Connor's balls tightened and he exploded in Murphy's hand and along the sink and wall, Murphy's name on his lips in a drawn out moan that echoed in the room.
The muscles around Murphy's dick spasmed and it felt like Connor's ass was milking his cock. Murphy quickly fell apart and came inside his brother, Connor's name on his lips as he collapsed in a sweaty heap on Connor's back.
The twins struggled to catch their breath and Connor let his brother rest on top of him, feeling Murphy's dick softening inside him. Murphy was panting hot little breaths in his twin's ear and if Connor hadn't just orgasmed less than a minute prior, that soft breath would have made him stiff.
Murphy finally lifted his weight from his brother's back and Connor lifted his head, watching Murphy in the mirror as his lover's dick slid free from his tight ass. Murphy's auburn hair looked black as fuck; it was soaked with sweat and tiny droplets dripped from his hair onto Connor's body, cooling him.
Once Murphy was off his body, Connor lifted himself from the sink and he turned to face his brother. He cupped Murphy's cheek in his hand & lightly brushed his lips over Murphy's mouth, smiling when Murphy returned his gentle kiss with a soft sigh. But his Murphy was tired, he looked completely exhausted so after they quickly cleaned up, Connor took his lover by the hand and led him to their bedroom.
Murphy followed Connor to his bed and he silently watched as Connor pulled back the blanket and climbed inside, motioning for Murphy to join him. Connor flung the blanket over their bodies as Murphy squirmed into his usual position, wrapped around his brother with his head in the crook of Connor's neck and their legs twisted together. Connor felt the tight grip of Murphy's fingers on his waist and he wrapped his arms around Murphy and drew his boyfriend as close to his body as he could. Murphy seemed to melt into him and Connor slid his hand to Murphy's wet hair and leisurely stroked it.
"You okay, Murph?"
Murphy nodded but didn't speak, he only seemed to grip Connor tighter.
"You were really amazing, Murph," Connor mumbled against his hair, following his words with a gentle kiss to the top of Murphy's head. "Really fucking amazing."
Murphy shifted in his arms and for a brief moment, Connor was scared he was leaving his bed. But then his twin wiggled even closer & latched on tighter, his fingers almost bruising Connor with their grip. Just like in the barn, Murphy was quiet and clingy. And just like in the barn, Connor was deeply concerned.
"You're so quiet. You sure you're okay?" Connor asked after nearly fifteen minutes of silence and he lightly shook Murphy's shoulder in an attempt to get his brother to respond.
Murphy nodded & Connor was about to let it go and just enjoy holding his lover in his arms when Murphy quietly asked, "Connor? Can I ask you something?"
"You know you can ask me anything, Murph. Anything at all." Connor held his breath as he felt his brother's mood shift and darken. Murphy's fingers tightened a bit more on his hip, almost to an uncomfortable level but Connor would rather die than tell Murphy to let him go.
"How many people have you had sex with?"
Connor wasn't expecting that question, at least not at this moment, although he fully expected them to talk about their experiences at some point. And even though this topic might lead to some pain, especially if Murphy really opened up, Connor was relieved that Murphy was finally talking again.
"You're my third, Murph."
"Brian was your first?"
Connor gently kissed Murphy's hair as he tried to be as gentle with his words as he could be. Even though it had been years since either of them saw Brian, Connor knew it would still hurt Murphy on some level. "Yeah, he was my first. But we only did it a couple times…..and it was really awful."
Murphy wanted to know why it was so awful…..Murphy didn't want to do the same things, he didn't want to be lacking and leave Connor disappointed but he quickly decided that conversation could wait. At least for now.
"So your second was Katie, then."
Connor's muscles clenched at the mention of her name. He couldn't believe he wasted so much time and effort with that girl when he had his Murphy right under his nose the entire time, just patiently waiting for him.
Murphy misunderstood his brother's body tension and his misunderstanding fed into his insecurities about their relationship. His fingers tightened imperceptibly as he quietly said against Connor's skin, "It's okay if you miss her Conn, I won't be mad."
Connor laughed out loud and his body shook the bed. How the fuck could Murphy think he'd miss Katie? She didn't matter, she was insignificant…..Katie was a nothing in his life. "Jesus, Murph. I don't miss that bitch. Not one little bit, okay?"
"Honest?"
"Swear to God, Murph…..I'm glad she's gone."
Murphy relaxed slightly and Connor barely heard the quiet "me too" from his brother's lips. But the tension in his twin's body wasn't completely gone, the disturbance was still there & Connor knew there was more to come.
"Connor?" Murphy suddenly let him go and sat up, looking down at his reclining twin for a moment before he turned his attention to the spot on his thumb he had recently chewed raw. He picked at his skin, pulling the raw part open once again and watching a small spot of blood appear.
After watching his brother for a moment, Connor reached out & stroked Murphy's back, wincing when his twin jumped at his touch. Connor paused for a moment with his hand in the air, suddenly afraid to touch his boyfriend but then quickly deciding that was bullshit. Murphy needed his touch, he needed the comfort of his love and that was a fact. Connor lightly rubbed his twin's back and much to Connor's relief, this time Murphy didn't jump. This time, Murphy relaxed against his hand.
"Connor…..I need to tell you something, okay?"
It was always disturbing when Murphy started a conversation with those words, especially considering what Connor suspected about his history. He braced himself as best he could, he prepared for the worst and he promised he wouldn't let Murphy see him cry.
"Jonathan was the first guy I ever went out with. There's only been him and you." Murphy shrugged as he picked further at his thumb, his discomfort obvious. Connor wanted to reach out and pull Murphy's hand away and under normal circumstances he'd do just that. But these weren't normal circumstances so instead, Connor rubbed his brother's back as he patiently listened.
"And we did stuff together, boyfriend stuff. I almost had sex with him too...but I just couldn't. He wasn't you, Connor and I…..I just wanted him to be you." Murphy took a slow breath & he glanced at his brother with eyes that made Connor want to cry. "I told him I was a virgin but that was a lie."
A brief sadness filled Connor's heart. He wanted to be Murphy's first everything…..his first kiss, his first touch, his first fuck. But Connor knew he wasn't any of those things; he knew before his brother even spoke those words…..no virgin could do the things Murphy did. But Connor was Murphy's first love. And being Murphy's first love was far better than all those other things combined.
Murphy waited for a reaction from Connor and what he got was his quiet reassurance, his staunch support and his unwavering love. Connor didn't look away, he didn't even look surprised; all he did was slowly stroke Murphy's skin and wait for him to continue…..Connor understood him in ways Murphy didn't yet understand himself.
"I pretended I never lost my virginity, like it never happened. I kind of believed it too….for a while, anyway. I guess that's called repression, right? Or maybe crazy, I'm not sure."
Connor sat up just as Murphy looked away and he tilted his head, trying to see Murphy's face and make him believe his words. "You're not crazy, Murph. Trust me on this, okay?"
Murphy thought about it for a moment before quietly agreeing yet disagreeing. "No, maybe not crazy. But I am damaged goods, Connor. I'm broken." Murphy sniffed and he bit his lip to stop the tears as he stared at Connor's blanket and busied himself with a loose string in the fabric. He pulled it loose and balled it between his fingers before unravelling it & flattening it in his palm. "There's so much you don't know, Connor. Just...so fucking much."
Connor didn't know what to say. Murphy was right, there was a lot he didn't know. Connor didn't know for certain what happened to his brother, he only had pieces of the story…..small pieces he figured out and even smaller pieces Murphy told him. And he wouldn't know if his assumptions were correct until Murphy told him what happened. But still Connor felt a rage he never felt before, a rage that screamed for the blood of the person who broke his Murph. He just hoped he could control himself long enough to make sure the proper person paid for what they did.
"Tell me, Murph. I can help you, just tell me what happened."
Murphy shook his head, still not looking at anything other than Connor's blanket. He wiped at his face and sniffed quietly before shrugging once again. That shrug broke Connor's heart; Murphy acted like what happened wasn't important, that it didn't matter…..that he didn't matter.
"I don't want to talk about it, Connor. I just wanted you to know I wasn't a virgin, okay? So you don't have to teach me or be careful with me or worry I can't handle sex with you. Because I can."
"I know you can, Murph," Connor quietly assured him as his fingers grazed over Murphy's hair, petting it lightly to soothe his baby brother. Connor wanted to know more, he wanted answers and a name but he remembered his promise to not push…..besides, Murphy was obviously done talking about it for tonight.
"I'm getting kind of cold without you on top of me, Murph."
Murphy quietly laughed & he finally looked at his twin, his eyes wet but filled with relief that Connor didn't pressure him for more information. It was bad enough thinking about what happened and remembering every fucking detail, it was Murphy's living nightmare that haunted him on a near daily basis…..but telling Connor and seeing the look on his face would be intolerable. And right now, Murphy just wasn't strong enough to withstand that pain.
Murphy quickly wiped at his face and nodded, he wanted Connor to hold him and make everything better, just like he always did. He wanted to feel the warmth of Connor's love wrapped around his body, Murphy wanted to feel safe…..he wanted to be Connor's "Murphy blanket" once again.
"Well come on, then." Connor motioned with fake impatience as he laid on his back with open arms, waiting for his Murph.
Murphy wrapped himself around his brother, his hands clutching tightly and his legs tangled around Connor like a pretzel. Connor kissed his still damp hair and stroked his bare shoulder as he pulled his twin even closer but Murphy said no words…..he was quiet and clingy once again.
