Eh ok so this chapter took WAY too long despite not even being that long and I'm sorry for that. Plus its more kind of a fun, fluffy chapter, but that's ok, I suppose. After all, this is the last one of those for a while because some BIG things are on their way in the upcoming chapters... ;) But for now, enjoy my take on Fusion Cuisine. Let's get started (reverse ceasar)
Chapter 38: The Dinner Shack
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"Doctor, it's my son. There was an accident, I-"
"I know what we have to do. Nurse!"
"Yes, doctor?"
"Prep the patient for emergency surgery. We gonna go… under the knife!"
At this intense cliffhanger, the high stakes medical drama went to a poorly-timed commercial break, leaving all four of the kids in immense suspense as to what might happen next as they all congregated on Steven's loft to watch it. Connie had been the one to recommend Under the Knife, and after marathoning just a few episodes of the show's gripping plot and diverse characters, Steven, Dipper, and Mabel were just as hooked on it as she was. Which, considering just how different each of their interests and tastes were, was quite an amazing feat in and of itself.
"Ugh! This show is so good!" Connie exclaimed happily as the commercials droned on in the background.
"Tell me about it!" Mabel eagerly agreed as she casually leaned against Dipper. "That dreamy nurse guy totally makes the whole show!"
Dipper rolled his eyes as he playfully pushed his sister off of him. "Personally, I'm in it more for the ongoing mystery epidemic subplot than any 'dreamy' nurses."
"Well I 'm into all of it!" Steven grinned enthusiastically. "I'm so glad you showed us Under the Knife, Connie. It's something really cool that we can all enjoy together!"
"Well, I'm glad to see you guys like it so much," Connie chuckled warmly. "By the way, thanks for letting me watch it here, Steven."
"How come you can't watch the show at home?" the young Gem asked curiously.
"My mom says this doesn't represent a real emergency room," she replied, nodding back towards the screen as the show came back on.
"How did his legs get into… his brain?!" the nurse exclaimed overdramatically as the kids all took a moment's pause at this implausible line.
"I mean, I guess she would know since she actually works at a hospital," Connie continued. "But still, she just doesn't understand that its satire."
"Whoa, I couldn't imagine not being allowed to watch a show as good as Under the Knife," Mabel remarked, somewhat bewildered. "Especially since Grunkle Stan lets us watch pretty much whatever we want."
"Yeah, like that one time he let us watch that old claymation horror movie that scared you so much you couldn't sleep for almost a week," Dipper said with something of an amused smirk.
"Can you blame me?" Mabel asked with a fearful cringe. "Those clay figures move so… unnaturally."
"The Gems let me watch anything I want too," Steven changed the subject after another stilted beat of silence. "Like Crying Breakfast Friends, and Lonely Blade, and Ducktective, and Tiger Fist, and Canine Court, and-"
"Ok, Steven, we get the point," Dipper cut his lengthy list off, somewhat exasperated.
Nonetheless, Connie let out a small laugh at this, though it was capped off by her glancing away a bit bashfully. "Well, I feel like my parents are little more… strict than the Gems or Mr. Pines are…"
"What do you mean?" Steven asked inquisitively, though before Connie could answer, her cellphone suddenly rang from her nearby bag.
"Oh, hold that thought, Steven," she said as she reached to retrieve the phone. "It's probably my mom, as ironic as that sounds." She paused, checking the caller idea before shaking her head. "Called it." Connie sat up straight on the bed, putting her frameless glasses back over her eyes as she cleared her throat. However, before she could answer the phone, Mabel abruptly interrupted.
"You know, it's so crazy that we've all known each other for weeks now, and we still haven't met your mom yet, Connie!" she quipped in realization. "Mind if we give her a quick hello?"
"Oh, well, uh…" Connie frowned, glancing over at her still-ringing phone a bit nervously. "I-I don't know if that's such a good idea…"
"Why not?" Steven asked. "I know that meeting someone over the phone doesn't compare to meeting them in real life, but still, I'm sure Dr. Maheswaran would be glad to meet all of us, even if she won't be able to see any of us!"
"I… uh… We'll see," Connie quickly said, knowing she had already put off answering her mother for far too long now. And so, before anyone could say anything else, she flipped her phone open and put on a very professional tone as she addressed her parent. "Hi, Mother. It's Connie." She kept her expression steady as she listened to what her mother had to say before providing affirmative answers. "Mm-hm. Yes, ma'am. I-I'm at the home of Steven Universe, just hanging out with him and Dipper and Mabel Pines."
"Tell her we said 'hi'!" Mabel chimed in cheerfully and quite loudly.
"Mabel, shh!" Dipper cut in crossly, respecting Connie's hesitance, whatever the reason for it was.
"You shh!" Mabel retorted, giving her brother a playful shove, which he was quick to petulantly return.
"Y-yes, ma'am," Connie continued conversing with her mother, holding a hand over her other ear so she could hear amidst the twins' lighthearted squabbling. "Oh, you… you want to know if there's a supervising adult present in the house? Uh, well… Dipper and Mabel's great uncle isn't here, but—What? Steven's parents?" She sucked in a sharp breath, glancing to Steven with sudden panic before providing her mother with a rather thoughtless answer. "They're, uh… they're in the other room. You… would like to talk to Steven's mom? Oh, ok. H-hold on a moment."
By now, Connie's growing concern had spread to Steven and the twins, especially as she looked to them for an idea she couldn't come up with to pacify her mother. "So… I'm guessing us getting to say hi to your mom is out then?" Mabel asked with a small frown.
"You guys! What am we gonna do?!" Connie asked in an anxious whisper, blocking her phone with her hand so her mother couldn't hear. "It would take way too long for us to go down to the shack so my mom could talk to Mr. Pines, and as for Steven's mom…"
"She… gave up her physical form to make me," Steven finished, glancing down a bit.
"I can't tell her that!" Connie exclaimed, distressed.
"Wait!" Dipper interjected just in time. "I think I have an idea. Who says Connie's mom needs to talk to Steven's mom, when she can talk to the next best thing? Know what I mean?"
"Ohhh…" Steven said with a sly smile of understanding as he glanced down to the den below. "I think I do…"
Knowing that they didn't have much time, especially since Connie's mother was still on the phone, the kids hurried down from the loft to find Garnet relaxing on the couch below. "Ah, this is perfect!" Dipper exclaimed with relief upon seeing the Gem leader. "Garnet, we're glad you're here."
"Yeah, we need your help!" Steven urged desperately. "You have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom."
Garnet didn't disagree with this plan as she simply kept her usual straight face while taking the phone from Connie and addressing Dr. Maheswaran on the other end of the line. "Hello," she began, her tone not as solid as it usually was. "This… is Mom Universe. Yes," she paused, adjusting her visor. "The children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again." At this, the Gem leader abruptly hung up and handed the phone back to Connie, her stoic expression still unchanged. "Sorry, I panicked."
Needless to say all four of the kids were floored by the overwhelming tactlessness Garnet had just displayed, all of them looking to her in distraught shock while she simply shrugged somewhat apathetically. Out of all the kids, Connie was the one most stunned by what had just happened, especially as she looked to her phone with wide eyes, seeing that, surprisingly enough, her mother indeed wasn't calling back, something that could either be very good or very bad.
"O-ok," she began somewhat shakily as she forced a tentative smile onto her face. "This is ok. This… this is fine! I just need to stay calm. M-maybe my mom won't freak out that badly over this!"
"Yeah, maybe your mom will think that Garnet was just joking around," Dipper said reassuringly.
"Heh, yeah, maybe," Connie chuckled trying to convince herself of this, only for her smile to instantly drop a second later. "Except… my mom doesn't take jokes very well… Especially ones that involve me messing around with swords and bleeding to death…"
"Again, sorry," Garnet spoke up from her spot on a couch, her tone still as dry as ever.
"So what should we do now?" Steven asked with a worried frown.
"Well, seeing as how my mom hasn't called me back yet," Connie said, glancing to her still-silent phone once more. "That can mean one of two things: either she did take what Garnet said as a joke, or… she's really angry and on her way over here right now."
A beat of silence passed between all four of the kids as they exchanged an anxious, almost fearful glance, none of them too keen on being on the receiving end of Dr. Maheswaran's potential line of fire. "So… all in favor of hiding out down at the Mystery Shack until all this blows over?" Mabel suggested stiffly, to which Steven, Connie, and Dipper all immediately raised their hands.
Not wanting to waste any precious time, the kids took off, hurrying out of the temple and practically running down the hill to the shack. By the time they made it down there, all four of them were breathless, but relieved to see that Dr. Maheswaran hadn't arrived at up at the temple yet. However, their relief instantly faded as soon as they entered the shack's den only to walk in on Stan talking to an unknown person on the phone. And based on his irate tone and angry expression, it was easy to tell that the ongoing conversation was anything but a pleasant one.
"Hey, what are you yelling at me for, lady?" the conman asked hotly, not even noticing the kids enter the room. "How am I supposed to know if your kid and my two little runts were whacking each other with swords? It's not like I actually watch them or anything."
"Oh no…" Connie whispered, already dreading the thought of who she knew was likely on the other end of the line, given the context of the conversation.
"Oh come on. There's no way your mom would have actually called Grunkle Stan about this whole sword thing," Dipper remarked skeptically. "…Would she?"
"Oh, believe me, she would," Connie replied grimly.
"How'd she even know his number?" Steven wondered with a confused frown.
"She must have found it in the phone book or something," Connie said, taking in diffident deep breath. "But no matter how she got ahold of it, this can only go so well…"
"And so what if the munchkins were playing around with swords?" Stan shrugged indifferently as he continued speaking to Dr. Maheswaran. "I say let 'em nick each other up with those glorified pocket knives for a few rounds, get a few scratches, maybe even a scar or two. Builds character, if you ask me."
"Well, it's safe to say my mom's blood pressure is probably skyrocketing right about now," Connie remarked, face palming fretfully.
"He can't be serious," Dipper said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I know Grunkle Stan likes to speak his mind, but this is ridiculous."
"Uh, Grunkle Stan?" Mabel spoke up, tugging on the conman's sleeve in an attempt to draw him away from the rapidly sinking conversation.
"Not now, kid," Stan dryly waved her off. "Can't you see I'm on the phone, having an adult conversation here?" The conman paused for a moment, listening to what Dr. Maheswaran had to say before letting out a harsh scoff. "What? Me? Irresponsible? You don't know what you're talking about, lady. I let my niece and nephew run around pretty much wherever they want to, and they're both still alive and kicking. I mean, sure, there's been a few close calls, like that time both of them nearly drowned or the time we were all almost eaten by zombies, but still. Point is, I'm as responsible of a caretaker as they come, and I'm not gonna have some prude like you tell me otherwise!" By now, all four of the kids' mouths had just about hit the floor in shock over just how callous, and careless the conman was being. Fortunately for them though, this vitriolic conversation was about to finally reach its abrupt end. "Oh yeah? Well same to you, lady!"
And at this enraged shout, Stan finally slammed the phone down, still clearly seething with fury over the conversation as he glared down at it. However, that frustration did ebb away, if only a little, into as he turned to group of alarmed, dumbfounded kids standing right behind him. The conman placed his hands on his hips as he looked down at them, an eyebrow raised in innocent confusion, as if he hadn't just completely offended one of their parents. "What?"
The young Gem and the twins had taken to spending the next day up at the temple, mostly because Dipper and Mabel were not very pleased with how Stan had acted on the phone with Dr. Maheswaran the previous day. And so, wanting to see if the whole matter had smoothed itself over, the trio had decided to call Connie up with the phone on speaker so they could all talk to her. However, based on what she was telling them, things were anything but smooth on her parents' end.
"Aw, what do you mean your mom won't let you come over?" Steven asked Connie with dismay as him and Mabel worked on their latest culinary creation: a cheese puff cheesecake. "It's the midseason pre-finale of Under the Knife!"
"Yeah, Connie, you gotta come!" Mabel urged just as insistently. "It won't be the same if we all can't enjoy that hunky nurse together!"
"Look, you guys, you know I'd love to come over," Connie said as she wrapped her phone's cord around her finger on the other end of the line. "But my parents are really upset about what happened yesterday."
"Oh gee, I can't imagine why they would be," Dipper deadpanned in exasperation. "You know, after Garnet told your mom we impaled each other with swords and Stan got in a shouting match with her. How could she not be upset over that?"
"Oh, she is," Connie confirmed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure her mother wasn't eavesdropping on the call. "In fact, she was more than just upset when I got home yesterday. She was livid. Both her and my dad say that they won't let me see any of you guys again until they meet Mr. Pines and both of Steven's parents in person!"
"But that's impossible!" Steven exclaimed fretfully.
"Yeah, especially after what happened yesterday," Mabel added with an uncomfortable frown.
"I know," Connie acknowledged apprehensively. "But they want all three of our families to go out together for dinner."
"Ooo, that sounds so… adult," Steven remarked with an intrigued smile as he put a cheese ball onto the cake.
"No, it sounds like a horrible idea," Dipper remarked, crossing his arms. "Connie, do your parents really think that they'll be able to have anything remotely close to a peaceful dinner with Stan after the awful first impression he made with your mom yesterday?"
"Apparently, they want to give him the 'benefit of the doubt', or something like that," Connie replied, frowning. "But I could tell from the tone my mom used that she's really not looking forward to talking to him face-to-face after their… first conversation."
"Well, like Dipper said, that was only Grunkle Stan's first impression," Mabel said with a shrug. "So maybe his second impression will be a lot better!"
"Pfft, I doubt it," Dipper said sardonically, knowing their uncle far too well.
"Well, I think dinner sounds like a great idea, Connie," Steven said with a small smile. "It'll be an awesome way for your parents to get to know Mr. Pines and the Gems! I wonder if Fish Stew Pizza will take reservations for… the four of us, Garnet, Pearl, Dad, Amethyst, Mr. Pines, your parents… all 11 of us!"
"W-what?!" Connie asked in sudden alarm. "Steven, you can't bring everybody!"
"Why not?"
"Because…." Connie bit her lip anxiously before spitting out the awkward truth. "Because I told my parents you have a nuclear family!"
"Nuclear?!" the young Gem exclaimed, appalled. "Sure, the Gems may blow stuff up sometimes, but that's because they're magic, not radioactive!"
"Wait, they're not?" Mabel asked, surprised as Dipper simply facepalmed over their shared naivete.
Likewise, Connie was also somewhat exasperated by this innocent misunderstanding, but she proceeded to explain the concept nonetheless. "Steven, 'nuclear' means two adults and their child and/or children. My parents think you live with your mother and father."
"But none of that is true!" Steven protested worriedly. "Connie, you've never told your mom and dad about the Crystal Gems?"
"No, and I've never told them about all of the weird paranormal stuff we've ran into either," Connie admitted, her tone firm and resolved in her choice. "And it has to stay like that. If they find out I lied to them, they'll never let me hang out with any of you guys again!"
"Don't worry, Connie, all our super awesome magical-mystery secrets are safe with us!" Mabel assured with a thumbs up. "Uh, you can't see it since we're talking on the phone, but I'm giving you a thumbs up."
"Uh… thanks, Mabel," Connie replied, even if she was only moderately comforted.
"Um, yeah, I guess I'll just have to bring one of the Gems to dinner instead of all three of them then," Steven frowned, already quite uncomfortable with the idea of turning his family situation into nothing more than a ruse. Still, for Connie's sake, the young Gem was ready to do just about anything, including tell a little white lie. "But I do have one question. Why do I have to bring my dad and a 'mom' to dinner when Dipper and Mabel don't?"
"Because our mom and dad are back home in California, remember?" Dipper informed somewhat dryly.
"Oh yeah," Steven remembered with a soft gasp. "You know, sometimes I forget that you guys don't actually live here. Huh, weird."
"Ok, so it's settled then," Connie spoke up with the intent of putting this plan in action. "And just so we're all clear, Steven, you're bringing your dad and one of the Gems to dinner, right?"
"Right..." the young Gem tentatively agreed, even if he had no idea which Gem that would be.
"And Dipper and Mabel, are you guys sure you can convince your uncle to come to dinner with my parents, much less get him to be… you know, civil?"
"Well, the most we can do is try," Dipper said rather dubiously. "And even then, we can't make any promises that Grunkle Stan won't end up accidently offending your parents somehow. Or, knowing him, offending them on purpose."
"Then we'll just have to make sure Grunkle Stan is on his best behavior!" Mabel purposed, resolved. "I'm sure that won't be too hard if we annoy him about it long enough."
"Yeah, or bribe him," Dipper added sardonically.
"And you know what?" Mabel continued with an excited smile. "I just had an awesome idea! Why don't we all have dinner down at the Mystery Shack? Connie, you can tell your parents that Grunkle Stan invited them over to show there's no hard feelings about all that stuff he said to your mom yesterday!"
"Whoa, that's… actually a really great idea, Mabel!" Connie exclaimed with allayed surprise. "It's just the perfect sign of goodwill that will hopefully convince my parents that Mr. Pines is responsible and respectable."
"Which he's really not, but eh, we can probably fake it decently enough," Dipper remarked with a shrug.
"Oh, this is so exciting, you guys!" Steven quipped with a newfound excited smile, throwing his hands down on the counter and ignoring the cheese puff cheese cake as it flung upwards before hitting the floor behind him. "Finally, the Universes, the Pines, and the Maheswarans are all coming together for the first time in history! This is gonna be the best dinner ever!"
"So let me get this straight," Stan began, dryly looking between his nibblings as they stood before his desk expectantly. "You two want me to all the trouble turning the shack into some kind of ritzy, upscale restaurant for a night and you want me to make nice with that crazy Maheswhatever lady who took the time to ring me up out of nowhere yesterday and nag at me over nothing?"
The twins exchanged a stiff glance at this juncture, both of them unanimously realizing that what they were asking of their uncle was rather awkward considering what happened the previous day. But even so, Dipper nodded a terse confirmation to it. "Uh, yeah, that's… pretty much the gist of it."
"Ha!" the conman let out a callous scoff as he crossed his arms. "What do you two take me for, some kind of a spineless sap? If there's one thing being in the tourist trap business as long as I have has taught me is that apologizing is for chumps. Either people take you the way you are, or they leave you, and if they don't, then that's on them."
"Ok, that's like, a really good moral and everything, Grunkle Stan," Mabel said with a worried frown. "But if you don't let the Maheswarans come over for dinner and say you're sorry to them, then they won't let Connie hang out with us ever again!"
"So?" Stan scowled, clearly not concerned. "How is that my problem?"
"It is your problem seeing as how you were the one to insult her mom in the first place!" Dipper huffed in annoyance. "Besides, you only have to act… not like you usually do for just one night. Then you can go back to being as blunt and rude as you want."
"Yeah, and Steven and his dad and one of the Gems will be here too," Mabel added. "So it won't be the most awkward dinner party ever. Just… moderately awkward."
"Oh yeah, because having one of the Gems here will definitely make things smooth sailing," Stan deadpanned, rolling his eyes. "Besides, this whole fancy dinner meeting thing sounds like a bunch of newfangled nonsense from the get go. Back when I was your age, you didn't see anyone's parents getting all worked up over their kids' business like this. If one kid decked another kid in the face, they just worked it out between each other. They didn't get their parents to go down to the nearest diner and have a two hour long 'civilized debate' over it.
"Come on, Grunkle Stan," Mabel pleaded, putting on the most convincing smile she could muster. "Can't you just open up the shack and your heart for just one night? Connie's one of our best friends and it would be such a tragedy if we weren't able to ever see her again!"
"Sounds like it," the conman remarked, just as sarcastic as ever.
"We're serious, Grunkle Stan," Dipper said insistently. "This is really important to us! If for no other reason, then can't you at least just do this for me and Mabel?"
"Yeah, do it for us!" Mabel adamantly agreed, wrapping an arm around her brother's shoulder as they both put on the same pleading pout. "Pretty please, Grunkle Stan? We are your favorite niece and nephew, after all…"
Stan's expression was initially unimpressed as he looked between his nibblings, both of whom were staring up at him beggingly in the hopes that their shared charm would be enough to win him over. At first, it didn't seem as though this plan was going to be a successful one, as the conman simply rolled his eyes as he met their doleful gazes stoically. However, his cold resolve inevitably began to wear down the longer Dipper and Mabel kept their hopeful, irresistibly adorable vigil up. And after what seemed like ages, it proved to be enough to finally crumble that resolve, much to Stan's severe annoyance.
"Ugh, fine!" he exclaimed hotly, throwing a hand down on his desk as he abruptly stood. "You two little runts win, what else is new? When are you kids finally gonna get too old to win me over with that dumb old puppy dog eyes trick?"
"We dunno," Mabel said with a coy grin, both her and Dipper equally happy and relieved to have gotten their way. "Maybe after we all have a lovely dinner tonight with Connie's family."
"But that can only happen if you behave yourself, Grunkle Stan," Dipper reiterated firmly. "Which means no controversial political opinions, no putting your feet up on the table, and no inappropriate jokes. Think you can handle that?"
"Pfft, please, kid, you're acting like I'm some kind of caveman," Stan scoffed, feigning offense as he prepared to take his leave. "I can put on a clean tie, fake an inviting smile, and pretend to be 'polite' for a few hours. How else do you think I've managed to con so many clueless rubes out of their hard-earned cash over the years?"
As the conman left, the only thing the twins could really do was exchanged an extremely worried glance, all of their former relief about Stan agreeing to host dinner at the shack completely gone when they remembered just how poor his social skills were. "This is gonna be a total mess, isn't it?" Mabel asked Dipper, both of their previously allayed smiles faltering as they overheard Stan angrily grumble about having to be civil for an evening.
"Oh, you know it will be."
Even though convincing Stan to both open the shack up for dinner as well as show up for the meal had been something of a challenge for the twins, Steven had no trouble getting his father and the Gems in on the plan. Still, that didn't mean the young Gem was without problems of his own in regards to the quickly upcoming dinner date. With only a few hours to spare, Steven paced around the den, the Gems sitting at the counter before him as Greg struggled to pull an old, but classy sweater on behind him. The magical trio watched their young ward curiously as he mused to himself over the choice he knew he had to make for a few minutes, before finally letting out an exasperated sigh.
"How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner?" Steven asked, turning to the Gems with a fretful frown. "You're all so… cool!"
"Why does it have to be dinner anyway?" Pearl asked cringing in disgust. "We get all the energy we need from our Gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, I find the entire process very uncomfortable…"
"Heh, I love eating!" Amethyst chuckled, pulling out a bag of chips before sloppily shoving a handful into her mouth. "Feels weird…"
"Ok, ok, let's focus," Steven interjected to get them back on track. "We've only got a few hours left before Connie and her family get to the shack for dinner, and we've got to be ready! Now, which one of you would make the best and most nuclear mom…?" The young Gem paused, looking between his trio of guardians as they awaited his verdict expectantly. "Garnet!" he began enthusiastically approaching the Gem leader. "You keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would!" Steven remained confident in the idea that Garnet would be suitable for this task, until, upon receiving only a stoic bout of silence from her and remembering her very brief conversation with Dr. Maheswaran on the phone the previous day, he was quick to change his mind. "But… you're not the best conversationalist… Amethyst," he said, stepping over to the purple Gem next. "You would be a super fun mom!"
Amethyst grinned brightly in agreement with this amidst her wildly munching on her snacks, drool haphazardly falling from her mouth as she picked her nose casually. "You bet I would!"
"Uh…" Steven frowned, aptly uncertain at the purple Gem's qualification upon seeing this. "Can moms be gross?"
"Why not?" Amethyst shrugged, pulling a long, slimy strand of mucus out of her nose.
Steven stuck his tongue out in slight disgust at this, but all the same, he moved on to the final Gem in the trio. "Pearl!" he exclaimed with a relieved smile. "You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're like, totally not gross!"
Pearl was just about to proudly agree with all of these claims, but before she could, she happened to glance over and notice Amethyst, snot still streaming from her nose and chip crumbs stuck to her still-full cheeks. "Ugh…" the white Gem gagged, completely repulsed as she forced herself to look away.
"But… you can't eat dinner…" Steven frowned, realizing he was right back to square one as he sulked over to the couch to take a seat next to his father. "Man, Dipper and Mabel are so lucky. At least they only have one family member they need to bring to dinner. Why did Connie have to say I have one mother instead of zero… or three?"
"Hey, we'll figure this out, bud," Greg said, placing an encouraging hand on his son's shoulder. "We just have to put our heads together."
At first, Steven wasn't too consoled by this cliché. That is, until he took another glance over at the Gems and got a miraculous idea. "Why didn't I think of it before?!" he exclaimed with an excited gasp, hopping to his feet. "It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner—all three of you, fused into one!" his smile widened as he snapped his finger. "Alexandrite!"
"What?!" Pearl asked, aptly alarmed by such a suggestion.
"Whoa!" Amethyst gasped, stunned.
"Who?" Greg asked, mildly confused.
"Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations!" Pearl chastised.
"Yeah, like that time we punched Gideon's stupid robot in the face," Amethyst added before smirking in nostalgic amusement. "Heh, that was fun. Would love to do it again sometime. You know, if that robot wasn't just a bunch of scrap metal now."
"Oh, come on, you guys!" Steven pleaded to his guardians, desperate. "If Alexandrite comes to dinner, then it'd… it'd be like I'm actually bringing my whole family!"
"That's ridiculous, Steven," Pearl scoffed, crossing her arms.
"Fusion is serious magic," Garnet agreed staunchly. "Not a trick for dinner parties."
"I… I know…" Steven sighed in disappointment, realizing that the Gems were hard-set on their negative response. "Then I guess this is it… I'll never get to see Connie again." Tears were starting to fill the young Gem's eyes at the thought of never getting to be with one of his dearest friends again, something that took all three of the Gems aback upon seeing them. "Oh, Connie!" Steven lamented dramatically. "I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you!"
The Gems exchanged a sympathetic glance at this, none of them easily able to resist their young ward, especially in a matter such as this one. Which was why Garnet let out a long sigh and nodded her hesitant compliance, even if her future vision did grant her a glance at how disastrous this plan might turn out to be. "We have no choice…"
While they had to work on a rather tight schedule, the twins had made relatively quick work on making the shack's front lawn presentable enough for the dinner party. With Soos' help, Dipper and Mabel had managed to set up not just a pretty sizable table that Stan had "found", but they had also set it and put up a vase of wilting flowers and a set of mostly-working Christmas lights to create a loose air of elegance. Helpful as always, Soos had also agreed to be the chef for the evening, even if he lacked any real tactile culinary skills outside of making simple snack foods. But aside from a few minor snags and concerns here and there (most of them relating to how the conman might handle himself), the twins were hopeful and even optimistic that the Maheswarans would, at the very least, be impressed by their efforts, if nothing else.
"Well, I think everything's just about ready for tonight," Mabel concluded with a satisfied smile as she looked over their handiwork.
"Well… almost everything…" Dipper remarked with a frown nodding over to Stan as he emerged from the shack.
"I mean it, Soos!" Stan called back into the kitchen, his tone cross and sour. "You better not use any super-fancy, expensive ingredients in whatever you plan on cooking! We're not trying to impress these people; we're just trying to get them to shut their yaps!"
"You think we'd be able to get through dinner with Grunkle Stan wearing tape over his mouth?" Mabel muttered to her brother apprehensively.
"Unfortunately, no," Dipper shook his head, letting out an already tired sigh. "Hey, Grunkle Stan? You… do remember what we told you about being polite and friendly tonight… right?"
"'Course I do, kid," Stan assured, adjusting his tie. "You want me to smile, shake their hands, and tell them off for being a bunch of annoying prudes." Needless to say, both of the twins gasped in apt horror at this, eliciting an amused, callous laugh from the conman. "Kidding! I'm just kidding! Sheesh, can't you kids take a joke?"
Dipper and Mabel shook their heads in disapproval over such a distasteful jab, but even so, they didn't have much time to complain about it as a car pulled up to park on the other side of the shack. "Oh my gosh, they're here already!" Dipper exclaimed in sudden alarm. "Man, Connie wasn't kidding when she said her parents are always early."
"Ok, places everyone!" Mabel called, frantically rushing to check over the table one last time. "Dipper, turn on the classy piano music!"
"Right," Dipper nodded, hurrying over to the radio to do just that.
"Soos!" Mabel shouted into the open door into the shack. "Cook that food!"
"On it, dude!" the handyman confirmed back, accidentally knocking a pile of pans over in the process. "Oops!"
"Grunkle Stan-" Mabel stopped herself short as she turned to the conman, whose expression was stuck in its usual surly scowl. "Turn that frown upside down! We're having ourselves a dinner party!"
As the Pines made their last-minute preparations, Connie and her parents emerged from their car, the latter already feeling quite anxious about how this night could possibly turn out. Quite a lot was riding on this evening, namely whether or not she would be able to see any of her closest friends again. And while she knew most of the factors that could potentially ruin it were rather out of her control, she was still resolved to do her part to make sure that everything would go off without a hitch.
Unfortunately though, one of those factors Connie had little reign over where just how unimpressed both of her parents were with the Mystery Shack upon a first glance. "So this is where you've been spending all your time at?" Mr. Maheswaran asked his daughter dubiously. "The entire place looks like it's about to fall down at any minute!"
"Oh, uh… that's just part of the… rustic Oregonian charm?" Connie ventured with a nervous smile.
"So where is this Mr. Pines fellow anyway?" Dr. Maheswaran asked with a controlled scowl. "I have a few choice words I'd like to say to him after our little conversation over the phone yesterday…"
"Mom…" Connie said in soft protest, flushing with slight embarrassment.
"Oh, don't worry, Connie," the doctor said, her tone still just as stiff and cold. "I only intend to give him the proper verbal thrashing for his complete and utter lack of decency or manners. That is, unless he can prove he's capable of the opposite this evening."
"I hope so…" Connie muttered to herself, though she paused in surprise along with her parents as they rounded the corner to the other side of the shack.
"Hi, Connie!" Mabel greeted boisterously, running up to meet the family. "Hi, Connie's parents! It's super great to finally meet you two! I'm Mabel, and that's my brother, Dipper, and over there is-"
"Ok, Mabel, how about we tone it down, just a little?" Dipper cut in, knowing just from the Maheswaran's startled expressions that his sister's bold friendliness was perhaps a bit too much at the moment. "Oh, um… it's nice to meet you both too," he quickly said to Connie's parents, offering them an awkward smile as he gently pushed Mabel away.
"Likewise…" Mr. Maheswaran said rather dryly as the family followed after the twins.
"So, I'm assuming you're Mr. Pines then?" Dr. Maheswaran asked coldly as she walked up to Stan, who thus far had been standing by with a stoic expression.
"Nah, I'm just the creepy old hobo who shacks up in the storage closet," Stan remarked callously, eliciting an alarmed, disturbed gasp from the Maheswarans. "Ha! You two are just as gullible as those kids! It was just a joke." The conman let out another amused chuckle, though he sobered up as his nibblings both elbowed him in the knees, glaring up at him with the same disapproval the Maheswarans were looking to him with. "Ugh, fine," he rolled his eyes, sighing in exasperation as he held out his hand. "Stan Pines."
"Priyanka Maheswaran," the doctor introduced herself, begrudgingly accepting the conman's handshake. "And this is my husband, Doug."
"It's a… pleasure…" Doug nodded, still far from amused with Stan's rather uncalled-for joke.
"So, about that conversation we had on the phone yesterday…" Priyanka began, giving Stan a critical look as she crossed her arms.
"Oh yeah," the conman said, rolling his eyes. "So are you gonna apologize for nagging my ear off, or are you—ow!" Stan cut himself off as both of the twins sharply elbowed him once again. "Geez! What's with you kids tonight? If you keep this up, I'll be footing you two the bill for my orthopedic surgery!"
"Hey, so um, w-why don't we all sit down and get ready to eat?" Connie interjected with a nervous smile, already giving her parents a light push over to the table. As the trio of adults stoically headed over to sit down, Connie stopped the twins short, her expression awash with open worry this time. "You guys, where's Steven at?"
"We have no idea," Dipper shook his head, also quite confused as he glanced up towards the temple. "It's weird. He should be here by now…"
"Maybe he's just having a hard time deciding which Gem he wants to bring to dinner?" Mabel suggested with a shrug. "I know that if I were him, I wouldn't be able to pick between those three either; they're all so great!"
"Well, I hope he hurries up and picks one," Connie said with a diffident sigh. "My parents aren't going to like that he's running late. In case you haven't noticed, they're really punctual."
"Well, look on the bright side," Dipper attempted to encourage as they turned to head towards the table themselves. "At least Stan's mostly behaving himself."
"Look, all I was tryin' to say yesterday was that kids and swords are a good combination," Stan shrugged amidst his rather stilted conversation with the Maheswarans. "Especially when you need to beat a bunch of muggers back in a knife fight. Just send the kid in for you, and you're golden. Even if the kid usually isn't when it's all said and done."
"Looks like you spoke too soon," Connie muttered to Dipper as the two of them and Mabel took their seats at the table.
"Oh, ha! T-that's our Grunkle Stan!" Mabel attempted to cover for the conman to the appalled Maheswarans with a very forced laugh. "Doesn't he tell the most hilarious jokes?"
"Hm… I don't know if 'hilarious' would be the word I'd use to describe them…" Priyanka noted with an icy glower. "But, distasteful jokes and questionable child-rearing methods aside, Mr. Pines, our daughter mentioned that you're in the… tourism business?"
"Uh, duh," Stan remarked as though it was obvious, his tone already conveying just how bored he was with this conversation already. "What, you didn't see the giant sigh that reads 'Mystery Shack' when you pulled up here?"
"Wha—of course, we-" Priyanka cut herself off with a sullen, frustrated growl. "What I meant to ask was, what exactly is this little… 'Mystery Shack' of yours?"
"Eh, its-"
"Oh! Oh! Oh! We got this one covered, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel quickly interjected before the conman could say anything that would further offend the Maheswarans. "The Mystery Shack is a very neat, very fun, and very safe place where people come to see all sorts of amazing stuff that you can't find anywhere else!"
"Oh really?" Doug asked, genuinely curious. "Like what?"
"Like… uh…" Mabel trailed off, looking to her brother for help. Fortunately, Dipper was quick to take over, paying heed to Connie as she mouthed him a quick warning to leave all mentions of anything actually magical or paranormal out of it.
"L-like… rare indigenous rocks and unusually-shaped leaves," he quickly ventured, hoping that the mundaneness of what he had just said would be no cause for alarm. And fortunately, it wasn't.
"Interesting…" Priyanka mused, even if her tone was anything but interested. "So, kids, Connie says that you two are only staying in Gravity Falls for the summer?"
"Uh, yeah, that's right," Dipper confirmed with a nod, somewhat confused as to why the doctor was bringing this up.
"Oh, well that's a relief," Doug muttered to his wife, though he could still be clearly heard all the same. "At least we probably won't have to worry about any sort of unwarranted relationship developing between Connie and the boy."
"Dad!" Connie practically shouted, completely and utterly mortified at this suggestion alone. Likewise, Dipper choked on the water he had been sipping on upon hearing this, knowing that the only person Connie's dad could have been referring to was him. For a moment, the only thing the two of them could do was exchange a flustered glance, one that was quick to break as they looked away from each other, both of their faces bright red with clear embarrassment.
Despite how alarmed both Dipper and Connie were by this idea, however, Mabel couldn't hold back a huge burst of laughter, one that elicited unforgiving glares from the pair and surprised the rather confused Maheswarans. "Oh my gosh, I-I can't believe they thought-" Mabel cut herself off with another loud chuckle as she beat against the table. "They thought you guys have thing for each other! That's seriously the funniest thing I've ever heard! Though now that you mention it, you guys would be pretty cute together."
"Mabel!" Dipper harshly protested, even if his sister was still completely lost in her hysterical laughing fit.
"Well, thank you for making things awkward, Doug…" Priyanka mumbled, giving her now very embarrassed husband a rather cynical look. "Or rather, even more awkward…"
"How was I supposed to know?" he whispered back with a shrug.
"Wait, you're telling me you two aren't an item?" Stan spoke up, looking between Dipper and Connie incredulously. "Huh, you're kiddin' me. And here I thought that nerds of a feather flocked together, or some kinda poetic garbage like that."
As Dipper shot his uncle a fierce, but flustered glare, Connie simply let out a loud, exasperated groan as she facepalmed over just how badly this evening was going so far. "Steven, where are you?" she muttered to herself, hoping that the young Gem's arrival would even everything out. And ironically enough, he happened to arrive right on cue.
The palpable tension and awkwardness going around the dinner table was abruptly broken as a sudden low rumbling began to sound from not too far away. The Maheswarans gasped in alarm at what they presumed to be an earthquake, and while Stan was only mildly confused, the kids exchanged a bewildered glance, especially as several rows of trees within the nearby woods began to topple over. And when the source of this sudden ruckus finally came into view, emerging from the tree line to stand tall over the shack, no one could hold back a gasp of complete and utter shock at what they saw.
"Hi, Connie!" Steven called down brightly from his spot upon Alexandrite's shoulder. The fusion was also toting Greg upon her other shoulder, her expression blank and concealed by her large shades and her towering form just as intimidating as it had been the day she had battled the Gideon-bot. "Hi, Dipper, Mabel, and Mr. Pines! And hello, Mr. and Mrs. Maheswaran!"
Needless to say that the Maheswarans could scarcely believe their eyes upon seeing such a massive, multi-armed woman. And while, Connie, Dipper, and Mabel had seen her before, that hardly changed how stunned the former two were to see her now, even if the latter was completely delighted. "Hi, Alexandrite!" Mabel shouted up to the fusion, cheerfully waving at her.
The fusion simply put a hand up in greeting, not offering much of a verbal response as another pair of her hands reached up to lower Steven and Greg. "Thanks… honeybun?" the former tock star said, still rather uncomfortable with this situation at large.
"You're welcome… Greg," Alexandrite responded, her deep voice stoic as always.
Greg offered the fusion a rather awkward smile before turning to the still-awestruck Maheswarans. "I'm Greg Universe," he greeted amicably. "And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite."
"Hiiiii…." Alexandrite hissed stiffly, to which both of the Maheswarans simply nodded their own bewildered greetings in return.
"Alright, I'm just gonna come right out and ask," Stan staunchly interrupted this exchange of pleasantries. "Greg, what the heck is that unholy six-armed abomination and what is she doing in my yard!?"
"Oh, uh, well…" Greg began nervously, especially as Steven looked to him in sudden panic. Thankfully though, the twins jumped in to clarify things for their uncle just in time.
"Oh, Grunkle Stan, you're so silly!" Mabel let out a rather fake laugh. "You remember Alexandrite, right?"
"No," Stan crossed his arms, reclining back in his seat a bit.
"You know? Alexandrite?" Dipper tried again before lowering his voice down to a whisper. "The Gems?"
Upon hearing this, Stan looked to the massive fusion incredulously, not fully buying this claim, but deciding to comply with it nonetheless. "Eh, whatever you say, kid. I guess I'll go with it. Mostly because I'm already too done with this whole dinner thing to even care."
"Heh, yeah, so…" Greg trailed off awkwardly as him and Steven took their seats. Alexandrite also sat, as much as she could, given her incredible height, paying no mind to the odd looks she was getting from the Maheswarans all the while. "Uh, when do we eat? I'm starved."
"Food will be ready soon, dudes," Soos reported as he coincidentally stepped out of the shack with a covered basket in hand. "But for now, enjoy these delicious hot breadsticks made by me, Soos."
"Uh, Soos?" Dipper frowned upon lifting the napkin covering the basket a bit. "I think these breadsticks are burnt…"
"No way, dude," Soos denied with a confident shake of his head. "The recipe I found online said to bake them until they a crispy, golden brown."
"Yeah, well they're crispy alright," Stan remarked sardonically, pulling one of the charred breadsticks out of the basket and snapping it cleanly in half.
"Well, Alexandrite seems to like them," Steven said with an optimistic smile as he grinned up at the fusion. She had already grabbed a generous handful of burnt breadsticks and was currently sloppily shoving them into her mouth, creating a rather sizable mess.
"I hope that Soos person can make unlimited breadsticks," Doug whispered to his wife upon watching this bizarre scene unfold.
"Don't be rude," Priyanka chastised stoically.
Of course, seeing as how the pieces that composed Alexandrite were already torn on the matter of eating, it wasn't long before the fusion gagged on her food. With a groan of protest, she stuck her tongue out, mushed breadsticks covering it and garnishing disgusted looks from almost everyone else sitting around the table. But all the same, Greg attempted to make light of it mostly for his son's sake as he let out an anxious chuckle.
"Isn't my wife a riot?" he asked with another nervous laugh after a beat of awkward silence.
"Oh, she's certainly… something…" Priyanka said somewhat dubiously before addressing both Stan and Greg. "So, how exactly do your two families know each other?"
"Well, I used to work for Mr. Pines here at the shack several years ago-" Greg began before Stan cut him off.
"Yeah, those were the days," the conman said with a reminiscing smirk. "You know, Greg wasn't just a decent cashier, he was also a pretty reliable cover man. Like this one time, when I set a bunch of wild racoons loose in city hall, he kept his cool the whole time the police were here interrogating us about it. I got off on the whole thing scott-free, and it was hilarious! Cops, am I right?" he chuckled callously, despite the shared look of alarmed shock from his nibblings and Connie and the very unimpressed glares from the Maheswarans. "It's so darn easy to pull the wool over their eyes! This guy knows what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed, sending Doug a wry smirk.
"Actually, I don't," he scowled dryly, far from amused. "Especially since I'm a member of the local law enforcement myself."
Stan immediately sobered up upon hearing this, his laughter quickly fading as his expression dropped into an irritable glower. "Great, just what we need around here," he muttered just to himself. "A cop. As if these two couldn't get any more boring."
"Heh, like we said," Mabel interjected with an awkward laugh. "Our Grunkle Stan loves telling jokes. Especially about cops."
"But he didn't mean any of it, of course," Dipper added just as anxiously, even if he knew it was a blatant lie. "A-and he certainly hasn't ever done anything e-even remotely illegal!"
Connie breathed a soft sigh of relief upon seeing her parents seemingly buy this, and she didn't hesitate to mouth a word of thanks to the twins for it. Unfortunately, however, the conversation kept going. "So, tell me, Mr. Universe," Priyanka began evenly. "How did you and your, uh, wife, meet?"
"Huh? How did we meet?" Greg frowned, knowing Steven hadn't prepared him for this question. "Well, we, uh…"
"They met on a roller coaster!" the young Gem cut in boisterously jumping out of his seat. Everyone looked to him in slight bewilderment and doubt over this claim, especially as they looked to the massive Alexandrite, who said nothing to confirm or deny it. Connie in particular gave Steven an aptly questioning glance, pressing him for more information, which he gave, albeit off the top of his head. "She… she was too tall to ride!" The young Gem chuckled awkwardly as he took his seat, though his levity was quick to dissipate upon seeing Connie shake her head in disapproval over this poorly-thought out story.
"Uh… yeah…" Greg hesitantly went along with what his son said as the Maheswarans looked to him for confirmation. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Right, h-honey?" He chuckled nervously, placing a hand against Alexandrite's leg, though she was quick to pull it away. "Er… sorry…" he whispered to the fusion, blushing in embarrassment.
All the same, however, Alexandrite was quick to get even with the former rock star as she abruptly shoved his face into his plate. "Have some more breadsticks… dear."
"Geez, talk about your dysfunctional relationship," Stan deadpanned, rolling his eyes over this bizarre display.
"Uh, so…" Doug spoke up, letting out an awkward cough. "What is it you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe?"
"Well, you see, I own a local car wash," Greg began with a more relaxed grin. "And my dear, sweet wife here-"
"My mom works on an apple farm!" Steven exclaimed, putting no thought into his response at all.
Upon hearing this response, the only thing Connie could really do was let out a loud, exasperated sigh as she banged her head down onto the table, knowing that this evening was sinking and sinking fast, on all sides. "What did we say about heads on the table?" her mother scolded, prompting her to lift her head up, but only slightly.
At the same time, the twins exchanged an incredulous glance in light of Steven's strange proclamation, both of them somewhat relieved that their family wasn't the only one contributing to just how disastrous the night was turning out to be. "An apple farm?" Dipper muttered, shaking his head. "Seriously? That's the best he could come up with?"
"H-hey, Steven!" Mabel spoke up as cheerfully as she could. "Aren't you gonna tell them how your, uh… 'mom' got hired at that apple farm?"
"Oh yeah!" Steven exclaimed. "Uh, well… they hired her because… because she can use all her arms to pick apples out of the huge trees!"
"Well, you know what they say," Greg interjected casually. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
"Yes," Alexandrite said in her low, rumbling voice. "I hate doctors."
"Well," Priyanka scoffed, clearly offended. "I'm a doctor."
"Steven, Dipper, Mabel, could I talk to you three inside for a second?!" Connie suddenly exclaimed, her head snapping up as she forced a smile onto her face. While the trio was slightly confused at this abrupt request, they all followed her inside the shack, none of them paying any mind to the questioning looks the adults were giving them as they left the table.
"So," Steven began with a satisfied smile as they congregated in the den. "Things are going pretty good so far, huh?"
"Steven, please tell me you're kidding," Dipper remarked in dry exasperation. "Stan's been incriminating himself all night and as for Alexandrite-"
"She's a total mess," Connie cut in, sending Steven a very annoyed glower. "Steven, what in the world were you thinking, bringing her to dinner?!"
"Well… s-she's my family," Steven shrugged innocently. "All of the Gems, fused into a…" he paused, counting on his fingers for a moment. "A six armed… giant woman…"
"Why couldn't you just bring one of the Gems?" Connie asked, clearly stressed.
"Because that would be a lie," the young Gem replied with a perplexed frown. "And I couldn't pick between them. I just thought… I thought this would work out."
"Well, it's not," Connie concluded with an exasperated sigh as she turned to the twins. "And really, Mr. Pines isn't working out either. What gives, you guys? I thought you said he'd be on his best behavior!"
"To be honest, this kinda is Grunkle Stan's best behavior," Mabel shrugged. "In case you haven't noticed, he sorta just says whatever pops into his brain, no matter how messed up or illegal it is."
"Well, can't you get him to, you know, try and get him to filter himself somehow?" Connie pleaded. "If things keep going the way they are, I'm pretty sure the night will end up with my dad and your uncle getting into a fist fight or something."
"It's not like there's a whole lot we can do, Connie," Dipper remarked defensively, crossing his arms. "Stan's just sort of… being himself. And unfortunately for us, that means he's being rude and completely careless about what he says."
"Yeah, and the Gems are just being themselves too," Steven added earnestly. "Or… as much of themselves as they can be when they're all fused together like that…" The young Gem paused to mull over what he really meant by this, but as he did so, he happened to glance over at Connie and notice something he hadn't really before. "Connie… Your glasses…"
"W-what about them?" she asked somewhat hesitantly, glancing away.
"I healed your eyes," Steven frowned suspiciously. "You don't even need to wear those anymore."
"Oh yeah, that's right," Dipper said, just as confused. "Wait… Did you just… pop the frames out of your glasses to make it look like you still needed them?"
"Uh… I-I don't know what you guys are talking about," Connie scoffed, awkwardly adjusting the aforementioned empty frames.
"Oh my gosh, you did!" Steven gasped, appalled. "All that stuff you told your parents about my family… about both of our families—you're just ashamed of us!"
"N-no, I'm not!" Connie protested, clearly flustered. "It… it's just… Well, what am I supposed to tell my parents, you guys? That we've fought Gem monsters, living golf balls, and time travelers? That we go on wild, life-threatening adventures at least once a week? That Steven's spit healed my eyes and that we literally fused into the same person for an entire evening? Even if they did believe any of that, they'd go crazy if they ever found out about all of the dangerous stuff we've done!"
"Yeah, but what's so bad about all that stuff?" Mabel asked pensively. "We've all had so many great times together this summer. Don't you want your parents to know about at least a few of them?"
"Ugh, you guys just don't understand!" Connie exclaimed in outright frustration. "My parents ae nowhere near as hands-off as Mr. Pines or the Gems are! If they found out that the Gems were magical aliens or that Mr. Pines is a swindling conman, then they'd never let me hang out with any of you guys ever again!"
"Listen, Connie, I understand that you're worried," Steven said, sympathetic and upset all at once. "But… what you're asking from us, from our families… None of its real. We can't be perfect or polite or nuclear, because that's not who we are. Why… why can't you and your parents just be… ok with that?"
"Because they… they just can't," Connie huffed tiredly, not wanting to discuss the matter any further. "Look, can you guys just… focus on getting through the evening? It'll be over soon enough and then everything can go back to the way it usually is."
"What, you mean wild and out of control?" Dipper asked, just as bitter as Steven and Mabel were over having to keep this unbelievable charade going.
"Exactly," Connie muttered tightly, abruptly leading the way back outside.
Of course, in their brief absence, the evening had only deteriorated even more as a full on verbal brawl had managed to escalate between Stan and the Maheswarans. None of the kids had any idea what the context was, but by the harsh tones and even harsher words being thrown around, they could tell the argument was anything but light.
"Mr. Pines, everything you just said was not just unquestionable immoral, it was all completely illegal!" Doug exclaimed in heated disbelief. "How did you manage to pull any of that off!?
"By being smarter than any of the morons who tried to stop me, duh," Stan shrugged callously.
"But what would even possess you to do any of that nonsense in the first place?" Priyanka asked, not sparing the conman from her disapproving glare. "Certainly you know such an extensive criminal record stands as a horrible example for your niece and nephew, right?"
"Pfft, come on," Stan scoffed with a wave of his hand. "I'm a great example for the little runts. Why, if it wasn't for me, they they'd have pretty much no important life skills like breaking and entering, forgery, or pick pocketing. And if you don't take my word for it, just ask old six-arms over there."
Upon hearing this, Alexandrite looked over to the conman, her expression as stiff and unchanging as ever as she said only one firm, dryly-given word. "Don't."
By this juncture, the kids had taken their seats once again, and Connie didn't hesitate to leap in to detract the conversation away from Stan and his illegal pastimes. "S-so, Steven was just telling us that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid," she said as eloquently as she could, sending Steven an imploring glance.
"Yes, that's… definitely true…" Steven sighed, knowing that he really didn't have much of a choice but to keep the lie going.
"Is that right, Mrs. Universe?" Priyanka asked with sparse curiosity. However, before Alexandrite could really reply, Soos emerged from the shack with the long-awaited dinner in tow: a large pan of piping hot spaghetti.
"K, dudes, dinner is served!" the handyman exclaimed with a proud grin as everyone served themselves. "Bon apple pie! Or whatever it is those fancy French chefs say."
"Uh, Soos? Why does this spaghetti smell so weird?" Mabel asked as she looked to her plate dubiously.
"Oh, well, we were all out of spaghetti sauce," Soos explained. "So I figured I'd just use the next best thing: ketchup!"
"Ketchup?!" Priyanka asked in alarm as Doug gagged his first mouthful back onto his plate. Stan and Greg both did the same thing as they tried to push the taste of the unflattering combo off of their tongues, and the kids wisely pushed their plates away, much to Soos' confusion.
"Wait, I don't get it. Ketchup and spaghetti sauce are both made out of the same stuff, right?" the handyman remarked, grabbing a spoonful of his culinary creation to try a taste test of it, though he was quick to choke on it. "Ugh! Wrong! Wrong! Why did I ever think this was a good idea?! Ack!"
Despite the revulsion for the meal going around the table, Alexandrite piled a heaping spoonful of the ketchup spaghetti for herself, though the moment she took in a whiff of it, one particular part of her let out a groan of protest. "Ugh! What are you doing?!" she asked, Pearl's voice apparent in her tone as she shoved the pasta against her face. "I'm hungry!" the fusion growled with a touch of Amethyst's voice, as another hand slapped the fork away. "I don't think so!" she scolded herself, her second mouth appearing as Garnet took the reins. "Cut it out, you two!" she commanded, though things amongst the fusion only got worse from there. Torn between hunger and a refusal to eat, Alexandrite began essentially fighting herself, her arms slapping at each other as she groaned and growled in growing frustration. At one point, she even uppercut herself, only for her lower mouth to end up chomping down on the offending first.
"Dudes, this is so freaky and so rad," Soos whispered to the twins as they all watched this madness unfold.
"Stop!" Steven finally shouted to his guardians as the conflict between them only worsened. "You don't have to eat it!"
Alexandrite barely even heard her young ward as she grew increasingly more unstable, her face starting to crack and melt apart as her form began to dissipate. Everyone let out a startled gasp upon seeing this, though their shock only mounted as the fusion finally snapped apart, all three of her component Gems falling out of her and onto the ground below. Alarmed by this, everyone darted out of their seats and rushed over to try and make sense over what had just happened.
"Oh man, I was worried this might happen…" Greg muttered apprehensively, keeping his distance from the Gems as they recovered.
"Huh, looks like that thing really was the Gems after all," Stan remarked stoically. "Eh, you know at this point, I can't even say I'm surprised. I've gotten used to weirder from those three honestly."
"Steven!" Pearl exclaimed after a moment of regathering her bearings. She dragged herself over to the young Gem, the dramatic desperation on her expression quite clear. "Oh, thank you so much! You don't know how horrified I was when that foul dreck nearly fell into our mouths—oh, no offense, Soos."
"None taken," Soos shrugged amicably.
"But eating food is so disgusting!" Pearl continued, cringing in revulsion as she stood. "You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and then it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience!"
"Heh, speak for yourself," Amethyst said with a rouge grin. "I love it when mush passes through my body!"
"It doesn't matter what you two think," Garnet said with an angry scowl as she summoned her gauntlets. "We're doing this for Steven!" On sheer frustration alone, the Gem leader firmly bonked both of her teammates squarely on the heads as punishment for their petty foolishness.
"So… I guess it's safe to say dinner's ruined now, huh?" Mabel asked somewhat awkwardly.
"Was it ever really not ruined?" Dipper retorted sardonically.
"What is going on here?!" Doug finally spoke up amidst his ongoing shock. "Who are they?!"
"I-its ok!" Connie interjected anxiously. "I can explain! They're just-"
"You knew about this?!" Priyanka asked her daughter, completely appalled. "I can't believe this. What else did you know that you failed to tell us? That the twins' uncle is actually a renowned criminal? That tonight's dinner would be nigh inedible?"
"B-but, Mom, I-"
"I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about these new friends of yours," the doctor shook her head in severe frustration. "But I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter!"
Connie took in a sharp gasp upon hearing this, her eyes already welling up with oncoming tears. Never before in her life had she disappointed her parents before, but she could tell from just her mother's outraged tone alone that she had done just that and then some. By trying to win her parent's approval for the sake of her friends, she had only just ended up garnishing their disapproval onto herself. And amidst all of the stress she had been under over this evening alone, she found that fact alone was more than she could possibly bear. Which was why, instead of trying explain things to her family against her spiking fear, anxiety, and worry, she took off, fleeing from her angry parents to get a moment of much-needed solitude. However, Steven and the twins weren't about to let her completely slip away, especially as distraught as she was.
"Connie!" the young Gem called worriedly, already running after her with the twins not too far behind. Fortunately, none of the adults followed as the trio pursued her out to the bus stop a ways down the path leading to the shack, all three of them quite concerned for her after everything that had just happened.
"Connie, are you ok?" Steven asked fretfully upon noticing how she was only barely holding back tears.
"You guys, I'm so sorry," Connie began, her voice wavering as she averted their gazes. "It's not that I'm ashamed of any of you. I was just so worried that my parents would think all this magic and paranormal stuff is weird. What if… what if they don't let me hang out with you guys anymore?" As she voiced this concern, she finally ended up breaking down, the thought of losing her only real friends being completely unbearable to her.
Upon seeing this, Steven, Dipper, and Mabel all exchanged a fretful glance, none of them really sure how to comfort Connie at this juncture, especially since they all felt rather guilty for this disaster of a dinner in the first place. "Oh, Connie…" Steven spoke up first, putting a gentle, consoling hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I messed everything up by bringing Alexandrite tonight."
"Oh, come on, Steven, it wasn't just your fault," Dipper cut in empathetically. "To be fair, we probably could have tried a little harder to get Stan to behave himself. So, Connie, we're sorry too."
"We're all sorry!" Mabel exclaimed with a reassuring smile. "Together!"
The kids all shared a brief laugh over this, but after it was over, Steven still let out a small, wistful sigh. "You know… I wish there was a way we could all just… hang out without having to worry about stuff."
"Wait a second, that's it!" Connie exclaimed with gasp of realization. "You guys, I know what to do. Let's just hop on a bus and live somewhere else without telling anyone! That way no one can be mad about all of us being friends!"
A beat of silence passed in the wake of this sudden suggestion, but sure enough, the others were all quick to voice their enthusiastic agreement of it.
"That sounds like a great idea!" Steven grinned brightly.
"I don't see any problems with it," Dipper shrugged somewhat obliviously.
"This is gonna be so much fun!" Mabel cheered as a bus, coincidentally enough, pulled up to the stop right on cue. Without any signs of hesitation or further deliberation, all four of the kids boarded it, unanimously resolved and excited as they took the row seat in the back as the bus pulled into motion.
"So, where's this bus taking us?" Steven asked curiously.
"It doesn't matter," Connie said with bold determination. "Wherever we end up, we'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living."
"Yeah! We'll live off the land!" Mabel exclaimed boisterously. "Just like real hobos do!"
"Or maybe this bus will take us to a real apple farm!" the young Gem grinned excitedly.
"What's up with you and apples today?" Connie chuckled, sending him a wry grin.
"Wait a second," Dipper cut in upon actually thinking about the implications of what they were doing. "Guys, did we really just get on a bus heading out of town without telling anyone or without coming up with any sort of plan?"
The others took pause at this, their smiles fading as they began to realize just how impromptu and impulsive their flight really was. However, before they had any chance to discuss it, a sudden distant thumping rattled the entire bus from behind.
"Uh… what was that?" Connie asked with sudden alarm as the rumbling continued, growing louder and closer with each passing second. As the kids glanced out the back window behind them, they all let out a shared gasp of fear upon seeing Alexandrite running after the bus at a frightening speed.
"Steven!" she shouted fiercely, her lower mouth revealing itself and all of its sharp, deadly teeth. The kids all cried in apt panic over this, knowing that they were in immense trouble for running away if the terrifying fusion herself hotly pursuing them.
"Whoa, you know, being on a bus that's being chased by a loud, angry giant is like, a total déjà vu moment," Mabel remarked amidst the others' fearful screams.
All the same, Alexandrite easily caught up to the bus, her lower arms hoisting it up into the air as she glared down at the kids inside of it. "You four! Come out of that bus this instant!"
"Y-you don't have to tell us twice!" Dipper exclaimed, aptly frightened.
"Y-yeah, ok!" Steven shakily agreed, knowing they were in no position to argue with the massive fusion. "J-just put the bus down first!"
As soon as the kids sheepishly got off of the bus, Alexandrite unfused, though her three component Gems were still seething as they escorted the group back to the Mystery Shack, where Stan, Greg, and the Maheswarans were worriedly and angrily waiting. Even if the kids had only been gone for roughly about ten minutes, that didn't mean that they adults were any less angry with them for even entertaining the thought of running away, which was why they didn't hesitate to give them a proper scolding for it.
"I don't even begin with you, young lady," Priyanka scowled disapprovingly at her daughter, who could only stand by in ashamed silence. "You should have known better than to-"
"What the heck is wrong with you two knuckleheads?!" the doctor cut herself off upon hearing Stan firmly ream the twins out. "What, you really thought you'd be able to make it out there on your own? You kids don't know anything about how dangerous it really is out there, and I should know, seeing as how I've been around the block more than a few times! And I don't care how fun and glamorous I make it seem sometimes, I don't ever want you two going out and living on the lamb like I did. Seriously, what were you kids thinking?!"
"Uh… I guess we weren't thinking?" Mabel shrugged apologetically.
"Yeah, in hindsight, just running off like that was kind of a bad idea…" Dipper frowned awkwardly.
"Bad? More like downright stupid!" Stan exclaimed adamantly. "And if I ever catch either of you pulling a cockamamie stunt like this again, then I'll make sure you both get that bus ride like you tried to go on tonight. Only this time, it'll be a one-way trip home to your parents, you got it?"
Of course, both of the twins nodded humbly, knowing by the conman's genuinely irate tone that he was completely serious about this threat to send them home. At the same time, the Gems were also in the middle of chastising Steven over what had just happened, and just like Stan, they weren't holding back just how upset they were with their young ward over it.
"Steven, we can't believe this!" Pearl exclaimed incredulously. "What's gotten into you, running away with Connie and the twins? You could have gotten yourselves hurt!"
"Or gotten mangled in traffic," Garnet added staunchly.
"Or thrown in prison," Amethyst finished, exchanging a knowing glance with Stan.
"Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you," Pearl concluded, crossing her arms.
"But-" Steven attempt to defend himself, but Garnet didn't give him a chance.
"No dinner for 1,000 years," the Gem leader ordered firmly.
"1,000 years?!" Steven gasped in apt alarm.
"We would never starve you, Steven," Pearl shook her head, placing a hand on the young Gem's shoulder. "But you will lose your TV privileges… for 1,000 years."
"No!" Steven wailed morosely. "I'll miss the midseason pre-finale of Under the Knife! How could you do this to me!?"
"Because we love you, Steven," Greg said, his tone a bit gentler than the Gems' but just as resolved, even despite the young Gem's miserable groan.
"And as for you two," Stan said to the twins, his hands on his hips. "Well, if you think I'm such a pushover that I'll let you get away with something like this scott-free, then you got another thing coming. Consider yourselves grounded from going on any of your little magical, 'mystery hunts' until further notice."
"What?!" Dipper exclaimed, far more upset over this punishment than Mabel was, even if she was far from happy about it herself. "Come on, Grunkle Stan, you can't just-"
"I can and I am," the conman remarked coldly. "In case you two have forgotten, I'm the boss around here, not you. And it's about time you runts finally realized that."
As dejected as both of the twins and Steven were over their respective punishments, this issuing was soon interrupted by a round of pleased applause from the Maheswarans, who had been watching the entire thing. "Wow," Priyanka remarked, genuinely impressed. "That was a masterful use of both the 'because we love you' and the 'I'm the boss' shutdowns. I'm quite partial to 'it's for your own good' myself."
"Yeah, well it may not have been pretty," Stan remarked with a shrug. "But sometimes these little munchkins gotta learn the hard way."
"More like the lame way," Mabel pouted, crossing her arms bitterly.
"Oh, I completely agree," Priyanka nodded with a satisfied smile. "You know, I think I might have been a bit too quick to misjudge you, Mr. Pines. Despite your shady history and your… rough around the edges personality, it's clear to see that you really do care about your niece and nephew. So I suppose… I owe you an apology. Or rather, we both do," she said, elbowing her husband as he nodded in somewhat hesitant agreement.
"Yeah, well… I guess I kinda owe you one too," Stan said tersely, finally swallowing his pride as he took the doctor's extended hand for a shake. "Ya' know, just as long as you don't call me up anymore to fuss at me over being a 'responsible parent' or anything like that."
"I don't think that will be a problem in the future," Priyanka chuckled casually. At the same time, the kids all exchanged somewhat confused glances, none of them entirely sure what was going on, but realizing all the same that things were suddenly starting to smooth themselves over, against all odds.
"I gotta say," Doug spoke up, turning to the Gems with an amused smirk. "That '1,000 years of no dinner bit' was pretty funny."
"All comedy is derived from fear," Garnet said, her tone completely stiff and serious as always, even despite the laughter this response elicited from the Maheswarans.
"I didn't know what to make of the two—excuse me—four of you, at first," Priyanka began, looking to the Gems herself. "But I see that you are all responsible parents—uh, caregivers? Guardians?"
"Heh, thanks," Greg grinned humbly, scatching the back of his neck. "Hey, you know, since dinner here turned out to be a bit of a, uh… bust, why don't we all just go out for pizza instead? My treat!"
"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Doug nodded solidly.
"Now we're talking!" Stan exclaimed, mostly happy about not having to pay for the meal.
"Did somebody say pizza?" Soos asked, poking his head out of the shack. "Dudes, wait up! I'm coming too!"
"Wait!" Connie cut in before everyone could take off, addressing her parents. "There's just one more thing I need to know. Can… can I still hang out with Steven, Dipper, and Mabel?"
The Maheswarans exchanged a brief glance at this, both of them seemingly skeptical as the kids all looked to them pleadingly. But in the end, neither of them could really say no to such hopeful faces, especially after the hectic night they had just had. "Sure," Priyanka conceded. "But only if you're not keeping anymore bewildering secrets from us."
"O-oh… well… uh…" Connie trailed off, looking to the others somewhat nervously, especially as she remembered there was still so much she hadn't told her parents about their summer adventures. But all the same, she kept it cool, knowing that if the time ever came for her to reveal such information to them, then she would. Maybe. "No. No, ma'am, there… there's nothing else."
"Hm," the doctor nodded, buying this for the time being. "Very good then."
"Alright!" Steven cheered, happy to know that their friendship could continue just as strong as ever. "The Mystery Kids are here to stay!" Unable to contain his excitement, the young Gem pulled both of the twins and Connie into a tight, celebratory hug. Dipper and Mabel laughingly reciprocated it, but Connie was a bit more hesitant to, especially upon glancing over and seeing her parents' disapproving scowls.
And sure enough, Doug was quick to step in, largely since his daughter was currently hugging two boys more than anything else. The kids were caught off guard as he abruptly separated the four of them, pulling Connie away a bit and grinning in satisfaction over the distance he had put between them. But all the same, the kids simply shared a shrug and a laugh, all of them more than relieved that, even after the disastrous evening that had just unfolded, their friendship could continue to go on. And for the sake of that friendship, it made harsh parental scolding, losing TV privileges, and a firm grounding, more than worth it.
And there you have it! Like I said, short but fun. As for next time however, well, let's just say its something I've been looking forward to for a very long time now. Not only is it going to be a completely original chapter (which I know you guys love), but in gearing up for the end of this arc, it features the return of my personal favorite Gem... ;) But anyway, until all that goodness, don't forget to leave me a REVIEW! Until next time!
