Confession

David slammed the door. I was in shock, I couldn't move. I slowly walked back, sat on the floor beside the bed and held my legs to my chest. I couldn't even cry. I heard Matt's voice from the hall talking to David, and he gave a quick answer, but I didn't understand. Actually, I didn't even try to. That was a nightmare, an endless nightmare... I looked at the destroyed guitar, and then looked away… Definitely a nightmare. I saw the door opening again, for a crazy second I thought it might be David trying to talk in peace, trying to understand, but before seeing Matt, I already knew it couldn't be him. He looked around the room searching for me and saw me beside the bed, came towards me and sat in front of me.

"Anne, what's going on? I thought you were feeling bad about what happened in Hawaii, Rachel told me you almost… that those guys… anyway, I thought you were feeling bad because of that, and I didn't say anything because I assumed you didn't wanna talk about it… but then, David is acting all weird today and now he left your room furious… what happened, did you guys have a fight?"

He stared at me, my eyes might be red and puffy.

"Yeah, judging by the look on your face, you don't have to answer…"

He waited. I considered not saying anything, that it was nothing, he didn't have to worry…

"Yeah, we kind of had an argument, but it was no big deal..."

"What do you mean, no big deal? What happened to your guitar, Anne?"

I made a real effort not to cry. I didn't look at the guitar.

"Yeah, I accidentaly dropped it, and it broke..."

He was suspicious.

"You must have dropped it really hard..."

I looked at him, by the look on his face I felt he was really worried about me. I gave it a second thought... Matt was one of the only people I could trust, even though he had made a lot of mistakes in the past… and if I didn't get that out of my chest, I'd explode… I had hidden so many things from him, I wanted to have my brother as a friend again… he was the ideal person to hear me… I looked at him. On the radio, now... .com/watch?v=LyH47RlchSw

"Matt... talk to me?"

I must be really looking miserable, he was even more worried. He held my hand.

"Of course, An..."

"Promise me something first? That you won't be too mad at me?"

He was scared.

"Of course... I guess whatever you have done wasn't worst than what I did... you can tell me, if you want to…"

I took a deep breath.

"Matt, I did a terrible thing... I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me…"

He got closer to me.

"Gee An, was it so terrible?"

"Yeah... I'm a terrible person, I'm never gonna forgive myself…"

"What did you do, Anne?"

I couldn't speak and he waited. After about 2 minutes, I finally spoke.

"I... had sex with another guy..."

He was surprised.

"Uh... Yeah, that was not cool, but who is David to judge, he is no saint either! Like he hadn't made any mistakes, just look at Kim!"

I was speaking slowly...

"Yeah... but that's not the worst part…"

He widened his eyes.

"You're not... pregnant, are you?"

"No Matt, of course not... it's something else… It's that… I… didn't have sex with "any" guy…"

I couldn't stare at him.

"What do you mean? Who was it? Kyle?"

"No, it wasn't Kyle... It was... worst."

"Worst than KYLE? Could it be worst than him?"

"Oh yeah... I don't know how this happened Matt... I didn't know what I was doing, he looks so much like David…"

He was confused.

"What are you talking about Anne, who looks so m…"

He stopped in the middle of the sentence and looked at me with a scared look on his face.

"My God... My God, Anne! Tell me it isn't what I think it is! Please, tell me you DID NOT sleep with… Andrew."

I didn't answer, just hid my face in my hands.

"Anne I can't believe you had sex with Andrew, what happened, when, what the fuck were you thinking?"

My eyes were getting wet... I looked up...

"I wasn't thinking Matt... It was when I came home from Hawaii, he picked me up at the airport because mom and dad were out… and then we went out for some drinks, I was feeling miserable about what had happened… and we came home and it happened! I was out of my mind… I'm an idiot Matt, I'm worth nothing!"

"And how did David know about this? Andrew told him?"

"No... I slept over, on his bed, and Dave arrived in the morning, got into the room and saw us…"

"So I guess you didn't spend the night at Lara's then..."

I didn't answer.

"Gee... so you can't even come up with na excuse... How come he didn't murder you both?"

I couldn't say anything. He looked away and I followed his gaze. He was looking at the broken guitar and then, back to me. His expression had changed.

"It was him, wasn't it? David broke the guitar!"

I looked down and couldn't hold my tears anymore. I didn't answer.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!"

I looked at him. There was anger in his eyes.

"Anne, please tell me he didn't do anything to you! Tell me now, if he touched you I'm gonna go there now and…"

He was already getting up, I grabbed his arm.

"NO MATTHEW! Sit down! He didn't touched me, he'd never do that, you know it…"

He sat down and took a deep breath. I had never seen Matt like that. After a while, he calmed down and continued.

"But what about Andrew? Why would he do that to his own brother?"

"Andrew didn't know anything about David and me... It's not his fault... But even so, I guess David is mad at him too..."

"And is Andrew mad at you?"

"I don't know... I didn't talk to him yet… I hope not…"

"But you're not... you know..."

I knew what he was about to ask.

"No Matt, it's not like that, I don't want anything with Andrew, I don't feel anything for him, it was just a stupid mistake... the worst mistake of my life..."

He held my hand between his. Tears kept rolling down.

"How could I do this to him, Matt? What was I thinking? How could I be so cruel, he didn't deserve this... It's over, Matt..."

"But there's no chance he'd get over this?"

His words came back to my mind...

"He said he'll never forgive me... and I know he's not changing his mind… and if you wanna know, Matt… I don't even know if I want his forgiveness… I don't deserve it, I don't deserve David!"

"I still can't believe you did this, Anne..."

I gave him a pleading look. Not Matt too...

"Please Matt, I know David is your best friend, but don't judge me, don't turn against me too, please...

He got even closer to me and held my face between his hands.

"Anne! Who am I to judge you, look at all the mistakes I made, I'm the last person who can judge anyone! There's no saints here. You trusted me to tell this... He may be my friend, but you are my sister. I love you, you know that, and I'm with you, ALWAYS."

He held me tight and I broke down. I was right in telling him, I needed this shoulder, despite everything that was happening, I was relieved… Matthew was a child, totally inconvenient sometimes, and had done a lot of stupid things, but this day, I realized… despite of everything, I could count on him… Always.


I've gotta say, I really really love this chapter, it's one of my favorites... and after writing that, Matt has become my favorite character of the story, I really love him!

Oh, and this chapter is special for another reason too, it's the last one I post from Ireland, tomorrow I'm going back to Sao Paulo and I absolutely can't wait!