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Chapter Forty-Four: Liver
**The Lieutenant**
He opened the door just enough to peek inside.
Emotionally and physically drained from his night, he had left Grace resting to peek in on Annie, worried about his boo.
Daryl said he had put her down for a rest in his shed, and sure enough she was there on his bed, but she wasn't sleeping.
Annie lay like someone prepared for the grave, body stiff and straight, hands folded over her tummy, eyes staring up at the ceiling overhead.
Mary Agnes looked up from where she sat beside the girl on the bed, Clyde raising his head and watching sharply as the man approached, but flopping it back down upon recognizing him as no threat.
Fay gave the Irish Wolfhound a solid pat on the head anyways, reassuring the dog that he meant no harm.
Mary Agnes stood at his approach and offered him a sad smile, reaching out to touch his upper arm warmly. "I'm going for some water," she explained, giving herself an excuse to give the Lieutenant a few minutes alone with his little girl.
Though, after tonight's failure, he wasn't sure she'd want to be his little girl anymore. After all, he'd gotten her dog shot, her mama shot, he had fucked up monumentally.
Still, he cautiously sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at Annie with eyes red and puffy from crying.
"Rough night, huh, boo?" He asked tentatively, gauging her for permission to stay or whether he should hit the high road.
She lay still, blinking at the ceiling.
"Uh…Carol patched up Boo, but…I don't know if she'll…uh," he cleared his throat nervously, "your mama's gonna be fine. Just fine. Ol' Herschel patched her up good and…everything."
His heart shattered when Annie rolled away from him onto her side, preferring to look at the wall then at him and he sobbed, but choked it back, holding a hand to his mouth and forcing himself to hold it in.
"The truth is, Annie, I'm a failure," he confessed softly. "I fail at everything. I…kill people, not just bad men, but…there's something about me that crushes the life from those I love. I used to think I was a curse, you know? Like, maybe I'm poison or something…I try though. You know? I try hard to be good and do good and I want people to be happy, but I'm…I don't know, trouble? Dangerous? I don't know, honey. But," he cleared his throat again, "I'm sorry, if that's worth anything to you anymore."
The girl was quiet.
"It's okay if you don't want to call me 'daddy' anymore, boo," he whispered in a trembling tone, voice breaking at the word 'daddy'. "I don't blame you. Who'd want a failure as a father?"
Looking down, he found the little girl was staring at him with those mutable green-brown eyes of hers, brow furrowed delicately. And then she was moving, shifting on the bed, sitting up and eyeing him quietly.
"Is mama really going to be okay?" She demanded.
He nodded. "Yeah."
"Mother Mena told me once that God sent you to us, is that true?" Annie asked softly.
The Lieutenant shrugged. "I don't know, boo."
"If God sent you, that makes you an angel, right?"
"I—"
"And if you're an angel, then you're not bad, you're good. Yeah?"
"Boo, I don't—"
"And if you're good and you try to do good things, then that means you didn't fail. Yeah? Because angels don't fail, mama said so, they're…unfallible." She shifted in closer to him, not even noticing she got the word wrong. "As long as mama is okay and you're okay, then I'll be okay and I don't want you to go anywhere without me, okay? Don't leave me?"
He shook his head. "I won't. As long as you want me, boo. I'll be here for you."
She nodded sadly. "Okay."
Looking at his girl, he realized there was a darkness that hung about her like a lacy black veil, and he knew it'd never leave her, not this time and it hurt him to think that this incident only served to drive her back further.
Slowly, she climbed into his lap, eyes sad and full of unshed tears. "Just don't cry anymore, yeah? Don't be sad?"
Wrapping his arms around the little girl, his little girl, Fay buried his face into her dark hair and kissed the top of her head.
"Just don't leave me, okay?" She repeated softly, tiny arms wrapping around his chest, under his arms and clasping behind him tightly.
"I won't, boo. I'll never go anywhere without you," he swore. "My brave girl," he cooed, rubbing her back gently. "My brave, good girl."
Annie, quiet and still emotionless, whispered, "will you sing me to sleep, daddy? And stay here?"
"Sure, boo, but I'll be gone now and then to check on your mama, yeah?" He returned.
"But you'll be back, right?"
"Always," he assured her, easing the girl back onto the bed.
"Okay," she returned to her position nuzzled against Clyde, hands on her tummy, eyes closing. "Sing."
"What song, boo?"
"Don't matter," she chirped.
"I was born by the river in a little tent. Oh, and just like the river I've been running ever since. It's been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gon' come, oh yes it will." He began.
Annie sighed and snuggled in against Clyde closer as the Lieutenant stroked her hair off her face, thumb running over her temple soothingly.
"It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die, cause I don't know what's up there beyond the sky. It's been a long, a long time coming, but I know a change gon' come, oh yes it will. I go to the movie and I go down town. Somebody keep telling me don't hang around."
The door opened and Carol peeked in, quickly ducking her head out when she saw them.
He motioned her back in and she tiptoed quietly inside, careful not to interrupt Annie's song. When he finished, he waited for a moment, before deciding the girl finally passed out from the exhaustion of the night and gently stood up, tiptoeing out with Carol to talk to her.
"How is she?" He asked first off.
"Still resting," Carol said.
He nodded.
"How are you, Lieutenant?"
"Where's Daryl?" He artfully dodged the question.
Carol blinked at him.
Well, not so artfully.
"I'm fine," he said. "Not a scratch on me."
"Lieutenant," she said.
"When I was a boy, the one thing my mama said to me that always stuck was 'Fate,' she had thicker accent than me, 'Fate,' she said, 'yo' a fuck up'. Don't think she liked me much…"
"Well, I like you," Carol said, rubbing his arm.
"Great, want to get married?" He teased.
She tilted her head. "Lieutenant…"
"Sorry, you know I make jokes when I'm faced with…life," he mustered a smile for her.
And like she did when he returned from Louisiana, Carol wrapped her arms around him tightly and comfortingly as if she knew what he was trying to pull.
God, she hugged like she meant it.
He eased into the hug, smiling sadly.
"I'll pray for Grace and your baby," she assured him as they pulled apart, yanking him down to press a kiss to his cheek. "And I'll watch over Annie tonight for you," she added, taking a step towards her shed, patting her stomach with a small, forced smile. "Daryl ordered me to bed, so…actually he said 'damn woman, get off your goddamned feet and get some sleep before you pass out'."
The Lieutenant smiled. "Yeah, sounds like him." He caught her by the hand before she could leave and gently pulled her to a stop. "Carol?" He asked.
"Yes?"
"Did she have fun with you? On your adventure?"
Carol nodded. "We picked out a wedding dress."
"Good, that's good, I'm glad she had fun," he sobbed, but managed to swallow it down again. "She needed it."
Tsking, Carol pulled him in against her again and whispered, "it's okay to cry, Lieutenant, I won't think any less of you."
He pushed her away gently. "No," he said. "If I start crying, I won't ever stop."
"Don't be such a noodle brain," she argued, "it does you no good to stew."
"I don't," he began falteringly. "I don't think I've ever been called a noodle brain outside of grade school."
"Well, there you are," Carol returned, still rubbing his arm comfortingly. "Talk to me, when you're ready. Okay?"
She went to move her arm, just as he went to give her a reassuring touch, his hand landing on her left breast, left them both tensing.
"Oh, Jesus," he said removing his hand. "I'm so sorry."
"Well, you know how to end a nice moment," she teased.
Wiping his hand on his bloody and torn and painted pants, he breathed a nervous hitch of laughter. "Well, I…it was nice enough for me I suppose."
"Nice enough? I'll tell Daryl you think so." She smirked, eyeing his hand as he continued to wipe it off.
"You don't…it was an accident, I swear, ange. You know I—" He thought of Merle and how he got his comeuppance, Daryl would probably be free to give him the same kind of treatment. Jesus, it was a mess and it was only one damned little accidental touch.
"Why are you wiping it off?" She continued to torture him with a smile. "Do I have cooties, or just my breast?"
Again he nervously laughed, taking a step back. "Oh Christ, you're busting my balls."
She smiled sweetly. "Yes, I am."
"Girl, you are the devil," he returned.
Carol nodded. "Maybe. Goodnight, Lieutenant."
He nodded. "Get some rest, ange. Everything will be okay come morning."
"No," she said. "It won't."
Watching her, ensuring Carol got into her shed safely, the Lieutenant frowned. He'd go back and check on Grace, before settling in for the night at her bedside. Annie would be safe with Carol, the girl seemed to find comfort in Carol's kind tones and motherly caresses.
Hell, the woman even made him feel less like shit with just her touch. Of course…he'd have to mind his damned step around her for a while, that accidental boob graze almost killed him. Daryl would kill him.
"I saw where you stuck that big assed meathook of yours," Merle growled from the shadows of the peach tree as the Lieutenant approached it.
"Merle, you know that was an accident," he returned casually.
"Ah balls, feel 'em up, I say," Merle declared, taking a sip from a bottle of whiskey.
"Confiscated goods, huh?" The Lieutenant asked, easing into a kneeling position beside the man, watching as O'Hara and Rhoades secured Milner and the soldier he had left alive against the gate's wrought iron bars.
Merle offered him the bottle and he took it, drawing a deep swig from it, before handing the bottle back.
"Sorry, about your woman," Merle said, not looking at him.
The Lieutenant looked at the man, long and steady, in the darkness he was almost unreadable.
"We'll get through it," the Cajun drawled.
"Yep," Merle said, taking one last swig, before handing the half full bottle over to the Marine. "You'll be fine," he added quickly, "you're one of the toughest assholes I know."
Gawping after the gruff man, the Lieutenant swirled the whiskey around in the bottle idly, not sure he heard the man correctly. Idly, he took another gulp of whiskey, before standing up and heading for the infirmary, bottle in hand.
He handed Glenn the bottle in passing, clapping the man on the shoulder, before stepping into the infirmary.
Inside he found Herschel standing over Boo the dog, quietly adjusting and settling her, Milton sitting with Adele in the far corner, holding Judith and looking mildly concerned to be doing so.
Daryl sat beside Grace, quietly resting his feet on the metal lip of the bedframe, head bent in light slumber.
Easing carefully down at his girl's hip, the Lieutenant studied her pale, drawn features grimly, before nudging Daryl's ankle with his foot.
The scruffy man opened one eye and scowled.
"You should lie down for a bit, cabri," the Lieutenant said. "Your girl might like some warmth for the rest of the night."
He knew the man wouldn't go, Daryl would patrol and be on guard until the threat was long gone, until he was sure they were safe.
Taking up Grace's hand, the Cajun heaved a deep sigh and mused over the delicate appendage.
"She's so small, isn't she?" He asked.
Daryl bowed his head. "Yep."
"Delicate like a little sparrow," he glanced to the other bed where Sasha lay being stitched up by Sister Mary Agnes, then beside them to where Rick lay.
"Could have been worse," Daryl attempted.
"Could have been better," the Lieutenant countered.
"How's your little girl?"
Fay shook his head silently.
"Bastards," Daryl snarled. "I'm going to go out there and grab that Milner by the dick and rip it off. Fuck O'Hara, assholes probably just trying to cover his own ass!"
"An eye for an eye, cabri," Fay murmured. "Makes the whole world blind."
"Yeah? Fuck that shit, I'll take his goddamn eye and eat his liver."
Running his thumb over the tiny bones of Grace's hand, Fay frowned, but said nothing.
"Aren't you mad?" Daryl asked.
"I'm tired," he confessed, easing onto the bed carefully beside his girl, mindful not to jostle her, but moving to cradle her, eyeing the bandaged shoulder and her sickly face. "Go rest with your girl, cabri," he admonished gently. "Now's the time to rest."
Reaching down, Daryl stroked his hand over Grace's dark hair, petting her carefully, before nodding. "I'll be in my shed if you need me." He assured him. "I won't be far."
"I know, give Carol a kiss for me."
Daryl paused. "Kissing my girl now?" He demanded gruffly.
The Lieutenant smiled, pressing his nose against Grace's temple and kissing her there.
"I'll tell her you sent a kiss her way," Daryl said. "Get some rest yourself."
"I'll try, goodnight, cabri."
"Goodnight, Fay."
As soon as Daryl was gone, the Lieutenant reached for the bible in the bedside table and curled back against his girl, opening it.
"Which part do you want to hear, magpie?" He asked his girl, whispering softly so as not to bother anyone else in the infirmary. "I suppose something hopeful after the night we had," he teased, offering her another kiss, pressing his lips to her temple lightly. "Let's see…Book of Job?" He opened the bible and began reading the first passage he saw.
"My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me. Surely mockers surround me; my eyes must dwell on their hostility.
Give me, O God, the pledge you demand. Who else will put up security for me? You have closed their minds to understanding; therefore you will not let them triumph. If a man denounces his friends for reward, the eyes of his children will fail.
God has made me a byword to everyone, a man in whose face people spit. My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow. Upright men are appalled at this; the innocent are aroused against the ungodly. Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to their ways, and those with clean hands will grow stronger.
But come on, all of you, try again! I will not find a wise man among you. My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart. These men turn night into day; in the face of darkness they say, 'Light is near.' If the only home I hope for is the grave, if I spread out my bed in darkness, if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,' and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,' where then is my hope? Who can see any hope for me? Will it go down to the gates of death? Will we descend together into the dust?"
Closing the book slowly, the Lieutenant scowled and set it back on the bedside table. "Maybe not the bible tonight," he whispered to his girl, drawing her in closer.
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Natalia Vronsky - Reading your meltdown made my day. Thanks!
Surplus Imagination - Hope I didn't leave you hanging too long! ^_^
Brazen Hussy - Let me guess, this cheering involves Merle and a whole lotta lovin'?
itsi3 - I hope not too heartbreaking.
Fairies Masquerade - Save that bucket, honey. ^_^
DarylDixon'sLover - LOL
vickih - Carol is a subtle bad ass. She doesn't need a sword or a big effing gun to be awesome, she just is.
Yazzy x - I have to admit, I was kind of hating myself for Boo...I'm not real big on animals getting hurt in movies and shows, even if it's not real. Probably why I gave them some hope by having Carol tend to the poor thing.
ArcheryLefty - I wanted to highlight this part of your review, so you know how much those words meant to me. "Writers like you help me learn to be a better writer too." I honestly can't tell you how much that made me happy. I've been having a hell of a time lately and was down about my writing, but that really put the pep back into my step. So thank you. (And by the way, my friend, your story Bayonet is on my list of stories I need to read when I finish this series, so I'm that I'm going to love it! ^_^)
Lilone1776 - Kudos to you for supporting writer's like me with lovely reviews! They keep us going, they definitely perk me up! So, thank you! ^_^
You'reMyKindOfTrouble - Your review was the opposite of Natalia's, which also made me laugh, you started off panicky, then calmed, as though accepting your fate. ^_^!
Merle's Right Hand - Babes! Don't cry yourself to sleep! There's another chapter up already! Babes! :(
