WE'VE HIT 50 That means between me and Lex we have 100 chapters, how cool is that! So guys, with this many hits and this many chapters, could I please get to 30-35 reviews, please please please. This is an awesome long, sexy, fabby chapter! Hope you enjoy it, there're a few twists and turns and little things that you might not have seen, so lemme know what you think.
The mirror reflected back a man I didn't know, and I really didn't know who he was. His hair was long and unkempt, his tie was a gift from a man he hardly cared for. His studies were most definitely slipping because he was pining for a man he had told to go away. I know I brought all of this on myself.
He was stood behind me while I perfected my tie, he looked amazing, a cravat and waistcoat adorning his muscular form. I loved him, I wanted him back, and that wasnt going to happen.
I stepped away from the mirror, sick of this stranger staring back; galring at me like the idiot I was.
"Umm, do you need the mirror to adjust your cravat?" I tried to say cooly, choking on my voicebox. I knew it was already perfect. He would've looked good in a dress made of rotting vegetables. My heart cracked right down the middle, aching to hold him again.
I wonder is he had the same urge, to touch me and hold me close and never let me go again.
Probably not, I was a complete and utter dick and I deserved nothing more than the oxygen I breathed and the dirt I stood on.
"You know," I mused, crossing my legs up onto the trunk I was sat on. "I think it will be really fun seeing everyone dressed up and together like proper grown ups. Lily showed me the dress she's wearing and if I weren't gay I'd be so after her, btu James'll be so proud." The steam had ran out, my ramble fizzling. My head dipped as I had an image of Sirius on my arm, flying around the dancefloor with me and knocking over everyone else inthe process, laughing and playing with my hair.
"I'm so glad we've made up now, no hard feelings right? It'll be nice to Dance with you," If I didn't force these words out now, they never would. "as friends."
He sagged a little, air leaving his system...I'd killed him, I had killed him.
Oh hell, how can I make this better? "Look, Caleb got me a tie to match his, isnt that cute?" I babbled, pointing to the hideous gold strip of fabric around my neck.
He laughed hollowly, as if that were the only thing that would keep the temple that was his body from crumbling into dust.
"You accepted something from Kadweeb?" He scoffed. I shrugged and leapt up, this wasnt me, whoever was controlling my body was some sadistic temptress that was dangling me in front of him, waiting for him to finally give up, at which point she'd let me go to deal with the aftermath of 'my' actions.
"How do I look?" I asked, cursing the words as soon as they left my mouth. This was the straw that broke the camels back in my eyes.
He gawped for a second, words caught in his throat like flies in a spiders web.
He walked over, a slow, silent funeral march. He reached me and placed a burning kiss on my cheek, that would be washed away with tears as soon as I was alone.
"You look stunning..." He trailed, and before I could open my eyes he was gone.
The ball was dull, not because of the music that Sirius was playing, and not because of the people. Just because I wanted to be in the arms of Sirius, not Caleb.
Caleb was distracted, and I was bored. I kept glancing over at Sirius never quite taking in enough of his beauty and wonder.
It wasn't long before Caleb excused himself and walked briskly out of the hall. Where was he going? Had I really been that disconnected from the world that I'd driven my boyfriend away from me?
Well, even if I did it wasn't that much of a loss.
But then again, I did want to know what he was up to, because it certainly wasn't the Charms essay he told me he had to do. I'd helped him with that the other day.
Steathily, I followed him further and further into the heart of the castle until we were a few corridors away from the Slytherin dorm. Not much to my surprise, Regulus was stood against the wall, looking suspiciously at Caleb who was only a few yards away now.
"You wanted to see me?" Regulus asked, stepping away from the wall to greet Caleb.
Without another word Caleb started to kiss Regulus ferociously, pulling away after only a few seconds to grab his hand and tug him off towards the dorms.
I'm guessing that I was dumped then? Then again, I obviously hadn't been meant to see that, so was I meant to pretend that I still liked him. Well I wasn't that great an actor.
I needed to think, desperately needed some air, and if I didn't get out of this corridor soon I was going to suffocate.
I didn't care about Caleb enough that it really hurt but to think that I had been devalued that much.
I stumbled and staggered my way around the school, unsure where I'd end up, but hopefully that place was my bed.
It took a good 45 minutes before I reached my destination, crossing Dumbledore on the way up, he was going down. I passed it off as him having the same idea I subconciously had.
Already I could feel the air swirling around my person, cooling me down and proving to myself that I was still human.
A sillhouette that stole my breath like a thief in the night was stood leaning over the railings. He turned, grey eyes lighting up the evening with their icy, surprised gaze.
I walked over slowly, scared he might bite my head off or throw me over the railings. He studied me carefully and I in response gulped.
The last time he looked at me like this was when we were together, I missed those days. The days when I was truly happy. I leant against the bars, tilting my head up to see the roof and the glittering beings beyond.
Looking over at Sirius I sighed heavily, the weight of our lost relationship weighing heavily on my soul. Crushing my once jovial spirit and turning my old before my time.
"Clabe's a dickhead..." I trailed off, not wanting to reveal the knowledge I had recently aquired.
"I could have told you that months ago." He huffed, not in his normal social mood.
"I know, I think you did. I just didn't listen because, well, I dont know." He looked away from me, out to the lake and the grounds.
I removed my tie which had somehow survived so far and dropped it from the balcony. Under Sirius's hungry gaze I popped open a few more buttons.
Closing my eyes and relishing in the cool night air I began to speak again. "It's so good to be able to breathe, alone like this, away from everything down there." I drew the air in slowly, loving the very notion of breathing.
I began to formulate an idea in my head, and knew if I didn't act on it now I never would.
"You aren't alone if I'm here." Sirius whispered as if it were some illicit secret that no-one else would ever figure out.
"Ok then, alone here," I grinned seductively, edging nearer to his body heat. "like this...with you." I brought my hand to the front of his hair and brushed it back, intertwining my hands deeper and deeper bringing myself closer to him until we were almost chest to chest.
Gradually, testing the reaction I grazed my lips against his, in a way I used to do to wake him up or when in the rare occasion he was trying to do his homework. It was a fun game of mine to try and distract him to the point where he'd give up and accept the detention, if just to kiss me more.
I tried edging my tongue into his mouth but he pushed me away, looking at me with such regret that I almost ran away right there and then.
"Please...don't do this...I can see that Caleb has hurt you and I thinm this is worthless and hurtful if you dont love me..."
"But I do..." I whispered meekly, hoping it would carry and hit home. In a vain attempt to get him to listen I grabbed his arm, the feel of muscle and vein pulsing beneath my fingers sapping the life out of me.
"Thats the thing, you don't...you're playing around and all your doing is wasting your energy. What can you get from this...there's nothing left of me to pull lower than I am."
Tears sprang to my eyes, fighting to bound down my face like a waterfall, never stopping, not until they bled me dry and left a dry shell, the outside cocoon, the butterfly inside long fled.
"Thats not what I'm trying to do." I insisted quietly.
He seemed to explode before my eyes "Then what? What is it, come on tell me! Is this some game you and Caleb are playing with me? Let me tell you, in case you didn't hear before, I have nothing left. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" After his final outburst which left me quivering, there really did seem to be nothing left of him.
"You know, sometimes I think this is a horrible nightmare that I might jsut wake up from" He looked towards the ground, contemplating. "If I just jumped, if I just hit the ground, I'd wake up gasping with you by my side and realise it was all some stupid fiction and I'd stop the dare and we'd all be fine."
Drawing in breath, I kept my hand on his arm, turning him to look at me, "Sirius," I choked, "Please dont do anything stupid." I begged, fighting against his exasperated sigh.
If he jumped, what would I do,how would I live.
Answer:
I wouldn't
I would jump after him, hopefully soon enough after to die in his arms.
"Don't worry, this world is too alive, there's too much to see and hear and smell and too many feelings...too much." He extended his arm elegantly, a true Black, making everything so graceful.
He stepped up onto the bar, a mere two rungs separating him and nothing but thin air.
He wasn't even holding on, did he know how many lives were at risk here? Did he care?
I had to save the both of us. "Sirius...Siri, come down, please be careful." I implored him, scared to touch him lest he lose balance and fall by accident.
He tilted his head into the building, closing his eyes.
"Padfoot, are you listening? Please ju-" He interrupted me, turning his head towards mine.
"It feels astounding here Remmie, beautiful. Come on join me honey!" He laughed, opening his eyes to gaze down on me, grinning and reaching out to me with long pale fingers. "I won't let you fall." How could I refuse, the Devil himself was tempting me. My hand shook beside me, my slight fear of heights making itself known.
Eventually, I locked my fingers into his with all the strength I had.
It took a few good seconds of bliss before our descent from heaven came crashing down a whole lot faster.
"Remus, what are you doing? Let go of that piece of shit this instant." I winced, Calebs voice was a drill into my skull, I had planned on not ever seeing him again. I had no choice, I had to face this.
I gave Sirius my most apologetic look, and let go of his hand, taking all the brute strength I had to do so.
I strutted over to Caleb, rowling under my breath. "How dare you, how dare you sneak around snogging Sirius's brother, then expect me to give up the only happiness in my life for a cheating bastard li-"
"I'm sorry Moony," A calm, yet sorrowful voice came from behind me. ""I'm sorry for all the heart break, all the problems, the mistakes, the bad times… For what it's worth, I'm even sorry for the good times for making the bad times feel so much worse!"
I turned, just to see him drop off the edge of the building in an all too graceful manner.
"NO!" I roared, rushing over to the edge, "Arresto momentum," I screamed, wandlessly, but it was all I had that would work fast enough. Tears were dropping like bombs after him, falling to their doom along with the love of my life.
I saw him slow down a miniscule amount before hitting the ground with a sickening crunch and his leg at a jaunty angle to the rest of his body.
"Ha, well that is one way to get rid of the rubbish." Caleb commented, his voice an echo against the void that was me now.
I collapsed on the floor in a heap of what previously was Remus John Lupin. I had no tears left uncried, no emotion left unfelt and nothing left for anyone to take. I had fully given myself to the world and this is what I get in return.
"Get out of my life," I whispered to the man now casually walking from the room.
If you're a crazy person who liked Caleb please review. I had a person in mind of who he's like but I want you to tell me what you think, brown hair, blonde hair, green eyes, whatever, I want to know what you thought!
And even if you hated him like me, review and tell me!
