Alexa-a few days later. After work

I sat in my room trying to forget about last couple of days. I didn't know I could email or message people on my handheld. Rayla calls it a quick send. Its pretty cool though because I can through email. We didn't talk about much, she mostly explained to me what happened after she had gotten taken. Then I told her what happened to me after she left. Which wasn't as bad as what happened to her. She didn't tell me everything like I wanted, I'd asked her but she wouldn't say much. I haven't seen her since that night. Its been killing me slowly. I don't know if its hormones or what but I've been crying non-stop over the littlest crap and its starting to freak me out.

Speaking of hormones and stuff, I haven't started puking yet. Marina and brooke got the all day sickness like crazy. I think they've even started cutting marina's hours because of it. Marina said 'the smell of the pantry is what gets to her at work'. All the mixtures and different smells, that's what it is. Brooke just pukes on command you just mention food and whatever she tried to eat comes up. God I'm glad I'm not like that. Knock on wood, if I can find some because it could just show up later right. Yea that would be just my luck.

I walked into Brooke's room and laid down on the bed dangling my feet over the edge. "do you think she's going to just show up" I asked her, she was in her bathroom sitting next to the toilet. "I don't know" she said, but her voice was strained. Then there was a waterfall of chunks hitting water. I lifted my head a little to investigate. She let out another down pour. Seconds later the toilet flushed and she was standing at her bathroom door. "this need to be over and it need to be over now." she said then slowly walked to the bed and sat down. I propped myself up on my elbows. She looked really tired she bent over holding her head up with her hands. Putting her fingers through the part of her hair. "You should get some sleep" I stated and she looked back at me. "yea…if I wasn't so damn hungry" she stated, "but you just…." I said and she looked out the door towards the living room. "someones knocking at the door" she said because I didn't hear anything. "I'll get it" I said rolling to the edge then standing.

I walked to the door slowly and the knocking got a little persistent. I opened the door without looking out of the small hole. As soon as I made eye contact with ray I kinda lunged at her. She wrapped me up in her arms and walked me inside the living room. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to let her go knowing it cold be a while till I got her back again. I felt like one of the army wives or something that never really got to see…Wow I really just compared myself to and army wife. Anyways, after a few seconds she nuzzled my shoulder then turned and took s short wiff of my hair. I remember when she used to do that. She used to do it all the time and I love it when she does.

"I've missed you so much" Ray said let go of me just a little so she could see my face. "I missed you too" I added and closed the door. "what are you doing here though? How did you…I didn't even tell you where I was staying at?" I tried to say, see what she does to me I can't even get my thoughts straight. "I'm a commander, I can get my fingers into anything" she said and smiled. "I'm about to start working with my mother on this project she been working on for a while. I can't tell you much about it, but I know its going to benefit the hive so much" she started to explain. I could tell she wanted to say more. I could tell she wanted to say something but she didn't. I don't understand how she can support this hive so much. I can only blame it on the fact that's she's been here for so long. "does this project have a name?" I asked, "yes and no, its just called The Program" she explained and my eyebrows scrunched together because what she was saying sounded so familiar. Her mother could have hundreds of different projects, but this is one and the same. My program, "Oh that's why they say your program when you first go to orientation" I said.

Ray looked at me leaning her head to one side confused. Letting her arms fall from around my waist. "I'm in the program" I said smiling but ray didn't find it amusing. She looked as if she was getting a little upset. "maybe, you'll be helping me?" I sort of asked her trying to see if she would calm down a little. "No I wouldn't be. I don't think I could do this again" she said turning and walking towards the wall. "Ray…" I said trying to get her to come back to me. "Your in the program. As in your pregnant?" she asked me and looked as if she knew something more then I did. "yea ray… your mom. She's been really good to me. She gets me. She's said she would give me whatever I want and she has" I tried to explain. Ray's face went blank for moments there after then she laughed. "wow out of all the people in the world. She had to chose you" she stated but I didn't get the logic behind her words. I didn't get where she was coming from.

"she knew. She knew you were here and she thought I would flip out if found you here. That's why she said it. That why she told me not to come over here. I mean I'm breaking a direct order right now an if I wasn't a comander I'd be screwed but I don't give a fuck. I mean I do but damn that was really fucked up of her" she ranted sort of pacing. She said everything to fast for me to get. "what?" I said trying to make sense of it. There was a detail I was missing and I didn't get what it was exactly. I wanted to know, should I push her or should I leave her alone. I don't really want to over something this simple when I just got her back.

Ray turned to me and hugs me again. IT caught me off guard so I didn't hug back until now. "She can't know. I can do this, we can do this but she can't know I know you're here. She'll flip shit and…" she didn't finish her sentence. I tried to read her body language but I couldn't. God its been that long, I know her and she knows me but I can't read her like I used to. We used to be so in tune. I wanted to ask her why, but she sighed and let go a little. "We jus have to be really care full. Did you ask her?Did my mom tell you anything about me?" she asked and I looked up at her wanting to tell her something but I just shook my head no. Ray gave me a stern look. How is she doing that? "well…" she asked me and I nuzzled into her shoulder and I could feel tears start to form.

Oh god here they come and I can't stop them. "she told me…She told me you were…Dead" it wasn't a full on sob but I was holding back tears like I don't know what. "Dead? Really" she said and she sounded surprised. She chuckled once, "cut throat" she mumbled but I heard it though her chest. Her arms flexed around my upper torso and tensed, and I started to sob. God why am I crying, I couldn't even tell you why I was crying it was just coming out. I hate this, I finally get her back and all I do is cry.

Before I could really do anything Rayla picked me up cradling me to her chest. Dam a little unexpected and nice. As much as wanted to enjoy this it was hard to. She walked

into my room pushing the door open with her foot. "I got you… I won't let anything happen to you" she said as she sat down holding me and rocking me side to side like a baby. Damn whats wrong with me. The first alone time I get with ray and all I do is cry.

I woke up to a arm over my back and a warm slowly moving chest. I opened my eyes a looked up at her. She smiled, "morning" She said, but her voice was low as if she was trying not to scare me. I wonder why she stayed after I basically cried my self to sleep in her arms. "hey" I said, I couldn't think of anything to say. This is bad and its only getting worse.

"feel better" ray asked me and I sat up a little propping myself up on her chest. I remember these moments all to well. "yea…my boobs are supper sore" I stated and she laughed a little. "It comes with the… bun in the oven" she said trying to make a joke but I didn't really find it funny. Ray lifted her other hand and picked up her hand held off the table. "I gotta go, I got a meeting I need to get to. I just wanted to be here when you woke up" she stated. I lifted slightly then sat up struggling a little still feeling the tired trying to work its way out of me. "Ok" I said stretching my arms over my head. "so ok, I'll come back within the next couple of days. We'll um…hang out" she said trying to think of how to say it. I wonder how long its been since she's been able to talk normal. Instead of all military like.

I started to fight back tears again, but I don't think it showed though the layers of being tired. I know it was this time, I didn't think I could bare through the thought of not seeing her for so long. I just wanted her to stay, but she couldn't. She either couldn't or she wouldn't because of her mother. "I have an appointment in a few hours anyways. Just quick send me something so I'll know you want me" I said and she smiled. "ok, I will bae" she stated and I looked up at her. I wasn't sure what to think, she hadn't called me bae this entire time she was here or since we've seen each other that night. If you don't remember that was her pet name for me. She never said baby or babe, just bea.

Rayla reached up and ran a finger across my cheek and smiled warmly. Before closing my eyes I saw three long scars on her arm the length of her forearm. When her soft touch gone I was calm and didn't feel as if I was going to cry. Her arm laid next to me playing with the string on my shirt. I starred down at them. "When is your appointment?" I asked, and she looked up at me from starring at the ceiling. How fucked up is this place? "in about an hour and a half" she said then noticed the concerned look on my face. I smiled through it though. I no she would never try to kill herself. She's always been so full of life and loved life itself. So I know she wouldn't even consider it.

"Yea I better get going" ray said so I sat up and sat next to her. "I'll try to come back sooner then a few days. It just depends on how this test run for me goes" she said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "ok" I said but it was soft almost as if I didn't want her to hear it. I was ok with this, I think. There wasn't anything I could do to stop her. So I had no choice but to wait. Wait for her to come back to me again. This leaves me in a limbo I don't want to be in.


Rayla- next day, mid day

Alexa;

When I first saw you it was like being woken up from a long dream. It was as if I was in a coma and seeing you felt like someone had shocked my heart to revive me. I feel whole again. Knowing your hear safe and alive creates a spark in me that grows till its all and feel surrounding me. I feel as if I've some how relapsed into something I haven't been in years. I'm addicted to you. You're like my own personal brand of mary jane. It's been so long since I've had a hit it feel like when I'm with you everything just melts away and I'm floating higher then clouds. These clouds just that builds and builds till I have to leave and everything turns into a storm. When I finally get to hold you in my arms the clouds disappear and it start all over again. I got you bea. I have you now and I'll never let you go.

I walked down the hall wanting to run. Just to get though the hallways so I didn't have to look into any of their eyes. My mothers is leaving me to be the Commander in charge of her project "The Program". I wouldn't have to actually conduct and or perform any research. All I do it watch over and report back to my mother if something goes wrong or one of the girls have a major complaint that I can't solve. So on top of doing solo missions, being a division leader, working with my special opps and now I have to be the assistant of a project I didn't want to have anything to do with. I just wanted to spend my time with alexa.

Now is when alexa needs me more then ever and I can't be there for her like I wan to be. They have me doing so many things at once. I feels like there's this hole that's only filled when I'm close to her. When I'm close to alexa. I feel normal again. Like I can breath and the tightness in my chest is gone.

I didn't realize how fast I was walking. As I looked up I saw my secretary, she smiled as I walked by her. I nodded and stopped at my office door. "Do I have any messages?" I asked, she smiled sweetly. "Yes they're on their desk. One of the girls had a nervous break down yesterday and their the numbers to. Oh plus all the files of the next cycle" she explained and I nodded again before opening up my door and walking in. "do you want me to hold all call's for a little bit" she asked me from a distance. "sure" I said at least now I'll have enough time to go over this. I'm sure I'll get used to it. I just have to deal for now.

My office wasn't as big as my mothers, but I had the same type of desk. All the acess I could ever want probally more then I needed. I brought up the messages and pulled the files from one to the next. There was another 20 girls. Three of them were volenteers wanting to get out of the military. They gave them the program as a choice. I wonder what the the other choice was. I read through their files seeing that one of them was Brittany york I sighed. The only thing I could think of was that she wasn't happy. I'll make a personal visit to her.

I looked over the rest of the files as of right now they're waiting on my signature and then they'll go through the process. It doesn't take long, their in transition for a week then they get moved to the civilian department where they're given job so they can feel normal and adjust to the change. It benefits them and the childs development. A woman being in confinement during pregnancy is found to be stressful from what I read.

After sitting there for at least and hour watching videos, going over files and putting digital signatures to approve the new cycle of girls had me beyond tired. My phone rang, So I picked it up, oh and there's on thing I forgot. My phone is just an ear piece. I've always wondered what black thing that I would see some of the chairmans and upper rankings would wear. Its small and its round, you wouldn't know what it is unless you have ever used one. I pressed the button on the side of the piece.

"Commander Kale you mother is on the phone" My secretary stated. I really got to learn that woman's name. "Put her though" I stated and there was this soft tones beep. "Whats up?" I asked her as I heard her breathing. Yep the sound pick up is that good. "Kale, professional remember. Were you even paying attention at your indoc" she asked me sounding like my mother. "yes and no" I said and I could hear her laugh. "neither did I" she said and we both started laughing.

"so how do you like your new office" she asked me. "its ok, I'm getting used to it…" I stated. I never really had an office to my self so having a office and my own secretary is decent.

"I've sent those approvals your way. I'm going to talk to a few of the girls make sure this is what they're ok" I stated. There was this short pause. "ok that's good, just remember not to get emotionally involved" she stated. "I won't" I said as if I was being told not to get drunk tonight if I went out. I laughed to myself. "did you read the rest of the programs what if's?" she asked, I thought for a second. "yes, but I saw where you said in you notes that you haven't really used it yet" I identified. "hmm almost used it but didn't have to go threw with it" she said and paused again. I waited for a minute then brought up what I know she would explain.

"it's a very drastic method. We only do it if needed. We don't offer it unless it is a severe situation." my mother explained and I read over the process. The process puts the woman on ice so she can't hurt herself or the child. Not literally on ice just asleep the entire time unaware. When the woman has carried the child to term the child is removed. They haven't used the process yet because the woman is infertile after wards. So most women opt to straighten up their act.

"yes mam I understand. I offer it but persuade against it" I sujested. "well ok looks as if you have things under control" she said, I smiled. A month ago she wouldn't have trusted me to leave the hive. Now I have so many responsiblities I can really see how far the rabbit hole goes. So in other words I took the blue pill.

After finishing up I grabbed the larger PDA. It has all the files I needed for when I go and talk to the new cycle. I walked out of my doors and stopped at my Secretaries desk. Looking at her name plate I didn't care notice earlier. "leana" I said and she stood. "yes mam" she answered and took a step back. "come on I need you to take notes and hold this big ass PDA" I said. She perked up, happy to get from behind the desk I guess. "ok, commander Rafle never took me with him anywhere. I'll have all calls forwarded to the machine." she said then started to do something. "no just have important numbers forwarded to my phone" I said tapping the piece on my ear. Leana nodded and walked around the desk.

We walk to the the girl who had a break down first. "bring up her file. I believe her name is marina malcovich" I stated and looked over to see leana do so. "She is as of right now 6 weeks which is about 12 weeks in a normal pregnancy. She is emotionally depressed and tried to commit suicide yesterday. As of right now she's on…I'm not sure how to say it but she's been medicated to keep her docile" she read. I looked up, "has she been violent" I asked. "there was an outburst on the way in." she explained. "how is her T7 levels" I asked her. If you wondering T6 and T5 is the protein that was given to me as a child. My mother created T7 for the women its like a combination of both. I don't know all the scientific term to explain it further.

"Her T7 is very low. They've been able to restore it since then" Leana said as we stopped at the room she was in. I looked at leana as if she was my coach or something and I was about to get a pep talk. I walked into the room unannounced. As I walked in and around the curtain that was pulled around the bed to se Marina laying down starring at the window. She clicked the button and it changed. I stood and leana sat in the chair behind me. "what do you want" marina asked me. "I just wanted to talk" I said as I walked more to the side of the bed. Marina looked up at me smiled. "I know you" she said and my eyebrows furrowed together. "you were that new commander that got promoted last week or whenever" she stated and I smiled. "yea that was me" I said I could tell she was a little messed up on the drugs so I knew this wasn't going to be much of a conversation. "you had my girl doing back flips when she saw you. Then I'm sure she probably cried her self to sleep. I would have cried myself to sleep the way you tested her" she said her words a little slurred but I understood what she said.

Evidently I saw alexa before I came to. I would say. "I know, but I'm here for you. I need to find out if your emotionally stable. Because of right now you have three choices." I stated and marina looked at me realizing this was serious. "You can straighten up, go back to where you were in the civilian department, I put you on ice or you can stay here and stay monitored and doped up. The first two choices are up to you. If in three days you haven't made a decision then I'll come back and offer two of the three." I said and marina just starred at me. Did my voice sound that cold? Was I really starting to sound like my mother? I shuddered inside thinking about it. This place was turning me into something and I didn't realize they were doing it till now. We finished up the conversation with Marina melodic. She doesn't look as if she's going to make up her mind anytime soon. I'll give her some time.

After talking to Brittany I realized why she was going into the program willingly. She didn't sound distraught or angry about how she was being treated by the military. There would be something there. She was too normal. I know why she's here, I know who she's here for. Unfortunetly she's not going to find her. I walked back into my office and sat down. I tried looking for Alexa in the files but couldn't find hers. My mother is going out of their way to hide them from me. Both of them.