Chapter 53

Abnormal

Sesshomaru scowled as he looked at Eiichi. The northern lord was attempting to explain everything that had happened during Sesshomaru's absence, but the western lord was having trouble focusing.

Honestly, Sesshomaru was worried that something was wrong with him. He felt as if he had something moving around inside of him, and it was freaking him out a bit. Of course, he never let anybody see that.

It started soon after Kagome had saved him and Amadeus and just increasingly got worse every day. Not to mention there were times he felt sick for no reason, and even his body would swell. When that happened, he would lock himself in his art room, not letting anyone, even his mate, see him while he was blown up like a full water skin.

Then there were times he would have to relieve himself…actually, all the time, yet he never could go. Occasionally, he would release the pressure but, for the most part, he always felt as if he needed to, but couldn't. He would be forced to stand there, attempting to do what he was able to, waiting until the feeling finally faded away.

He had a feeling that he would soon break down, though, and go to a healer. It had only been a few days since everyone had returned to the shiro, but every day was getting worse. Even last night, he could not sleep because of the sudden ailment he possessed.

Keeping his thoughts off of the problem while around Kagome was hard as well. He wasn't sure how far their new link worked, but she hadn't approached him about anything concerning his fears. The fear that, perhaps, either the spell Kagome used, or the way he had saved her, somehow affected him in a negative way.

He had no idea what to do about the entire problem, but he was going to need to get it fixed soon.

"Earth to Sesshomaru!" Eiichi called, waving a clawed hand in front of Sesshomaru's face.

Said male growled before smacking away the annoying tiger's hand. "Must you be such a fool?"

"You're the one not listening. I am trying to tell you what happened while you were gone." Eiichi reprimanded, then stopped when he noticed Sesshomaru zone out again, his hands clenching into fists and relaxing, just to repeat the actions. Eiichi couldn't stop the worry from escaping even if he wanted to. "Sesshomaru, are you okay? Ever since you returned, you have been acting off."

Sesshomaru looked up at his friend and contemplated on his answer. Could Eiichi act as if he was mature for once? Should Sesshomaru finally tell someone? Could his oldest friend give him some kind of insight that he had missed?

Looking at the tiger's eyes, and seeing the worry held there for him, Sesshomaru decided that perhaps Eiichi would be the one he could speak to. So, Sesshomaru sat behind his desk, folding his feet on the cushion, and motioned for Eiichi to do the same.

Once the other male was seated, Sesshomaru began to explain what was going on. He didn't stop once, not wanting to be interrupted for a fear that he may not be able to start again. Throughout his explanation, he watched Eiichi's face, taking note of the many emotions crossing the flesh there.

Confusion, thoughtfulness, concern, and even a bit of amusement, all flashed in a matter of moments as Sesshomaru spoke. Once Sesshomaru's baritone voice faded out, silence settled around them. At first, he was worried that his friend wouldn't know anything, but then, unexpectedly, Eiichi busted out laughing.

Sesshomaru could only scowl as he watched his now-ex-friend, and soon-to-be-dead lord, slap his knee repeatedly in deep amusement. The obnoxious laughter was loud and ear-ringing, and Sesshomaru was sure that it could be heard down the halls.

"Just how deep is this connection you share with Kagome?" Eiichi asked, wiping away tears from his eyes as he leaned back, finally calming.

"This one does not know." Sesshomaru sulked before he perked up again, almost groaning at what he suddenly heard in his head.

"You should have come to me sooner. I will be there in a moment." Kagome said, making Sesshomaru flinch. The last person he wanted to know about his condition was his mate. She had enough things to worry about.

"Miroku didn't say anything?" Eiichi inquired, having a theory behind what was wrong with Sesshomaru.

"The monk only stated that the bond would be deeper than anyone ever had before." Sesshomaru replied, rubbing a hand along his stomach as he felt that fluttering again. "Kagome will be here shortly."

"So, how does that work, hearing each other's thoughts?" Eiichi questioned. Quite honestly, he didn't think he could do it. He loved his mate, even though she was gone, but he still needed his privacy, and Sesshomaru no longer had that.

"It is not a bad as you think. Kagome and I respect each other enough to give privacy, whenever we can, that is. We are still learning to control it." Sesshomaru explained just as his screen door slid open, revealing Kagome.

She stepped in, letting out an angry sigh as her stomach brushed against a few scrolls, knocking them to the floor, before closing the door. She attempted to bend down to pick up the parchment, but Eiichi stopped her, picking them up himself.

"So, my dear Kagome, I assume you have the same theory as me?" Eiichi asked, setting the scrolls back to where they belonged.

"Yes, although I am surprised that you are still alive. Even I would have been tempted to kill you." Kagome reprimanded, and Sesshomaru was filled with a sick glee as Eiichi's head went into his shoulders, attempting to hide from the irate pregnant female.

"Tell me of this theory?" Sesshomaru demanded, getting back on topic.

"You're pregnant." Eiichi stated, his face the definition of serious and calm. Sesshomaru's eyes widened in panic and Kagome smacked Eiichi in the back of his head.

"If you don't knock it off, I'm going to zap you." Kagome warned before turning to her mate and walking towards him. When she was standing in front of him, she held out a hand, asking for his. He obliged, giving her his large hand, and she placed it on her stomach, allowing him to feel their active pup. "You're not pregnant. But I am, as we all know. The bond must be letting you feel what I am feeling."

"So all the things happening to me…"

"They are normal for a pregnant female. I have been dealing with those things on a daily basis since I became pregnant. It's common, and perfectly normal." Kagome soothed, rubbing her fingers over her mate's hand.

It was then that Sesshomaru received all the proof he needed, for, beneath his hand, he felt a hard kick from his pup and, in the very exact spot on him, he felt a kick, the very flutters he had been experiencing.

His eyes widened again, and he looked up to his mate who was smiling down at him. Now that he wasn't worried for his life, he couldn't believe that he could actually feel his unborn pup. In truth, he had been somewhat jealous of Kagome in that regard, but now, he felt everything that she did.

"Eiichi, leave." Sesshomaru ordered as he stood from the floor, his arms wrapping around Kagome's waist, pulling her towards him as much as he could. Her highly-swollen stomach wouldn't allow for much more.

Eiichi grumbled but left, and Kagome buried her face into Sesshomaru's chest, her own arms wrapping around his neck. "Can you stop avoiding me now? I have seriously felt that you were mad at me, and this entire time you were just worried for nothing."

"Why would this one be mad?" Sesshomaru asked, nuzzling Kagome's hair. Her answer wasn't spoken. Instead, she pushed the thought into his mind, the incident still too soon to speak of.

"Because I tried to sacrifice myself to save you."

Sesshomaru sighed but pulled Kagome closer. "I will not lie to you, Kagome. This Sesshomaru is still unnerved by what you did. Not only does it anger me, it angers the others as well."

"I know, but I don't understand why." She admitted, making Sesshomaru tense. He was forced to take a deep breath to keep his anger at bay. Already, Kagome was close to tears, and he didn't want them to fall.

"You have a way of making all fall in love with you. That love may be different, a friend, a son, a mate, however it may be, it still exists. Knowing that you would willingly, and very much so did, risk your life for just one of us…scares us. The simple truth is, we don't want to lose you for you are the guiding light out of our darkness. Without you, there would be no hope."

Kagome nodded as she nuzzled into Sesshomaru's neck, letting him know that she understood. She knew how hard it was for him to open up, even in his mind, so, when he did, she soaked it in. She flooded their bond with the love she felt for him, and he closed his eyes, savoring it.

No matter how many times they did that, they would never get used to feeling just how much the other felt for them.

Their peaceful silence was soon broken by the pitter-patter of tiny, flat feet, and Sesshomaru growled in annoyance. Kagome chuckled and pulled back as much as Sesshomaru would allow her, waiting for Jaken to enter.

It didn't take long before he was barging through the door, sliding it open so hard, it shut again. Jaken glared at the screen, and Kagome laughed at the toad before opening the door for him, allowing the toad to enter.

Giving the lady a thankful glance, he focused his attention on his lord. "Milord, Shippo has requested your presence. He says it is important." Jaken informed, and Sesshomaru nodded.

"Tell him I will join him shortly." Sesshomaru ordered, and Jaken turned and ran out of the study, intent on giving the message.

"As I'm sure you can tell, I don't feel the best. I do believe I am going to lay down for a while." Kagome stated, kissing Sesshomaru's jaw as his arms finally released. One hand cupped her check and he planted a proper kiss on her lips.

"If you need me for anything, my love, do not hesitate to call…think." Sesshomaru ordered, catching himself at the end. She didn't need to yell when all she had to do was whisper a thought and he would hear it.

"Okay. Go and see what our rowdy son wants this time." She demanded, and Sesshomaru playfully growled before nipping at her ear. She giggled as she backed away and eventually left the study, Sesshomaru watching her the entire way.

He sent one last burst of his love for her through the bond, then focused on finding the kit. He was curious as to what Shippo wanted. It wasn't often the kitsune requested his presence. After all, Shippo tried his best to stay out of Sesshomaru's way.

It didn't take long before Sesshomaru was met with more than just Shippo. It seemed as if the kit had called upon a lot of beings, not just him. Amadeus and Mikio were there, Amadeus still upset and refusing to speak to Kagome.

He would guard her, sure, but he didn't have to say a word to do that.

Youta was also present, looking just as confused as Sesshomaru was feeling. Turning to look at the tense kit, Sesshomaru finally voiced the question that all wanted to ask. "Why have you called upon us?"

"For these." Shippo explained, holding out a bag of scrolls. Sesshomaru's eyes widened when he realized what they were, and he looked away quickly. He wasn't sure he wanted to read the letter from his mate who thought she would never see them again. He wasn't sure he could handle it.

"You don't have to read them, but I figured everyone deserved the choice to do so." Shippo continued, holding the bag out to everybody.

One by one, everyone grabbed the appropriate scroll until all that was left were two. Sesshomaru's and Touga's. Sesshomaru stared at the parchment, glaring at it as if it offended him. Soon, though, his curious side won and he was grabbing his scroll, opening it, and reading it much like everyone else was.

What he saw angered him more than he ever thought it would. He understood that his mate just wanted him to be happy, but did she not understand that, without her, he could never be happy? Without her, there would be a part of him that could never be filled again.

"Lord Sesshomaru, where is the lady?" Amadeus asked quietly. Sesshomaru looked up from his scroll and saw the inu guard looking as calm as ever, but he knew better. Beneath that calm was a storm finally ready to be released.

"In our chambers." Sesshomaru answered, and Amadeus was gone.

"You're just going to let him go?" Youta asked, looking surprised. The last three present didn't seem to be phased at all by their letters, meaning they wouldn't understand.

Just as Amadeus had things that needed to be said, so did Sesshomaru. "He will not go alone. However, he may speak as he wishes."

Amadeus had just reached the room and didn't even wait for them to slide open all the way. The moment the doors opened enough to fit through, he was inside, staring down at a startled Kagome.

Her eyes were glued to the scroll he was still holding tight in his grasp. "Where did you get that?"

"I could have sworn you left this for me. In it, you stated that you like that I speak my mind with you. Would you like to know what my thoughts are at this moment?" Amadeus started, growling when Kagome shook her head in the negative with wide eyes. "Well, you're going to. What you did…it was fucking stupid! How did you ever think I would have forgiven you if you died? Your life means so much more than mine, or anybody else's, for that matter, and you just about threw it away. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Normally, Kagome could keep her head about things, but this time, her anger was starting to get the better of her. Amadeus was acting as if she hadn't just sacrificed herself for him. He may be angry, but all she had wanted was to save his and Sesshomaru's life. "Listen here. Everything you just said is your opinion. To me, all of you mean more than my measly life ever could. If I ever need to give a year, or all of my years, to be sure that even just one of you lives, then I will do it. You say you would never forgive me, well, don't you think I know that? I gave my life to you expecting you to hate me. Why do you think I have been letting you not speak to me at all, or working my ass off, trying to figure out a way for you not to guard me any longer without you losing your honor?"

By now, Sesshomaru and the others had joined the room and were silently watching the falling out between miko and guard. It had been some time since Sesshomaru last saw his miko so riled up, and if she didn't settle down quickly, he would step in. She shouldn't be so stressed while pupped.

"It doesn't matter what you think because the option of sacrificing yourself has been taken. None of us have to worry about you being stupid again. "Amadeus paused, loving how confused the miko was looking. "If you kill yourself for any of us, you kill your mate."

Kagome's eyes widened as she realized the truth behind his words, and she looked to Sesshomaru, whose eyes were just as angry as Amadeus'. She could never save anyone in that way again because she could never be okay with hurting her mate.

Her shoulders sagged and her head lowered. She hadn't realized how angry her actions had made everybody. She had just wanted them all to live, but now, she realized that she hadn't been thinking of what they wanted.

Now, she needed to.

"You swore your allegiance to me at the end of the war. You stated that you shall be there for me, however I need you." Kagome began, and all of a sudden, Amadeus wasn't looking so smug anymore. He didn't like the way his friend's voice sounded. "From this moment forward, you will no longer be my guard. You will protect Natsuki as you have done me."

"Kagome–" Amadeus started. This wasn't what he had wanted at all. He just wanted to yell a bit, not be sent away. He never got to say it, though, before he was interrupted.

"I have spoken. Leave me." Kagome whispered. What surprised everyone was just how much authority that little whisper held.

Amadeus was now the one slouching as he realized that his mouth had, once again, gotten him into trouble. He took one last lingering look at the miko, wishing he could say something, but knowing that she wouldn't listen, before turning and leaving to find his new charge.

"Leave." Sesshomaru's voice called out, sending everyone else out of the room. He approached his shaking mate, wrapping her in his arms.

She immediately let go and began sobbing into his chest. He knew it was hard for her to do that, to send away one of her best friends, but he also knew that she had made a mistake. Amadeus had never wanted that.

There were still many things that needed to be spoken of but, for now, he just held her, letting her get everything off of her chest.

-sSs-

This is not over. It will run into the next chapter. It was just getting too long to have as one. I thought it was important that the group deals with their emotions towards Kagome's sacrifice. A sacrifice like that is large and affects more than just a little. However, it almost always gets played down as if she hardly did anything. I think it's important that we see just how everyone is dealing with her actions. I hope you enjoy.

Shout outs:

I couldn't let any of the main characters die, and everyone loves Amadeus so I saved them all. I believe we figure out Touga in chapter or two. I know it is already written, but I can't remember exactly when it occurs. I can't stand leaving my stories open, and I try my best to finish them all.

Kelsie504: I would have gotten yelled at by a lot of people if I killed anyone off. I didn't want an angry mob chasing me. Lol. In this case, the father needed to be punished.

Redrake323: For the next few chapters everyone will basically be living a happy and carefree life. Touga will be dealt with in two to three chapters.

Sassy618: The bond idea grew on me. I have actually been able to do a lot with it when I write chapters. Thank you for your kind wishes on my schooling.

Wren210: I agree with you about an angry Sesshomaru. I wouldn't want him angry at me though… I'd be scared, but unable to look at away at his sexiness. Not really a good combination. Lol. Touga won't die, but he will be humiliated.