Chapter fifty one: So Wrong
NPOV
August 4
I woke up naked, with his arm around me.
The boat was still, so we had arrived in Manaus. Slowly the events of this night dawned on me.
What had I done? I was a classic rebound girl, seducing her best friend to boost her ego. And he went along.
Of course he did. He was barely awake and I had been seducing him for days. By the time he got to opening his eyes, his boner was already throbbing in my hand.
I had just taken advantage of my friend. Who only slept in my bed because I had sweetly asked him to. A friend who I knew would not deny me anything if I wanted it bad enough.
Now I got what I had wanted. So wrong. So ashamed.
I got out from under his arm to clean myself up and get dressed. He didn't wake up, that would take a lot more.
Yeah, like almost raping him, I thought, angry with myself.
I went into the kitchen an rummaged in the fridge, looking for some leftovers to have for breakfast.
After a while I heard some movement in the room. He came out, wearing fresh boxers and he sat down at the table.
I avoided his gaze, ashamed of myself, afraid of what I might find. I thought he would get angry with me, for finally taking from him, almost with force, what he had denied me for days. Way to go. Great way to ruin a perfect friendship.
How did this happen?
I never thought about actually having sex with him, although it may have seemed otherwise.
But tonight, as I was wrapped in his arms, I accidentally brushed my hand against his rather large erection, while he was sleeping. I got curious and I knew this wolf wouldn't easily wake up, so I put my hand over it and felt it's form through the thin boxers.
At the touch of my hand, his penis twitched a bit, and suddenly I wanted it. I wanted to have that effect on a man and I wanted to feel this one inside of me.
It's not much of an explanation, but it's the only one I had. I had no idea why I wanted this. Perhaps my body just needed some good sex and he was there… how convenient.
I had to admit, it was good sex. Damn good.
Despite what Jasper had said about first times always being awkward, this may even have been the best sex of my life. I thought sex with Josh was amazing, but with Jake it had been… kind of perfect.
He had looked at me like I was the most precious thing on the planet, and it felt like he had really made love to me, even though he was still half asleep.
I hadn't been ashamed tonight, it hadn't felt wrong, it felt so right.
It had been emotional and so very satisfying.
He definitely knew what he was doing. It had been months since I last had sex, and Jake was a very big boy, but he didn't hurt me, quite the opposite.
It felt like our bodies had known each other for years as well. Maybe the imprint made for such mind blowing sex.
Nevertheless, no matter how perfect it had been, it was very very wrong. Using my best friend like that.
During breakfast we didn't talk, he looked at me with the sweetest expression though. One less person that is angry with me.
I couldn't look him in the eye, so I focused really hard on the food.
We were joined by Emmett at our table, who didn't eat of course.
"So" Emmett said, with a strikingly amused look on his face "that sounded like a damn good fuck!"
Both our heads snapped up, in shock. Great. Just freaking perfect.
"Seems like our Nessie has finally gotten her wolf to cave. Feel good now you beat Niya?"
Did he assume that I had sex with Jake to beat her? Did I? Jake looked up at me, waiting for an answer with an expression I couldn't read.
"Sure." I smiled weakly.
Emmett roared and hit Jake on the shoulder "Didn't sound like this one minded much. Damn, why do girls never fight over me like that?"
Suddenly Jake stood up and left the boat. Just like that.
So he was angry with me. He had every right. Even more now I had just admitted it was just a competition thing.
When he finally came back he still acted strange. He was probably embarrassed too that Emmett had heard. I decided we should talk about it when we were alone again. That would not be any time soon, as Rose and Emmett would be on the plane with us as well. We sold all our stuff and the boat as well, and got to the airport where the plane was already waiting for us.
The whole flight was awkward. Emmett tried to lift our moods, saying that everybody needed friends who could provide services like that, but Jake ignored him, and so everybody stayed silent again.
I tried to sleep, because I didn't get much of that last night, and after a while I succeeded.
When the plane landed Jake said that he would run home.
He didn't even want to get a ride back? Was he that angry? It didn't sound like I raped him last night. I'd rather he had said no, if he was going to be angry for days. Although I was afraid there was more wrong than just anger. Something felt off. Very much so.
And it's not fair for me to say that he could have said no, it's not exactly true, he was sleeping and I had made up my mind to have him.
If we could only talk this through. I didn't want him to go home angry and then sleep alone tonight. But he planned on running off. So I couldn't wait till we were alone.
"Jake, I think we need to talk."
He sighed deeply. "I don't think so Ness." I was surprised by the cold tone in his voice.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I know that. It was night, I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry."
"I need some time alone Ness. I'm serious, I'm not talking about this."
"Are you going to run off as soon as the doors open?"
"Probably."
And as if on cue, the doors opened that moment, and he ran.
He had phased before he left my sight, clothes shredded on the ground.
*****
AN: Please let me know what you think...
