Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own THG so any direct quotes will be in italics.
Ch. 53
It's not easy re-watching everything. Even the opening ceremonies are hard. I see all those kids who could've been right here in this spot. Well, not with the love of their life nestled up against their neck, but here on this stage, the cheering crowd behind. You don't see hope in the eyes of the other tributes during the playbacks of the opening ceremonies, but determination. I can't look at them for to long, or my heart starts beating fast; sweat begins to glistens on my forehead.
Cato, so strong and unforgivable, yet so weak in his last moments. Clove a cold-blooded killer that almost killed Katniss. All of them, even the ones that died at the Cornucopia make me want to run; to leave this place, to go back in time and think of a way to keep everyone alive. But that can't happen. It will never happen, and the only thing that keeps me from crying or screaming or running off the stage is Katniss right beside me. I feel her heart beating, her breath making steady patterns against my neck, her hand held tightly against mine and when I focus on those things my heart slows down. My breathing lessens with Katniss under my arm again.
It's still hard to see all of this again. I lived it, but my mind keeps on trying to forget it. Then we're forced to watch this and it's not easy. It's mostly Katniss and I, but they don't leave out any death. Katniss finally gets to see why exactly I allied with the careers. To save her. Everything I did to help her is detailed across the screen. Maybe this letter in my pocket doesn't need to be given to her. Maybe now she understands.
The rest goes fast as they show scenes from our cave and how we both nursed each other back to health. It's too soon for me to watch and hear Cato die again, but they don't show the full length of it. Soon, it's the end. But they don't end it with the announcement, but within the hovercraft. Katniss screams my name as they work on my almost lifeless body. It's not just me that needs her; she needs me as well.
After having to watch the highlights, we are expected to get up and be happy with the crowd. We are expected to smile and wave. But how can I when all the other children are dead. Gone. And I'm here alive, and I'm supposed to be happy that they died so I could live. Katniss keeps hold of my hand as we stand up and turn around to the crowd. If it's one more thing they want of me I guess I'll give it to them. I wave and smile and hold onto Katniss, longing to be back in bed, Katniss in my arms this time and away from all of this.
I don't get that because we are taken away to the president's mansion for the Victory Banquet. It's a lot of people whom even though I've never met before I don't like them. They're so excited to get a picture with us or shake our hands, it's sick. I could be as easily dead and Cato could be the one standing here and they would be doing the same thing with him. I'm special because I'm a victor, not because I was a tribute.
Katniss never leaves my side and truthfully I don't want her too. With her by my side I can accomplish anything now. The banquet goes on for hours; by the end all I want is sleep even if that means nightmares will find me. But if I have Katniss in my arms, surely the nightmares won't come.
By the time we get to our rooms it's dawn; you can see the early traces of the sun. I want to stay with Katniss and follow her into her room and fall asleep with her in my arms, our hearts beating in sync. But I'm sent off with Portia, for some fitting.
"What do I need fitted?" I say, though Portia knew my size and it didn't make much sense, since everything that she's made before has fit perfectly.
"Oh, you know what I don't think I do. Sorry." She begins to leave and I have a sneaking suspicion she's lying about something. I just don't know why Portia would be lying to me. "I think Haymitch wanted to talk to you. I'll tell him he can." Portia leaves me alone in the room I lived in right before I went into the horrid games. It's where Haymitch and I bonded, where so many scary thoughts went through my head, and where I strongly decided to keep Katniss alive. It almost had as much sentiment to me as our cave did, but only almost.
"Been a long day hasn't it?" Haymitch comes into my room and shuts the door softly. I've sat down on my bed and have begun to take off my prosthetic leg. Katniss will probably come over here, and it was kind of beginning to hurt.
"Yeah it has. I'm beat." I say, working at the confusing contraption.
"Listen you and Katniss can talk more when you get home. I don't want you guys in each other's rooms. This isn't the Games anymore." I can't handle sleep with out her. It's unthinkable. I barely slept while in the hospital; an hour here and there before the nightmares hit. I need her.
"No. I need her. Don't you see that? We need each other." I say. I've looked away from my fake leg, it's halfway on halfway off. What Haymitch is saying confuses me. Why can't we see each other?
"Yeah, I know. But I think it would be best if you both just got some rest, and talked later when there's time. You have the interview at two. Get some rest." Haymitch leaves before I can say anything else. I hear the door close and something click. I have a feeling I'm locked in here.
He wants me to get rest, but with out Katniss rest is unthinkable. I take the fake leg off. My fingers slip as my heart begins to race, but I get it off eventually. I'm worried that maybe I'll never be able to sleep again.
I hope you liked it! I can't believe I'm almost done! I hope to be done by Tuesday or Wednesday, you'll know if I'm doing Catching Fire or not on the last chapter and if I do, do it the first chapter will probably be up that day. Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover
