AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hi all. I need to take a minute to thank those of you that have reached out and been so incredibly kind and supportive between posts. Updates will continue to be a lot slower than I'd like until the holidays, and possibly beyond that. It's out of my control, and it means so much to me that so many of you have stuck around for this long. Really, I can't thank you enough. To those of you who comment or e-mail me solely asking for updates, I'd appreciate it if you can try to be more understanding. I don't know how to make it more clear how passionate I am about this story and how dedicated I am to seeing it through. If you follow authors who seem to love their work, and you find that they're not updating as frequently as you'd like, odds are there's a good reason for it, and they're probably suffering a lot more than you are. Please take a moment to consider this before you comment or e-mail, and choose your words carefully. There are plenty of ways you can express your appreciation for a story you enjoy, and I assure you, demanding more frequent updates is not one of them. If I'm not updating every week, you can safely assume that my personal life has made it literally impossible to do so, and that I'm more upset and frustrated about it than anyone. Again, thank you so much to those of you who've been so kind and supportive. I really can't tell you what it means to me.
Jack was pulled gradually out of a dreamless sleep by unfamiliar noises. His head was still resting on Mark's shoulder, and he felt Mark breathing slowly, evidently still asleep. Jack opened his eyes.
Jessie was nearby. The sun must have been coming up; he could tell that it was her in the dim light. She smiled at him and whispered: "You guys ok?"
He smiled back and mouthed: "Yeah."
"Ok. Just making some adjustments. Go back to sleep."
He watched as she manipulated Mark's IV, made a note in his chart, and disappeared silently back into the hallway.
He tried to keep his eyes open, waiting for any sign that Mark might have woken up. But Mark was still. His skin was warm. Jack felt his breaths, listened to his heart. Jack let his eyelids fall closed again. He slept.
"Sean."
Jack had been deeply asleep, buried again under several layers of exhaustion, but the familiar sound penetrated through. Mark. He lifted his head.
"Mark?"
Mark nodded, brown eyes reflecting pale morning light.
"Say it again." Jack held his breath, waiting for the sound to wash over him.
"Sean."
Mark's voice. Still low, edged with muted roughness, but it was his, warm and familiar, Jack's favorite sound in the world.
Jack felt Mark's thumb brushing against his cheek.
"Babe. It's alright."
"What-?" Jack blinked, felt another tear spill over onto his cheek. "Shit." He sniffed. "Sorry. I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me, McLoughlin," Mark said gently. He brushed his fingers down the side of Jack's face, let his hand rest at Jack's neck.
Jack smiled, sniffed again. "Really. I'm just so happy to hear yer voice. How d'you feel? Yeh look…" He rested his fingers along Mark's jaw. "Perfect, as usual."
Mark scrutinized Jack's face, feeling somewhat alert for the first time since before the surgery. He could tell Jack was exhausted, even though he'd just woken up. His face was creased on one side where he'd been sleeping against Mark's shoulder, his hair standing up in all directions. But he was smiling, and his eyes were bright. Mark was internally flooded with both gratitude and concern, could barely fathom what all of this must be like for Jack. He struggled for a moment, lost in the blue of Jack's eyes, searching for a way to express what he was feeling. The words didn't come. He wasn't sure the right words even existed. He decided to keep it simple for the time being, sliding his hand down to rest on Jack's chest, over his heart.
"Love you, Sean."
Jack kissed his face, high on his cheekbone.
"Love you, Mark."
Mark nodded. "I know. More than I ever thought anyone could."
Jack blushed, smiled. "Give it time. I'll probably love yeh even more tomorrow."
"Probably not, if I keep you trapped in this bed. You should take a break, Sean."
Jack looked like he wanted to argue, but Mark forged ahead. "I'm serious this time. I'm good. You're supposed to keep me calm, right? Do that by taking care of yourself. Hang out with the guys. Get some real food. Take a nap. Whatever you need."
"I need to know that yeh're alright. That's the only thing I need. But…" Jack shifted uncomfortably. "I hate to even bring this up."
"Spill it, McLoughlin."
Jack sighed. "I was supposed to work today. I didn't know what to tell them. No one at Blizzard knows about us… and I need to keep working. I don't want to risk anything with my Visa. So… I was thinking I could call in?"
Mark's heart squeezed. He could tell that the idea of leaving was agonizing for Jack.
"Sean. Go. Do what you need to do."
Jack nodded. "It'll just be fer a while, I promise."
He reached for his phone and e-mailed to let his team know he'd be calling in for meetings later that morning. He scrolled through his notifications, and Mark watched a grin spread across his face.
"Oh God, what did they do?"
Jack giggled. "They can't upload to yer channel without permission, love. But it looks like they put something together last night. Want to check it out?"
Mark grimaced. "I guess we should."
Jack climbed out of the bed and pulled on Mark's shirt. He collected his laptop, then climbed back into the bed beside Mark and opened the link Matthias had e-mailed to him. He pressed "play" on the video.
An image of Felix, Ken, Bob, Wade, and Matthias materialized. They were crammed onto what Jack assumed must be Matthias' couch. They all spoke in unison, in a rough approximation of Mark's baritone:
"Helllloooo everybody, we're Markiplier's friends, and welcome to Matthias' living room!"
Wade continued on his own:
"We're going to assume you all know that Mark has landed himself in the hospital again. We've all been to see him, and we can promise you that he's doing just fine. He'll be up and about and back to his usual idiocy before you know it. In the meantime, we're going to go ahead and seize the opportunity to highlight some of his recent embarrassing moments."
Bob chimed in:
"One of the best things about watching Mark's channel is the feeling that you're just sitting down to play or watch a game with one of your friends. I've said it before, and I'll say it again now. Mark is exactly the person you think he is. He is that friend that you want to stay up all night playing games with, and a big part of that is how hilarious he gets when he fucks it all up."
Felix spoke next:
"I can't even describe the special kind of pleasure I got from watching Mark play Lethe, because of how hard he sucked at it. I mean, really. Right guys? It's just so bad. Watching him get fucked by those bear traps over and over... Right?" The rest of the group had dissolved into laughter.
Ken reached over to an end table and started distributing shot glasses to the group. He spoke as he passed out the drinks:
"So in honor of Mark, we're going to screen some sections of his first episode of Lethe, and hopefully provide some colorful commentary for you guys." He raised his glass to the group, and they all followed suit. "Cheers, buddy. We love you. Get well soon. And I'm so sorry for what's about to happen." They all clinked their glasses and took their shots. Everyone grimaced except Matthias, who clarified his position:
"They're drinking actual liquor. I'm drinking apple juice. Some of us have babies to raise. But don't worry, Mark. I don't need to get drunk to insult you, as you very well know."
"Ok, bros. We ready or what?" Felix waited for everyone to acknowledge, then used a keyboard and mouse to manipulate the video feed. The image of the five friends condensed into a small rectangle and shifted to the upper right-hand corner, while the frozen image of Mark's Lethe Let's Play filled the screen, including Mark's face in the upper left-hand corner. "Right. Pour the drinks, Ken. Let's get fucked, bros!"
"Hang on there." Ken looked skeptical. "Who am I getting fucked by? Because if I have a choice, I pick Wade."
"Aw! Dude!" Wade batted his eyelashes at Ken.
"Just saying. You seem like you'd be real gentle about it."
Wade nodded solemnly. "I would."
"Dibs on Jack," Felix said emphatically.
"Dude," Bob cut in, "Jack's not exactly… available right now."
"None of us are available. That's not the point. If we're making a fake list of dudes to get fucked by, Jack is at the top. Right?" Felix stared them all down, and they all nodded their agreement, except for Matthias.
"Wait, is Mark on this list somewhere?"
"Can I just say that I'm not nearly drunk enough for this conversation?" Bob interjected. "Can we come back to this after a few more drinks?"
Felix started the video, and they all continued to chat and joke for the first several minutes, until Felix finally shushed them.
"Ok. It's coming up. Wait for it…"
The all stared intently at the screen until…
SCREEEK.
"HHHUHHHH FUCKING COCK!"
Felix paused the video as they all shook with laughter, imitating the image of Mark's face frozen mid-jumpscare.
"…Ha… I mean… Jesus..." Felix choked out between laughs. "…He's clutching his chest! In terror!"
They all continued to laugh as Ken distributed their shots. They clinked glasses again and drank before passing them back in Ken's direction.
"Another round, bro," Felix directed, then shifted his attention to the camera. "In case you haven't figured it out, we're drinking every time Mark gets fucked by a bear trap, which means we'll be wasted in no time." He clicked the video back on, and the group quieted down to listen to what Mark was saying in the recording.
"…Well. Aaaallllright. Let me just get my heart started back up again… Wow. Why was that there? …Into the thick of it I go again, watching out for more bear traps... heart attack bear traps..."
SCREEEK.
"AH! FUCK OFF!"
Felix paused the playback again as laughter boomed over the audio track. Ken tried to pick up a couple of shot glasses and immediately put them back onto the table, laughing uncontrollably.
"…Like…" Felix was trying to catch his breath. "…He was literally… still talking about… watching out for the bear traps! Like… he was mid-sentence! Talking about watching out for the bear traps! Oh my God!"
Ken finally distributed the shot glasses, and they all toasted Mark again. They drank twice more over the next twenty minutes, and Felix was doubled over with tipsy laughter by the time Mark finally summed up the experience:
"Goddammit! When am I ever gonna learn? LOOK DOWN!"
"Yeah Mark-" Felix started – "LOOK DOWN!" the rest of the group yelled at the camera.
In real time, Jack pressed pause on the playback as he and Mark dissolved into giggles.
"…Jesus Christ…" Jack managed between hiccups of laughter. "They did not hold back…"
"I know…" Mark coughed, winced, said Oh fuck ow, and continued to giggle, although Jack could tell he was in pain and trying to hold back. He got his own laughter under control, put a hand on Mark's chest, and kissed Mark's cheek slowly until his laughter had subsided, too.
"Thanks, Sean. I'm good. It's hilarious. Post it."
"I think we should preview the end first, love."
"Sure. Just keep your hand there so I don't pop any stitches. Jesus."
Jack used his free hand to click on the video, and the sound of laughter filled the room again, until it was drowned out by Felix's voice, which was more heavily accented than Mark and Jack were used to hearing it.
"Ok bros, that's all for this episode, but watch out for the next one. We're just getting started. And, Mark, if you're watching… maybe take a break first, it's only getting worse from here."
"But we love you, man!" Wade cut in, wobbling slightly as he spoke.
"Yeah dude," Bob chimed in, still giggling. "Get better soon."
"Hang in there, Mark," Matthias added.
"See you soon, man!" Ken finished.
"Jesus, if you're all finished licking Mark's balls, can we wrap this up?" Felix drawled. "See you in the next one, bitches."
They all laughed, waved at the camera, and chorused, "BUH-BYYYE!" The video cut to black, and Jack paused it again.
"Oh my God, that was brutal." Mark chuckled. "I love it. Queue it up, babe."
"You got it, love." Jack set the file to download, and noticed that he'd received a second link while he and Mark had been previewing the video. He set that video to download, as well. "Maybe we can watch that one later?"
Mark nodded. Jack checked his phone.
"Oh. Matthias will be here soon. He's bringing clean clothes, and he wants to see yeh, obviously."
"Sean. I really think you should go with him for a while. Take a break. Eat some real food."
Jack smiled, brushed at Mark's hair. "I don't need a break. I do want to record something for yer channel, though. But I don't need to go today…"
Mark shook his head. "You should. It'll make me happy."
Jack studied his face. He could see that Mark was telling the truth. He nodded. "As long as Tom's here. And just fer a bit. And I'll come RIGHT BACK if yeh need me."
Mark tugged on the neckline of Jack's shirt. "Come here, please."
Jack kissed him, sweetly. Then, a little less sweetly. Then, the door opened. Jack straightened up, his red cheeks matching the blush he could see on Jessie's face as she slowly approached.
"Hey, guys. Feeling a little better, Mark?" Jack could tell she felt incredibly awkward, but as usual, her professionalism won out, and her voice was steady and confident. Mark returned her smile.
"Definitely more awake."
She nodded. "I adjusted your meds. How's the pain?"
"A little worse. Tolerable."
"Ok. We'll be getting you out of bed to walk around today. You remember what it was like the last time?"
Mark sighed. "Yup. No way I can bribe my way out of it?"
She giggled. "No can do. It's important for your circulation. It'll be worth it in the long run."
Jack reached for Mark's hand and squeezed. "Yeh've got this, love. No worries, yeah?"
Mark squeezed back, nodded.
"I do have good news, though. You've got a friend here to see you. He said you'd be expecting him?"
Jack nodded. "Probably Matthias. Can he come in fer a few minutes now?"
"Definitely. You can visit for a bit. My shift is actually about to end, so I just wanted to check in and say goodbye for the day. Nancy will probably come by soon."
They both thanked her and said goodbye, and she let Matthias into the room before disappearing into the hall. Jack climbed out of the bed to greet Matthias, extending his hand, but Matthias pulled him into a hug instead.
"Good to see you, Jack." He gave Jack a brief squeeze and then approached Mark's bed. "Looking good, Markiplier."
"You too, Apple Juice."
"Hey! You sound good, too! And you're still speaking to me after watching that video. All good things. Did you see the second one yet?"
"No, Sean just set it to download. Laughing hurts, so I figured I'd save it for later. You guys did great with the first one, though. Thanks, man."
"Guess whose idea it was."
"Felix," Mark and Jack said in unison.
Matthias laughed. "No surprises there, I guess. The rest of the guys were still passed out when I left, I think they were up pretty late working on the edits. Plus they were wasted. But they'll come see you later on."
"You guys are the best. I do need one more favor, though."
"Anything."
"I need you to get Sean out of here for a while. Maybe help him find some real food?"
"Oh, yeah, of course!" He turned toward Jack. "Whatever you need, man."
"Food would be great. And I'd love to use yer setup to record and edit fer a bit, if yeh don't mind."
"Absolutely."
"Ok. I'm going to grab a shower, then. Keep an eye on this one fer me?"
Jack caught Mark's eye, and checked for signs of discomfort, either physical or emotional. Even the idea of leaving the room to shower made his insides twist uncomfortably; could he actually bring himself to leave the hospital? But Mark was smiling calmly, and Jack knew he'd already made up his mind. Arguing the point now wouldn't improve the situation for either of them.
He opened the suitcase Matthias had brought back, found a change of clothes, and locked himself in the bathroom to shower. He checked his phone again and saw that Tom and Mark's parents would be arriving shortly, and he found that he felt somewhat more at ease. He knew he could trust Tom to call him back to the hospital if anything happened. He showered and dressed as quickly as he could, thinking that the sooner he left, the sooner he could get back and be with Mark again.
When he finally left the bathroom, Nancy and Theo had joined Matthias at Mark's bedside. He greeted them as warmly as he could, given the uncomfortable feeling that was still squeezing inside his stomach. He packed up his backpack and put on a baseball cap, then moved close to Mark and picked up his hand.
"Looking good, McLoughlin."
Jack's heart thrummed. He loved to hear Mark compliment him in front of other people.
"Yeh're not so bad yerself, Fischbach." Jack watched Mark's gaze shift between his face and their clasped hands, and realized he'd been squeezing Mark's fingers too tightly. He loosened his grip, and Mark smiled.
"It's ok, Sean. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
Jack nodded. "I know. Just please call me if yeh need anything. Ok?"
"I will. I swear."
"Ok. Good." Jack moved to reclaim his arm, but Mark lifted his hand and kissed the back of it. Jack blushed, self-conscious but pleased.
"See you soon, love."
Mark finally released him, and he said goodbye to Nancy and Theo before heading into the hallway with Matthias. He sighed involuntarily as soon as the door clicked shut behind them.
"You ok, man?"
"Uhm. Yeah, I'm good."
"You don't want to leave."
Jack shook his head. "I really don't. But I know it's probably better. I think he'll be in a lot of pain this morning, and he's worried about how I'll handle it."
"Seems like you've been handling it all really well."
Jack thought of Mark's thumb brushing gently at his cheek, wiping away unbidden tears. "I can fake it pretty well, but Mark knows me better than that."
Matthias nodded. "Yeah. I'm still getting used to that, I guess."
"Sorry… was that weird in there?"
"Oh. God, no. It's… I mean, honestly it's really sweet. The way Mark is just going for it, I mean. It's so… real."
"Yeah. It feels pretty real."
They made their way through the double doors, and Jack was relieved to find Tom and Mark's parents sitting in the waiting room. Tom stood up, shook hands with Matthias, and then hugged Jack tightly.
"Hey, Tom. I'm glad yeh're here." Jack turned to Dee and Mark's mom.
"He's doing really well this morning. His voice sounds a lot better, and they're starting to lower his medication, so he's more awake. I think they're getting him out of bed fer a while, so maybe check in at the nurse's station in a bit?"
"You look better too, hun," Dee said brightly. Jack couldn't stop himself from smiling.
"Hearing his voice again helped a lot. Anyway, he was pushing me out the door today – he seems to think I need a break, and it didn't seem smart to argue. I'm going to go eat and get some work done, and then I'll be back, but… can yeh call me if I should come sooner? He might not say it…"
He was surprised to find all three of Mark's family members nodding.
"Go," Tom said reassuringly. "I promise I'll call if there's a reason to, but I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"Thanks." Jack hesitated, looking back toward the double doors. Matthias put a hand on his arm and steered him toward the exit, saying goodbye for the both of them. Jack became more independently mobile once they were back in the main hallway, and Matthias looked him over as soon as they got into the elevator.
"Seriously, man, you alright?"
"Uhm. Yes? I don't know. Sorry. I'll feel better as soon as I'm busy. What's the plan?"
"My house isn't too far. I think we should just head back there, we have plenty of food for breakfast."
Jack checked the time on his phone. "That sounds good. I have to call in to Blizzard for a couple of meetings in a bit. D'you have a room I could use fer a while?"
"Absolutely. Whatever you need."
Jack was grateful that Matthias remained chatty and upbeat on the drive back to his house. He made a concerted effort to let go of some of his anxiety as Matthias told him stories from the night before, and he was smiling and laughing much more easily by the time Matthias was letting him into the house. He felt even better as soon as he realized that someone was brewing coffee, and he and Matthias found Ken, Bob, and Wade chatting animatedly in the kitchen, sipping from coffee mugs and cooking breakfast. They practically cheered when Jack entered the room and piled onto him in a group hug. Wade handed him a plate filled with pancakes and eggs and ordered him to sit down and eat.
Jack found Felix sitting by himself at the bar, sipping slowly from a mug, his face partially obscured by the hood he'd pulled over his head.
"I can't hug you right now, bro." Jack stifled a giggle; Felix's voice was scratchy with hungover misery.
"Too bad, asshole." He put his arms around Felix's shoulders and squeezed.
"Fuck, dude, what did I just say?" Felix croaked, but he leaned against Jack, squeezing one of his arms.
Jack sat down and started shoveling food into his mouth, feeling infinitely better now that he was surrounded by friends again. He responded to questions intermittently, but was happy to sit and listen to the sounds of familiar voices and laughter. He eventually checked the time on his phone again, ate even faster, and then jumped up with his backpack.
Matthias led him to an office, where he set up his laptop and headphones and plugged in his phone. Both video files had finished downloading before he'd left the hospital, and he set the Lethe video to upload to YouTube, and queued up some social media posts on Mark's accounts to publicize it. He also booted up the desktop in the room, just in case he needed to use it during his meetings. He wasn't actually sure whether he would need to use video chat or share his screen, but he was glad he had the option, just in case. His work commitments had been a nagging concern in the back of his mind, especially since he hadn't actually been to the office in two weeks, and he was grateful to Mark for helping him prioritize.
His feelings of gratitude expanded when Matthias returned with another plate of food and a second cup of coffee.
"Dude. Seriously, thank you."
Matthias nodded. "We'll leave you alone, just text me if you need anything else."
"This is awesome. Really. Start thinking of ways that I can make it up to yeh."
Matthias blinked. "You've singlehandedly pulled one of my best friends through an actual life-or-death situation. There's no comparison, man."
Jack stared. He hadn't been expecting that. Matthias took pity on him and redirected the exchange.
"Although… how are you with babies?"
Jack giggled. "I can hold my own."
"Great. See you later."
He left Jack alone.
Jack knew he could use the desktop computer to record later, so he logged in to his and Mark's accounts, and set some files to download so he could use the footage later on. He spent a couple of minutes responding to e-mails, trying to keep his thoughts from drifting constantly to Mark, but it was a massive effort. He finally picked up his phone, and found a text waiting for him.
M: I'M FINE. Stop worrying. I love you. I'll be here when you get back.
Jack smiled. He always knows.
J: just send this text on repeat, and i'll be good. i missed you as soon as i left the room. i love you. so proud of you.
Hearing from Mark made all the difference. Jack called in to talk with his team and found that two-and-a-half hours flew by, punctuated by the occasional reassuring text message from Mark. He finally logged off, stood up, stretched, and ventured back into the main living space of the house. It was quiet; he made his way to the living room, where he found Matthias working on a laptop, and Amanda sitting in a chair nearby, holding Luna in her lap.
"Jack!" Amanda said quietly.
"Sorry, I don't want to disturb you guys…"
"No way! Come sit!" She cocked her head toward the chair next to her.
Jack sat down and saw that Luna was actually awake, but looking sleepy, fussing with the pacifier Amanda was trying to keep in her mouth.
"We just played for a little while, but I think it's going to be naptime soon. It's really good to see you, Jack."
"You too. Thank you so much for letting me work here. And, oh my goodness, she is so beautiful. I'm so happy fer you guys."
Amanda grinned at him. "Want to hold her?"
Jack nodded. "I really do."
Amanda stood up carefully, and leaned down to help settle Luna in Jack's arms before disappearing into the kitchen.
Jack stared. Luna stared back. She burbled happily. He giggled.
"Hello, little lovely. You are just the best ever, aren't yeh?"
Luna opened and closed her little fist. He rocked her gently with one arm and nudged her tiny palm with his opposite index finger. She grabbed on and squeezed. He sighed.
He heard a muted click and looked up to find Matthias aiming his phone in his direction.
"Sorry, not sorry, I'm sending it to Mark. And you're trapped under a baby and can't do a thing to stop me."
Jack just smiled. "She's so cute, I'm not even mad. Just wake me up in a bit if I fall asleep."
"Sure thing, man."
Jack turned his gaze back toward Luna, and found that her eyes were starting to close. She was still holding onto his finger, and he gave her a tiny squeeze, enjoying the warmth of her squishy body. The sensation of rocking her to sleep was incredibly soothing, and he felt more calm than he had in days. He leaned his head against the back of the chair. He watched her fall asleep. He let his eyelids fall shut.
"Jack. Hey. I brought you some water."
Jack opened his eyes and found Amanda leaning over him. He was still holding Luna snugly as she slept.
"I'm going to put her down in her room, ok?"
He let Amanda take Luna from him and rubbed at his eyes, trying to force himself back into a state of alertness. Matthias was still on the couch nearby.
"Mmf. How long was I out?"
"Just a half hour or so. We figured you'd probably want to get back to work pretty soon, even though that snuggle nap was pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen."
Jack giggled. "Jesus, yeh filmed it, didn't yeh?"
"Of course I did. As if Mark wasn't head over heels enough. You're welcome."
Jack retrieved his phone from his pocket, and opened his texts from Mark.
M: As much as I miss you, these photos are worth it. Tell me all about it later? I'm going to sleep for a while. Text Tom if you need anything. "I love you" doesn't cover it, but I'm saying it anyway.
Jack grinned stupidly and nodded at Matthias. "Thanks." He typed a response:
J: you're right, it doesn't, but I still love hearing it. love you too. can't wait to see you.
He stood up and stretched again, finally realizing that the house seemed strangely empty.
"Where's everyone else?"
"They were going to meet up with the girls for lunch and then go see Mark. They might already be at the hospital by now. Amanda and I thought we might order in later – any requests?"
"Chinese? I feel like I should eat at least one vegetable this week."
"Sure. Let me know when you're done recording."
Jack found a bathroom and examined his reflection. He looked a bit sleepy, so he washed his face and smoothed his hair until he was satisfied. He didn't normally spend a lot of time scrutinizing his appearance before recording, but this felt different. He knew this video would be important, for him and for Mark, even if it was never uploaded to either of their channels. He ran his fingers over the bracelet Mark had given him, and pulled up on the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt until it was visible. He went back to the office, prepped the foreign setup, and started to speak.
It was evening by the time Jack and Matthias returned to the hospital. Jack hadn't really intended to spend so much time away, and even though he had kept in touch with Mark throughout the day, he was still anxious to be close to him again. He'd gathered from text messages that Tom, Bob, and Wade had stayed at the hospital through the afternoon, and were currently keeping Mark company. Jack and Matthias finally made it back to Mark's room, and found them settled in chairs close to Mark's bedside.
"Sean!"
If anything, Mark's voice sounded even stronger than it had earlier that day. And something else was different… Jack practically jogged over to Mark's bedside, pulling off his baseball cap and setting it aside.
"They took yer tube out!" It was true; the tube that had been threaded through Mark's nose and throat was gone. Mark flashed him a massive grin.
"Guess what else?"
He picked up a cup of water from the bedside table and took a tiny sip.
Jack felt his eyes welling with tears again; the relief was staggering. "I can't believe I missed it."
"Hey. Come here." Jack moved even closer and let Mark take his hands. "You missed the shitty parts, and I'm happy about that. And now it's better. I wanted you to see the good parts. Good surprise, right?"
Jack nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Mark tugged on the front of his shirt, and he looked around the room self-consciously.
"Sean. It's fine. They get it. And if not, fuck it, right?"
Jack smiled and made a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob. "Right. Fuck it."
He leaned over and kissed Mark's lips. The relief and familiarity were overwhelming; Mark's mouth felt like his own again, and it was an incredible effort for Jack to break away. He pressed his lips to Mark's forehead before straightening up. He sniffed, wiped at his eyes.
"So, what else did I miss?"
"They made me walk around a few times. A whole bunch of people came to visit, and then I passed out for a while. Bob kicked everyone's ass in a couple card games. That's about it."
Bob, Wade, and Tom had stood up and crowded around Jack.
"He's deflecting," Wade said. "He talked about you for, like, several hours."
"Oh, Jesus," Mark groaned. "He's exaggerating."
"Not by much," Bob added. "The baby photos didn't help. I wish someone would cradle me in their arms like that."
Wade put his arms around Bob's midsection. "I got you, buddy."
Everyone chuckled until Tom reigned them in.
"Ok. Let's call it, guys." He moved closer to Mark and gave him a careful hug, and everyone else followed suit before hugging Jack as well. Jack gave Matthias an extra squeeze.
"Thanks fer everything today."
"Really, it's the least I could do. Call if either of you need anything else. We'll see you soon."
They said their goodbyes, and Jack finally found himself alone with Mark. He opened his backpack, pulled out his laptop, left it on the bedside table, and then climbed into the bed, pressing his forehead against Mark's cheek.
"I missed yeh so much."
Mark pressed gentle kisses into his hair. "I missed you too. But doesn't it feel so good to be back together now?"
Jack nodded, eyelashes fluttering against Mark's skin. "You were right, as usual. And I got a chance to record. Oh, speaking of which…"
He sat up and pulled the computer into his lap. He pulled up the downloaded files he needed Mark to review.
"Before yeh get too tired. Ready to watch the second video from last night?"
Mark looked hesitant.
"Yeh'd rather make out."
Mark nodded.
"I'm yers fer the rest of the night, love. But I should get this queued up if yeh want me to upload it tonight. I don't think it's that long, anyway."
Mark sighed. "Ok. Let's see it."
Jack clicked into the video, and Matthias' face materialized on the screen.
"Hellloooo everybody, my name is Matthias, and welcome to SCOOT SCOOT, BITCH! Mark, if you're watching, I really can't apologize enough, but the idea was just too good to pass up. I'll let you guess who came up with it. Anyway, here's the deal: Felix, Ken, Bob, and Wade just took a bunch of shots and are well past the point of inebriation. We're all going to try to beat your time for Scoot Scoot. Since I'm not intoxicated, I'll go first to set a baseline. If the whole thing takes too long, Ken's on standby to pour more drinks, to make sure everyone is good and handicapped before making their attempt. I think they decided to screen your original episode and take more shots every time they hear that high-pitched wailing noise you make. You know, the whole 'What THE FUUUCK!' thing? Right. Everyone clear on what we're doing? Great. Here we go!"
Mark and Jack watched a heavily edited version of Matthias' attempt to beat Mark's time. Mark sighed with relief when he finally gave up; he'd been able to get within ten seconds of Mark's final time, but that was all.
"Fuck it, that's it, I'm out!" Matthias called over his shoulder: "Good luck fools, this game is impossible."
Static filled the screen for a brief moment, and then Bob's face appeared in its place, looking much pinker than usual.
"Mark! Scoot Scoot, buddy! Let's do this!"
Again, the footage was heavily edited, and Mark and Jack were laughing out loud at Bob's many clumsy attempts to navigate the challenging controls. By the end, though, Bob had managed to get within two minutes of Mark's time before he finally threw in the towel.
"That's my best effort. Seriously, fuck this game." He called over his shoulder: "Good luck, Ken."
"Oh, Jesus," Mark breathed. "I do not like where this is going."
Jack giggled. "Sorry, love, but it's genius."
Static again, then Ken's face appeared. "Scooty Scoot, Mark! Here we go!"
Ken giggled continuously through his entire clip. He seemed to forget the objective entirely, and spent several minutes driving aimlessly around the course and humming nonsensically about his new friends, the orange cones. At one point Mark and Jack heard muffled yelling in the background (PLAY THE FUCKING GAME, KEN) and he was finally able to get back on track, but he didn't even come close to beating Bob's time, let alone Mark's.
"Well fellas, I don't think I scooted too good. Morrison OUT."
Static, followed by Wade's goofy grin.
"Sorry, Mark, but I'm coming for you." Wade slurred a bit, and his level of intoxication was clear as he wobbled through his first few attempts, but Mark recognized the look of laser focus on his face.
"He's going to beat my time."
"What? There's no way-"
"I'll bet you a blowjob. Just wait."
Jack giggled. "I'll take that bet."
They watched Wade fumble through several more rounds, improving each time. After a few minutes, the only evidence of Wade's inebriation was the fact that he kept leaning gradually to the right, almost falling out of his chair before finally straightening up again. On his final attempt, Wade was able to get within 30 seconds of Mark's time.
"That's it. That's all I got. Rematch when I'm sober, Mark."
"See?" Jack said. "I win! I'll still give you a blowjob, though."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Jesus, that was too close though. So why…?"
Felix's face appeared on the screen.
"Oh, shit," Mark and Jack said in unison.
"Scoot Scoot, bitches!" Felix could barely articulate the words. "I've lost count of how many… drink things. Glasses. SHOTS. I've lost count. And I will still fucking CRUSH you, Markiplier."
Jack and Mark were both giggling again before long; Felix was awful, and the string of unintelligible profanity in more than one language was almost as enjoyable as his many failed attempts to master the course. Eventually, though, he started to get the hang of it, and when he finally got within ten seconds of Mark's time, they knew it was all over. He beat Mark's time by a full twenty seconds on his last run, before raising his arms triumphantly, and then slumping over onto the desk.
"Bro. I am so fucking drunk, and I just annihilated you." They heard more muffled yelling in the background (TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, FELIX) and Felix sighed heavily, aiming a middle finger over his shoulder. "Right. Get well soon, Mark. I should probably drink some water before I end up in the hospital too. Until next time, bitches. Um. I mean. BUH BYE!" He pointed both middle fingers at the camera, and the screen went dark.
Jack looked over at Mark, who was shaking his head. "That motherfucker. Only Felix could drink enough liquor to intoxicate a small town and still beat my time. Fuck!"
"It's ok, love. We don't haveto upload it if yeh don't want to."
"Oh, no, we definitely need to upload it. It's hilarious. Fucking Felix."
Jack giggled, relieved that Mark was taking it all in stride. He set the video to upload, and queued up some matching social media posts. Then he clicked over to the video he'd recorded at Matthias' house.
He hesitated, suddenly self-conscious.
"This one's mine. I tried to keep it… well… I wanted to be able to actually upload it, but I'm still not sure if we should. But I want yeh to see it, anyway."
Mark had picked up on the blush in Jack's cheeks. "Sean? What's up?"
Jack shook his head. "Nothing. I'm good. Ready to watch?"
Mark nodded. He waited until Jack had clicked into the video, then picked up Jack's hand and threaded their fingers together. Jack felt his heart start to race as he heard his own voice on the playback.
"Hello everybody, and welcome back to Markiplier's channel! Many of yeh know me as Jacksepticeye, but since this isn't my channel, and since the circumstances that inspired this recording are quite serious, just fer today, I'd like yeh to think of me as Sean McLoughlin."
Mark noticed right away that the style of this recording was markedly different from the Vlogs and Let's Plays that Jack usually uploaded. He adored Jack's YouTube persona, including the exaggerated voice he used in his videos, but it was vastly different from the calmer, more serious tone he had grown used to over the weeks they'd spent together. The realization hit him square in the chest: he wasn't watching Jacksepticeye. He was watching Sean. And Sean was speaking directly to him.
"I'm sure yeh're all aware by now that Mark's been in the hospital recovering from surgery. He's doing great, but as yeh can imagine, he's been a bit out of the loop. I'm not even sure if he's aware of it, but I bet most of you are – he hit 15 million subscribers last night!"
Mark's mouth fell open. He hadn't known.
"I'm sure he'll find his own way of celebrating as soon as he's home, but in the meantime, I need to take the opportunity to show my appreciation fer this channel, and fer Mark. I can honestly say that I quite literally wouldn't be the person I am today without him, and believe it or not, there was a time when I felt really badly about that. In my weakest moments, I used to wonder whether I'd just invented this persona based on people I looked up to when I was younger, and then figured out how to fake my way into playing the part. But if yeh've been following my journey, yeh know I've made some changes in my life recently, and I've learned to see things differently. I'm hoping the clip I'm about to show yeh will help me explain what I mean. Now, I watched Mark's channel fer quite a while before I ever saw this video, and yeh'll probably be able to guess why. Mark made this recording when he hit 10,000 subscribers on YouTube, and I want to share a piece of it now, to try to remind you all of the person Mark is, and to try to explain what he means to me."
The image of Jack's face condensed into a smaller rectangle and shifted to the upper left-hand corner of the screen. A frozen image of Mark was now the primary focus of the video, and real-time Mark laughed softly, taking in the image of his much younger self and the barely-familiar sound of his recorded voice.
"I just wanted to take a moment to reintroduce myself. My name is Markiplier, but that's just my handle. My full name is Mark Fischbach. I'm a biomedical engineering student from the University of Cincinnati, and I'm introducing myself again because I realized that the more subscribers I get, the more people that see my videos who don't have any idea of who I am and why I do this YouTube thing. And to really get an idea of why I do this, you have to go back a year. Last year was one of the worst years of my life, and I'm not even exaggerating... I was in a terrible relationship, I got kicked out of the house, I had an appendectomy where they then found a tumor... and it just all culminated into a year where I didn't know what I was going to do or why I was doing it.
So, flash-forward to this year, where in April I finally started a YouTube channel, just on a whim. I didn't even really see it going anywhere, I just thought it'd be fun... then it just spawned into something bigger than I could possibly imagine. It's incredible, it's why I get up in the morning. I may be studying biomedical engineering in school, but I don't think that's what I want to do with my life anymore. I love to get up and entertain you guys. I love to do this every day. I love every opportunity I have to make videos...
But I want you to realize that the more subscribers I get, I don't ever plan to lose focus on why I'm here. The reason I care so much about building up a community is because I know that we can do amazing things together. The 2,000 people who were with me when I first did my charity livestream did an amazing job... just think what we could do with 10,000... just think what we could do with 100,000... even a million. The amount of change that we could make with a million people would be outrageous. And make no mistake, I have big goals for this channel, but I'm not in this for the fame. I'm not in this for the money. I don't care about those things... If there's any reason why you guys should share my videos or tell other people about my channel... it's because I'm never going to lose sight of where I started, and how I started. Going from the worst year of my life, into now the best year of my life, where I've found purpose, and I've found a reason... to live, basically. It's an incredible feeling. So. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you."
The image froze, and Jack's face filled the screen once again. His expression was thoughtful.
"It took me a long time to realize it, but… I didn't start doing YouTube because I wanted to be like Mark. I started doing YouTube because I was like Mark. Everything he just said about building a community, bringing people together to do something great… trying to change the world… I had that passion long before I started following other people on YouTube. I had that drive long before I ever saw this video. I didn't steal my goals or my beliefs or my aspirations from anyone. They're mine. They always have been. So when I tell yeh that I wouldn't be the person I am today without Mark, it's not because I stole my dreams from him. My dreams were mine, long before I ever knew his name. I wouldn't be the person that I am right now without him, because when I watched him… when I met him… I realized that those dreams could actually come true. Because he did it. He took all of that pain and loneliness and turned it into something incredible. And he made me believe that I could do it, too.
So, Mark, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I am one of millions that yeh've inspired. I'm living proof of the impact yeh've had on the world. It's been a long road from 10,000 to 15 million, and we've changed a lot along the way. Different hair, different clothes, different styles, but the same dreams, and the same goals. And no matter where we end up…"
Jack's image shifted back to the corner, and Mark's younger self appeared in the center of the screen again.
"…This is who you are to me. I'll never forget what it was like to hear you speaking these words, feeling like I was hearing my innermost thoughts coming out of someone else's mouth. I'll never forget what it was like to feel seen and understood fer the first time in my life. I'll never be able to repay yeh. All I can do is make the same promise you made. I'm never going to lose sight of where I started. And I'll never forget that yeh're the reason I became the person I was meant to be. Thank you, and congratulations."
Jack's smiling face faded slowly to black.
In real time, Jack realized he'd been holding his breath for the majority of the video. He felt another uncomfortable sensation, and realized that Mark was squeezing his hand painfully tight. He finally worked up the courage to look at Mark's face, and found him weeping openly, tears streaming silently but steadily down his face. Jack put the laptop back on the bedside table and shifted onto his knees, taking Mark's face in his hands, brushing at his tears with his thumbs and fingertips.
"It's alright, love. Talk to me?"
Mark tried to speak, but choked on a tiny sob.
Jack pressed his lips to Mark's face, slowly, gently, erasing salty tears. He rested his thumb on Mark's throat. He smoothed at Mark's hair.
"Sean."
Jack made some space between them, looked in Mark's eyes. "Hey, love."
"I need to say some things. Ok?"
Jack nodded. "I'm listening."
Mark took a shuddering breath, then started to speak.
"I know this must be awful. And I was thinking I wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry all of this had to happen. But… that would've been a lie. I'm not. And I know that's selfish. But I wouldn't trade this for anything. Having you here with me… seeing that video… knowing that you'll still be here when I wake up tomorrow morning... And it's not that I underestimated you. It's not like I thought you were the kind of person who'd walk out if things got tough. It's that…"
Mark's lower lip trembled. Jack was paralyzed, breathless, listening intently to Mark's every word, lost in the raw honesty of what Mark was trying to convey. Lost in the sound of Mark's voice.
"…It's that I honestly didn't think I deserved it. You. Us. Any of it. And especially this. Having you here, like this. I can't… it's just…" Another tear splashed onto Mark's cheek. He shook his head, took another breath.
"But you make me feel like I could deserve it. Like I could deserve you, if I try hard enough. Like I could make all of this worth it. I promise you, I will do everything I can to make this worth it."
Jack put his arms around Mark's shoulders, pressed his forehead against Mark's cheek.
"You're worth it." He pressed his lips against Mark's neck.
"Yeh've always been worth it." He straightened up, found Mark's mouth with his own.
"I love you." He kissed Mark again.
"I love every single part of you. I love the person you were in that video, four years ago. I love the person you are in this very moment. I'll love yeh four years from now. Or ten. Or a hundred. Because yeh deserve it. Yeh do. And I'll tell yeh every day if yeh need me to. Yeh're worth it."
Jack kissed him, again and again.
Mark tried to believe him.
