54. Alicia
1. She was really, really nervous about going to Hogwarts. Maybe that was why, when her parents sat her down and told her a very brief version of the first war, she wasn't all that interested. She knew they were telling her because she'd hear about it at school, and they wanted her to actually know what people were talking about, but it didn't faze her at all. It was all over, something that wasn't even real to her.
How could she know what a big part of her life Voldemort would turn out to be?
2. She cried on the train, that first journey. Found a compartment on her own, and sat crying. She missed her family already. Was terrified of going to a brand-new place, where she didn't know anyone. Scared and lonely and sad, and...
And then a boy entered the compartment, froze and looked uncomfortable. After asking if she was OK – to which she nodded frantically and brushed away the tears – he introduced himself, sat with her, and distracted her for the whole journey.
At Hogwarts, she quickly made friends with Angelina, but Lee Jordan would always remain her first friend, a person she knew she could count on. And she was thrilled that Angelina and Lee were both friends with the twins – it allowed them to form their own little group. But still, she never had any more-than-friends feelings for Lee.
3. Getting onto the Quidditch team was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She was thrilled, proud, smiling for weeks. Even now, after everything that's happened since then, she still remembers just how happy she was then.
4. She could never really explain why she went to the Yule Ball with George. Her friendship with the twins was, like with Lee, completely platonic. But they were idly talking during a boring Charms lesson, and he suggested they go together. She was surprised, because she'd assumed there would be many girls wanting to go with George Weasley. And when she half-jokingly said so, he grinned and said he'd rather go with a friend. So she found herself saying yes.
Later, though, when he walked her back to the common room and hugged her goodbye, she was a little disappointed. Not because nothing had happened with George, but that she hadn't given herself the chance for something to happen with someone else. Seeing all the couples made her feel like she'd wasted an opportunity.
5. Her first thought – not that she'll ever admit it to him – when Harry said Voldemort was back, that he must be confused. Must have hit his head, or something...
But then he stuck to his story, and she remembered how someone had put his name in the Goblet of Fire – it took her until only the first task to believe him there – and found herself thinking that who else would have done that? And surely, surely Dumbledore would know if it was all a mistake? And so that left only one terrifying option...
6. She was one of the few who took the D.A seriously. Maybe a part of her had known that she'd be there when the war finally ended; or maybe she was just being overly-cautious. She never had been good a divination, after all. But she took it all extremely seriously, and, in the end, it paid off.
7. When she heard what had happened to Katie, with the cursed necklace, her blood ran cold. She actually felt it. Katie was one of her best friends – Quidditch did that to you – and she was terrified she was going to die. And who would curse Katie? Why?
She and Angelina rushed to St. Mungo's, and, even though Katie turned out to be fine, it was then that she realised that she could lose friends in this war.
8. Potterwatch kept her spirits up during that last year. Because it was so hard to not sink into self-pity and terror, and the radio show was one of the only things that still made her smile. Plus, it was nice to hear Lee's voice, and the twins', just to know they were OK.
But she knew – she could feel it – that the war would be ending soon, one way or another. She practiced magic daily, determined that she wouldn't die fighting – she'd win, she'd live, she'd see the future, the Voldemort-free future. Somehow, she never lost that belief, even if it did fade a little sometimes.
9. Arriving at Hogwarts was very bittersweet. It was, of course, nice to be back there. But everyone knew what was going to happen – everyone knew that they might not make it out of the castle grounds alive.
She managed to say goodbye to Angelina, Katie, the twins, and several other friends – obviously pretending that they'd all make it alive, and they didn't mean goodbye forever – but she didn't manage to get a minute with Lee, and that was something that haunted her throughout that battle, because what if...
But it was Fred, Fred who was cold and lifeless, surrounded by his broken family. Fred, who was dead – and it was so much worse because she'd never believed that he or George would...She scanned the bodies, the crowd – couldn't look at him anymore just couldn't – and picked out her friends. Except Lee. So she turned, left the hall, feeling strangely cold herself. And when she saw him, slumped against the wall, her first thought was that he, too, was dead, waiting to be taken into the hall...And the horror, the grief...and then the blinding, dizzying relief when she realised...And she felt stronger with him, and still didn't say goodbye, not believing that he'd be killed.
10. It took her only months to realise she loved him. A few months of holding him while he sobbed, or of clinging to him, soaking his robes with her own tears. A few months of using his strength to rebuild her own, of giving him support. She held his hand throughout the funerals – God, all the funerals – both to give and take support. And then she realised she loved him, and thought, at first, that he'd despise her for it – he'd only recently lost one of his best friends, and they were all still picking up the pieces, and how could she even think of it, even imagine being happy, being with him...But he loved her too, and somehow she felt healed, knowing that he was there.
