Chapter Fifty-three: Stupid Cupids

Mayor Need, Claire, Donny, and Pau huddled in the small clearing to which the Corsair had taken them. Mayor Need's body shook, and Pau, who sat beside him, pushed himself as far as possible from the mayor, pressing Donny's body into the wall.

Donny slid toward Pau, pushing him; Mayor Need, who continued to shake; and Claire to the right. "There's not enough room to be doing that, man."

"Sorry." Pau glanced at Mayor Need, his facial expression twitching. He tightened his muscles and hugged his knees to his chest, yet his arm shook with Mayor Need's body. He sighed.

"You'll be okay in here," the Corsair had said as they crawled through the tunnel leading to the clearing, Pau translating. "We used to keep our treasure here, and no one, except your human friends, ever found it. The Red Dragons can't possibly fit through this little tunnel anyway. I heard they're huge."

The ground rumbled. The group started, and Mayor Need grabbed a chunk of the wall. The color drained from his skin. Oh, no. I think Monica said that the ground shakes when a Killer Snake or a similar…oh, no.

The palms of his hands became sweaty, and he nearly lost his grip on the wall. He attempted to breathe deeply to calm himself, to tell himself that perhaps Monica was wrong. She was never wrong. His breathing quickened.

Claire placed a hand on his left shoulder. He released a long exhale.

Pau watched debris fall from the ceiling. "The Red Dragons might be flying above us."

"Must be lots of 'em," Donny said.

Mayor Need fainted onto Pau, who, with Claire, glared at Donny.

"Huh?"

Pau pointed at Mayor Need, whose eyes were shut and body was enveloped in sweat.

Donny shrugged. "Well, you kinda started it yourself, mentioning the Red Dragons."

Pau opened his mouth. The ground stilled.

"They must've landed," Claire said as Mayor Need blinked and sat upright. "Maybe they're talking to the monsters now."

The group sat in silence for several minutes, the entirety of which Mayor Need's body quaked. Pau shifted repeatedly in an attempt, and failure, of preventing his arm from shaking alongside the mayor's body.

The group's ears perked. Shuffling sounds emanated from the tunnel. They squinted and craned their necks toward it, save Mayor Need, who pressed his body into the wall. Donny placed a hand on his gun.

A Corsair's head poked from the tunnel's opening. "I have to make this quick, or the Red Dragons might notice I'm gone. We told them that the humans overpowered us and took our treasure, and now they're going to train us. That should stall them for a while, giving your friends in Mount Gundor more time to train. Some of the monsters'll sneak away and bring you food and freshwater occasionally. Just stay here."

The Corsair turned and crawled away, Pau translating.

Mayor Need's body continued to shake. A glare tugged at Pau's eyes.

"What are you so worried about?" Pau said in the gentlest voice he could muster. "It's almost impossible for the Red Dragons to find us."

"Th-that's just it," Mayor Need said. "It's almost impossible."


Max; Monica, who had transformed into a Himarra; Gokuu; Yamcha; and three Griffon Soldiers gathered monsters. Those monsters followed the group as they recruited additional monsters. When the group grew so that, when she looked, she could not see the termination of the line of monsters, Monica said, "Gokuu, take those monsters back to Heim Rada."

"Okay." Gokuu turned around. "Guys, stop! We're going back to Heim Rada now."

The monsters stopped as Max, Monica, Yamcha, and the Soldiers continued.

One Soldier looked over the group of monsters. "With all those monsters, he's bound to need help. I'll go with him."

"Thanks," Monica said.

The Soldier ran to Gokuu, who said, "You're gonna help?"

"Yes."

Gokuu nodded and pointed into the distance. "Heim Rada's back that way." He led the Soldier and the monsters toward the entrance.

Max, Monica, Yamcha, and the two Soldiers ran until they saw Savage Rams standing across from each other, at which time they stopped. One Savage Ram charged toward the other. The other gasped and dashed in the opposite direction. They disappeared farther into the passageway, their stomps echoing.

Some seconds later, the Savage Ram that had charged first reappeared, sulking and dragging its axe, sparks flying. It stopped and stared at the ground.

Monica's brow slanted upward. "We'd better see what's going on with him."

The group ran to it. It scowled and raised its axe.

"Hold on a second," a Soldier said. "We're not here to fight."

The Savage Ram swung its axe. The group jumped backward, and its axe clashed onto the ground. The Ram pulled the axe upward, bowed its head, and charged. The group spread to the sides. The Ram dashed past. It swiveled around and readied for another charge.

"We saw what just happened," Monica said. "You tried to become friends with another Ram, right?"

The Ram's head remained bowed.

"It looks like you scared him away, but we can bring him back and help you become friends with him."

The Ram straightened. "Her, you mean."

"R-right. Her."

"I've heard you guys have been goin' around, trying to recruit monsters and overthrow the Red Dragons, which is great. But if you want my help, you should help me first."

The Savage Ram's eyes grew distant. "I guess my charge scared her away. I've had a crush on her for a while and just now decided to take charge."

Monica stifled a groan. A Soldier shifted from side to side.

"Can you deliver some meat to her? That should convince her that I love her. Meat is much more delicate than a charge."

The Soldier cocked his head.

"I'm supposed to be the monster expert," Monica said, "and even I don't know what that means."

"Doesn't matter. Wait here." The Ram ran into a passageway to its right. Some minutes later, it returned, a club of meat in its left hand. "Thing is, I don't know where she went, so you'll have to find her yourself."

A Griffon Soldier placed a hand on the back of his head. "We can't tell who's a girl and who isn't. Does this young lady have any special features?"

The Ram grinned. "Oh, yes. She always smells really nice."

"Transforming into a monster's given me a stronger sense of smell. What does she smell like?"

The Ram rubbed its chin. "Um, like, um… I'm not sure, but it's a really nice, unique smell."

"We all have unique smells." Monica eyed Yamcha. "I can tell you put on a lot of cologne this morning."

Max and the Soldiers nodded.

Yamcha scratched his cheek using one finger. "It's for Buruma. I wanna spend time with her at the end of the day, and this new cologne should get her started."

Max cocked his head. The Soldiers remained rigid.

Monica scrunched her face. "T.M.I."

"Any other special features?" a Soldier said. "Preferably something more specific."

The Ram's eyes hazed. "A scar running from the top of her forehead down to the bottom of her nose. It's so sexy. Can tell that was a deep wound." It shuddered and smiled.

"Now we know what to look for. Okay. We'll give her that meat."

The Ram gave the Soldier the meat. "I wrote a poem on it, too. Make sure you read that to her."

"I didn't know writing a message on meat was possible." Monica's mouth twisted into a smirk. "You oughta trying giving Buruma meat with a poem on it for Valentine's Day."

Yamcha eyed the opening at the top of the passageway. "I'm sure she'd have a great reaction."

"Let's give this meat to her." The Soldier turned and led the group through the passageway, he, the other Soldier, and Monica translating their conversation.

"We are not the 'Love Connection,'" Yamcha said.

"Today we are," Monica said.

Max pointed at the meat. "What about the poem?"

The Soldier turned the meat over in his hands until he saw what appeared to be scribbles etched into it. "Ah, here it is." It squinted. "I can't understand his handwriting."

Monica gestured toward herself. "I might be able to read it."

The Soldier handed her the meat. Her eye moved back and forth as she read. She raised her eyebrow. Then, she furrowed it. Then, she narrowed her eye.

"I'm guessing you can read it," Yamcha said.

Her eye narrowed farther. "Yes. I can."

The group saw several Rams standing in a circle and stopped behind a corner, peering around it. Max stood on his toes so that he peeked above a crouched Soldier's head. His eyes brightened. "I see the one with the scar. She's in the back."

"That guy's been stalking me for a while," the female Ram said, "and then he actually charged after me. I didn't know what he was about to do. I was hoping you guys could tell him to back off."

The other Rams pounded fists onto their chests, released war cries, raised their axes.

"Oh, no." Monica translated the female Ram's worries.

"Based on what you said earlier," Max said, "that Ram seemed like a nice guy."

"Apparently not. Either the girl's misinterpreting things, or that Ram's just crazy."

"Slaughter him!"

More war cries. The Savage Rams, save the female, charged toward the group. The group bounded from the wall. The Rams skidded to a stop, smoke bellowing from their feet.

"Get out of our way."

Monica raised her hands. "Please listen to us first."

The Savage Rams lowered their heads and tensed their bodies. Some kicked their feet, readying themselves to dash.


"Don't worry, Daddy. The pirate said that the Red Dragons can't fit through the tunnel."

Mayor Need glimpsed at Claire, whose head rested on his shoulder, her eyes closed. He felt himself smile and his body sink.

Screams emanated from outside. Mayor Need jolted upright and quaked. Pau grumbled.

"They must be training right outside now." Donny frowned further. "Either that, or fighting."

Mayor Need paled two shades. Pau and Claire glared at Donny, who chuckled.

"Sorry. Just can't keep my thoughts to myself."

A roar. Thud. The cavern shook, and debris poured on them.

A hoarse voice. "I-if you don't mind a suggestion, sir, there's a better place to train than here." A cough.

Pau smiled. "That was a monster's voice. The Red Dragons are only training them."

Mayor Need exhaled.

"Yes, I saw the tide was quite strong..." The Red Dragon's voice faded.

Donny clenched a hand into a fist. "All right. They got him away from here." His expression hardened. "Let's hope that no others come around."

Mayor Need's body stiffened, and he shook. Pau and Claire glowered.

"Oops. I'm sorry."


"Stand your ground," a Soldier said as the Savage Rams charged toward the group.

"Get behind me, Monica," Max said.

Monica jumped behind Max milliseconds before he slammed his hammer into a Savage Ram's stomach, stopping its charge. Blood emerged from its mouth and splattered on Max's overalls. It hovered inches from the ground. Max thrust it backward, and it stumbled.

Monica poked her head above Max's shoulder. "Listen to us first, guys, before you do something you regret."

"We never regret anything."

Yamcha slammed the palm of his hand onto a Savage Ram's forehead, stopping it at arm's length from his body. It swung its axe repeatedly but connected with air. Another Savage Ram swung its axe toward Yamcha's head. Yamcha caught the Ram's arm and threw it to the ground. The Ram jumped onto its feet and charged. Yamcha kicked its gut, and the Ram flew backward. On its back, it slid to a stop.

It sprung onto its feet once more. Yamcha growled.

It charged. Yamcha pounded his remaining fist onto its chest, and it stopped. He grabbed its arm to prevent it from backing away to charge again.

When a Ram neared him, the Soldier placed his hand upon its chest and shoved. The Ram fell onto its back. Max and Monica looked, their eyes wide.

The Ram jumped above the Soldier, its axe overhead. The Soldier raised his arm, and the axe clashed against it. The Ram landed, the ground shaking. They pushed.

A Ram vaulted toward the second Soldier. The Soldier stabbed its stomach, slamming the Ram to the ground, its eyes watering. It swung. The Soldier caught the axe using his other hand. He thrust. The Ram staggered backward, forcing the Soldier's hand out its stomach.

"We're not here to fight," Monica said.

"We are," a Ram said.

"You guys are always ready to fight. But this Ram that you said is stalking the girl was only stalking her because he didn't know how to express his love."

A Soldier nodded. Impressive liar, just like a politician.

"He's not really good with words, but he tried." Monica withdrew the meat from behind her back. "He wrote a poem for her."

"Who cares?" a Ram said. "He's been bothering my daughter."

"Don't you want a grandson?"

"Of course." It glanced at its teammates. "Which one of us doesn't?"

The Rams were silent.

"And the only way to get a grandson is… I'm sure you know how that works."

"But that guy could hurt her, and there are plenty more Savages here."

"We'll prove that he's a really gentle guy when it comes to your daughter. When it comes to fighting, he's as savage as any of you are, maybe even more." She raised the meat. "First, we'll read this to your daughter and see if she likes it. If she does, chances are that she'll fall in love with him. Now, if you'll let us pass, we'll go ahead and do that."

The Savage Rams looked at the father Ram, which turned and walked toward the female. The remainder of the Rams and the group followed.

As they walked, Monica said, "All that reading about monsters came into handy after all."

The group reached the female Ram. Monica walked past the Rams, all of which watched the meat. She stepped before the female and repeated the explanation she had given the male Rams.

"A poem?" the female said.

"That's right. It's really nice. I'm sure you'll love it."

The female stared at the meat. Drool rolled out the corner of her mouth.

Monica blinked. "O-okay… I'll go ahead and read it." She cleared her throat. "'My dear…'" She squinted. Several erasures and scratches ensued. She reached the next legible word. "Meaty."

Yamcha stifled a laugh, his cheeks swelling. He turned around. Max furrowed his brows.

Monica forced her facial expression to remain neutral. "'How I love the…thai…you.'"

Yamcha's body shook. He covered his mouth and looked at the ground. The Soldiers remained still.

"'I will go through the ways you I love. Firstly, you have nice stomach. It is big and round and fat.'"

Yamcha squeezed a Solder's shoulder. "I-I'm about to lose it." He buried his face into the crook of the Soldier's neck.

"'Secondly, you are strong. As strong as my axe and my meat, which I eat every day. Like it, I am sure you are tasty.'"

Max's mouth hung open.

"'Thirdly, you are covered with hair. Bushy, thick hair. It looks soft and comfortable. I would like to bury myself in it after long day of eating and sleeping.

"'And lastly, and most importantly, you have sexy scar on your forehead. It is deep and shows your strength, which I am sure you got from your father.'"

A grin crept onto the father's face.

"'P.S.: This meat for you. Please eat it and show me bone if you would like to go on date. Always love, Beef.'"

Yamcha straightened and looked at the Rams. He exhaled and continued to smile. Max closed his mouth and turned his attention to the Rams.

Monica lowered the meat. "What did you think of that lovely poem?"

The female Ram snatched the meat from Monica. She scraped the meat off using her teeth and swallowed, leaving the bone. "Where is he?"

Monica stared at her, bug-eyed. Yamcha's facial expression mirrored that of Monica's.

"Wait a minute." The father stepped before his daughter. "Before he gets his hands on my little savage, he needs to go through all of us." He gestured toward the group of male Rams.

Monica's jaw dropped. "Every single one of you?"

"Of course. It's a req—requi…it's needed to prove that he can protect her."

The female Ram blushed. "Dad, I don't need protecting anymore." She swung her axe. "You taught me yourself how to fight and, like Beef said in his poem, you're very strong."

"You never know what could happen." The Ram pointed at Monica. "Bring Beef here."

Monica turned, and Max, Yamcha, and the Soldiers turned with her. Monica and the Soldiers translated their conversation as they ran.

Yamcha smiled sheepishly. "Wonder what would happen if I read that poem to Buruma."

Monica rolled her eyes. "I'm sure your relationship would keep going strong."

Beef appeared, sitting, his legs outstretched and spread apart. The group stopped before him.

Beef stood. "Ah, you're back. How'd it go? Did she like it?"

"Yes, and her father did, too," Monica said. "Luckily, they're not out for blood like they once were."

"Huh?"

"Her father and the other Rams were going to kill you." She averted her gaze to the smoke rising in the gap between the ground and the wall. "Actually, they might still want to kill you. All of them want to fight you so you can prove that you're strong enough to take care of her."

The Savage Ram raised its axe. "Easy. One-on-one or all together?"

"Dunno." Monica looked back from whence she and the remainder of the group had come. "We'll find out when we get back."

The group ran to the Savage Rams, who scraped their axes against the wall to sharpen them. They faced the group upon its arrival. Beef walked before the Rams.

"Ah, Beef, you've come." The female's father raised his axe and charged toward Beef, as did the remainder of the Savage Rams. Beef dashed toward them.

"Whoa, so sudden," Yamcha said.

Beef's axe clashed against the father's axe, and they pushed. Another Savage Ram bashed Beef's head, and he fell to the ground, facedown. The Savage Rams slammed their axes into Beef's back, Beef grunting with each hit. Beef bent his knees and kicked one, and it staggered backward. Beef kicked another. That Ram stumbled away.

Beef closed his eyes, concentrating on where he was being hit. He raised his axe, and another Ram's axe clashed onto his. Beef staggered to his feet as they pushed.

The father slammed his axe on the back of Beef's neck, and Beef fell onto the father's chest. The father thrust his chest outward. Beef reeled backward, coughing.

The Rams he had forced away charged toward him. They headbutted his sides, and he lost his breath. His grip on his axe loosened.

"This does not look good," Yamcha said.

"Or fair," Max said. "How are they expecting him to defeat all of them at the same time?"

Monica shrugged. "He sounded so confident before that I thought he could beat them."

Beef swung his axe in all directions. The father swung his axe, catching Beef's axe. Beef, panting, shoved, yet the father did not move.

The remainder of the Rams continued to slam their axes onto Beef's back. Beef gritted his fangs. He released his hammer from the father and swung toward another Ram. That Ram caught Beef's axe, and the father swung toward the back of Beef's head.

A Soldier cupped his hands around his mouth. "Stop it."

The Savage Rams continued their assault.

"We'll have to make them stop." He gestured toward the other Soldier. "Come on."

The Soldiers ran toward the Rams. Monica reached toward them. "Wait, you guys. There are too many for just you two to take on."

Max raised his Digi Hammer. "Maybe we should help, too."

The Soldiers ran to one Savage Ram each and sliced their backs. Both Rams released a roar, stopped their swings, and whirled around to face the Soldiers. The remainder of the Rams stopped, their axes in mid-swing.

Yamcha relaxed his battle stance. "Or maybe not."

"What are you doing?" the father said.

"This isn't fair," a Soldier said. "There are way too many of you for him to fight by himself. You guys have to stop or at least let him fight one-on-one."

The father looked at Beef, who jumped onto his feet. He glared at the Soldiers. "How dare you stop my fight? I was about to win."

Monica rubbed her forehead.

The female stepped forward. "It's okay. He can protect me, and I can protect him. He's already proven that he's a great fighter."

Monica raised her brow. "Okay," she said under her breath.

"He held up for a long time during your beating. I'm not sure if even you could do that, Dad."

The father snorted. "Of course I could."

The remainder of the Rams faced him.

"But we're not going to test me today."

"And even after all that," the female said, "he jumped right back up. He has much strength."

The father's eyes moved slowly over Beef. He moved aside, revealing his daughter. "She is yours. Promise to take care of her."

"I promise."

The father's expression softened. "I am glad to have you join my family, to have a new son like you."

Beef ran to her, and they headbutted each other's foreheads. They pushed, smiling.

"Is that supposed to be a kiss?" Yamcha said.

Monica nodded. "Yup. That's how they kiss."

Beef and the female released their heads and clashed their axes. They sparred, swinging their axes and slicing each other's skin.

Max and Yamcha stared, slack-jawed.

"I've never seen a love like that before," Yamcha said.

Monica narrowed her eyes at him and smiled. "Wonderful techniques to use on Buruma, if you ask me."

"Definitely."

"We did what you wanted us to do," a Soldier said, and Beef and the female faced the group. "Now we need your help to overthrow the Red Dragons."

Beef glanced at the other Rams. "I said I'd go with them."

"We already have plenty of other monsters waiting to help," Monica said. "But I'm sure you'll be just as valuable, if not more, than they'll be."

"We sure will," the father said.

The Savage Rams followed the group toward Heim Rada, their feet shaking the ground. They hovered near Max's, Monica's, and Yamcha's necks, puffing breaths onto them. Monica focused on the Soldiers' backs to ignore the warm air on her neck.

Yamcha slammed a fist into the palm of his hand. "All right, we got more. This fight should be a breeze."

"Don't let your guard down," a Soldier said.

"Do I ever?"

"I can't judge since I've never watched you fight before."

"What're your names?" Monica blurted. Yamcha cast her a raised brow.

"Unimportant," the Soldiers said in unison.

"They are important. I want to get to know you guys a little better. There's a lot in a name, you know."

The Soldiers were silent for some seconds. Then, one said, "The emperor has given us permission to tell you our names, but he pointed out that you might not be able to tell who's who."

"It's fine," Monica said. "I can recognize your voices."

The Soldier placed a hand on his chest. "I'm Colt."

"Dillo here."

Monica smiled. "Nice to meet you, Colt, Dillo."

"Yeah, it's great to know your names," Max said.

Yamcha grinned. "Same here."

Colt looked forward. "Yeah. It's great."