Chapter 53

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Three days have passed since Emily's funeral and it has officially been a week since Emily 'died' or at least that's what everyone believes. Ever since Emily's funeral Penelope has been staying at her fathers, with Sergio, and Rossi is reasonably confident that she won't be leaving any time soon, and even though he isn't usually the biggest fan of cats he has come to not mind Sergio's presence.

With every hour that passes Rossi is becoming more worried about his daughter as it is clear that she is struggling and neither he, Stephen, Morgan, or even Matt who have tried have managed to get through to her.

It is about lunchtime and Rossi is making Penelope's favourite foods in an attempt to try to get her to eat, as she hasn't been doing much of that, when he hears the doorbell ring, and so pausing what he is doing, and wiping his hands, Rossi heads to his front door.

Getting to the front door Rossi opens it to reveal Hotch on the other side,

"Aaron, come in." Rossi says, letting him into the house, even though he wasn't expecting him.

"Thanks." Hotch says, walking in, "I just went by Penelope's place, it seemed like she wasn't there." Hotch reveals, not revealing the fact that that concerned him.

"She's here." Rossi reveals, leading Hotch towards the kitchen, "About an hour after she left the cemetery with Morgan, she showed up here, with Prentiss's cat, asked if she could stay." He explains, "I think there were too many memories of Emily to stay there." He admits, and Hotch is pretty sure that he is correct.

"How's Penelope doing?" Hotch asks curious.

"I think not well is an understatement." Rossi admits, "She's barley left her room."

"I'm sorry." Hotch says, not sure what else to say.

"I'm sure you're not just hear to check in, what do you need Aaron?" Rossi asks.

"I've talked to Strauss, she wants us back at work on Monday." Hotch explains.

"No, there's no way Penelope's ready for that." Rossi objects.

"Penelope has another two weeks off, it's the rest of us Strauss wants back Monday." Hotch explains.

"Okay." Rossi says, not sure that it would be a good idea to leave Penelope yet, "Is Strauss going to replace Prentiss?" Rossi asks, being pretty sure that would be incredibly hard for Penelope.

"I don't know yet." Hotch reveals, "Probably." he admits.

"Right." Rossi says, going back to making Penelope's lunch.

"I'll let you be, I just came to tell you about Strauss." Hotch explains, "Dave, if your or Penelope need anything, just call." He once more offers.

"I will." Rossi says, "Thanks Aaron." He says, and once he does Hotch heads out of the house while Rossi continues to make Penelope's lunch.


A few minutes after Hotch left Rossi has finished Penelope's lunch and is gently pushing the door to her bedroom open, as shed doesn't seem to respond when he knocks.

"Can I come in Kiddo?" Rossi asks his daughter who is sitting on her bed, in her pyjamas though, just like every day since she collected them from her apartment, wearing the earrings Emily made her, and to his surprise, reading one of the books he wrote, and Penelope nods, "I brought you lunch." Rossi says, walking over to his daughter.

"I'm not hungry." Penelope answers, giving the same answers she has been giving most of the time lately.

"Kiddo, you've barley eaten in the past week." Rossi reminds her, sitting down on the edge of Penelope's bed, "I know you're in pain, and you miss Emily, but you need to eat." Rossi tells his daughter, "Kitten, Emily loved you as much as you love her, I know that without a doubt. She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Rossi tells his daughter, trying to be stern but kind, "Emily would want you to keep going, to keep living, and to do that you need to eat, you need to look after yourself."

"Everything hurts Dad, breathing hurts, living without her hurts." Penelope explains, "I see her everywhere, and I miss her, and I can't imagine going on without her." Penelope says, terrifying her father with a few words, "Dad there is so much I never got to tell her." Penelope says crying, "I don't even remember the last time I told her I loved her… I don't even know if she knew how much I loved her."

"She knew Kiddo, she knew." Rossi says, taking his daughters hand, "Morgan asked me to tell you something at the right time, and I think now's the time." Rossi reveals, as Morgan told him what Emily's last words were the night he called about Sergio, having decided that Rossi would be the best person to choose when Penelope found out what Emily's last words were, as he felt that Rossi was the best person to know when Penelope would be able to handle it, and even though he has some doubts he thinks now is that time.

"What is it?" Penelope asks her father.

"The night Emily died, before she lost consciousness, she asked Morgan to tell you that she loved you, those were her last words." Rossi reveals, and as he does Penelope cries even more, "Someone who loved you that much, who used her last words to make sure you knew she loved you, wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. She would want you to keep going, so please Kiddo, have something to eat… for Emily." Rossi requests, knowing that there is a level of manipulation to what he is saying, but the truth is he is out of ideas, and is desperate as he is confident that Penelope cannot go much longer without eating, no matter what she may think, and to his relief Penelope reaches over and takes a small bite to eat.

"Dad how do this without her? How do I keep going?" Penelope asks, her voice breaking, once she has eaten the small amount of food she took.

"You take it one day at a time, but if you're not there yet you take it one hour at a time, or one minute or even one second if you need." Rossi tells his daughter, "You're not alone Kiddo, we're all here for you." Rossi reveals.

"I feel alone without her, everything feels empty." Penelope admits.

"I know." Rossi says, as he moves the plate closer to his daughter, "You know what's grief is like." Rossi says to his daughter, as his daughter has experienced more grief than he would like, so she knows what it feels like.

"I know time helps, and that terrifies me." Penelope admits, "I never want to forget her."

"You won't." Rossi assures her daughter, "One day you'll remember her, and it will hurt a little less." Rossi says, saying what Penelope already knows but is having a hard time remembering now.

"I can't imagine that." Penelope admits, as, to Rossi's relief she grabs a bit more food and eats it.

"You will." Rossi assures his daughter, squeezing her hand, as the two of them drift into silence, and to Rossi's relief Penelope eats a little more.


Five days have passed since Rossi told Penelope want Emily's last words were and while Penelope is eating a bit more than she was it is more than clear that she isn't okay, it is clear that she is barely hanging on, something which terrifies Rossi.

It is Saturday night and, in an effort, to try and help his daughter Rossi invited Stephen, Morgan, and Matt over for dinner, but the dinner has passed with Penelope saying very little, even when her father, Stephen, Morgan, and Matt tried to get her to talk.

As they have finished eating Rossi, Penelope, Matt, Morgan, and Stephen are all taking the dishes into the kitchen.

"Scotch?" Rossi asks the others, and Matt, Morgan, and Stephen all look interested.

"Excuse me." Penelope says, before heading upstairs, the others watching her as she goes.

"Has she been like this since Prentiss's funeral?" Morgan asks concerned, once it is clear that Penelope has headed upstairs.

"Yeah." Rossi confirms, "I've been trying to help but I'm running out of ideas." He admits, "I've been thinking about calling Carolyn."

"That's a really good idea." Stephen says, "After Debra and Santiago died Carolyn is the person who helped Penelope the most. Even if she can't help, I think it would be good for Penelope to see her."

"I'll call her, see if she can fly up." Rossi says.

"Maybe Penelope should go see Carolyn rather than Carolyn coming here." Matt suggests.

"A change of scenery, getting her out of this house, could be good for her." Morgan comments, as while he doesn't know Carolyn as well as the others, he knows enough about her relationship with Penelope to know that she may just be able to help.

"Yeah, it could be." Rossi confirms, "I'll make sure it's okay with Carolyn," Rossi says, though the truth is he can't see it not being, "And then book the tickets." Rossi says, "Getting Penelope to agree is another matter." He says, as he can't see how to get Penelope to agree to that as she is barely leaving her room these days, let alone the house.

"A road trip." Matt suddenly says, and he looks at Stephen, "You know what road trips mean to Penelope, and if it's just the two of you, like you've done a hundred times before, she may just agree because it's less pressure."

"I'm up for that." Stephen says as he is pretty sure that right now there is nothing, he wouldn't do to help Penelope.

"I'll call Carolyn, make sure she is okay with you two coming to visit." Rossi says, "Scotch is in the lounge room, help yourself." He says, before heading outside to make his call.

Once he is outside Rossi pulls his phone and calls a number he doesn't call much, but always makes sure he has, Carolyn.

"Hello." Carolyn says, answering the call after a few rings.

"Hello Carolyn." Rossi greats.

"David." Carolyn says, sounding surprised, "How are you?"

"That's not an easy question to answer at the moment." Rossi admits.

"Is Penelope okay?" Carolyn asks concerned, as these days when she and Rossi talks it is normally about Penelope, and because she knows Rossi so well she can tell that something is up.

"No." Rossi answers, "Almost two weeks ago Emily was killed." Rossi explains, "Penelope's not handling it well." He admits.

"I'll be on the first flight in the morning." Carolyn says, knowing exactly why Rossi called.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Stephen, Matt, Morgan and I have been talking and we think it would be best if Penelope came to see you, if that's okay." Rossi explains, "If he can get her to agree she and Stephen will likely drive to you."

"That's fine with me." Carolyn says as even with the health issues she is currently having she will still do everything she can to help Penelope.

"Good." Rossi says, sounding relieved.

"How's she doing, Dave, really?" Carolyn asks, sounding worried.

"Not well." Rossi admits, "Emily's the love of her life, she loves her so much, she's barley coping." Rossi admits, trying not to show how worried he is, but because Carolyn knows him so well he can tell.

"You're worried about her." Carolyn says, it being a statement and not a question.

"Terrified." Rossi admits, "I just want to help, take away her pain, but can't… and I hate that." Rossi admits, saying so much because he is talking to Carolyn.

"You can only be there for her, David, that's all you can do right now." Carolyn says, knowing that that wouldn't be enough for Dave, but it is all he can do, "Tell Penelope that I love her, and if she agrees to come to San Francisco let me know when she and Stephen will get her, or I'll come to you." Carolyn explains.

"I will, thank you, Carolyn." Rossi says.

"You don't have to thank me, I love Penelope as if she was my own." Carolyn explains, saying what Rossi already knows, "Goodbye David." Carolyn says, and Rossi hangs up.

Once he hangs up with Rossi takes a couple of deep breaths, feeling a sense of relief as while he didn't have much doubt that Carolyn would be okay with Penelope coming to see her, he is relieved to have her confirm that she is okay with that as he does think that Carolyn can help Penelope the most.

After taking a few moments Rossi heads back inside and straight to the living room where he finds Morgan, Stephen, and Matt drinking his scotch.

"Did you talk to Carolyn?" Morgan asks curious.

"Yeah. She's fine with Penelope coming to see her, and if Penelope doesn't agree to that then she'll come here." Rossi explains.

"I'll go talk to Rossi." Stephen says, standing up and putting his scotch down.

"Good luck." Matt says, knowing that he is going to need it, as Stephen heads upstairs.

As Stephen makes his way upstairs he starts to think of the best way to bring up the road trip idea to Penelope, knowing that he needs to suggest it in a way that doesn't make it seem like he, Rossi, Morgan, and Matt are trying to force Penelope into doing something as that won't end well.

"Rossi?" Stephen asks, gently knocking on Penelope's open door.

"Come in Gideon." Penelope responds, and Stephen walks over and sits down on Penelope's bed, where she is reading.

"Since when do you pass up scotch?" Stephen asks, thinking it is a good place to start.

"Didn't feel like it." Penelope admits, "I'm not really up for company." She says, as Sergio jumps up onto her bed, and she pats him.

"I thought as much." Stephen admits, "So, I was thinking, how about we go on a road trip? Maybe go see Carolyn." He suggests, trying to sound casual, but not really succeeding.

"Whose idea was that?" Penelope asks curious, as she is pretty sure that the out of the blue idea to go on a road trip wasn't only Stephen's idea.

"Your Dad thought Carolyn could help, Matt suggested the road trip rather than Carolyn coming here." Stephen explains, knowing that he needs to be honest right now, "And for the record, I think it could be a good idea too; a chance of scenery, maybe a distraction." Stephen explains.

"Nothing can distract me from her." Penelope says, there being an edge of anger to her voice.

"You're right." Stephen says, realising his words were a mistake, "Rossi, you love road trips, and I know seeing Carolyn could help right now, and it will get you out of this house. I think it would be a good idea." He explains.

"It would be nice to see Carolyn." Penelope admits, as Carolyn is the closest thing to a mother she has, and there are things she can't talk to her father about, and honestly, she figures it will be easier to just agree then argue with Stephen, her father, Matt, and probably Morgan.

"Yeah, it would be." Stephen confirms, feeling glad as it was easier to get Penelope to agree than he was expecting.


A day and a half later, early on a Monday morning, the day the BAU team, minus Penelope are going back to work, Penelope, her father, and Stephen are standing outside Rossi's house, with Stephen's car packed with the things he and Penelope are taking with them.

"So, you'll make sure Sergio is looked after." Penelope says, to her father, as that is her biggest concerned.

"I promise." Rossi says, before hugging his daughter, "See hello to Carolyn to me." Rossi requests, "I love you Kiddo." Rossi says, before kissing his daughter's head.

"Love you too." Penelope responds, and she and her father break apart.

"Call a couple of times a day, at least, so I know everything's okay." Rossi says, looking between Penelope and Stephen as even though they are adults he is still going to be concerned about the two of them taking a cross country road trip.

"Yes Dad."

"Yes Dave."

Penelope and Stephen say together, both having expected that so neither are surprised.

"See you when we get back." Stephen says, before he and Penelope get into the car, Stephen in the drivers' side while Penelope in the passenger and about a minute later they drive out of Rossi's driveway.

After watching Penelope and Stephen drive away Rossi heads back inside and starts to get ready for work.


About an hour after he said goodbye to Penelope and Stephen Rossi is walking up to Morgan, Reid, and Hotch who are standing near Emily's desk at the BAU.

"Hey, how'd Garcia get off?" Morgan asks, as Rossi walks up.

"Good. She and Stephen left about an hour ago." Rossi explains.

"Where are they going?" Reid asks, and honestly Hotch is just as curious about that as well.

"Taking a road trip to San Francisco, to see Carolyn." Rossi explains, "I'm hoping it will help." He admits.

"And if it doesn't?" Hotch asks, wondering if Rossi has thought about that.

"I don't know." Rossi admits, it being clear that he doesn't like that that is his answer to that question, and the group of four go back to staring at Emily's desk, all four of them thinking about the person that the desk belongs to.


After driving all day, which was done mainly in silence, and making sure that they call to check in with Rossi, Penelope and Stephen have stopped at a hotel for the night.

While Penelope was in the shower Stephen has stepped out to get some supplies as he isn't sure he can handle another day of driving in complete silence, because it is so unlike Penelope, so unlike how things usually are with them, and so he has an idea of a way to help her.

As he returns to the hotel room with his supplies Stephen finds Penelope sitting her bed and brushing her hair and she he grabs the two glasses that the hotel supplies and walks over to her.

"We're going to talk." Stephen says, as he sits cross legged on Penelope's bed.

"I don't really want to talk, Gideon." Penelope admits, as she agreed to the road trip, what she didn't agree to is talking.

"I know, which is exactly why we're going to." Stephen says, pulling several bottles of Red Wine out of a bag, "Penelope you're in incredible pain." Stephen says and as he does Penelope notices that he called her Penelope instead of Rossi like he usually does, "And we both know what happens when you keep that pain in, and so we're going to drink, and you're going to talk about Emily." Stephen explains.

"No, I can't." Penelope says, shaking her head, tears coming to her eyes as she is pretty sure that that will be very painful for her.

"Yeah, you can." Stephen says, "We're going to drink and you're going to talk about the women you love, because you need to." He explains, as he pours two glasses of wine, "You can do this, Rossi, just start talking about her." Stephen says, having a theory that once Penelope starts talking then the flood gates will open, and it will help, as he hands Penelope the glass he poured.

Taking the glass from Stephen Penelope takes a big mouthful,

"I was going to tell her about James." Penelope reveals, her voice quiet, but rushed.

"You haven't told anyone about him." Stephen reveals, knowing that he only knows about James because of how close the Rossi and Gideon families are, and he is pretty sure that no one outside of their families knows, as he knows for a fact that even Matt doesn't know about him.

"I know, it just felt right, I wanted her to know everything about me." Penelope reveals, taking another drink, "I wanted to marry her someday." Penelope says, surprising Stephen.

"You always said you didn't want to ever get married." Stephen says, knowing two things the first is that that's not surprising considering she watched her father have three fail marriages, and the second is that the only other time Penelope had been anywhere near close to considering marriage was when she was with Shane, but this seems more than just close, this seems certain.

"Because I didn't want to be empty, but I'm empty now, Gideon." Penelope says, tears coming to her eyes, "I love her so much, and I just miss her, nothing feels real without her, I don't think it ever will." She admits.

"It will, you need to believe that." Stephen tells his friend, who takes another drink and so Stephen tops up her glass.

"I thought she didn't trust me." Penelope reveals, looking hurt, "I thought that's why she didn't tell me any of this, but one of her old team mates told me she does trust me."

"I may not know the details of what happened, but I know she trusted you, I saw that, every day I saw you together." Stephen tells his friend.

"I think she was ashamed, but she had no reason to be!" Penelope exclaims, "She knows the things I did, I would never judge her! Knowing everything doesn't change anything for me, it would never! I love her, no matter what!"

"Rossi, I think she was trying to protect you." Stephen says, trying to keep his voice calm, as while he doesn't know everything that's what he'd assume.

"She should have let me try to protect her! Because I would have!" Penelope reveals, getting both angry and frustrated, "Is she had told me then maybe I could have found him, maybe I could have help stop him…. maybe I could have saved her." Penelope reveals, sounding guilty, her voice breaking as she finally reveals what she has been keeping in for the last two weeks.

"Oh Rossi." Stephen says, moving over to his friend, "This is not your fault." He says, putting an arm around her, "We've been down the road of what ifs before, and you know you'll just drive yourself mad if you keep asking what if and maybe…" Stephen says, "Emily loved you, I know that. You were the love of her life, and she's yours, so I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Stephen says, squeezing the arm he has around Penelope, "The only person to blame is the person who killed her. It is not your fault." Stephen says, stressing the last five words.

"It feels like it." Penelope says, "I just miss her Gideon, so much, it feels like a part of me is gone." Penelope reveals, and having no idea what to say Stephen just continues to hug his best friend, placing a kiss on her head, feeling out of his element but that the only thing he can do right now is just be there for his friend, be whatever she needs; which right now is someone to hold her why she cries.


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